Knights Reunited

Chapter 7

"Never mind, it doesn't matter." Faith turned and started down the hallway, not looking back.

I sighed. "Faith, when are we gonna talk about this!"

"Who the hell knows?" She called over her shoulder, before disappearing into the nurse's lounge.

Sighing again, I tore my gaze away from the door that Faith had disappeared through and looked into Holly's hospital room. The baby was cooing and squealing in Carlos' arms…a small smile came over my face at the sound.

"Bosco?"

I turned my head, and saw Kim walking towards me. She was carrying sodas in one hand and a bag of chips in the other. "Hey Kimmy."

She stopped beside me, handing me one of the sodas. "You alright?"

Popping the soda can open, I shrugged. "I guess."

"You look like you could hurl at any moment."

Swallowing a mouthful of Coke, I nodded. "I feel like I could hurl at any moment."

"Why did you drink like that?" She asked softly, leaning against the wall.

I shrugged again. "I didn't know what else to do."

She started fidgeting with the tab on the pop-can. "Did it make the pain go away?"

"It did for an hour and a half-" I took another sip of Coke. "Then I woke up with a splitting headache and a guilty conscience."

"You really hurt Faith's feelings, you know."

I turned to look at her, scrunching up my face. "Thanks for telling me something I already know."

"Well, what do you expect, Bosco?" She said, sternly. "Your gonna hear it from everyone else…so get used to it."

"It's no one else's business, Kim."

"Sure it is! You humiliated Faith in front of everyone."

Draining the can, I crunched it up and tossed it into the garbage. "I had to listen to Davis call me a jerk…I'm listening to you do it to." Shooting her one more glare, I started down the hallway.

Passing the nurse's lounge, I looked in through the glass window and saw Faith sitting in one of the chairs…she had her face in her hands. I wanted more than anything to go in, but I couldn't force myself to push the door open. She didn't wanna talk about it…so neither did I.

Scoffing, I continued down the hallway and out into the ER. It was a bustle of activity…paramedics rushing around with gurneys, doctors moving from room to room with nurse's following closely behind…the sound of screaming kids. Just the sound of the crying kids was enough to make me hate hospitals…not to mention the 6 months of my life that I lost while lying in a hospital bed. Surrounded by machines and beeping… surrounded by get well cards and well-wishers…surrounded by pity and sadness. I hated it…all of it.

I made my way out to my car, looking back at the ER doors as they constantly slid open…allowing people inside who were looking for some form of comfort. It amazed me how one building could be filled with intense happiness as well as intense sadness and grief. Going into Mercy, for some, could mean entering the gates of hell…for others, it meant entering the gates of heaven. People's lives could change for the better or for the worse upon entering those doors…thankfully, my friends had entered for happiness.

I started the engine, and left the busy parking lot. There were two places that I could go to clear my head…the bridge, which at this point was out of the question…and to see Mikey. So I started towards the Ashen Meadows Cemetery, with my heart heavy.

My head was still pounding from my same-day-hangover, and the need to throw up was still present as I drove. My mind went to Faith, and the look of intense dislike she'd given me before turning towards the nurse's lounge…I deserved it.

Having Kim jump down my throat hadn't helped my headache, that's for sure. I already knew that I'd hurt Faith badly…and I already knew that I was gonna be getting an earful from the gang…I didn't need her telling me. Maybe she thought by reminding me, it would make me feel worse? Well, too late for that…my guilt-o-meter was already spiking.

I parked the Mustang outside the large wrought-iron gates of the cemetery, and looked through the bars into the dark graveyard. There was a light breeze, sending shivers down my spine as I started up the path. The leaves crunched underneath my feet, and I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans.

Veering off the path, I slowly started weaving my way between the many rows of tombstones. I focused on the flowers that had been brought by grieving family members, and mentally chastised myself for not bringing flowers for Mikey.

I came to a stop, and crouched down in front of Mikey's headstone. "Hey Mikey." Nervously, I started straightening the flowers that my ma had brought the last time we came. "Your probably wondering why the hell I'm here so late."

