Disclaimer: I don't own x-men

A/N: PLEASE REVIEW! If I don't get a certain amount of reviews, I will not update.

Chapter Eighteen

She shivered at the silken lips that slid against her back. She was breathless, never knowing quite what to do, but aware of the tingling within her mind and the fullness of her heart.

One hand sat languidly on her hip, the other reaching higher upon her thighs. It was an invasion of her person, it was a dream come true, it was the things you thought of within the secret regions of your mind, secretely dreading, secretely hoping.

And she had hoped. Hoped so much, it had wrung her heart dry and true. It...it wasn't...

The anger, the frustration, bitter betrayal, and sickening lust...it was there and it boiled, it fed of her hate, she claimed her emotions were deader than the glaze of dead man's eye, but it wasn't true...

There was love...as much as she wanted to cry out, claw at herself, and scream, it was there. And it was here, that she could embrace it and it wouldn't turn on her.

His mouth sought her's and as much as she would admonish it later, she gave in whole-heartedly. Was she that desperate? Was it so wrong to love here? Because she knew, she couldn't do it anywhere else?

The lovemaking was gentle and smooth, bringing tears to her eyes. He touched her there, and it made her cry out, he touched her here, and it made her sigh. And he loved her. He loved her here and wouldn't hurt her.

But it was a dream. And in the reality, that Remy was dead...maybe...

There was the facade, and then there was the real one. She spit upon the image of the first, yet the second only brought confusion. He was nothing but the cajun that stole her heart, according to the time when the fake made his appearance.

Yet how was she suppossed to feel his touch and not recall the other? How was she suppossed to not flinch when he raised his hand to reach for something, thinking he was about to strike? How was she suppossed to not fear his eyes? The eyes that haunted her in her dreams.

She cried that day.

Cried when she told him.

She had promised herself she wouldn't cry...

And he smiled, reaching down between them in the city, grasping her hand softly, " Like dis, " and silently walked her through the day. She remembered his voice, soft and uncommanding, a sad smile on his face, " You feel dis cajun getting clingy, and you don't like it, just let go cher'e, I understand. Remy'll be waitin' tomorrow. Remy'll wait everyday. "

Her voice was quaking with worry and anger, " Don' tie yourself down to meh, cajun. Ah didn't ask for that. "

" Understood. But I be stubborn, just like you. Use me if you need to. To talk, hit on like a punching bag when yo' not so happy, anythin'. Jus' nothin' that'll get me in dat hospital again. "

She couldn't help but laugh and didn't realize when her hand held his tighter, however, he did, and his heart clenched.

She had called him the next week.

It was two in the morning and when she did, he let her know about it. She told him of her nightmares and her racing heart calmed as his soothing voice told her what she needed, comforted that space within her mind she didn't know could feel at peace. Kurt smiled within the darkness, his bed across his sister's in the hotel room, pretending to sleep.

She had quietly laughed at something the thief had said over the phone and it made him happy.

Yes, maybe she turned to her dreams to find love and security. But little by little, it was starting to built within her reality.

------------------------------Scene Switch------------------------

He had hurt himself...

He didn't want to do it, he had thought himself above the long habit, but his anger and his saddness was so overwhelming, he couldn't think properly.

The scarlet stained burned into his shirt, red and sunfire!

He hurt and he needed a release for the pain.

He dropped the glass, letting it clang against the ground as he smiled, leaning heavily upon the wall for support.

Garren was tired, his mind disorganized as he sank to the floor.

He would find her...He would find another like himself...

" Mother...I...I'm scared... "

He would sleep. Sleep until he felt he could withstand another day, the new shape he had acquired wearing off, needing to touch another individual.

" Mother... "

He sank into sleep, falling to the floor.

--------------------Scene Switch-----------------------

" But if your sleeping with someone, we need to know. We need to know how to help you! "

" You mean you would know his personality and know how to weigh upon my views of him," she was bored.

" Kitty! You could become pregnant, you could acquire a disease or, " Jean was cut off by the younger girls non-chalance.

" Read my mind then. I'm surprised you haven't already. "

" I wouldn't invade your privacy in such a manner! "

" I would, " Kitty whispered, a smile tugging at her lips, " Know this. The professor is well aware of my lover and I have his consent. He also saids your thoughts and the thoughts of the student's are diorienting him. Quit thinking about me. Now. "

She was amazed at how she was once blinded by Jean. Jean, who shone and sparkled for all her manners and acomplishments. But it didn't matter anymore. She wasn't so young and naive anymore. Jean wasn't bad...she was just...young. Still growing and maturing.

' Funny for you too say, ' she thought to herself. Years seperated the older girl from her.

She shrugged, no longer caring. It didn't matter. She would consider it revenge upon the times when she was once a " Jean " follower herself.

----------------------Scene Switch---------------------

" Cher'e, what you be doin' right now? "

" Talking to you, what do ya think? "

He laughed softly over the phone, his breath light and whispery.

" Wake Kurt up. Da three of us'll go out to breakfast. "

" It's three in the morning! "

He laughed again, " I know. Dat be de best part. "

A/N: Phone conversations are all from real Remy. Please review. PLEASE!