Disclaimer: Check the previous two chapters.

sigh This is so much fun!

More and More Insanity

The next poor student to walk into Oliver's office was one by the name of Shane West (A/N: No, not the Shane West we all know and love, another one that I just made up for the hell of it) Shane had some issues, but just how many he had was something Oliver was about to find out for himself.

"So," Oliver said, leaning back in his cushy black chair at his remarkably tidy brown desk. "What can I do for you today...?"

"Shane."

"Oh, right. Shane. I knew that." Truth be told, Oliver couldn't recall a time before when he had ever even seen the kid, but that was pretty normal for Oliver. However, if you had seen this kid, you probably wouldn't forget him in a hurry, whether because you were scared out of your wits at the sight of him, or because you found him as devilishly handsome as I'm sure I would upon first laying eyes on him. (A/N: Curse my weakness for hot punk/goth boys!) When Oliver would later describe the aforementioned Shane to his therapist, she would have the overwhelming desire to dump Oliver and screw Shane on the spot. But that's besides the point.

Shane was a classic punk boy, the type high school girls always tend to fall for then get their hearts broken by. He was clad in all black, from his tight black t-shirt down to his black and red colored Vans. His pants were about three sizes larger than they needed to be, and were adorned with a wide array of straps and buckles and other such silver things that served no visible purpose. His hair, in contrast to his clothes, was dyed a shocking shade of pink and was shaped into a mohawk. (A/N: drool) As Oliver observed the numerous piercings in his ears, the black eye liner he was wearing caught his eye. Oliver had never been able to understand why girls thought makeup on guys was so hot. One time at his therapist's, she had put the black stuff on him as part of a "game", and even then he couldn't figure it out.

"So, Shane, what brings you to my humble abode on this fine day?" Shane stared at Oliver as if he had grown a couple more heads, then shifted his gaze to the window. Oliver followed, and saw that his statement was a bit out of place, as rain was pounding down on the ground with such a force that it could very well be able to total a school bus. "Ok, never mind. What seems to be the problem?" Shane blinked at him.

"Nuthin'."

"Oh, OK then. That means we're done here. You're free to go." Shane continued staring, as if observing the pretty colors Oliver's newly acquired heads were turning. "Is something wrong?"

"Yeah. Aren't you supposed to, like, I dunno, talk to me or somethin'?" Oliver shrugged.

"There's nothing I can talk to you about if I don't know why you came down here to be talked to in the first place. Ya see?" He obviously didn't, and remained sitting where he was. Oliver sighed. This was going to be a looooooong day.

They sat in silence for a full three minutes before Oliver's patience began to wear a bit thin. He decided it was time to take another stab at unearthing this kid's hidden issues. "So, Shane. How's everything going in your life?" Shane shrugged in a typical high school punk boy fashion.

"OK, I guess."

"You guess? Why only guess? Why don't you know for sure?" Shane shrugged again.

"Dunno." Oliver inwardly sighed. This was going to take quite a bit longer than he had expected.

"OK, well, let's try this - Do you have a girlfriend, Shane?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Because. It gives me something to talk about. Do you like her?" Shane shrugged again.

"I guess. Why?"

"Because. I'm trying to figure out what your problem is. Is everything going well between you two?" Shane shrugged.

"I guess. Why?"

"Because. I feel like asking you these stupid and seemingly irrelevant questions. Do you guys fight at all?" Shane shrugged.

"I guess not. Why?"

"Because. I take joy in pressuring high school boys into divulging information about their private lives. Are you two having sex?" Shane shrugged.

"I guess. Why?"

"You guess you're having sex? That's not really a question you can answer with 'I guess'. It's either a yes or no question. So, which is it?" Shane shrugged.

"I dunno. I guess."

"OK, I would just like to take this time to point out that there is no way you could possibly not know if you're having sex unless you've been unconscious every time. And even then I'm pretty sure you'd still know afterwards. Ya know what? Since I'm not sure about that, I'm going to call someone who would know." Oliver shifted his attention to the phone that sat beside the keyboard on his desk and dialed his wonderful therapist's number. After two rings, an automated answering machine picked up. Oliver waited until the beep and began talking. "Yes, Ashley, it's Oliver. I have a question for you." Before he could continue, Ashley picked up.

"Hello Oliver, and no, I will not have sex with you during your lunch break."

"That's not what I wanted. But thanks for the idea."

"If you didn't call about sex, what did you call about?"

"I wanted to know - well, yeah, I suppose it is sex related - if someone is unconscious while having sex if they'd know it happened after regaining consciousness." Ashley thought for a moment from the other end.

"Yeah, they would. There's the little matter of the fact that they're clothes would be missing and certain... sensitive areas may be a bit sore."

"AHA! I knew it! Thanks, Ashley, you're the best!"

"Yeah, I know. So, we still on for lunch?"

"Duh. I'll see you at your office at 12."

"OK, I suppose I'll see you then."

"Yup, I suppose you will. Later, then." With that, Oliver hung up the phone and shifted his attention back to Shane, who was looking at him rather strangely. "See? I told you you would know if you had sex even if you were unconscious."

"... O...kay..." Shane was looking a bit freaked out, and definitely wanted to get out of that office as soon as possible, but Oliver wouldn't let him until he spilled his gut.

"So, have you been having sex?" Shane almost shrugged again, but thought better of it.

"Yeah. I have."

"Good! We've made a breakthrough! This is great! Does your girlfriend like that you're having sex?" Shane shrugged.

"I guess." Oliver glared at him and Shane quickly expanded upon his answer. "I mean, she hasn't said anything that would make me think otherwise. Well, that is, until yesterday."

"Oh?" Oliver asked, leaning forward in his chair. "What happened yesterday?"

"She, Olivia, told me she's..."

"She's what?"

"Pregnant." Oliver's eyes widened in a look of shock and near horror.

"No! Have you two been safe?"

"I thought so, but then there's the other part of what she told me."

"Yes?"

"She said I'm not the only guy she's had sex with!" With that statement, Shane began to break down in tears, which Oliver, of course, ignored as he had learned to.

"Well, that's horrible. You should definitely dump her on the spot. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to be late for my lunch date. Good day." With that, Oliver stood up and exited the office, leaving Shane to his thoughts and tears. As Oliver made his way down to his wonderful therapist's office, he thought proudly to himself that he couldn't have possibly handled it any better. Ashley, his wonderful therapist, however, seemed to think differently, and Oliver was going to have to be punished for it. No wonder he liked this job so much.

Hmm...I think I might have made Oliver a bit mean and sex-crazed in this chapter, but whatever. I can change it if enough people ask me nicely. Hint hint.

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