Disclaimer : I don't own the Teen Titans or anything related to the Teen Titans.
A/N :Here's ch.3.
A deal's a deal (PART 2)
"OOH,waffles and coffee!How sweet!",said Slade sarcasticly at the breakfast,served to him by the Titans.They had worked hard to please their 'master' and had gathered around the table at which the villain was going to eat.
"Let me tell you this...",the masked man shouted and threw the table on the ground."I don't eat ANYTHING but turkish baclava and imported french wine for breakfast!Now GET TO WORK,unless you want to see Raven losing her virginity!"
Robin clenched his fists,but was powerless to do anything.Cyborg couldn't believe what the villain had done with his hard-made waffles.All the titans were pissed and without saying a word,returned to the kitchen.
"Dude,I can't believe this!How the fuck are we supposed to make bacla...whatever and where are we gonna find french wine?",said Beastboy,putting his hands on his waist.
"I've got his french wine right HERE!",yelled an enraged Cyborg and started masturbating over a cup.
"Cyborg,we have to do what he says,or we'll be sent to prison!",said Starfire.
"She's right.",said Robin."So keep your DICK to YOURSELF!",he finished,yelling.
"Oh yeah?",the half robot was also yelling."At least I don't go around shoving it into people's NOSES!"
Robin jumped Cyborg and the two started rolling on the floor,holding each other by the neck.
"YOUR MOTHER IS A HAIRLESS BABOON!"
"THAT'S WHAT YOUR DAD SAID BEFORE HE SWALLOWED MY..."
"ENOUGH!".Raven seperated them using her powers.
"I'll blast your TINY ASS!",shouted Cy.
"Bring it on,tin man!"
"SHUT UP!You are not helping!We have to devise a plan to get rid of Slade.",said the dark girl through gritted teeth.
"I agree.I cannot take another minute with that...that...GLOR'BORK (motherfucking,assholelicking,dickswallowing,sadistic,peckerless butthole;A/N : Who knew tamaranian was such a rich language?)!",said Starfire.
"Yeah!What she said!",added BB.Cyborg and the team leader shook hands and apologized to each other.
"OK...I have a plan.But it involves Starfire...",stated Robin...
Slade was walking in the tower,thinking on how to make the titans' lifes more miserable.He had to agree though,that the baclava they made was almost...delicious.
"Slade?Could you come to my room for a second,please?"
He turned and saw Starfire.There was something enchanting about the alien.He couldn't help it and followed her.
They were sitting on the tamaranian's bed when she got out two cups and a bottle of champagne.
"What is this?",the villain asked suspiciously.
"Nothing,nothing!I just want to talk,that's all.",the girl answered innocently.She poured some champagne in the cups.Slade sipped a little of the drink.After he made sure there was no poison,he drained the glass and asked for more.After gulping down his second glass,he asked Starfire:
"Hey,aren't ya gonna drink any?"
"Oh,don't worry.I just drink a little slower.",the alien said."Slade?When did you decide to become evil?"
"Well,I was born in a town called Baden Baden.My father,Adolfo,was an alcoholic and my mother,Helga- a prostitute,working in one of the german sick fetish sex clubs.Each night she returned home with scratches and bruises all over her body...
Flashback
A little boy was playing with his toy train.It was a cold december night.His mommy was still not home from work.His daddy was drinking whiskey in the kitchen swearing in german.The boy was used to his dad's manner of expressing the emptiness of the alcohol bottle.
"DIE MAUS EST ROT!DAS ELFE KOMMEN FUR MICH! (I hate this life!I hate Helga!Fuck my miserable existance!The mouse is red!The pixies are coming for me!)"
The man started crying,the child in the otherroom was not paying attention.The door burst open and Helga entered the poor house.She was a fat tall woman with breasts that reached the ground,if she didn't wear them thrown on her shoulders.
"MUTTER!",the boy cried happily.He rushed to hug his mother.The cold-hearted woman slapped him over the face.The infant fell on the ground,blood covering the right side of his face,quietly sobbing.Helga went to the kitchen.When her husband saw the fat woman he cried out in frustration.
"Das lowen rinnen en die gebiet? (Why have you come back?Did you at least bring me my whiskey?The lions are running in the field?)",the man asked.The fat lady looked at him with disgust.
"Ich bin die konigin von die Juden! (I don't have your precious alcohol!And I need money for a new dress,this one is covered in semen!I am the queen of the Jews!)",she said.
"Spritz mir,bitte! (We can send the child to suck peoples' dicks for money!Squirt me,please!)",the man said groggily.
"Die adler est rauchen Cannabis. (Yes,good idea.Then you will have whiskey and I will have sperm-free clothing.The eagle is smoking cannabis.)".The woman exited the kitchen and went to her son.Screams could be heard from the living room.
"Nein,mutter!Bitte!Nein!NEEEEEEIIIN!"
End flashback
And so Slade started to explain his sad childhood and unconciously drinking a lot of champagne in the process.
Unbeknown to Slade,the other titans were hiding in Star's closed.The alien had a lot of clothes so the four could fit easily.
"So,what's the plan again,Robin?",BB whispered.
"Well,my brilliant brain has devised a cunning plan : we get Slade drunk and we kick him out."
"Greeeeat.",whispered Raven with sarcasm,while trying to remove a black thong from her foot."How can she even fit in these?They're so tight!",she said in amazment.
"She has her methods.",whispered Robin with a smile.
"As much as I'd like to chat about Starfire's underwear,we have to pay attention!",whispered Cyborg angrily.
Slade's cheeks were getting pink behind his mask.He had had 8 glasses of champagne and was starting to get 'brilliant' ideas.
"Tell me,Starfire",he said."Have yeh ever been with an older man?"
Starfire was confused.Robin had assured her that by now Slade would have passed out.
