Chapter 20: Sir Vincet
Jubilee woke later that night. Everything was quiet. The camp had gone to sleep a while ago, and all she could hear now was the call of night birds, the snuffling of the horses picketed outside the tent, and Logan's snoring.
She rolled over and winced at the ache in her ribs. She remembered being slammed against the boulder on the river bottom, and gingerly reached down to her side. There was some swelling, and she'd probably feel bruised and battered for a while, but nothing was broken. She felt a surge of relief.
She looked across the tent at Logan, snoring in his bedroll, and again felt relief that he was alive. That first horrified moment, when the bridge had collapsed and he'd fallen in, she had thought she'd lost him. And when she saw him lodged under that beam at the bottom of the river, so still and unmoving, she had felt her heart sink into her feet, thinking he was dead. Now here he was, alive, and tears pricked her eyes. Thank you, God, she thought fervently in the darkness. I don't know what I'd do without him.
Getting up from her blanket, wincing at her stiffness, she leaned over him, looking at him. His face was a little bruised, and there was a shallow cut on his cheek probably from a branch, but otherwise he looked all right. She reached out gently and ran her hand lightly across his back, feeling firm, warm skin under his tunic. The touch reassured her, and she sat for a long time, rubbing his back. He was a sound sleeper; he wouldn't wake. She had found that out from sleeping in the same room with him.
She wished, not for the first time, that she could do this for him while he was awake. Instead of restricting herself to touching him when he was asleep, how much better would it be, if she could tell him who she was? If she could tell him how much he meant to her, how much she cared, how much she loved him? How much better would it be if she could dress in girl's clothes, make herself pretty for him, catch his eye and get that admiring glance he gave the prettier serving maids at the palace? To be able to take him outside the palace walls on a picnic, as she'd seen some of the other squires and their girls do. To ride beside him, talking about nothing in particular, to laugh and smile and hug him, to be able to press her lips against his…She had sworn to avenge her parents' death, but was it truly worth it? When Logan found out, would he still care for her, or would he hate her for lying about her true identity?
She dropped her hands, suddenly uncertain and afraid. How would he react? Would he accept her as the companion and friend he thought she was? Would the clothes she wore, and her gender, make a difference to him? Would he react to the lie of her gender with anger? She had heard tales of women dressing as men before. When they were found out they were declaimed as witches and tortured until they would say anything to get the pain to stop, and then they would be burned at the stake. Or they were beaten so severely they later died, or they would be banished, or imprisoned. With the Inquisition only a few decades behind them, the possibility of being burned alive was still a spectre she preferred not to think about.
Well, she couldn't drop the pretense now, not this close to the battlefront. She would have to deal with her growing feelings for Logan after the war was over, and decide then what to do. In the meantime…
She pushed herself up gingerly, trying not to exacerbate her already acute pains. Reaching quietly for her pack, she opened it and took the spare clothes out of her things, then reached into the special hole she'd sewn into the lining of her padded sleeping roll and produced her extra breast band. Quietly untying the tent flap, she stepped out and closed it behind her.
They had made camp a little further down the river, where the water wasn't quite so rough. She knelt by the water's edge, taking a quick look around to be sure no one was watching, and then slipped out of her clothes, stiff from the mud of the river during her earlier rescue. A quick shimmy later, and she was out of the old breast band.
She rubbed her aching breasts as she waded into the quiet water, careful not to go too far out. They were growing again, and the breast band was getting too tight. She cursed quietly; where was she going to find another one, out here? And she couldn't afford one either; the Queen had given her the two she had.
Jubilee sank to her knees in the water, submerging her breasts in the cold water. The shock of the cold water hitting her skin made her gasp quietly, but as she adjusted to the temperature it became comfortable. It soothed the ache, anyway. She sat down on the bottom, feeling cool, water-smoothed stone and fine sand under her thighs, and leaned back to soak her hair, washing the mud and grit out of the strands. She felt the length, and grimaced. It was getting to the point where she would have to trim it again. She wore her hair shorter than was currently the fashion in court, because if it grew long she would definitely look like a girl.
After washing her hair she took a handful of sand and scrubbed at her skin, wincing as the sand touched her bruises. Well, the pack with soap in it was on Logan's side of the tent, and she hadn't wanted to take the risk of waking him up. She was almost done when she heard a cracking twig from the low, dense brush beside the river. She sank immediately under the water, only her head poking up, and called, "Who's there?"
