Cuddy stared at the fat envelopes in front of her. It was a risk, a huge risk, but an ambush was the only way. House loathed continuing education and every year she had to beat him into going to a seminar to get the units that he needed. He hated traveling, hated being away from the hospital and he probably hated fun.
Cameron consulted her Blackberry as the two women waited for him. "It's been delivered…okay, now he's read it." She waited expectantly for the reply. She shifted in her seat, "This feels like I'm in the principal's office. Am I in trouble?"
Cuddy laughed, "No! What makes you ask that?"
Cameron lips curved up in a small smile, "I don't know. I'm in here with my boss's boss waiting for my boss. Seems kind of ominous."
"Nothing like that. Don't be paranoid." Cuddy shuffled papers on her desk.
"You seem really nervous." Cameron observed, "It's making me nervous."
Cuddy was about to explain when House burst through the closed door. "I told you, no more nooners! I'm exhausted!" He leaned out into the reception area to make sure that everyone heard him.
"Yeah, yeah, and yet, here you are." She pointed at the seat next to Cameron.
"Oh, a threesome, we'll that's different." He sat, "So why am I here?"
"It's about your CMEs." She shot him a stern look.
He opened his mouth to protest and realized, ironically, that he didn't have a leg to stand on. "Crap. Has it been three years already? So what and where, and how good is the bar?"
Cuddy smiled, "Interestingly enough I think you'll like this one. It's a cruise." She handed him one of the packets, "in the Mediterranean."
"So it doesn't really matter what the topic is." He actually seemed happy about it.
"Pediatric allergy, immunology and infectious disease. I tried to get one that actually had something to do with your specialty." She also handed a packet to Cameron. "Yours too."
"Mine?" She took it tenderly, "I'm going too?"
Cuddy shrugged, "I need someone to make sure that he actually goes to the seminars. Besides, one of your old colleagues is speaking; I thought you might enjoy that."
"Oh? Who?" Cameron played with the string of one of the enclosed luggage tags.
"Dr. Weston." She said, checking the roster.
"Oh. Him. Well thank you. This is an unexpected bonus." She got up to leave.
Cuddy stopped her, "Before you thank me you might want to check the departure date; you've got less than a week to get prepared."
"What?"
"I didn't want to give him too much time to back out." She indicated House who was eating all of the chocolate out of her candy bowl. "Leave me some of that, I have PMS."
He dropped what was in his hand, "Say no more. Please." He stood and grabbed Cameron by the arm, "I sure hope we have to share a cabin," he shouted.
"No!" Cuddy called after him, "You're sleeping in the lifeboat." She shut the door behind her and pumped her hand in the air. It wasn't easy making House follow the rules and it wasn't cheap either.
At Thursday Pizza and Crap TV Night Cameron was too preoccupied with the whole thing to pay attention to who was getting fired that week.
Foreman thumbed through the materials, "This looks plush. My conference was in San Diego. They had a cash bar. So explain again why Cuddy picked you to go on this…boondoggle."
"I have to keep House in line." She had lined up twelve M&Ms on the coffee table and was eating them one by one.
Chase snorted, "Good luck. Can you imagine him drunk in Europe? It'll set foreign relations back a century."
Foreman laughed too, "I'll bet you thought this was a dream come true. Your chance to get to know him away from the hospital. Eight days and seven nights on the Love Boat. Right. If you're lucky he'll only be hung over at the seminars."
"Oh that's not the best part, the best part is that this guy I knew at Cedars is going to be there presenting. Charles Weston. We used to joke about his 'Westosterone', grabby bastard." She pushed a green one aside, saving it for last.
Foreman took out the agenda, "Oh yeah, right here. He's doing something about asthma. He just published something interesting about the increase in childhood asthma in the inner-city."
"I know. His pet project. And his research is sound. He should give a really good talk, but I really don't want to be in the same place as a guy who likes to play grab-ass in the staff lounge." She shuddered, "I wonder if his lovely wife will be there. Susie Creamcheese." She drilled imaginary dimples in her cheeks with her pinkie. "Ooh!" she said, imitating Betty Boop.
"Well it's good that you don't have strong feelings about him. Besides House will be there to protect you. I can see it now, poor little Cameron cornered by the big icky Doctor. He's saying all kinds of awful things and just as he's about to cross the line into date rape, House will appear and fight him off with his cane." He stood up with a rolled up magazine, "en garde!" He shouted and hit Chase on the head with it.