"Ummm...no.Why do you ask?"
"Do you want to be?"
"I don't think so..."
"Come on,I'll be gentle...",said Slade unzipping his pants.Starfire got up from the bed and started walking away slowly. youself...'
But he had risen from the bed and was now walking towards the girl his dick in his hand.
"I'm HORNY,girl!",he said menacingly.Starfire let out an 'EEEKK!' and rn to the other side of the room.Slade chased her:
"MUHUHAHAHAHHA!YOU CANNOT ESCAPE,GIRL!"
The four titans in the closer watched as this was happening.
"Ok,we go NOW!",said Robin,who was mad with jealousy and anger-right now he felt like shooting Slade's dick off.But as he pushed the door...
"The damn thing's stuck!",he said.
"What!",said Raven in desbelief.
"EEEEEKKK!",they heard Star's voice from outside.
"MUHUHAHAHAHA!",Slade's voice followed.
"Move,tiny!",said Cyborg."I'll give the damn fuck a push."
"Can't move an inch!",said Robin.
Outside Slade had nearly reached poor Starfire.
"I'll hump you like an ANIMAL!",the villain yelled.
"EEEEEEEEKKK!",the tamaranian cried.
In the closet Robin was pushing the door fiercly,desperately trying to get it open.He was worried that someone that was not him was going to take Star's virginity.After a few seconds the door gave in and the four were out of the closet,just in time too: Slade was nearly on top of Starfire when Cyborg and Robin pinned him on the floor.The villain was struggling like crazy:
"I NEED PUSSY!"
"BB,quick!Bring the cheapest alcohol you can find",the Boy Wonder ordered.
The changeling rushed out of the room and soon returned with one of those giant plastic bottles of cheap,damn-strong-hangover giving whiskey.Cyborg and Robin opened the villain's mouth (Dunno how they did it through the mask though) while Beastboy emptied the content of the bottle (That's like 2L) down the masked man's throat.After about 10 minutes,Slade stopped struggling and lay motionless on the floor,humming a song.
"Now?",asked Raven.Robin nodded.The titans surrounded the sad sight of a villain.Cyborg spoke first:
"Slade?Do you mind giving us the deed to the tower and the island?"
Slade fixed his eyesight on the half robot and said with a hoarse voice :
"Long live the Furer,the savior of Germany...BLAAAHHH!".He threw up on himself.The titans exchanged worried looks.Especially after Slade started singing the German national anthem.They waited patiently for him to finish.
"You know,Slade,if you give us the deed to the island we will...umm...establish...ummm...a...NAZI headquarters...?",said Robin,trying to think fast.Raven raised an eyebrow and BB started giggling.
"YEEAHH!The document you seek is located in the...BLAAAHH!".Slade couldn't finish,on the count of the vomit in his mouth.The room was starting to stink."It is in Raven's room...under the bed...",he finished.The titans went in the dark girl's room and found the document under her bed.They then pondered on what to do with the villain.
"Let's just throw him out!",suggested Cyborg."The poor guy's had enough."
"Not quite,Cy.",said Robin with a wicked smile."I would like to have my revenge..."
"La lalaaaa...dum,dumdum duuuumm".Slade was humming carelessly,still lieing on the floor,surrounded by his own vomit.Then the titans entered the room,carrying a box.
"Ok,Robin.",said BB."This is what's left of my hay stash."
Robin was still smiling devilishly.He reached in the box and got out a cigarette,lighted it and shoved it into Slade's mouth.
"Now smoke!",he ordered the villain.The masked man started puffingsmoke and vomiting occasionally.
"I'd hate to be him in the morning.",Beastboy whispered to Cyborg,who nodded.After smoking three more cigarettes,the villain even stopped vomiting.He lay there,like dead,not moving a muscle.Robin was pleased.He had made sure that tomorrow Slade would wish he died.
"Pretty colors!...",Slade muttered,pointing at the ceiling.The titans put the villain in an old potato sack.They hung him from a hook in the ceiling like a piece of meat,then started beating the poor guy with baseball bats.This went on for about half an hour until the blood stained sack ripped and the masked man fell out.He was half unconcious,but still able to speak:
"I...shall not be...broken you...you..crazy...russians",he muttered,but couldn't continue because Robin jumped him and started punching and kicking his head.The other titans watched in horror as their villain,a usuallygoodhearted and gentle soul,was abusing a poor drunk-stoned man.After five more minutes,Robin took of his blood stained gloves and his pants and started masturbating over Slade's (masked) face.BB couldn't take it and vomited.Star put her hands over her eyes,while Cy was watching,his eyes wide open.Raven stated:
"I think he's lost it..."
"HAHAHHAHA!HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW,'MASTER'?BWAHAHAHA!",Robin mocked.After he stained the villain's mask with his semen,the team leader started urinating on him.Robin the turned to his horrrified teammates:
"Come on!Piss on him while he's still alive!".
The titans then squeezed the abused man in a big jar,put in a letter that said 'Will work for food' and threw him in the sea...
"I'm sure glad that's over with.",said Robin with a satisfiedexpression.It was about 7 p.m.,the teens were sitting in the sofa and Starfire was upstairs,cleaning her room of the mess
The next evening everything was back to normal at Titans Tower :Robin and Cyborg were playing video games,Star was cooking her famous barble'glorf stew,Raven was reading an old book,while Beastboy was sitting in the sofa with a thoughtful expression.He stood up,approached Raven and whispered in her ear:
"Would you meet me in front of your room in 5 minutes,please?"
Raven,too concerned with her book,just nodded.
"Thank you."
TBC...
Well,there's more junk 4 u. BTW,i changed the story genre from only 'humor' to 'humor+general' ,cuz the next chapters will include a little romance(In the end though it all comes down to humor)