And here's part two! I rather like this fic, I may do sequels for it later!
Baby Blues.
Chapter Two; Problems.
Remus swallowed hard and sat down. He knew that something was wrong with his husband, and he had a terrifying idea of what it might be. Sirius paced for a few seconds, before rounding on him.
"You know it's illegal, don't you?" He growled. With a sinking felling in his stomach, Remus nodded. How Sirius knew was beyond him, but he did know. "Not to mention completely immoral. It's murder, Rem." Remus nodded again, tears blinding his eyes. He found he was quite grateful for them, as they blurred the image of Sirius' betrayed face. They came too easily now, especially when he though about what he was going to do to the tiny life growing within him. Completely vulnerable, unable to protect itself and completely reliant on him.
"How... How did you find out?" He asked thickly. He didn't know why, at this point he was more concerned about the what - what would Sirius do, what was going to happen to the baby, what his choices were; if he'd even be left with any, which was an unusual luxury for him. He supposed that it would nag at him, best get it out now.
"Snape told me." Sirius' lips were thin in anger, his face white. He would have been stung by the fact that he had top find out from Snape of all people, and it would have just added to his anger; his betrayal. Remus frowned, he'd actually believed that Severus wouldn't tell, but the man had his scruples, even if he rarely brought them into practice.
"I didn't think he'd tell you, honestly. I thought he valued his job more than that."
"He's not important. Why, Rem? You've been nagging me about having a baby for months, but you try to get rid of it when you finally do fall pregnant? It doesn't make sense!"
"I've been 'nagging you' for two months, Sirius. Only two months. You know I want a child, I always have, but I could put it aside for you, I mean, there was nothing pressing us to have one except time, and that's never really been on our side. But, two months ago, I discovered I was pregnant. I don't want you to just have this baby even though you don't want it, or abandoning it to the Ministry's capable hands. I tried to persuade you to have a baby with me, but you continued to refuse and I knew it had to be now. I can feel it, Sirius; I can sense it pulling on my magic, I'm getting the physical symptoms - I'll start showing soon and I know I could never go through with it then. So I made my decision, it's best for everyone. I was going to have Severus prepare me another potion to take once my body had recovered which would prevent me from ever getting pregnant again." Remus' voice held a hint of desperation and sadness, but there was love there, and Sirius could tell that he truly loved the baby, and he didn't want to do this.
"I'd never abandon our child, Remus. You should know that." He seemed indignant, and more than a little upset that Remus obviously thought so little of him.
"No, but you don't want it. You would always resent it for being there when you didn't want it, and you'd always resent me. You wouldn't be happy, and you'd make us all miserable. If I could raise it myself, if I wasn't so reliant on you..." It was unspoken, but Sirius registered the threat, the plea. If he could rely on himself, Remus would never have thought of getting rid of the baby. If Sirius didn't want it, or began to treat it wrongly, Remus would have left and raised it himself. Sirius loathed the Ministry sometimes.
"Oh Rem." Sirius breathed. Remus could see the tears on his husband's cheek, could hear the sadness in his voice.
"Don't deny it, Sirius. Two months, and you've never once wavered in your determination not to have children, and I will not bring another unloved child into this world."
"You can't say that, Remus. Look at me - look at Harry - we, neither of us were loved in our childhoods. But look at us now - would you have wanted my mother to have had an abortion just because she could never love me? We've built lives for ourselves, Remus, we've built our own lives - Harry's saved the world. You have no right to decide whether that child should live or die, it is a life, a person. You wouldn't have murdered me, would you? When we first met, if you'd known the way I was raised, would you have killed me then, to put me out of my misery? And yourself. Look at everything you've done, Remus, look at who you are now. But, if everyone were to think the way you did about out baby, then you would have been killed when you were five, instead of being condemned to a life as a Werewolf. Is that what you wanted, Remus"
"N... no." Remus stuttered around a guilty sob. Sirius shook his head.
"That's exactly what you would have done. You have been given a gift, you've been trusted with another human life, and you wanted to kill it, without even giving it the chance to live? I though you were better than that, Remus."
Remus couldn't help it, as he collapsed in gut-wrenching, heart-breaking tears. Sirius knelt in front of him, wrapping him up in his arms. He held Remus as he sobbed and shook, as the guilit and hurt and unbearable sadness of the last two months tore through him. Sirius recognised one thing, as Remus trembled and cried into his shirt - if Remus had been forced to have an abortion because Sirius didn't want a baby, the man would probably never forgive Sirius, and he would certainly never forgive himself.
"Do you know it's sex?" Sirius asked. Remus choked slightly and shook his head.
"I c... couldn't bear it. Madame Pomfrey doesn't know I'm pregnant. I've been doing my own check-ups, and the baby seems fine."
"Remus, I have a confession to make." Remus looked up at Sirius sharply, concern and worry in his gaze. Sirius brushed a few stray tears away, cupping his cheek. Somehow they had ended up on the floor, Remus wrapped around Sirius and Sirius half leaning on the table. "When Snape told me, it was because he though I knew. I had gone to him, to ask him to make the potions for us, for when we are pregnant. I wanted everything to be perfect for you, before I brought it up. After our argument yesterday, I began to realise I've been looking at this all wrong. You've been pushing me, and I've been digging my heels in. Somewhere down the line I lost sight of what was actually at stake. It's not fair to you if I refuse you this dream, especially since I know we'll be good parents. You always had a comeback for any of my arguments, and I just point blank refused. But I know now that I was wrong to do that. I do want a baby with you, Remus. I shouldn't have refused you that for so long."
He wasn't really sure of Remus' reaction, it was somewhere between laughter and tears and blessed relief. He realised as his husband broke again that the man had actually expected Sirius to force the abortion or leave him on the Ministry's doorstep in the end. Sirius just held on tight as Remus rode through the overwhelming emotions.
The shudders subsided and Sirius realised that Remus had fallen asleep on him. He smiled as he brushed his husbands hair out of his face and placed a kiss on his cheek. He picked him up, noticing with some concern that he was far too light. He carried him into the bedroom and stripped him down to his boxers before laying him in the bed. Before he tuched him in, sirius couldn't resist lying his head next his abdomen. He traced a reverent hand lightly across his tummy, marveling at the tiny, almost unnoticeable bump on the thin frame. His baby was in there.
"Hey baby, I'm your daddy. I'm sorry I haven't talked to you yet, but I'm here now. God's you're so small, you're only, what, ten, eleven weeks? I think it's probably eleven. You're only the size of my finger. So small, so delicate." Sirius continued his reverent caresses, his mind caught up in the miracle deep within his husband's body.
Gods, I promise I'll protect you with my life little one. Me and your dad, we'll look after you and we'll keep you happy. You'll have everything you could ever need, I promise you. You'll never go through what we've gone through. I love you, you and your dad. I love you both so much." Sirius leaned down and kissed the "bump", before schucking his own trousers an shirt. He'd tugged the blanket up and stretched out beside Remus, but his hand was still stroking the bump. He smiled at Remus' unconscious murmur as the Werewolf rolled closer, instinctively trusting Sirius with his precious gift.
And we'll get you checked out by Madame Pomfrey tommorrow. I don't fully trust Remus' Charms work, personally." He added as a sleepy afterthough, before curling fully around his husband and the "bump" and drifting off to sleep himself.
A/N. I, upon reading this, have noticed that it's a little... strong on the issues of abortion. If it offends anyone then I wish to apologise, I don't want to push my beliefs onto anyone else.