Moving Forward

by Giantpanda

Months have passed since Claire moved in with Sawyer, but has their relationship progressed any further? sequel to Moving In

TITLE: Moving Forward
RATING: PG-13
SUMMARY: Months have passed since Claire moved in with Sawyer, but has their relationship progressed any further?
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters from Lost and am not making a profit. If they were mine, then I guess I'd make Sawyer and Claire a couple.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yep, you read that right, this is not a Shayid story. It was fun to try writing for a different couple.

All that ran through Sawyer's mind as he sat on the beach watching Aaron playing in the sand was the absurdity of this situation. After living with Claire and Aaron for almost seven months, he thought he would have been used to interacting with the baby. But the truth was that he was rarely with Aaron without Claire, who was always the one playing with him. Now Claire was off doing girl stuff with Shannon (Sawyer hadn't bothered to ask what kind of girl stuff), and he had volunteered to keep an eye on Aaron for a little while. He didn't do diapers he had told Claire, so she had promised she wouldn't be that long. To his surprise, he enjoyed being with Roo. Sawyer had always thought that what made spending time with Aaron interesting was his mama. He sat mesmerized as Aaron giggled again and again as he dug with a small stick in the sand. To be that young and innocent again, not knowing all the horrors that exist in the world. A world that was far away from them now. Rescue wasn't coming.

They had held out hope for so long, and that hope was gone now. No one mentioned the real world anymore. It was almost as if it didn't even exist. The island was their home. People had picked up the pieces of their broken lives, and moved on. Some were thriving on the island, others were destroying themselves. Sawyer thought of those who he actually considered his friends now. Not that they were friends in the normal sense of the word, but people he could spend more than ten minutes with, without wanting to kill them. To his surprise, he and Claire typically hung out with Shannon and Sayid. A couple he hadn't expected to last, yet one that now seemed to have been perfect from the start. It also amazed him how he and Sayid were able to put everything behind them, the accusations, the torture, none of it seemed to matter anymore. Sawyer stayed away from Jack, who was slowly killing himself playing hero, and Kate who was always by his side. Charlie continued to take the drugs even with the passionate pleas of his friends. Sawyer had stayed out of that intervention. Didn't seem right considering he had shacked up with Charlie's girl. Not that Claire was Charlie's anymore, and Sawyer wondered if she ever really had been.

He glanced over at Aaron, who was still entertaining himself by burying his feet in the sand. Sawyer still felt confused when he thought about how he came to be the one living with Claire. If he had made any bets about which couple would last on the island, it would have been Claire and Charlie. But then again, he hadn't taken into account Charlie's dark side. Charlie stuck mostly to himself now, having thrown away any help the others were willing to give him. He played his guitar constantly, rambling on and on. Sawyer had thought Charlie's singing voice was bad, but after hearing him sing high, he had changed his opinion. Charlie was just plain awful. How he ever got in a band, Sawyer would never know. Even though Jack and Sayid had removed the statues, Charlie still seemed to have an endless supply of heroin. Sawyer hated to think what would happen if he ran out. He'd be around enough junkies to know that it would be bad. All he wanted to do was keep Claire out of it.

Aaron picked up a leaf that had blown by and shoved it in his mouth. Rolling his eyes, Sawyer reached in and pulled it out. Aaron's face crinkled up as if he was going to burst into tears. Sawyer quickly started talking to him, quoting Winnie the Pooh stories he had read long ago. A few tears dripped down Aaron's face, but as Sawyer handed back to him the stick to play with, he resumed playing in the sand.

He closed his eyes, relieved that he had stopped a crying fit. For a little guy, Aaron sure could scream. In all honesty, Sawyer had almost asked Claire and Aaron to leave a few times after they moved in. He couldn't take the constant crying, and feedings and everything else. He had almost asked her one morning, about a month after she moved in, after neither had gotten any sleep because Aaron just would not shut up. Before the words were out of his mouth, Claire asked him why she was such a horrible mother. He had told her she wasn't a horrible mother, and shared stories of when he was in foster care. Those had been horrible mothers - not her. The heartbreak in her eyes mixed with her exhaustion and the way he told her things he had never spoken of before made him realize something – he was beginning to fall for her. He didn't know exactly when it had happened, but all he wanted to do was protect her, and he wasn't the protective type. He must have revealed more of his feelings than he wanted because after that moment things had been different.

Claire had started moving her bed closer to his. Until one night he felt a pressure on his chest and woke up to find Claire's head on his shoulder, her arm draped around his waist. He hadn't said anything to her then, but each night he would wake up to find her using him as a pillow. It felt right. Finally, he gave in and gently wrapped his arms around her. She had mumbled something against his chest about him taking too long to do it. A week after that, they had kissed for the first time. It had been gentle, unlike anything Sawyer had ever experienced before. Their next kiss, and the next were similar. The feel of her lips on his was wonderful, but if he was honest with himself, he was tired of just kissing her. They'd been a "couple" for almost three months now, unofficially, having never really discussed it, and still hadn't gone past the kissing stage, well there had been some groping but not enough for his tastes. He was beginning to get very frustrated. He had never waited this long for a woman before. He told himself Claire would be worth the wait.

