Fairly Random Tales From the Third Crypt to the Left
No, I do not own any of the genres that appear in this story. Sorry if any of this material offended you, but I don't really care. Enjoy!
Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away, lived the planet Far, Far Way Far Away, a planet of fairies and dragons and random still-time action scenes. In the majestic capital of FFWFA was the Castle in which the Maesters of the planet lived with their newborn son Lester Rockford III. Prince Lester, although only two weeks old, was certainly not lacking in personality or attitude. Like whenever his ugly older sister, Marianna Rockford walked by, he'd always cry or make himself throw up. One day, Maester Sheldon Rockford began to worry that Lester would never find a woman tolerant enough to marry him, so they called upon their four most trusted friends, the Gewd Fairy Sisters, to make their son a better person.
However, one of the Gewd sisters was not so good...Vicky, the youngest of the four and by far the darkest. She wore nothing but black and, even though she was very beautiful, her personality was all but unattractive. Her sisters on the other hand, were all good through and through, and pretty to boot. The oldest of the sisters, was Helga Gewd Fairy. She was plump and attractive, with lime green eyes and a lime green dress, her hair was almost blue and tied up in a bun. Even her wand was lime green. Her sisters call her Freaky Green Eyes because of her obsession with the color. The second oldest was Brittany Gewd Fairy, she had bleach blond hair plump lips and beautiful blue eyes. And she was as thin as a rail, her sisters were convinced that she didn't eat. She refused to wear anything but pink skirts. The last of the Gewd Fairy sisters was Neoazeakamour, her name is native to some unknown culture (or so her parents have said) and it means "Tripping Foot"
When they all reached the capital they were greeted by the Maesters.
"Ladies, thank you for coming on such short notice. We're sorry to have bothered you so." the Maestress Alisi Lynette said apologetic with a voice as soft as silk.
"Oh think nothing of it, Maestress. We haven't had much to do over the past century, you know..." Helga said cheerfully.
"Now, where is the deplorable--I mean adorable child?" Vicky snickered from the back, "Mwahahaha..."
"This way ladies..." The Maesters escorted the Gewd Fairy's over to Lester's cradle, where they saw him picking his nose as if it were some kind of operation.
"Eh...aw...how, cute..." Neoazeakamour said, trying to humor the parents.
"Hey, kid! Are ya digging for gold or something?" Vicky spat.
"Vicky! Stop that teasing at once!" Helga demanded.
Vicky went off in a huff and stood silent behind everyone else, with an inner evil smirk.
"Now then, you say that little Lester is a piece of...you know what?" Brittany inquired. The Maesters simply nodded.
"Helga, I think we should each give the Prince a gift to keep him from being so terrible." Neoazeakamour suggested.
"Hm, good idea. I shall go first. I shall bestow upon you Prince Lester Rockford III with this special gift! The gift of intellect in school and in fashion!" Helga chanted.
"Whoa...he's going to be very popular." Maester Sheldon whispered to his wife, who nodded in agreement. Helga's chant was over and she took out her lime green wand and whisked it around Lester's face. "Brittany, it is your turn dear."
"Righto." Brittany stepped up to the prince and took out her magic electric guitar and began to chant. "I call upon the righteous spirits...(dramatic pause)... to bestow upon this little monster...(another dramatic pause)...a great gift! The gift of..." she paused and strung a loud note on her electric guitar, "Freedom!" She played another note, "Beauty!. And another, "Truth!" and another still, "And...!" Before she could finish, the strain from the use of magic made her faint on the spot.
"Phew, I'm kind of relieved that she stopped..." Maestress Alisi Lynette sighed.
"Neoazeakamour! You're up next! Give him something good and don't over do it." Helga said dragging Brittany to a chair.
"Alright," She grumbled, "I shall bestow upon our prince, this special and unique gift..." The Maesters held their breath to see what would happen, "The gift of...a new name!"
"Wha!" Maester Sheldon shouted outraged.
"Your parents, like mine, were very rude to give us such terrible names, but since there is still a chance for you, I shall change it now!" Neoazeakamour chanted as she waved her wand around to make the spell final. "Dear prince...your name for now and forever is Alexander Rockford!"
"Hey, that's not bad dear, it's better than the name you gave him." Maestress Alisi Lynette said to the Maester. Neoazeakamour bowed and went to sit by her unconscious sister.
"Vicky, it's your turn." Helga announced. Vicky smirked and walked up to Alex's cradle and pulled out a black wand with a feather strung at it's hilt. She chanted. "I, Vicky Gewd Fairy, do here by bestow my special gift upon Prince Alexander Rockford. My gift is..." She paused and turned her head to her peers smirking. "That he shall never marry do to a horrible personality and cruel disposition!"
"Vicky, NO!" Helga shrieked.
"And when our dear prince comes of the age of 23 ½ he shall spontaneously combust!" Vicky halted, finished with her spell and began to float. Helga ran underneath her and began to yell.
"Vicky! What have you done! Why did you do this!"
"For revenge of course!" Vicky yelled down to her older sister.
"Why on Far, Far Way Far Away would you want to take revenge, you fool! You have nothing to get revenge from!" Helga argued.
"You are the fool here, dear sister!" Vicky argued back, "I have a perfect reason for revenge! And it is because...I never got to be a Smollywood movie star!"
Helga's face was dumbfounded by her sister's ridiculousness. But she didn't worry about that right now, she took out two lime green wands and prepared to go into our story's first still-time action scene!
To be continued in Chapter 2!