Ch. 3: Forgiving

Georg really didn't know what to think. He didn't understand why he had gotten so worked up about one little detail Maria didn't tell him about her life. There were things she didn't know about him and most certainly things he still had to learn about her. However, as he looked through his life there was no other secret as big as an engagement or anything like that. She knew about Agathe and that was his one true love. Then again she was bound to know about Agathe. She had had such an influence on his family it was natural to talk to Maria about Agathe.

Maybe, to her, it wasn't such a big part of her life. Maybe she thought it wasn't a big enough deal to come right out and say she was engaged to someone else during one of their many evenings together while they talked. She was exactly right in what she said that evening. After they talked for a while something would lead to a passionate kiss and the rest of the time they spent together was consumed with long kisses and enjoying being in each others arms. There was no way Maria was even thinking about her past, which she even often told him she would like to forget.

What did he expect her to do? Break off from one of their kisses and proclaim she was engaged to someone else years ago? No, he thought as a smile formed on his lips for the first time in hours, she would never do that. Still, though he wished that she had told him everything. It wouldn't make him love her less at all. All the news had done was made him yearn to be closer to her, to pull her into a deep kiss right in front of the boy to prove who she was in love with loved now.

It wasn't right to lock himself in his study the rest of the evening. He knew that. It didn't solve anything except make Maria even more frustrated with him. He guessed she wanted to explain herself and have things go back to normal just as much as he wanted to. It was his total feeling of jealousy that got in the way. Georg wanted to hear her speak, but at the same time was worried that what she would say would not be what he wanted to hear. He was certain she loved him, but judging from her words to Patrick she could easily have mixed feelings.

Part of him trusted her and wanted her to be able to have a good time with a long lost friend. The other part of him ached with jealousy and worry of what might happen if she went to lunch with him. The feeling that he might lose the one person he loved more than life itself made him sick. He knew he was probably overreacting, but what if he wasn't? She undoubtedly still had some feelings for him. She looked hurt when she saw him and a little mad too.

He couldn't lose her to him. He just couldn't. He decided to fight for her with everything he had. Of course ultimately it was her decision who she married and if she married, but he wasn't going to let her go that easily.

Georg realized how dumb it had been to keep himself in his study and ignore Maria. That was the perfect way to lose her, he thought angrily. He knew he had to talk to her before she left the next day or else he might be too late.

Maria walked toward the gazebo. She had no intention of going to sleep in the middle of a fight with her fiancée. Seeing him with his head in his fists made her heart ache. She knew she had hurt him. However, she hoped that he realized she loved him and no one else. She stood by the bench and smiled as the memories of the night he confessed he loved her consumed her once again.

"Georg?" she asked. He took his head out of his hands and looked up to her. "Can we talk?" he nodded his head and patted the seat next to him for her to sit. She sat down next to him and noticed his face. He hadn't said a word to her since his comments about Patrick. His blue eyes that usually sparkled like sapphires looked sad and angered.

A tear fell from Maria's eye as she looked into his sad, glazed over eyes.

"Darling, I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you. I should have told you about him a long time ago. It just never seemed like the right time to bring him up," she told him sniffing a bit while she tried not to cry.

"Maria, all I want is for you to tell me everything. It hurt that I didn't know about that part of your life. I thought it might be because you didn't want me to know," he told her.

Her hand slowly moved over and grabbed his hand and rubbed it.

"Georg, my darling, please listen. I want you to know everything about me too. The first thing you should know is that I don't want you to be jealous. I love you with all my heart and soul and could never love another the way I love you. Ever," she told him again strongly.

He gripped her hand tighter and pulled her closer to him. She put her arms around him and kissed him deeply. After a moment he broke the kiss laying her head softly on his shoulder.

"I should be the one apologizing, Maria. I should trust you completely instead of being a nervous and a very jealous wreck. I just didn't know what to think when he showed up this evening. I thought you might still love him because, after all, you were engaged. I didn't…and I still don't want to lose you," he told her, placing a kiss on her head.

"You won't. I wish I could make you absolutely sure of that. I love you and no matter what my past with him was like, it could never equal what we have. You're my destiny," she told him. He smiled a little more and pulled her into a hug.

"Maria," he asked softly, "What went on between you and him?"

"You want to know the whole story?" she asked. He smiled again and nodded.

"Darling, I told you I want to know everything that has ever happened to you," he stated. She sighed and began telling him of how they met and how long they were engaged during his time in the Navy.

"So what happened after he was gone? Why did you two decide to break up?" he asked.

"Well I'm still a little unsure. He was always so nice and sweet to me. I guess I just didn't see his faults. He would always want a little bit more from me than I was willing to give and I assumed that was because he was older. Anyway, he stopped writing halfway through his years in the Navy. That was about the time I discovered the Lord's presence in the world. I hoped we could get married in a church with God's blessing and live a happy life," she stopped suddenly over come with emotion. He held her tighter and kissed her cheek.

"It's okay, Maria," he whispered. "You don't have to talk now, just know I'm here."

"I want you to know…more than anything," she whispered back.

"He came back and he seemed like his old self. Almost, except he was always gone at night and I would notice because of the dark circles under his eyes and his rugged appearance the next day. I thought nothing of it until I found a letter to another woman." Georg's head shot up appalled at Patrick and all he stood for. Thinking he was upset with her Maria quickly continued.

"I only opened it because it was addressed to me on the front, but inside it said someone else's name. I didn't know what to think. I decided to talk to him about it and he blew up. He denied it harshly and that's when I knew he loved someone else. I could just sense it, you know? The next day he was gone and he left a letter saying that he thought he was in love with someone else, but the feelings were gone and he wanted to marry me. He said he would be back in a few months," she answered.

"That was when you decided to become a nun?" he asked. She nodded.

"I didn't feel I could have my heart broken again. I didn't want him as a husband because even though I was sure he loved me, he also seemed to love other women too. He was with her an awful lot while he was visiting. He didn't seem to believe in any God either. How was I supposed to spend my life with an atheist who would yell when I would talk about God? I couldn't. I felt the only one whose love would never fail was the Lord's and that's who I should spend the rest of my life with. I knew there my love would be welcome and God would be happy and I would be happy," she told him. He pulled her into another comforting hug.

"You still miss him?" he asked.

"I think I was missed what we once had, but now I don't. I'm so blessed things turned out the way they did and I met you. I know what Patrick and I had couldn't be true love, because it was nothing like this," she answered.

"I love you, Maria. And just in case you're having second thoughts, I would never force you into anything you didn't want to do. As for me, I believe there is a God out there, because he sent you to me and we can have our wedding in a church. I can swear I have never cheated and Agathe…"

"Georg!" Maria interrupted, "I'm not having second thoughts at all," she told him starting to laugh in what seemed like the first time in weeks. "It's very cute that you want to tell me all that just in case though. I love you more than anything and don't want to be with anyone else in the world except you. Please believe that," she told him. She brought his face closed to hers and kissed him passionately.

"I believe it now," he whispered before she put her arms back around him and kissed him again.