WARNINGS: Mpreg, slash, angst.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own it. At all. Pokes out tongue.

SUMMARY: Remus knew when he married Sirius that he would have to sacrifice a lot. He just never realised he would have to sacrifice this.

NOTES: This came from a fic something I read in the first wave of the Harry Potter Mpreg Fuh-Q-Fest. In the fic, Sirius didn't want a baby, but Remus was secretly already pregnant. Remus went and took an abortion potion after trying to persuade Sirius to consider children (he didn't tell Sirius he was pregnant). When he came back to their rooms, Sirius told him he'd gotten to thinking and he did want a baby. It was the most depressing thing I've ever read, because Remus really didn't want to get rid of the baby, and only did it because Sirius would never accept it. I decided I needed to write this.

It's different, but it does sound the same as the fic I read. It's a good fic, if a bit disturbing, and is called "Timing is Everything".

Baby Blues.

Remus curled up on the bed, instinctively wrapping himself protectively around his abdomen. It was still flat, you wouldn't know that a life was growing in there, but Remus knew, he imagined he could feel the delicate life growing inside him.

It was times like this he wished he'd never married Sirius when he'd asked. He'd known at the time that he'd have to sacrifice a lot for his new husband. But his happy, optimistic side persuaded himself that his love for Sirius overcame any sacrifice on his part. Sirius was making his own sacrifices, after all. But he'd never imagined he would have to sacrifice this.

He'd tried, several times, to talk to Sirius about this. He'd brought it up two months ago when he'd felt his magic waver for the first time and he realized he was pregnant. Sirius had said no, declaring that they were too old for a baby and that they had Harry anyway, even if he was already sixteen when they adopted him.

Since then Remus had tired periodically to persuade his husband to consider having a baby. Every time he mentioned it, he was rebuffed. He had tried one final, desperate bid for his baby tonight, one that had resulted in a screaming row with his husband. His time was up.

Remus had decided two months ago, when he'd first realised he was pregnant, that he would have to abort the baby before he started showing if Sirius didn't agree. He knew, if he could see the baby-bump, he would not be able to go through with an abortion. He was pushing it now, he knew, he could feel the slight distension and hardening of his abdomen, and his resolve was already wavering. Another week and his hopes of going through with an abortion and staying with Sirius would be over.

He also needed to abort the baby before Sirius realized his desire for a child was more than just a passing idea. If Sirius knew he was pregnant, it would all be over. His husband would think Remus went behind his back. Sirius could go one of two ways; either he would "do the right thing" and have the baby, but resent it constantly for intruding on his life when he didn't want it. Or, he would divorce Remus. If that happened, Remus would lose the baby anyway - Werewolves were not legally allowed custody of any child, although their partners were. If Sirius didn't accept the child, it would be placed into care.

Remus tugged his quilt over his shoulders, wrapping himself up so much that only his tear-stained face was visible. Tiny tremors ran through his body as he sobbed for his baby and his lost dreams.

: :

Sirius ran a trembling hand through his hair. He hated it when he and Remus argued, especially when he wasn't even sure if he was right. Remus seemed really determined about having a baby, and Sirius knew that his constant rebuffing of his wishes was depressing his husband.

He sighed, Remus had been in there for half and hour now, he should be asleep. Sirius didn't want to go to bed until he was - he hated Remus giving him the cold shoulder, especially in bed. Remus had been pushing him away whenever Sirius tried to instigate anything over the last few weeks, and Sirius knew it was because of this baby thing.

He felt his heart melt and regret pang through his stomach when he slipped into the room only to see Remus curled on the bed, sobbing. He bit back tears of his own and went back into the living room. He had a lot of thinking to do.

: :

Remus went down the hall quickly, glancing over his shoulder occasionally to make sure he wasn't being watched. He knew he was being paranoid; Sirius was teaching, Harry was in class and no one came down here unless they really had to. He knew he had to be quick; Sirius was out of class in an hour and Severus' free period only lasted about another twenty minutes before he needed to prepare for his next class.

He checked the corridor one last time before knocking on the door to Severus' office.

"Lupin, what brings you here?" He asked impassively. Remus swallowed, pushing back his final misgivings.

"I... Can I come in, please?" Remus asked. Severus stepped to the side, allowing Remus in. Remus sat in one of Severus' seats, accepting his tea with shaking hands. Severus sat opposite him, studying him with a depth that made him squirm. "I need you to make a potion for me, and I need to be certain that no one - not even Sirius; especially not Sirius - will find out."

"Discretion is one of my virtues. What potion would you like me to make?"

"I need an abortion potion." Severus sat back, a contemplating look on his face.

"I can make it in two days."

"Thank -."