A gust of wind swept over me and I shivered, pulling my jacket tighter around me. "I need your advice-" I whispered, running my fingertips across the lettering of his name. "I screwed up, Mikey….with Faith." I gave a small laugh. "Yeah…again."

At the sound of a twig snapping behind me, I immediately stood and pulled my gun from the waistband of my jeans…I spun around and aimed the gun at the source of the noise. My ma gave a small cry and shot her hands into the air. "Maurice!"

Sighing and swallowing hard trying to calm my heart, I lowered the gun and put the safety back on. "Ma, what the hell are you doing here so late?"

"Coming to visit my son, thank you very much." She snapped, still holding her hands above her head.

"Ma, put your hands down." I stuck the gun back into the waistband of my jeans, and watched her as she slowly lowered her hands. "I'm sorry, ok? I didn't think it would be you."

"Well who were you expecting?" She asked, walking towards me. She was carrying a fresh bouquet of flowers and I once again mentally kicked myself for not bringing my own. "Did you think the Grim Reaper would be gliding around at this time of night?"

"This is New York ma, you never know."

She waved her hand at me, before slowly crouching down and placing the flowers into the plastic holder. She handed me the old ones, and I put them down by my feet. "Speaking of late at night, what are you doing here?"

Sighing, I crouched down beside her. "Needed some brotherly advice."

"Oh?" She turned to look at me, the moon casting an eerie glow over her face. "Things ok?"

"They've been better."

Giving a small frown, she turned and started picking at the weeds that were creeping up onto Mikey's grave. "Having problems with Andi-Lynn?"

"Not with Andi-Lynn, no."

"Then who?"

I sighed again, also starting on the weeds. "I went to that reunion tonight for Bob Swersky's birthday. Remember, I told you about it?"

She nodded. "How did it go?"

"Great at first. Saw John Sullivan again, Davis…Sasha, Lieu of course."

"What about Faith?"

My stomach lurched lightly and I nodded. "Yeah, she was there."

Ma turned to me, smiling. "How is she? I haven't seen her in so long."

"She was ok…seemed to be having a good time."

My ma's smile turned into the smirk that I'd inherited. "How did she look?"

"Ma!"

"What?" She exclaimed. "Just thought you would've noticed, that's all."

I frowned at her before attacking the weeds again. Naturally, she'd have to ask me something like that…she always did. Deciding that I'd humour her, I answered. "She looked amazing, alright?"

"That's good to hear. Heaven knows she deserves some happiness…poor girl." She paused, pulling her woollen sweater tighter around herself. Seeing that she was shivering, I removed my jacket and gently placed it on her shoulders. She smiled at me. "Thanks, baby."

I nodded, looking around the darkened cemetery. "I messed up tonight, ma."

She turned to look at me, pulling my jacket closer to her. "How?"

"With Faith…I screwed up."

She reached over and placed a hand on my thigh, giving it a motherly pat. "Tell me, sweetheart."

Sighing, I finally turned my gaze to her face. "I uh…was drinking at the party…had a little too much-" Her eyes flashed with sadness at my words. "And I said some things, that I really wish I could take back."

"You confronted her about the promotion again, didn't you?" I nodded, looking to the grass. "Maurice…baby, why?"

"I couldn't help it, ma." I whispered, keeping my gaze down. "I saw her tonight laughing and smiling…and it finally hit me just how much I miss her."

"Did you tell her that?"

I shook my head. "Nope…I told her that she left me for a bigger pay check, and that the second she had an out she took it. Nice huh?"

Ma was silent, watching me in the darkness. Sadness flowed through me as I thought of Faith's tear-stained face. Man, I'm a complete jerk…

"Did you try apologizing?"

"Yeah…I went to her apartment after I slept some of it off." I gave a bitter chuckle. "For what good it did me."

