A/N: Um... this one sucks. I'm sure it's been done before, but everyone has to write one of these at some point.

Screw

Sciezka really hadn't meant to listen in. She wasn't the eavesdropping kind of person, as she had once declared. But she'd simply been returning a few books she had borrowed from Winry, and was about to knock on the girl's door when she was jolted nearly out of her skin by the loud sound of furniture crashing and clumsily dancing footsteps.

"Winry, just gimme the screw already!" Came Edwards frustrated voice through the wall.

"No," the girl's voice protested defiantly, "I'm a free and independant woman. I can do what I want with what's mine." More shuffling commenced. Sceizka gasped and covered her mouth, mortified at what she'd just heard, and yet frozen to her spot on the floor.

"Dangitt Winry, you can't just tease a guy like this! If you're gonna keep giving it to me, you have to go all they way."

"And would you take it from me by force? What kind of man would you be, then? Goodness, Edward, what would Alphonse think?"

"I think he would do the same if he saw you like this."

"I think you don't give your brother enough credit. Al is a gentleman."

"Woman, don't talk to me about gentlemen at a time like this. I need some screwing, and I need it now!"

"Take it easy. I mean, you're just going to hurt yourself like that. And really, you're completely helpess, coming at me with that limp thing."

"Well sorry! It wouldn't be so limp if you just gave it to me!"

More havoc continued, crashing, punching, growling, and even a meow somewhere in there. At long last it ceased, with heavy breathing on the behalf of both teenagers in the room echoing. At this point Sciezka had turned a shade of red that any beet would have been impressed at.

"So," Ed panted, "It seems we're at... an impasse,"

"It seems so." Winry replied.

"You know, I wouldn't have to be this violent if you'd just give me some willingly. I have my needs, and I know you like it too."

"That may be so..." Winry paused, "But I can't give it to you while we're on opposite ends of the room!"

"Then we'll have to decide on a halfway point. The bed."

"You want me to give you the screw on the bed?"

"Well where else?"

"I dunno. The chair. The table maybe..."

"Why the freaking table!"

"Well why not?"

"It's uncomfortable!"

"Gee, Ed. If you're not gonna let me have some of it my way, then it's no screw for you!"

There was a loud noise, clearly Ed angrily punching the wall.

"Forget it! I'll just go get some from Auntie!" And his footsteps came storming towards the door.

Sciezka was shocked to see an angry, and fully clothed Edward, his defective automail hanging and flopping uselessly from his shoulder. She was relieved, not to mention that she'd nearly lost her lunch over Ed's last comment.

"That girl!" He fumed, stomping down the stairs.

The bookworm shyly peeked into the door to see a flustered, sulking, and also fully clothed Winry slouching in a chair, screwdriver in hand.

"Sciezka, do you need something?" She asked, perking up.

Sciezka just froze, plopped the stack of books she was holding in the doorway, and made a turn for the stairs, shivering.

"I have got to stop reading those romance novels."