"I wasn't finished. I can make it in two days, however I will not. The baby is not yours, Lupin, you have no rights over it. To make it for you, I would need Black's permission."

"That's why I came to you, I thought you could do this... On the side. Sirius can't know about the baby."

"Why not?"

"If he knows, he'll either throw me out or keep it without wanting it. I couldn't do that to my baby, I don't want it to be raised by a parent who doesn't want it. I've tried to persuade him to have a baby, but he doesn't want one, and he'll just resent this one and me. If he throws us out, the Ministry will take the baby into care, which is just as bad." Severus nodded.

"If my name comes up in this..."

"Only the two of us will know."

"Fine, it will be ready in two days, be here then. Now, if you will excuse me, I have a lesson to prepare."

Remus left the rooms, depression weighing him down. A small part of him had hoped that Severus would refuse and he'd have to tell Sirius. Maybe - no, you can't go there, Remus. He won't accept the baby.

: :

Sirius entered their rooms and immediately searched for Remus. He was always here by the time Sirius' last class was finished. However, today he wasn't anywhere in sight. Sirius sat down in the living room and tackled today's essays. He wanted to talk to Remus tonight and he didn't want anything in the way.

He finished the final essay two hours later and frowned when he realized that Remus hadn't returned. He checked in the bedroom again but the Werewolf was nowhere in sight. However, a glossy magazine caught his eye - Remus hardly ever read those. He picked it up, a pang of sadness hitting him when he realised it was a baby magazine. He carried it through with him and sat in the living room, reading it slowly. He paused at a page about pregnancy, surprised to find edits in the margin. Mood swings come early in male pregnancies due to the influx of estrogen. Breasts develop although they are small and will shrink. Baby born around this time, usually earlier and smaller because the body is not equipped to carry a baby. Birth Canal will grow through the back, although it is temporary and only there for the birth.

Remus really wanted this, and Sirius was dashing his dreams for no good reason.

It didn't seem so bad, actually. Sirius wasn't particularly enamored of the idea of being pregnant, but Remus would probably want to carry the baby anyway. Hmm, they would need potions for the later months, maybe Snape would be willing to make them. Sirius knew he had a soft spot for Remus, even if he still couldn't stand Sirius for long. It would be a nice birthday surprise.

A baby. Sirius had always wanted to have a family, with a baby and everything, but with his and Remus' history, and everything, he'd been scared of bringing a baby into it. But the war was over, Harry was all grown up and the timing was perfect. They'd need to move, though. Maybe they could get a house in Hogsmeade and he could Floo in for the classes.

Harry had been a nightmare for James and Lily, although they had both loved him so much. Sirius had loved the little baby as well, and Remus had been completely in awe of him. If they had decided to have a baby then... Well, it would have been a disaster, really.

But now, a baby would be perfect now, as long as Sirius put his fears aside.

: :

Remus checked his watch again, before returning to his huddled position beside the lake. His arms were wrapped around the tiny bump that was his baby, and tears ran freely down his cheeks. Half an hour. Half an hour and it would all be over.

He hadn't been able to stay in the flat, hadn't been able to face Sirius knowing that he'd be killing his child in a few hours. So he'd sat here instead, contemplating his life and what it could be like if only Sirius had accepted his wish to have a baby.

: :

Sirius strode swiftly down the hall to Snape's quarters. He'd have to talk the Slytherin Head of House into making their potions for them, and then he had a meeting with the Headmaster to discuss their options for once the baby came.

"Come in, it's - Black?" Sirius nodded and entered the room, sitting in the seat that Remus had occupied on his visit.

"Snape, I was hoping you would do us a favour." Snape raised an eyebrow and sat opposite him.

"What can I do for you?"

"I was hoping, when the time comes, you will make potions to help Remus' pregnancy along." Snape nodded, frowning in confusion.

"He told you about the baby? He said he didn't want..." Snape trailed off at the shocked look on Sirius' face.

"What baby?" He growled. Snape hesitated for a minute before telling Sirius about his meeting with Remus.

"I will, of course, do as you wish. He was looking out for the best interests of the baby, Black."

"Don't tell him I was here and do not allow him to take the potion. I'll deal with this later." Snape nodded, understanding and Sirius swept out of the room, fuming as he stormed into their rooms and began planning what to say to his errant husband.

: :

Remus frowned as he let himself into the apartment. Severus had been really... Strange when he'd told Remus tat the potion wouldn't be ready for another two days. He smiled softly as he pressed a hand to his abdomen; this gave him another two days with his baby, after all.

He made to sit down in the living room when he finally noticed Sirius sitting in his favourite seat. It was the anger on his face that told Remus something wasn't right.

"Take a seat, Remus. We have a lot to discuss."