This is dedicated to the many people who just won't give up on this story! Yeah, everyone who kept re-reading it even after it kept getting banned. Which it won't from now on…coughatleastIhopenotcough. Also, I'd like to dedicate this to the administrators here at You'll never be rid of me, no. I'll see this fic through to the end this time, without getting it banned!
You can push me out the window,
I'll just get back up.
You can run me over with your 18 wheeler truck
And I won't give a f---.
You can hang me like a slave,
I'll go underground.
You can run me over with your 18 wheeler truck,
But you can't keep me down.
-18 Wheeler Truck, Pink (Didn't write it, don't own it)
Disclaimer: I do not, will not, nor will I ever own Yu-Gi-Oh. Boy, that was depressing…
Let's try this again. On with the madness…
---Chapter 1: Boredom can be a very dangerous thing, especially if you're a certain CEO with a certain Millennium Rod Wielding Psycho in your house…---
It was a seemingly perfect day in the city of Domino. The sun was shining clear and bright, the sky was a cloud-free screen of blue, and the many various skyscrapers and buildings winked the reflection of the sun onto the numerous children playing tag in the park. It would have been a perfect day if not for one thing…
…Marik Ishtar was bored…
The bronze Egyptian stalked the streets of the city, stopping to scare small children whenever the opportunity arose. But this was not amusement enough for the Millennium Rod wielding teen. And he was getting quite tired of being struck by little old ladies brandishing oversized purses.
"Take that!" shouted one particularly feisty granny swinging a large red purse after Marik had succeeded in frightening her grandson into tears. "What's wrong with you young people today?!"
"I'm bored!" whined the jewelry clad boy as he was assaulted, the sun glinting off his many bracelets and earrings; managing to temporarily blind the woman and provide Marik with his chance to escape. After he had run a block, he stopped and brushed sandy blond hair from his violet eyes. Suddenly, the light switch in his head flicked on! At first, nothing happened and the idea light bulb remained dark. The one who flicked the switch called for maintenance, who made their way up from the stomach where they had been digesting a hamburger, and screwed in the light bulb. After which, they promptly scolded the flicker-of-the-switch for calling them up for something so minor and returned to the stomach. But that's not important. What's important is that the light bulb finally lit up and Marik thought of a fun way to pass the time.
"I just thought of a fun way to pass the time!" he shouted, waving his Millenium Rod around in excitement and almost George the imaginary friend's eye out. "I'll go around and make people into mindslaves using my Millennium Rod!" Again, he swung the Rod, this time hitting George in the back of the head, surely causing brain damage.
As the imaginary paramedics loaded George into the imaginary ambulance, a voice behind Marik growled quite coldly, "What are you doing in my house?"
Marik jumped and spun around, doing a decent impression of a frightened deer in the headlights of an oncoming 18 wheeler truck. Only, instead of headlights, he found himself looking into a pair of deep blue eyes, brown bangs hanging heavily above them. "Huh? Oh, I guess I accidentally walked into Kaiba's house."
The tall CEO known as Seto Kaiba tossed his head. His long white trench coat began billowing out behind him, despite the fact that there was no wind at all. "No," he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "do you really think so?"
Marik placed a finger to his lips and raised his eyes skyward. "Uh…Sometimes…"
A large, shiny sweatdrop appeared on the side of Kaiba's head.
Marik ignored him. "Now, on with my evil plan!" he shouted as he yet again started swinging his Millennium Rod around. "Wheeeeeeeeee! Mindslaves!"
There was a loud "Thump!" followed by a cry of "Ouch!" as Kaiba was hit in the head with said Millennium Item and knocked into a state of unconsciousness. He then hit the floor with a painfully noisy "Thud."
"What was that you just said?" Marik asked when he heard the strange comic book sound effects. "Kaiba?" The young CEO was nowhere in sight. "Kaaaaaiiiibaaaaa?? Now where did that CEO go?" Taking a step forward, Marik trips on something. Looking down, he realized it was Kaiba. "Oh! There you are!" he shouted in happiness at finding the object of his searching. "Wait…" It then dawned at him that it could have been he who had rendered the tall brunette into such a state. Upon realizing this, he could think of only one thing to say. "Oops…"
"Oh, hey Marik!" greeted a voice from behind him.