Vincet had only paid a little attention when the boy had left Logan's tent. Probably hungry, he thought. However, his interest had been piqued when the boy headed not for the stewpot over the cook's campfire, but the river instead. Wondering if the lad were sleepwalking, he had followed the boy to the river. When the boy had started to undress, he was about to leave, but something stopped him. And when Vincet had seen the tunic come off, and the breast band revealed, he stared openmouthed, forgetting he was supposed to be on guard duty. Lee's a girl! he thought wildly.
The pieces clicked into place. There had been talk about Logan's squire's peculiarities, about the fact that the boy had never been seen without his shirt on, how the boy never bathed or swam with the other boys, and how he disliked anyone touching him. It hadn't been tradition, it had been an attempt to hide her gender!
His first impulsewas to run to the King and tell His Majesty about the girl in camp, but as the leggings came off, he froze, caught by the beauty of the girl's form. She was slim-bodied and full-breasted, with lean, lithe limbs, skin that was silver in the moonlight, and narrow hips tapering to strong legs. Vincet drew in a breath. She was beautiful, every man's dream. He stood, spellbound, as she waded into the river and sat down to scrub her skin with handfuls of sand. She gasped softly as cold water touched her breasts, and Vincet couldn't help but notice how the small nubs of her breasts pebbled up in the cold. He looked at her, and wondered how he could have mistaken her for a boy. Desire rose in his body, and he shifted position, trying to ease the sudden discomfort of his breeches.
A twig snapped under his foot, and the girl's head snapped around. She instantly sank into deeper water, leaving only her head above water, and called out softly, "Who's there?" Vincet briefly thought about staying hidden, then sighed and stepped out of the bushes.
The girl eyed him warily. "What are you doing, Sir Vincet?"
He kept his voice mild an non-confrontational as he said, "I'm on watch tonight. Not that anyone would attack us now, but His Majesty wanted to be sure." He squatted by the riverbank and picked up her breast band, studying it. "It looks extremely uncomfortable."
"Put it down, it's mine," came the wary reply. Then, "You saw?"
Vincet nodded.
The girl exploded out of the water, landing beside him and gripping his neck in a tight hold. "Don't shout out," Jubilee said quietly, her heart pounding in her chest. She'd been found out. Now he would go and tell, and everyone would know, and she'd probably be executed… "Is there anything I can say or do for you to guarantee your silence?" She had a feeling she knew what he would say. He would ask her to spread her legs for him to keep his peace, and Jubilee shuddered. She'd do it if she had to…but she so wanted Logan to be her first, as unlikely as that was.
Vincet looked at the girl. Oh yes, he wanted to say. Sleep with me, and I'll keep silent… but that wouldn't be honorable, and besides, there was something about her that said if he slept with her, it wouldn't be with her as a willing participant. "I shall not say a word," he said amiably, quietly. "My oath as a knight. And I don't require anything from you to keep my word."
The hand around his throat relaxed slightly, but didn't let go. "Why would you do that?"
Vincet looked at her narrowly, then said coolly, "Because you're saving yourself for another, aren't you? Someone closer to your heart."
Her blue eyes widened. "How do you know?"
He smiled at her. A strained smile, but a smile nevertheless. That hand was really getting uncomfortable. "Logan is my friend, too. We went through the training together. I know, better than anyone else, how lonely he is. And since you came, I haven't seen him look lonely or lost. He loves you too, or he would if he knew who you really were." The girl trembled slightly, and Vincet laid a hand on the slim wrist. "Put your clothes on so we can continue our discussion. I'd hate to have to kill any other knight to preserve your secret if someone should come along." The girl let him go and scrambled warily into her breast band, clean tunic, and breeches, and knelt to wash her oldclothing in the river water.
Vincet sat beside her, watching for a moment, then said, "If I may ask a question…"
The girl looked at him. "I don't have a choice, do I?"
Vincet grinned, tipping his head to her. "Clever. But yes, you do. I will keep my silence. I would just like to know…why?"
"Why the disguise?" The girl sighed and sat back on her heels. "Duke Gilbert sent a man to my village. They told us our tithes were insufficient, that we weren't paying our taxes, and the Duke wanted to make an example of our town so everyone else would know they couldn't withhold taxes from him. His men killed everyone and torched the town. I was the only one who escaped. I tried to run after the man who murdered my parents, and I was shot in the shoulder with an arrow. I fled into the forest and passed out in a small copse of trees. When I woke up, everyone was dead." The girl's throat worked convulsively. "I spent the whole next day, digging graves for the people who died. I couldn't bury them all before nightfall, and the next morning wolves were feasting on the remaining bodies. I couldn't fight them all off. I ran. I walked for a week though the forest until I came to a town, and I walked into the inn there and begged for food. Then I fainted. When I woke up Logan was there. He's been there ever since." The girl's voice dropped. "He doesn't know. Please don't tell him."
