Ch. 5: The Proposal

He took a deep breath and started to talk.

"Maria, you know better than anyone that I made some errors in my life. The mistake of not being loyal to you is the one I will regret for the rest of my life. I thought so much of myself while I was at sea I believed I could never lose you so I could have some fun while I was away."

"It hurt," she answered simply.

"I know it did and for that I will never be able to forgive myself. I didn't intend to stop writing I just was so consumed by everything that I just didn't find time. When I returned I still wanted to marry you, but there was this other girl that I…well was more than a friend with from one of the ports and I still didn't know what my feelings were for her. I didn't want you to notice anything so I tried to make sure nothing seemed different. I guess I didn't do a good job."

"Nope, you really didn't," she said with no emotion.

"I know. When I found out you knew about all of that, I suddenly realized that I might lose you. I don't know why that was the first time it crossed my mind. That's when I realized I loved you more than anything and the other girls I had feelings for had all been just because I was lonely and wanted to have fun. When I finally got the note that said you were going to join the Abbey I was crushed. I didn't understand why you couldn't forgive me and love me anyway."

"Patrick, you never asked for forgiveness from me. You never even explained everything to me. I didn't know what to think…"

"Would you have forgiven me if I asked for it?" he asked. Maria stared out at the mountains for a minute thinking.

"If you came back and you were changed like the way you are now, I would have had a hard time not forgiving because I would know you already asked Gods forgiveness and he is much bigger than I am. He matters much more. So I guess the answer is yes, if I knew you were truly sorry," she answered.

"Can you forgive me now?" he asked hopefully. "I'm so sorry I hurt you, Maria. I would do anything to go back and change things, but I can't. I can change the future, however, and I hope you can forgive me enough so we can be friends?"

"I'd like that a lot," she stammered.

"So I'm forgiven," he asked.

"Well, as hard as it is for me…yes you are and I pray God helps my heart forgive you completely…it just might take time," she finished.

"That's good enough for me!" he answered happily as he pulled her into a hug. Maria hugged him back, but soon noticed him pulling her closer and caressing her back softly. She pulled out of his hug and smiled at him. "Thank you," he told her. "You really are a saint." She blushed a little as she gave him another hug.

"It's so pretty out here today," she told him changing the subject.

"Yes, it is. You know what it reminds me of?" he asked. She shook her head so he continued. "The day I proposed to you. Everything was just so beautiful. I think it has something to do with your smile…it just lightens the world up!"

Maria beamed at his compliments, but as she did memories of him and her suddenly flooded back through her mind. It had been so long since she had sat in his arms and yet there she was years later doing what she thought would happen daily.

She always used to imagine Patrick and her married happily with a few kids playing happily outside and them watching arm in arm content with each other's company. How things had changed since then. She was once so happy with those thoughts.

More thoughts consumed her as she stared at Patrick. Once he asked her to marry him she always had so many thoughts on how their wedding and honeymoon would be perfect, then he just broke her heart. In the blink of an eye it was over. Maria had initiated it and she was sure she was happy with the life she had now so why were these thoughts creeping back into her brain? Patrick scooted closer to her and looked at her blue eyes.

"Maria?" he asked. She looked up at his brown eyes and saw nothing, but love in them. She tried not to cringe, but became very worried.

"Yes," she asked hesitantly.

"Do you love, Georg?" For a moment Maria was confused. Why was he asking her about him?

"Of course I do…"

"More than you loved me when we were engaged?"

"Well, yes I would say…"

"Wait, Maria, you don't have to answer I just have to ask you anyway. No matter what your answer is I have to ask you."

"What is it?" Maria asked even more hesitantly.

"I know I have made some major mistakes in my life, Maria. However, I've asked for forgiveness from the Lord. I changed my life and now I realize I did it partly for myself and partly to please you. See I still love you, Maria. I felt it before I knew I would see you again and I feel it even more now. I've loved you ever since the day we met and it hasn't dimmed one bit. I know you're engaged, but I just have to know if you feel a little love for me…well then maybe we were meant to be together. I would love to be your husband. It would make me the happiest man in the world if you would be my wife."

Maria sat in the grass staring at Patrick, completely senseless. She couldn't believe what he had just said.

"Think about it, my dear, there has to be a reason to why God let us meet again right before your marriage. Maybe we are supposed to be together."

Maria still didn't move. He heart was telling her one thing, but she was so stunned she didn't know how to start explaining.

"I…Patrick…I'm…speechless," she answered.

"I know, you don't have to make up your mind right now. You're in to much shock to so you better wait until you've had time to think a little."

"No I have my…"

"Please, Maria. I know you need some time. I brought this for you, though," he told her. He opened up a box with a small old ring in it. Maria's jaw dropped as she gazed at it.

"Is this…"

"Our engagement ring?" he asked.

"You kept this?" she asked with tears in her eyes. He smiled.

"Well I found it actually…after we had our fight."

"I thought it was gone forever," she told him. "Thank you…this means a lot to me…really it does. I don't know what to say." He smiled again as she gazed at the ring. She looked back up at him and gave him a huge hug. After a few moments he pulled her off his shoulder.

"We should probably go now…your Captain is waiting," he sighed.

"How late is it?" she asked.

"Around three or four," he answered.

"Oh my gosh!" she cried. "We really have to go! I told Georg I wouldn't be gone for more than two hours!"

The two of them rode back to the villa in silence. Maria couldn't help but think of her situation. She didn't understand what was making her unsure, she knew in her heart she wanted one thing, but she couldn't bear to break either of their hearts. She knew it was inevitable and someone was going to get hurt. Suddenly Maria knew why she had joined the Abbey. No more of this terrible thing called love that always would end in heart break for someone.

She thought about it a little more and knew her decision, she always had known her decision it was just a matter of how to break it to a person she was very fond of. Knowing how much he loved her made it even more difficult to do what she knew she had to. The car slowly rolled up to the villa and butterflies started consuming Maria's stomach.

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