Again, the wielder of the Millennium Rod did a fair impersionation of a deer: eyes wide, body stiff, tail up. Well, had he a tail, it would have been up. "Hi," he said weakly after realizing it was only Yugi's friend Jonouchi.
"Have you seen Kaiba?" the blond asked, his voice thick with a Brooklyn accent, even though Brooklyn was many miles away and he had never once been there in his life. "I came here for my daily taunting."
"Uhh…Daily taunting?"
"Yeah, you know. Getting called things like dueling monkey, third-rate0duelist, barking Chiuahuah…and basically any other doggy names Kaiba can think up." He gave Marik a searching look. "Haven't you ever seen the show?"
"Huh?" Marik asked blankly. "Show? What do you mean? We aren't on that magic black box thing…" he said, referring to the TV, a modern day invention that hadn't made it down to the tombs of Egypt yet.
A large sweatdrop, very similar to the one previously seen on Seto Kaiba, appeared on the side of Jonouchi's head. "Sheltered little Tomb Keeper…" he mumbled. Finally, the blond noticed Kaiba's still body sprawled out at Marik's feet. "AH!" he yelled, jumping back. "What did you do to Kaiba?!"
Marik's eyes went wide as he tried, and failed, to assume a look og shocked innocence. "What?" he shouted. "I don't know what you're talking about! You can't prove anything! I didn't do it, I swear! I was framed, I tell you! FRAMED!!!!"
Jonouchi only shrugged. "Ok, I believe you." And with that, the perhaps not too bright blond walked off.
The blond Egyptian let out a breath. "Phew, that was close. Now, what to do with the body?"
All of a sudden, Marik heard a groan come from Kaiba's body! "Groan."
Marik jumped back! "He lives!" he shouted to no one in particular, which is good, considering he was alone in the great big gigantamongous Kaiba mansion, which was conveniently guard-free because of the National Guard's Day Off holiday.
Again, Kaiba groaned. "Groan."
"Yes, you said that already," Marik said, a bit impatiently.
"Groan."
"Ok, I get the picture, you're in pain! Just shut up about it already!"
To Marik's surprise, Kaiba stood up and obeyed this shouted command. "Yes, master," he said, sounding very much like he was asleep.
Marik paused to consider this last remark. He then realized his mouth was hanging open and closed it with an audible snap of his teeth. "Huh?" he wondered aloud. "Master? Why's he calling me that?" The screen then pauses.
A man then rides by on a small pony with a scribbled message clutched in his hand. He rides hard and fast for a few blocks before turning sharply into a large building labeled "Flashback Department." He rides up to the front desk and hands the piece of paper to the secretary. The secretary reads the note, which is asking for a flashback, and points the man to the elevator. The man thanks her and rides into the elevator.
A few floors up, the elevator door opens and the man rides out on his pony. He walks his equine friend up to the desk on this level and talks to the secretary, who looks just like the secretary on the first floor. She then gives the man a pile of paperwork that one must fill out to request a flashback. He fills out the paperwork and hands them to the secretary, who just happens to be named Joy and hates her job because her real passion in life is with Pokemon, but that's not important. After waiting for what felt like ages, the man is handed a tape labeled "Kaiba-Ow!" Quickly, he runs to a TV and jams the tape in a VCR.
The screen gets all squiggly and relaxing music plays. On the tv, there can be seen the very same man at a Christmas party. He seems drunk. He is standing on a table singing the theme song to Pokemon…
"Whoops!" The man quickly hits the fast-forward button. "Heh heh heh…Wrong part of the tape…There!" He hits the play button. Again, the screen gets all squiggly and the music plays. On the screen, Marik is waving his Millennium Rod. Kaiba gets hit in the head with said Millennium Item and is knocked into unconsciousness. Marik realizes what he's done and says "Oops…" Then the tape cuts back to the Christmas Party, where the man from before is singing a drunken rendition of "Picture" by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow, seemingly having fun with all the "Whooooooo's"…
The man hits the eject button and stashes the tape in his jacket. "Well, there's your flashback, folks! Now, get back to the story!" With that, he whips out a remote and hits the Play button. Then he jumps on his pony and with a shout of, "Hi Ho Drumsticks!" rides off into the sunset. Or would have, had it been sunset and not the middle of the day.
