Disclaimer: I'm pretty sure I own the voices in my head and nothing else. But lately they've been trying to convince me otherwise...
A/N: Ack, it's been forever since I've updated this... Sorry! My muse has been on a nice two friggin' month long vacation and left me high and dry for that period of time. Thankfully, she returned so I could write a SVU fic, and now I think everything's going better.
Um... I feel the need at this particular second to be writing SVU fanfiction, but alas, ideas are not coming to me, and I don't particularly feel like focusing on ShutterBox, since that requires a serious mindset, and I don't have that right now. Uh, I had a point, what was it? ... Right, so there's my excuse for throwing a few choice SVU characters into this otherwise perfectly normal HP fic and they will be vastly out of character.
Everything had been quiet at the school at which Oliver currently worked for the past few days, mainly because the headmaster had prohibited him from seeing students until his "sexual tension regarding his shrink could be worked out in a healthy manner". Of course, this meant that Oliver spent nearly every waking moment at his therapists, but neither of them were complaining about that.
Anyways, Oliver's first case upon his return was a teenage girl, with perky bleached blonde hair, clad in all pink. Oliver had to actually shield his eyes from the sight before he could see properly. Once he could, he asked,
"And how can I help you today, miss...?"
"Olivia Benson."
"Olivia? Now, that sounds rather familiar, but I can't seem to place where I heard it before..." Oliver sat there in deep thought for a full thirty seconds (an all time high for him) before giving up. "Why don't you just tell me what your problem is and we can figure this all out."
Olivia nodded, tears mounting in her eyes.
"Well, yesterday, I found out that I'm... I'm..." she trailed off, much to Oliver's annoyance.
"You're what? You're what? I swear, if you only came here because you got an A- on a paper, I'm gonna have to hurt something."
"No, no, it's not that," Olivia replied hurriedly, "It's just that... I'm pregnant. And my boyfriend doesn't seem to happy about it. I'm afraid he'll leave me and our child and I'll have to raise little Jemima or Harrison all on my own and my parents will kick me out of the house and we'll have nowhere to live and we'll starve to death on the streets and - and -" She was cut off as she started to sob. As usual, Oliver ignored her.
"Right, okay, so, have you talked to him about this?"
Olivia shook her head, tears streaming down her face.
"Right, okay, so you should. Soon. Now, as a matter of fact. Why don't you just walk right out this door right now and talk to him. Pull him out of class if you have to, but talk to him. He's the one you should really be talking to, not me. No, not me." Oliver walked over to the door of his office and held it open. When Olivia didn't waltz out, he sighed. This was going to be a long day...
Before Oliver had the chance to close the door, two men strode in, brandishing badges. Oliver sighed. He was never going to make his lunch date with his shrink...
"Detectives Stabler and Cassidy, sex crimes" The first man, who, in Oliver's opinion, was the more handsome of the two, stated.
Oliver raised an eyebrow, wondering if they had come to arrest him for messing around with his wonderful therapist when he should have been working.
"Is that supposed to mean something to me?"
The two detectives exchanged glances. Then the second, younger one, spoke.
"Is there an Alana Marcelo in the building?"
"Uh, not as far as I know. There is a Olivia Benson, if you'd be willing to take her instead."
The older men exchanged bewildered looks.
"Olivia Benson? But..." the first one, Detective Stabler, pondered.
"That's not Olivia," the second one, Detective Cassidy, stated, sounding confused. "Unless there's something she's not telling us."
"I don't think so. I think I know what my own partner looks like, thank you very much."
"And I think you damn well better, since it makes for really crappy fanfiction if you don't." A new presence made itself known in Oliver's office. Oliver, as for him, only sighed and wondered how hard it would be to slip out of the room unnoticed.
Cassidy perked up at the sound of the newcomer's voice.
"Alana! It's about damn time. Now why did you call us down here?"
"Yeah," Elliot interjected, "Why did you feel the need to pull us away from our very important, very respectable jobs and partners to come all the way down here."
Alana smirked coyly.
"Because I have reason to believe that that girl sitting there has been raped." There was a very dramatic pause. "By a pencil. "
Then, as an afterthought, "And because you guys are so much better together than with Munch and Benson."
It didn't appear that the detectives heard the second part, however, as they were very caught up with the end of the first statement.
"Don't you mean with a pencil? She was raped with a pencil, not by one?"
Alana shook her head.
"Nope. You heard me."
They simultaneously turned to Olivia, who was sitting in the same chair as before, still crying. Oliver sighed yet again. He was never going to get out of here...
"Is this true, Miss Benson? Were you raped?" Stabler asked, taking on a tone considerably more calm and collected than the one he used before.
Olivia stared at them, shocked to hear such an allegation against her beloved Shane. And, apparently, his pencil.
"Wh- What? No, of course not, Shane loves me. He would never do anything to hurt me!"
This statement threw Oliver for a loop.
"Wait, Shane? As in Shane West? As in the really hot punk/goth guy that was in here a few days ago?"
Olivia nodded.
"He's your boyfriend?"
Olivia nodded.
"You're Olivia?"
Olivia nodded.
"Oh boy..." Oliver leaned against his desk to keep from falling over from the intense level of strangeness that was going on in the room. "You're kidding, right?"
"Do you know this Shane?" Cassidy asked, looking more than just a little bit confused.
Oliver nodded.
"Yeah, he was in here a few days ago because he was scared because his girlfriend was pregnant and yadda yadda yadda blah blah blah etc etc. You know how it is."
Olivia, Alana, Stabler, and Cassidy all stared at him.
"Um, Oliver?" Alana asked after a moment of silence, "Are you seeing a shrink?"
"Yes. Why ever do you ask?"
"No reason. Just wondering."
"It's not George Huang, is it?" Stabler asked, looking very much like he was about to throttle something.
"Um, no. It's Ashley Whitworth. Is there a problem with that?"
"Ashley Whitworth, you say?" Cassidy chimed in, "I know her. Not too bad, if I do say so myself."
"Which you do?"
"Which I do." Cassidy agreed. "Are you sure about this pencil thing?"
"Yup. Positive."
"Alana, are you seeing a shrink?"
"Nope. I hate shrinks. With a passion. Funny, since that's what I wanna be when I grow up."
All the while, Olivia was still sitting there like nothing had happened. Alana decided that it was time to head back on over to class. Well, she almost did, then determined that since she was skipping anyway that she might as well make the most of it.
"Hey, Stabler, can I come with you guys back to the precinct?"
Stabler and Cassidy exchanged glances. Then Stabler shrugged.
"Yeah, I guess. Wanna bring Karen?"
"Hell yeah. She's been missing Munch and Fin recently." So, Alana skipped off to gather her friend Karen Barley as the two detectives determined that they didn't have a case here and went out to the squad car to wait for the girls where they promptly got it on. Olivia determined that she just had to go talk to Shane, and promptly left merrily. Oliver, as usual, was left standing there. Again. Then he decided to go visit his wonderful shrink.
"I think I'm going crazy... Again."
9/2