Okley, I tried veeery hard on this chapter, and took all the advice into consideration, so please, be kind. .

Enjoy.

Besty xXx

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I want him… That's my problem I want him bad and I bet he knows it, he loves it. He loves seeing me get down on my knees and crawling at his feet for even the tiniest bit affection. It's cruelty, but I like it…

I glanced over at Draco's desk. I was shocked to find he was actually looking my way. He smirked at me as per usual as I turned back trying to make sense of the work set. But I couldn't concentrate. My mind was on a desk having sex with Draco. I gave up on work and tried to fall asleep as I hadn't slept a lot recently. "Maxie… you need to actually try and get to sleep tonight" Hannah muttered slumping down to my level on our desk.

"Meh" I replied. "I do try…" I replied once the statement had sunk in. "I just can't" I yawned.

"That's coz you're thinking about things too much"

"I slept with Draco" I sighed quietly.

"You what!" She exclaimed.

"Shhh!" I replied heatedly.

"Sorry" She whispered. "What… when…" She murmured.

"The other day… It was fucking great, y'know he-"

"Please, spare me the details" She smiled. I giggled and glanced down at the table. "But… Chris" She sighed.

"I know" I replied looking back up at Hannah but avoiding eye contact. 'I wish you understood…' I thought as I gazed at Hannah. "Me and Paul started going out y'know… Have you and Chris done it yet?" I shook my head.

"That's really bad I know…" I sighed.

"It'd still be bad even if you had shagged." Hannah laughed.

"Eh… I'm such a retard…" I sighed.

"No you're not… you just…" I switched off knowing full well what she was thinking as she stared at me with that pitiful look in her eyes. Fucked up. That was me through and through. I mean I had a sweet boyfriend who adored me, but I didn't want him… I wanted Draco… who wouldn't adore me… ever… It reminded me of that song…

I walked from my lesson and placed my headphones in my ears putting the track I wanted on. "Oh Vivica, I wish you well" I heard as I sat down in an isolated spot in the grounds. "He'll never change he's just too vague, he'll never say you're beautiful" I sighed as that line reflected the thoughts in my heavy heart. I closed my eyes tight and hid my face as a steady flow of tears ran down my face. "He'll never change he's not that brave, he'll never say you're beautiful." I sung to myself softly. I sat out there and cried for what could have been hours. I hid my face with my hair as I trudged to the bathroom. Once I was in there I dried my eyes and cleaned up my make up before walking out as if there'd been no tears shed at all.

"Maxie…" I opened my eyes.

"What are you doing?" I asked Draco who was crouching over me.

"Nothing" He replied lying down next to me. I looked up at the sky. I looked away frowning. The sky was not its usual shade of grey, it was currently blue and cloudless. All around me everything looked perfect, it was sickening. "I'll be your number one with a bullet, a loaded gun complex cock it and pull it" I sang softly to the song jammed in my head.

"Huh?" Draco asked looking at me.

"Nothing" I whispered.

"What's up with you today? You're all moody"

"Am not" I scowled.

"Yea, coz that wasn't moody." I watched as Potter/wonderboy walked past giving Draco a dirty look as he did. Alyssa waved. I scowled. She had become yet another of Potters groupies. Plus she couldn't stop singing her praises for Hermione Granger who I had a strong hatred for. I ignored them as they passed and started playing with a blade of grass. "I thought you were friends with Alyssa…" Draco commented.

"Yea… but she's obsessed with old wonderboy, so me, Serena and Hannah are out of the picture" I sighed.

"She's a slapper anyway" Draco smirked. I let out a laugh.

"Isn't that just your type?" I asked. Draco shrugged.

"What's your type?" He asked.

"Pretty boys" I laughed. "Well I guess it varies… But yea 99.99 of the time it's pretty boys" I smiled.

"Do I fit under the pretty boy category?" Draco asked… Well more said expecting me to answer yes anyway.

"No" I grinned. He gasped playfully. "I joke, I joke" I smiled.

"Good." He grinned.

"I'm not gonna sit here and tell you how sexual you are." I smiled.

"I didn't ask you to"

"Yea but you want me to"

"I never said that" He retorted.

"Whatever, imagine that lake is full of compliments, you'd be like sat on the edge with a little fishing rod" I grinned.

"You're so mean" He pouted.

"Thank you" I smiled. He laughed. I gazed at him for a while. Suddenly I realized that it was all happening again. 'No! I must stay clean of Draco-ness!' I thought to myself practically burying my head in the grass. "What are you doing?" He asked.

"Nothing" came my muffled reply. I felt my head being lifted up. I looked up at Draco. He pulled me into a hug. I gave him a funny look. Since when was I hug-worthy? Hugs are full of niceness, only given and received by nice people… Well that was my experience anyway… "What? You looked like you needed a hug." He stated. I shrugged and lay back down on the grass, looking up at that sickening perfect blue sky. I scowled. "What?" Draco inquired, letting himself fall down next to me.

"The sky looks so ugly today"

"Why?"

"It just is… and the trees… and the lake… everything just looks ugly." I frowned.

"Then why don't you go inside?"

"Because inside it's ugly too… everywhere is ugly!" I cried.

"Yes dear…" He said in a patronizing tone.

"Ha-ha, shut up." I growled.

"God, PMT" Draco smirked.

"Oh just… shut up…" I sighed. "What is it with guys and PMT? I mean, is it like girls are never upset about something important? So it must be hormones!" I scowled.

"Well what are you upset about then?"

"I… It doesn't matter." I sighed.

"Ha, so it's hormones."

"No… meh… I erm, had an argument with Chris" I lied.

"Oh… what about?"

"Nosey little fucker aren't you?" I smirked.

"Sorry" He replied.

"Meh… don't worry about it" I sighed.

I got up and started walking back up to the castle. Draco walked slightly behind me. I entered the castle and started walking to the common room. Halfway there Draco pulled me into an empty classroom. He pushed me up against the wall kissing me passionately. I didn't even question it anymore. I was too far gone, too into him to stop.

I lay awake in bed feeling guilty. I knew full well I should have been thinking about Chris, but all I could think about was Draco. I sat up, looking around to check if anyone was awake. Everyone was sound asleep. I grabbed my wand and muttered an incantation, the end lit up with a small flame. I held it tight to my skin as it withered under the flame. I took away the flame and put my wand back as if nothing had happened. I looked down at my arm. It was covered in burns, gashes and scars. I breathed in deeply. It was my pain relief. Literally. I lay back down wishing I had alcohol or sleeping pills, just something to knock myself out with. I hid my arms under the covers and pulled the covers up to my neck, soaking up the heat. I sighed and closed my eyes tight. Tears trickled from the corners of my closed eyes, dampening my pillow. I cried myself into a sleep where my dreams were the stuff of nightmares.