"Umm…" Marik blinked, for some strange reason feeling like he had just been paused. "Riiiiight…Anyway, I think I just found a fun new way to make mindslaves!" And with that, he walked off, the sexy CEO following at his heels.
Meanwhile, Jonouchi had gone off to find his friends. Of course, it didn't take long to find them. Jonouchi had his friend radar on him that day and followed the signal all the way to his friends!
"Hey, Yug!" he shouted as he stashed his friend radar in his pocket.
"Hey, Jonouchi!" Yugi shouted back, beaming beneath his ridiculously spiked hair.
"Yup, we're friends!" Anzu shouted slinging her arms around the both of them. "Friends forever and ever and till the end of time and beyond! Friendship is good! Where would we be without friendship? Friendship!" She then turned away and skipped off, much to the relief of everyone in the area, probably to torment more of her so-called friends.
Jonouchi blinked. "Riiiiiiiight…"
Yugi nodded. "Yup, well, that's Anzu for you. So, have you seen Kaiba lately?"
Giving his friend an odd look, Jonouchi slowly said, "Kaiba, why do you want him for?"
"Oh, I don't know," the shorter boy said idly. "I just have this sudden urge to kick his butt in a duel."
A taller, more sinister though not sinister enough to frighten furry animals, version of Yugi stalked over. "You know, Yugi," Yami began hotly, "it's me who does all the butt-kicking. Every time someone challenges you to a duel, you always come running to me!"
Yugi just ignored his ranting Yami and kept talking to Jonouchi. "So, have you seen him?"
"Actually, I saw him unconscious on the floor at his house. Marik was standing over hi, looking all guilty like he'd killed him or something…Wait…"
"We have to save Kaiba!" Yugi shouted, his eyes wide.
"Yeah, Jonouchi agreed. "If we don't, who'll call me a barking Chihuahua?"
Honda, who had been standing in the background with the other less important, easily-forgettable side characters, stepped forward. "Well, I'd do that for ya," he said.
"I would too," Otogi piped in at Honda's shoulder. "If ya asked." He then proceeded to play with his ever-present dice.
A large red vein appeared on Honda's forehead. "Will you stop it with the dice?"
"Make me!" Otogi replied as he tossed the colored dice up in the air.
Snatching the dice from the air, Honda shouted a hurried, "Ok!" before running for his life.
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Otogi shouted in agony. "MY DIIIIIIICE!!!!" He then ran after Honda, a dangerous glint in his brilliant green eyes that promised a slow and painful death to the dice-snatcher.
Closing his mouth (it had been hanging open as he watched this bit of randomness) all Jonouchi could say was, "Ok, that was odd."
"It really was," Yugi agreed. Then, shaking his head, he said, "Now let's go save Kaiba!" Grabbing Yami with one hand and Jonouchi with the other, he started walking in a random direction.
And so the spiky-haired boy, his ranting yami, and the barking Chihuahua went off to save their favorite CEO from the Millennium Rod Wielding Psycho. Now there was only one person left with nothing to do…
"Uh…Guys?" Anzu called. "Friendship? Friiiiiieeeendshiiiip?" When she finally realized that there was no one around to hear her, she stopped reciting her dull and boring friendship speeches and amused herself by drawing smiley faces of friendship of her hand with her Magic Marker of Friendship.
END
What's Marik have in store for Kaiba? Will Yugi, Yami, and Jonouchi be able to save him? Will Otogi get his dice back? Will the forces of friendship keep Anzu occupied with their mystical, magical smilies? WHY DO FOOLS FALL IN LOVE?!?!?! Oh, that has nothing to do with this…Sorry…