Ma turned her gaze back to Mikey's grave, and took a deep breath. "Have you thought about why her getting promoted hurt you so much?"

"I don't need to think about it ma, I know." I said quietly. "She was my partner and she trad-"

"No Maurice." She interrupted, looking back at me. "It's not that she was your partner…and it's not that she was your best friend, either."

"All right, all knowing one-" I said sarcastically, smiling at her. "Than what was it?"

She smiled in return, affectionately fixing the flowers that had blown over in the wind. "If your honest with yourself, you'll admit that it's more than friendship to you."

I frowned. "What's that mean?"

"Think about it, all knowing one." She said, shooting back my sarcasm. "What's the next logical step after friendship?"

"Romantic love." I continued picking at the weeds, before snapping my head up and blinking stupidly. I turned my gaze to my mother, and shook my head. "Ma, no way-"

"It's logical, baby." She said, seriously. "Think about it!"

Sighing angrily, I stood up and placed my hands on my hips as I paced around beside Mikey's grave. "I have thought about it…and it's not that."

"Well, I think that's exactly what it is." She watched me as I paced. "I've been watching the two of you since you were in the academy, Maurice. You remember, you used to come into the bar all the time and talk for hours about the nice girl you met in class-"

"I know, ma." I snapped, finally stopping my pacing. Another gust of wind hit me, but I didn't even feel it. "I remember…but that was then…this is now."

"It doesn't make a difference!" She said loudly, also standing up. She put her hands on her hips and I found myself backing away…I knew that stance, and it scared me. "Are you saying that you don't love her?"

"I love her…but as a partner-"

"Maurice Louis Boscorelli, don't you lie to me." Her eyes flashed slightly, and I backed further away. Whenever she said my full name…I knew that I was in trouble. "I'm your mother, and I can read you like an open book."

I sighed, looking around the cemetery as if the answer was somewhere among the fallen leaves and gravestones. "What do you want me to say, ma?" I asked, my voice quiet. Finally settling my gaze on my mother again, I shrugged my shoulders. "What do you want me to tell you?"

"The truth, Maurice." She said, her hands still on her hips. "You've been keeping this to yourself for years…it's time you came out of the non-gay closet."

I couldn't help but chuckle at her words. "You think so, huh?"

"Yes, I think so." Her voice was soft, as she took her hands from her hips and walked up to me. She gently cupped my face in her hands. "You've spent years avoiding the truth, Maurice. Be honest with yourself…you and Faith deserve it."

"You think that's what I should do?"

She nodded. "Yes, that's what I think you should do." A small smile came over her face, and she ran her thumb against the skin of my cheek. "I've always thought that."

I sighed, pulling her into a hug. "I love you, ma."

"I love you to, sweetheart." She whispered, gently running her hands up and down my back. "Let go of the secrets and the pain…go to her and tell her how you feel."

"What if how I feel makes her hate me more than she already does?"

"Then she doesn't deserve you."

Smiling, I placed a gentle kiss on my mother's cheek and broke the hug. "Thanks, ma. What would I do without you?"

She smiled as well, patting my arm lightly. "It's good to know that I'm still useful for something."

"You need a ride home?"

She shook her head. "No, it's ok. I've got a cab out front."

My eyes widened. "A cab? Ma, the entire fee will be from him sitting there waiting!"

"I don't care, Maurice." She said, her voice soft. "That's how I get here this late…no worries."

"But, I can dri-"

"Go to Faith." She said, sternly. "Now."

Sighing, and realizing defeat, I nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

"Good boy." She said, patting my arm again.

After placing another kiss on her cheek, I started towards the path again. I turned around when she called my name. "Yeah?"

"You forgot your jacket!"

I smiled. "Keep it…I'm not cold."

"Come by the house and pick it up tomorrow, ok?"

"Sure thing." My smile widened as I looked at her. "Thanks ma."

Her eyes sparkled in the dim moonlight. "Go fall in love, Maurice."

Nodding, I turned and continued down the path. The cold air nipped at me, but my skin was so warm from nerves that it didn't bother me.