Aaron had grown on him too, Sawyer thought as Aaron looked up giggling. Sawyer smiled, Aaron's laughter was contagious. Something about that little boy made it impossible to hold onto his anger any longer. Or maybe that had been Claire's doing. He wasn't really sure anymore. All he knew was that he felt more at peace than he ever had before.

Sawyer reached out and brushed his fingers against Aaron's cheek. Aaron turned his attention to Sawyer's finger, and dropped the stick to grab onto it instead. He pulled tightly and Sawyer was surprised by the kid's strength. Before he could pull away, his finger found it's way into Aaron's mouth and he bit down.

He yanked his finger away. "Son of a—"

"Sawyer!" Clare called out, before he could finish.

"Your son bit me."

"He's teething. Be nice."

"It wasn't your finger."

"Try nursing him."

His eyes immediately fell upon her breasts. Why did she have to put that image in his head? She had been too shy at first to let him stay in the shelter while she nursed. However, one day she had cried out in pain, and he had rushed in to see if she was okay. Apparently, Aaron was being a little too rough. Claire had turned red because Sawyer was staring at her exposed chest. He had good dreams that night, and Claire wasn't embarrassed anymore. He shook his head to get the image of her bare breasts out of his mind.

Claire sank down to the sand beside him and leaned over to kiss her son. Such simple gestures always tore at his heart, especially when Aaron smiled and babbled back to her. She was such a wonderful mother, and he hoped that Aaron always knew that.

She turned her attention to Sawyer. "Shannon and Sayid are going to watch Aaron tonight so we can be alone," she said, unable to look Sawyer in the eyes.

He leaned back stretching his legs out in front of him. He couldn't say anything yet, couldn't let her see the thoughts going through his mind. A night alone could mean only one thing – they were finally going to have sex. This was a moment that he had dreamed about for too long. Hell, if she hadn't been pregnant, he probably would have dreamed about it since the plane crash.

"And what do you plan to do with that alone time?" he asked unable to suppress his grin.

"I want you to read to me."

It took every ounce of strength not to groan in disappointment. They were going to be alone for pretty much the first time ever, and Claire's fantasy was for him to read to her? There was no way that's how he'd want to spend his alone time with her. His fantasy involved candles, whipped cream, and lots of skin. None of which it seemed he'd be able to get on the island. He still held out hope that there'd be some skin though.

"You want me to take him over to the Arabian castle?" Sawyer asked.

She nodded. "I'll get everything ready."

He stood, wiping the sand from his jeans. He bent down to drop a kiss on her head, and then picked up Aaron.

He walked swiftly to Shannon and Sayid's shelter. As he thought about it, maybe reading to Claire wouldn't be such a bad thing. He knew he had some romance novels stashed away, maybe he could read a little of one to get her in the mood. He didn't know what was going through her mind. She obviously wasn't against premarital sex or she wouldn't have Aaron. Or maybe she wanted him to read first and then they could have sex. He was tired of the innocence in their relationship. The next step needed to happen soon or he might have to look elsewhere. A man had needs. He just didn't know where he would look.

He found Shannon folding clothes that she had removed from the clothing line. He rolled his eyes. She really was like a living Barbie doll. Everything had to be perfect. If he hadn't fallen for Claire, he could have seen himself with her, especially as he watched her bend over to pick up a fallen shirt.

"Hey, princess," he called out. "Got a present for you."

She dropped the shirt, and reached out for Aaron, who tried to give her a slobbery kiss. She took the baby into her arms, resting him against her hip.

"Such a flirt," Shannon said smiling back at him. She looked at Sawyer. "He's been spending too much time with you. He's picking up your habits."

"Please. He just has good taste."

"You're a pig," she said teasingly.

She adjusted Aaron in her arms. Sawyer still thought Shannon holding a child was an odd picture, but then again, he had been the one who handed him over. As Aaron reached for her hair, Sawyer's eyes swept over her body. Just because he was with Claire didn't mean he had to stop looking. His gaze fell on Shannon's clothes, a pink tank top and the shortest shorts he had ever seen. He noticed that the fabric seemed overly stretched around her stomach.

"You wearing someone else's stuff, Blondie?" he asked curiously.

She tugged on her shirt. "No, why?" she asked looking down at her feet embarrassed.

"Looks like you're gaining some weight then," he said with a smirk.