Cameron giggled while Chase tried to fight him off with a plastic knife. "Wouldn't that be romantic? Not. Oh, and Cuddy cut it kind of close with the timing. Thank goodness my passport is still valid, but what the hell am I going to pack?"
Chase stopped. "You have a closet jammed with clothes; I don't think you'll have a problem."
"Did you see this thing? I've got to have dinner dresses and formals and something called 'resort casual', what the hell is that?"
Chase stopped fooling around with Foreman. "It's what you would wear to a country club in the summertime." As though that explanation would help.
"I need an Oz to English translator here." Cameron complained.
"You need a rich kid to regular person translator. Screw that. Call Nordstrom and make an appointment with their personal shopper. Here, give me the phone, I'll do it for you." Within a few minutes Cameron was slated for an appointment with someone called Audrey the following day. "There, now stop worrying and start anticipating. Check this out, if you tell them what you like to drink, they'll put a bottle of it in your room for your personal use."
"Whee." She said without enthusiasm.
It took Cameron ten minutes to find the personal shopping salon. When she walked in it was like a small boutique had opened just for her. Not only were there outfits hung up attractively all over the wall, but there were belts, shoes, bags and jewelry to match. She nearly turned back around to leave when Audrey appeared. "You must be Allison. Welcome! Forgive me if this looks like a bit much, but I don't often get to pick out such cute stuff for my clients."
"I'm so sorry you went to all this trouble, I only need a few things…" Cameron was horrified; there was at least ten-thousand dollars on hangers in the wood paneled room
Audrey laughed, "You don't have to buy everything. You don't have to buy anything, I just couldn't help myself. Thanks for faxing over your itinerary, that was really helpful."
Cameron had put down her purse and was unbuttoning her blouse. "I didn't…oh, Foreman must have done that." She took a moment to really look at everything. Tragically, she loved all of it.
Audrey hung up her clothes for her, "Okay, so let's start with the things you'll need for days."
Two hours later and a few hundred dollars lighter, Cameron walked out of the store with everything she needed for the cruise. She went home and packed it in her new suitcase.
House eyed Cameron's bags as they stood in line at the airport. "What all did you pack?"
She clasped the leather case provided by the cruise line that held all of her travel documents. "It's not that much considering that I need about four changes a day. Show me your passport." She demanded, convinced that he'd do something stupid to jeopardize her trip.
"Right here, Mother." He waved it at her.
She grabbed it from him and opened it. It was nearly nine years old and the picture in it was of a much younger and more carefree House. He smiled in his picture, perhaps with pleasure at the prospect of traveling with Stacy. "It's valid."
"I know. You might find this hard to believe, but I want to go on this trip. It'll be like a vacation. Sure, I've got to sit through a few boring lectures, but the State of New Jersey has its standards." He gave her a gentle shove, "That window is open."
Cameron tried to read her book as they waited at the gate for their flight. House had a magazine on his lap, but seemed too keyed up to concentrate on it. He craned his neck around, "The plane's here. We should be taking off on time. It doesn't look all that crowded."
"Uh-huh," she responded.
"So do you want the window or the aisle?" He ignored her efforts to read.
"It doesn't matter." She put her bookmark in and shut her book, "You know, things have been weird lately. And I know that weird works for you, but I really feel like we need to set some ground rules for this trip."
He sat back in his seat and looked at her askance.
"Don't give me that look, you know what I mean. We're going to be together both professionally and socially for the entire week."
"So you don't want me vetting your dates?" He rested his chin on his cane and focused his eyes on her.
"I'm not planning on having any dates. This is work."
"But there'll be moonlight and ocean breezes and exotic locales; it's just made for romance. Never say never Allison." He stared broodily at her.
"Knock it off. I know you too well. If you ever did work up the nerve to make a move on me, and that's a big if, it would probably be at the Dairy Queen on route 9. Let's just agree right now, that we're colleagues who are friendly. That way you won't be reading anything into anything and I don't have to worry about what you're worried about." She put the book into her carry-on.
"I make no promises." He said cryptically.
"Have it your way." She got up and stretched. "Hey, do we get to pre-board?"
"The one and only benefit." He said standing. "Let's go crowd the podium, they hate when you do that."