I walked back through the gates, and sure enough, there sat a cabbie. The driver rolled down his window. "Hey Mac, you see a woman in there?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"Have any idea how long she'll be? I've been sitting her for half an hour and the meter's gettin' pretty high."

Shoving my hands into my pockets, I approached the cab. "How high?"

"Almost up to $40, just from me sitting here. I don't mind the waiting, but I feel bad charging her so much."

Reaching into my pocket, I pulled my wallet out. I grabbed two twenties as well as a ten. "Here…she might be a while longer."

The cabbie's eyes widened as he took the money. "Wow, didn't think there were any kind strangers left in this city."

I couldn't help but smile. "I'm her son."

"Oh! Ok, I see." He smiled as well. "Thanks a lot."

I nodded and turned away from the cab. "Have a good night!"

"Yeah, you to!" The cabbie shouted back as I slid into my Mustang.

As I drove through the darkened streets, my mind was racing. In love with Faith? Could it be possible? It was possible, because I was. Listening to my ma, I finally understood why her promotion, her new life, and her new partner bothered me so much. Sure, I'd spent the better part of the last year and a half trying to forget about her, but I knew that it was an impossible task. Faith was a part of me…a part of me that I could never get over or forget.

Over the years of our partnership, I'd spent everyday trying to convince myself that the feelings I'd felt for her were just friendship…love for a best friend. But it was, and had always been, more than that….I was just too stupid to see it.

Maybe there was a time when I didn't want to see it…maybe I was scared of it. I'd never been one for long-term relationships or commitments…and the idea of that had always scared me. Hell, I'd moved from girl to girl trying to avoid the three most dreaded words I'd ever heard of…I love you. But maybe those words were exactly what I needed to hear…maybe they would finally bring peace into a life that had never had any.

I swerved into a parking spot and jumped outta the car. Bursting through the ER doors, my eyes fell on Sully and Davis who were standing by the front desk. Jogging up to them, I took a deep breath. "You guys seen Faith?"

Davis nodded. "Yeah, she's in the lounge with Kim I think."

I nodded my thanks, before taking off towards the lounge. My stomach tied itself into knots as I slowly pushed the door open. My eyes fell on Faith, who was sitting beside Kim on the couch. They both snapped their heads to look at me as I entered the room. "Hey Kim? Could I talk to Faith alone for a minute?"

Kim turned to Faith, and rubbed her arm. "You ok?" She asked softly.

Faith nodded. "Yeah, I'm ok."

Standing from the couch, Kim shot me another glare as she made her way outta the room. "I don't understand why she's so mad at me." I said, trying to lighten the mood. "I mean, it's not like I told her off." Faith snapped her head up to look at me again, anger burning in her eyes. I cleared my throat. "Sorry…bad joke."

She sighed. "What do you want, Bosco?"

Nervously fidgeting with my hands, I plunkered down beside her on the couch. "I need to talk to you."

She glanced up at the clock before looking to me again. "It's your dime…talk."

"Look…I've been doing a lot of thinking." I swallowed hard, willing my nerves to disappear. I felt like some nappy-headed teenager asking his crush to the junior prom. "There's something that I gotta tell you…and I'm not sure how."

"Just say it then." Faith said, her features softening at my apparent discomfort.

Nodding, I cleared my throat. "I uh…went to see Mikey after we talked before. My ma showed up…and she helped me realize something that I've been hiding from for a long time."

"What's that?" She asked softly, looking at me. Her anger seemed to disappear and my confidence grew.

"Well uh-" My words came out a little higher than I intended, so I cleared my throat and continued in a deeper voice. "I finally realized why your promotion and your new life bothers me so much…and I don't think your gonna believe it."

"So your gonna shock me?" Faith said, smiling for the first time since Haggerty's.

I chuckled, looking to the floor. "Yeah…I think I am."

She took a deep breath, and leaned back against the back of the sofa. "Alright, I'm ready to be blown away, Boz."