He had expected her to fight back to yell at him like she normally did. He'd never had a better sparring partner. He wasn't prepared for the flash of hurt that filled her pretty eyes or the guilt that he felt.

As if he had radar to know that Shannon was hurting, Sayid walked over to them from the other side of the caves. After greeting Shannon with a kiss and saying hello to Aaron, he turned his attention to Sawyer suspiciously, as if waiting for him to say something else that would hurt her.

Instead, Sawyer stood in silence watching Shannon. Something was different with her. The added weight made her look healthier, and he hadn't meant it as an insult when he asked her. He should have known better than to tease her about her weight. He remembered how Boone used to pick on her when she didn't eat. If he had to guess, he'd say she had an eating disorder before. No this was definitely a weight gain that was more natural than eating too much, especially since food was scarce on the island. It was similar to the way Claire looked after she had Aaron. Suddenly he realized that Shannon was pregnant.

He opened his mouth to ask her but was silenced by a look from Shannon that would have killed him if possible. Instead, he wished them luck with Aaron, and turned to walk away. It wasn't worth getting in trouble with Shannon because that meant trouble with Claire. He always knew girls being friends was a problem waiting to happen.

He heard Shannon calling his name. He turned and watched her pass Aaron off to Sayid. She walked quickly to catch up with him.

"You can't tell Sayid," Shannon said breathlessly.

"Tell him what?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Don't play stupid. I know you figured it out."

"That he knocked you up? I'm not an idiot."

She looked angry, but underneath he could see that she was scared. He couldn't blame her. They were lost on an island not the best place to have a kid. Just ask Claire.

"Don't tell him."

"Why not? Isn't it his?"

She slapped him hard in the face. He gingerly brought his hand to touch his stinking cheek. He should have known that she could hit that hard. She probably had to keep the guys off of her somehow.

"I don't know what Claire sees in you," she said as she stalked back to Sayid.

The pain from her words was worse than anything anyone could have physically inflected on him. She was right. Claire was too good for him. He had begun to push that thought away, but it kept coming back again and again. What had he done in his life to deserve a woman like Claire? He was a liar, a conman, and a murderer. He didn't deserve to be with anyone.

He turned to walk back towards his shelter, but hesitated. Claire would be there waiting for him. She always knew what he was thinking. She said it had to do with that psychic crap she believed in, but Sawyer didn't believe even though she was always right. She usually was good at knowing when to leave him alone. But that was the question now. Did he really want to be alone?

Claire had made him feel emotions that he had thought died with his mother. Feelings that had drained away as the blood spilled from her, leaving behind a residue of anger that had festered and grown into rage. He had smiled more because of Claire. Could he really be such a horrible person if Claire enjoyed spending time with him? Maybe there was something wrong with her. It was the only way he could explain her feelings for him. If she even had any. Kisses and cuddling at night didn't really mean a thing.

He wasn't going to question this anymore. He was going home and he was going to tell her that tonight he wasn't going to read to her. He pushed his hair out of his face. Had he even told her no before? It didn't matter, tonight he was going to start.

He walked quickly to the shelter. He ignored the rapid beating of his heart. He was just doing what he should have done since the moment he realized that moving into his home meant moving into his heart.

He stopped at the tarp that hung over the opening. It was now or never. He pulled back the tarp, preparing himself for either sex or tears. He wasn't ready for what he found sitting on his bed.

Claire sat there waiting patiently for him, which wasn't a surprise. What she was wearing was. It looked as if she had been shopping in Shannon's suitcase. The clothing was snugger on her than Shannon, as well as longer. The aqua tank top clung to Claire in all the right places, dipping dangerously low on her chest. It seemed as if she would have a wardrobe malfunction if she moved too suddenly. He swallowed hard. All the thoughts that had previously been in his mind drifted away, and all that was left was the image of the beauty in front of him. He was used to sexy woman, never had he been with someone was a classic beauty like her. He had wanted to talk to her about something, but he couldn't remember what. How was he supposed to think clearly with her half naked in front of him?

He sank down on the bed beside her, trying to keep his distance. If he touched her, even if he just brushed up against her, he knew he wouldn't be able to restrain himself.

"What book you want?" he asked, wishing that this night could go differently. He started going through his books. "I got the one about the bunnies, one about a boy and a giant peach—"

"James," she said suddenly.

He sat up straight, his heart pounding. How did she know his real name? Maybe that psychic stuff wasn't crap after all.

"What?" he asked harshly.

"James and the giant peach." She looked at him quizzically. "The one about the boy."

"Right."

How could he have been so stupid? He knew what that book was called. As a child he liked to pretend that he was the James in the book. A part of him wanted to tell her that. Explain to her about his past. Tell her everything. What his mother and father had done, how they had left him alone to deal with foster family after foster family. No one had wanted him. Those who took him in either ignored him, hit him, or had too many children to worry about one more. But he didn't think someone like her would understand. Maybe one day he'd tell her, but not today. Not with her looking like that.