To accommodate House's leg they were given seats behind the bulkhead. Luckily the plane wasn't crowded so there was an empty seat between them. After take off he set up a small command center in the middle seat. A stack of magazines, a pile of candy and his iPod provided him with enough to keep him occupied from Kennedy to Rome. Cameron tried to sleep.
Three movies and two meals later, they landed at DaVinci. A representative met them at the gate and helped them claim their luggage. They were steered to the Hilton hotel which was adjacent to the airport.
"Great. Coffee, heavy cream and pulpy orange juice. Like I don't already have heartburn." House grunted as he sat at one of the tables.
"I think they have pastry. You want some?" Cameron piled her stuff on the chair next to him.
He nodded and looked around to see if he knew anyone. Thankfully, he didn't.
Cameron soon returned with a plate full of bite sized pastries and coffee. "I'd eat it, we don't get to the boat for another eight hours and we've got a tour of Rome scheduled. Who knows when you'll get another chance." She plunked it down in front of him.
He eyed her warily, "What are you going to eat?"
"I'm going to eat one of these." She picked up a flaky pastry filled with apricot.
He watched, "I may never see that again."
"Okay, that's another thing we need to get straight. I eat. I eat plenty. I don't overeat, I don't eat mindlessly. You won't see me eat three Reeses Cups and a Mars Bar," she gave him a meaningful look, "However, I do enjoy eating and upon occasion I will treat myself. I do not appreciate remarks about what I do or don't eat. Okay?" She sipped her coffee.
"You are really grouchy when you don't get your sleep." He drank his coffee.
After an hour they were herded onto a bus. Cameron settled into the seat and watched out the window. It didn't look a whole lot different from the scenery on the way from the Newark airport, except for the weird little cars and the billboards in Italian. "You know, I've never been to Italy, I feel like I should be taking all of this in, but it's not that attractive."
"That's a universal truth. No road from the airport is nice." He sighed, his leg ached and the Vicodin wasn't doing a whole lot for him. "Where are we supposed to be going?"
Cameron dug into her bag, a large leather tote, one of the items from her Nordstrom spree. She hauled out the itinerary and unfolded it, "It just says 'Roman Holiday Tour'. I have no idea what that is. Frankly, I'd like a chance to have a hot shower and about twelve hours of sleep."
"What time does it say that we're boarding the boat?" He rubbed his thigh.
"Are you in pain?" She looked at him with worry.
He looked back in annoyance, "Boarding?"
"Not until after two. I guess we're stuck on this bus for the next six hours." She slumped in disappointment, it wasn't a comfortable bus.
House reached for his bottle and took another dose.
"I hope you brought a lot of those. We can't prescribe outside of the U.S." She put her document back in her bag.
"Three bottles. I think Wilson was thinking of you when he gave them to me."
The bus finally pulled up to the Coliseum. As are most structures in Europe, this one was covered in scaffolding. Although it was a building of incredible historical significance, the only thing on Cameron's mind was finding a bathroom.
House stood by while she qued up in an extensive line, "That's the problem with Europe, not enough toilets."
Finally, after half of the bus took the opportunity for a 'bio break' they had exactly twenty minutes to poke around. Nearly everyone in their party headed for the gift shop. Cameron shook her head. "What could they possible want in the gift shop?"
"Post card of the scaffold? Figurines of Christians and lions?" House suggested.
"Either I need to get sleep or I need to get drunk. Come on, let's find our guide." Cameron suggested. She was concerned, House seemed to be moving more slowly and more uncomfortably than usual.
Back on the bus for an hour and then they were in a market where Nigerian men were selling counterfeit Prada bags. Cameron poked around at them, but realized that she didn't really want a counterfeit Prada bag.
They sat down to a lunch of salad, spinach pasta and veal. All of it needed salt. House leaned over as Cameron pushed the veal away, "I think that this is the Italian version of Denny's." He poured more wine in her glass, "I believe this is what you were wanting."
It was finally time to get on the bus to go to the dock which was ninety minutes away. House tried to sleep, but his leg was throbbing. He needed a hot bath and enough Vicodin to knock him out until morning. Cameron had dozed off with her knees together and her arms folded across her chest. The bus hit a bump and she fell onto his shoulder. "I hope you don't drool." He said quietly as she slept.