I nodded, and rubbed my forehead. "Look…you know…that you mean a lot to me, right?" She nodded. "I mean, you're my best friend, you've been my partner for as long as I can remember, you've always been there to listen to my endless crap."

"Boz-"

"Please, just…let me get this out before I lose my nerve, ok?" She nodded again, and I cleared my throat. "When I first met you…I knew that you would have an impact on the way I lived my life. I knew that you would change me as a person…make me better…and you did. Knowing you, made me look forward to going to work everyday. You were a light at the end of the tunnel that I've been stuck in since I was 5 years old."

"Bosco-"

"Please, just listen Faith." I said softly, looking at her. "I finally had someone in my life that I could talk to about anything…I finally had someone in my life that I felt comfortable crying in front of. You never judged me, or treated me differently on the occasions when the walls around me fell. I've never told you how much that means to me."

Her eyes were shining with tears, and I smiled at her. "As the years passed…my feelings of friendship towards you matured into something else. Something that I was either too stupid or too scared to admit. I managed to bury the pain I felt over the last year and a half…but seeing you at Haggerty's reminded me of what I'd lost…and how much I missed it."

She shyly tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Moving closer to her, I placed my hand under her chin and raised her eyes back to mine. Her eyes were wide and naïve looking, and I couldn't help but smile. No longer able to contain myself, I took the plunge and gently pressed my lips to hers. She tensed at first, then relaxed…she started kissing me back. Happiness flooded through me as she raised a hand to my cheek, gently caressing the scar that resided there.

It was the sweetest kiss I'd ever experienced, and I found myself getting lost in the beauty and love that was Faith. Her lips were soft and gentle…a feeling that I'd rarely experienced. You'd think that kissing Faith for the first time would be awkward or strange…but it wasn't, not one bit. Kissing her was the most natural feeling in the world…a feeling that made me wonder how I'd lived without it for so many years.

I broke the kiss and took a deep breath as I rested my forehead against hers. "Was that ok?" I asked softly, placing a hand gently on her thigh.

She nodded and swallowed hard. "Yeah…that was ok."

Letting out a relieved sigh, I smiled. "Good."

"Bosco-"

"I love you, Faith." I blurted out, my nerves taking over again.

She pulled her forehead away from mine, her eyes wide. "What?"

I swallowed hard. "I said, I love you."

"You love me?"

Nodding, I continued. "I love you. And I'm sorry for being an insensitive jerk tonight. Damn, Lieu was right, I need to start thinking about what I say before I speak. I mean, come on, it's not like I've ever done that, right? Think before I speak, I mean. Especially with you. I never used to care about what I said. I don't know why…I should have. But you know me, stubborn ass, right? I can't blame you if your still mad at me, I deserve it. Maybe that'll finally teach me-"

"Bosco-" Faith pressed her finger to my lips, a soft smile on her face. "Your rambling."

Blinking stupidly, a small smile came over my face. I gently kissed Faith's fingers. Her smile widened, and she dropped her hand, leaning into me again. I closed my eyes, and returned the soft pressure. She pulled away, still smiling. "I love you to." She whispered, her eyes bright.

A grin spread across my face. "Yeah?"

She nodded. "Yeah…it's about time one of us said something, huh?"

"You know, that's exactly what my ma said." I furrowed my brow. "She said that I've been avoiding the truth for years, and that it was time for me to come out of the non-gay closet."

Faith burst out laughing, the sounds music to my ears. "The non-gay closet?"

I nodded, grinning. "Yup…that's my mom."

"Well, lucky for me…it is the non-gay closet." She said, smiling.

Giving her a smirk, I nodded. "Yeah…lucky for you." I leaned into her again, desperate for the feeling of happiness and love that I got from her kiss…from her taste.

You know, it's true what they say…you'll always remember your first. Not your second…not your third…just your first. And that first kiss that Faith and I shared…was something that no matter how old I got…I would always remember it.