"Let's see what else there is."

"I have something special for you to read."

He turned to her. "You've been holding out on me, Mamacita?"

She blushed slightly as she pulled out a bound book. He took it from her. He ran his fingers over the spine. There wasn't a title written on it, but it looked vaguely familiar.

"What is it?"

"Turn to the paged that's book marked."

Frowning, he did what she asked. He squinted to read the handwritten words, which were obviously written by a girl. Claire elbowed him in the side.

"Forgetting something, Harry Potter?" she asked holding his glasses in her hand.

"Funny," he said, snatching them for her. "You're lucky you're hot or else there'd be hell to pay."

He read the first few lines on the page to himself, then looked to her sharply.

"You want me to read your diary out loud?"

She nodded.

Sawyer couldn't help but think that he had fallen for a crazy woman. What good would reading her diary do? He'd much rather be kissing her soft lips, caressing her body, anything other than reading.

Sighing, he began. "I had a nice chat with Sayid today." He closed the book. "And why must I read about Aladdin?"

"Just read straight through, please."

He never could resist her. Somehow she knew exactly how to look at him to make him do exactly what she wanted. Some would say he was whipped, but he just thought it was love.

"I ran into Charlie."

He's eyes shoot up as he stared at her. Why hadn't she told him? He took a deep breath. He wouldn't interrupt.

"Sayid made sure that Charlie left me alone," Sawyer continued, rolling his eyes. Sayid was always the hero. "He walked me back to the beach, and we got to talk. Normally I just talk with Shannon so this was nice. He thinks something is wrong with Shannon, and she won't tell him. He guessed that I know what it is." He paused. "You know that she's pregnant?"

"How do you know?"

He wasn't sure how to answer. He didn't think it would be a good idea to tell the woman he wanted to have sex with, and maybe even have more of a relationship with, that he had spent every day since the crash staring at Shannon's body.

Instead, he just shrugged. "Lucky guess." He returned his attention to the diary. "I promised her, and I'll keep my promise. I felt guilty though, he looked so sad." He turned to her again. "Why am I reading this?"

"Keep going."

"Sayid asked me about my relationship with Sawyer. I hadn't even realized that everyone thought it was a relationship. I told Sayid that, and he nodded in understanding. I then told him things that I haven't even told Shannon. Sayid's a good listener."

Sawyer frowned. She felt she could talk to Sayid but not to him. Why? His mouth suddenly felt dry. Was she forcing him to read this because she wanted to break up with him? But were they even a couple to begin with? And if they were breaking up, why was she wearing that shirt? That would just be cruel.

She slipped her hand into his. "It's nothing bad."

He hated that she could read his mind. She wouldn't meet his eyes and he wondered if she was telling him the truth. He decided there was only one way to find out.

"We talked for a while, or mostly I talked about everything going on with Aaron and Sawyer. I told Sayid that I didn't understand what was going on, but I knew that Sayid understood. Shannon probably wasn't who he expected to end up with, but they fit so perfectly together. I wondered to him if it would be the same for Sawyer and I. I told Sayid that I don't think Sawyer feels the same way about me that I do about him."

His heart raced. She felt something for him. But what? He wanted to look at her to see her reaction to what he had just read, but he couldn't. He kept reading.

Sawyer quickly continued. "Sayid told me to trust Sawyer," he snorted. ""Mohammed really said that?"

She nodded. He wasn't sure he believed it. He returned to the diary.

"He said Sawyer would reveal his feelings when he was ready. When I told Sayid I was tired of waiting, he said that I'd have to make the first move. Maybe I'll have Sawyer read my diary, I don't know how else to tell him."

He closed the book. "Tell me what?"

"Keep reading."

He shook his head. "I want to hear it from you."

Claire chewed on her lip. Sawyer reached for her chin and forced her to look at him.

"I can't say it first, Claire," he said, his voice trembling.

He couldn't say the words that he had never told anyone else before.

"I've fallen in love with you," she said her voice quivering as her eyes filled with tears.

He leaned forward and captured her lips with his. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him. He kissed her lips, her neck, her cheeks. He felt as if he was finally free from his past, a weight had been lifted off his shoulders with her words. It didn't matter what he had done before. She loved him.

Sawyer pulled away so that he could look her in her eyes.

"It's about time you said that. I fell a long time ago," he said.

She smiled brightly. "You'll have to thank Sayid for making me tell you."

"That's not what I'm planning on right now," he said as he pulled her onto his lap.

He brought his hand against her waistband as her hands slid under his shirt. The kisses felt different now. The sex would be different he realized because it would be his first time with someone he loved. He had never felt this excitement before. This wasn't just about sex, it was about starting over and starting their lives together.

The End