A/N: I hate RoyEd... No offense to fans. Of course, the hat commanded me, and I must obey the hat. Gladly, I was hit with this wierd mistletoe idea for Edward, but since I love the torture, I was wondering what would be the worst person for Ed to get kissed by. (On second thought, this isn't 'worst' by any means... I won't consider the other bad options.) I actually doodled a comic (A sucky one) to this. If anyone cares for it at all, I might make a final version of it and put it on DevArt. For now, Enjoy! (Anyone who gets the reference to a certain flash cartoon gets a million points!)

Mistletoe

It seemed like such a brilliant idea at the time he came up with it. After all, the stupid cowlick hadn't been doing anything useful for him for the past 16 years, and he might as well be putting it to some use. So what better use could there be than to get him a little action on Christmas Eve at the Hughes' annual Yule bash?

Brilliant, right?

It was slightly painful, with a little bit of wire and snapping rubber bands put into use in order to make the fusion complete, but in the end, the cowlick showed a remarkable amount of resilience in it's ability to keep standing while holding the little twig of mistletoe hovering right over his forehead. Well, he downed several glasses of Egg Nog, and his confidence was boosted well over what the legal limit could be, so the normally disinterested 'girls-have-cooties' personality type alchemist was feeling randier than a rabbit on a sugar high. And with all the cute girls at the party, he was certain he'd get his first kiss and then some.

Several grotesquely terrible pickup lines, personal space invasions, and subsequent clobberings later, it was proven that the so called boy genius could still have his dreams crushed with melodramatic misery. (Yes, he deserved most of it, but really, the wrench was a little unnessecary)

Having had his pride destroyed, and forbodingly deciding he couldn't get any lower, he decided he might as well just loudly bemoan his terrible situation.

"Is it so hard for a guy to get a little action around here?" He cried, painfully drawing attention to the bobbing stick of societally symbolic parasitic growth attatched to his forehead.

Oh, Edward. Poor Edward. Think before you become desperate, dear sweet Edward.

A hand gripped his shoulder, and he felt the blood thoroughly draining from his face as his wishes were granted, and he was obligingly and enthusiastically given his first kiss.

He was nearly sick.

He saw the face as his bestower drew back and gave a trademark smug bastard smirk, pointing to the Mistletoe as if to say "The devil made me do it."

"Merry Christmas... FullMetal one."

"He crushed my dreams... HE CRUSHED THEM SO HARD!"

The End...

(In the comic I originally did for this, it ended with Edward rocking himself while crying to Winry about his trauma, and Roy brushing teeth while Riza scolds him. "You've just lost your kissing priveleges for a month!" ... "If wush jusht a joke!" Gotta love the RoyAi. Tee hee)