"Why? Do you think it will make a difference to him?" When the girl nodded, Vincet considered that. "It might," he said. "Knowing Logan's damnable sense of honor, he might take offense at this secret kept from him. However, if he's never actually come out and asked you, then you're not really culpable." He thought some more. "Besides, he's sworn a life-debt to you. He can't spurn you now without breaking his oath. He might get mad at you, but he'll never leave you. Not until he's paid that life-debt back."
"What's a life-debt?" the girl asked.
"You saved his life," Vincet said seriously. "So now he's bound to you, and you to him, until he saves your life in turn. He cannot cast you off, or spurn you, or recall his oath. It's a serious matter."
"So he's bound to me?" The girl sighed. "But he's bound to 'Lee', the boy, not Jubilee, the girl."
"It doesn't matter," Vincet said decisively. He'd never heard of a life-debt promised to one whose gender was as mutable as this girl's, but the same rules should still apply. "He's life-bonded not to the body, not to the name, but to the soul. You are who you are, whether you wear the clothes of a boy or a girl, whether your name is Lee, or…"
"Jubilee," the girl finished for him. "My real name is Jubilee."
"Jubilee then," Vincet said. "Jubilee…George, the Weaponsmaster, and myself heard him swear the oath, and we witnessed it. If Logan violates the terms of the life-bonding, then we will challenge him to a duel for the oathbreaking. If he refuses to acknowledge it, one of us will take the debt and Logan will be stripped of his sword and his title, and cast out of the Knighthood forever. The Knighthood doesn't allow oathbreakers to remain in our ranks."
"Really? You would challenge Logan for me?" Jubilee's eyes were wide.
"If I didn't I'd be foresworn as well," Vincet said dryly. "Besides…I like you. I barely even know you, the first time I spoke two words to you was a few days ago when we left the capital, but I've heard of you, and I've watched you. I have a great deal of respect for you. So yes, I'd challenge him for you if he broke his oath."
Jubilee smiled. "If he doesn't want me, you would take me in?"
Vincet smiled. "Yes. I would." He leaned forward to grab for the other breast band, which had slipped from Jubilee's hand as they sat talking, and caught it before it could drift away downriver. She reached for it at the same time, and he froze as her face stopped just inches from his. He stared mesmerized at her face. This close, her blue eyes were luminous, the pupils huge in the moonlight night. He leaned forward, and pressed his lips to hers gently. She froze for a second, then her lips softened against his, and she kissed him back. They sat that way for long moments, lips twined, and then she broke it off, breathing hard, and snatched up her clothes. Seconds later, Vincet was sitting alone on a moonlit riverbank, still dazed from the feeling of those soft lips against his.
He got up, finally, blinking. He had duties. He couldn't sit there all night dreaming about a girl he'd never have. "Logan, if you reject her when she finally tells you, you'll make the biggest mistake of your life," he finally grumbled as he stood and dusted himself off. "Lucky bastard." He strode off into the bushes.
He saw her the next morning, dressed as a boy again, waiting in line for her share of breakfast. He stepped up into line behind her and Logan to whom she was talking animatedly, telling him about the rescue the day before, with another crowd of knights sitting around them, listening. They hadn't been close enough to see what was really happening. When she got to he part where she'd gotten Logan free, Vincet took over the story and told the rest. Logan hugged the boy again, swearing that Lee had saved his life, and Vincet watched the boy hug the knight back.
As they broke camp and prepared to mount up, he thought again about the girl. Looking at Lee in the full light of day now, without moonlight to soften the planes and angles of the boy's face, he could almost forget that the boy was a girl. But if he looked closely at the 'boy's' chest, he could see the very slight lump of Jubilee's breasts under the band. It wasn't noticeable unless you were looking for it, but it was there.
Then, as they started to move out of the camp, he saw someone else watching the boy. Julian. Vincet gritted his teeth at the cold, calculating expression on the other knight's face. Why was he staring at…oh. Vincet knew about the other knight's taste for young boys. There were several places in the city that catered to such tastes; while Vincet had never been in one, he had heard of other knights who did. Julian was one of them. But Lee belonged to Logan; Julian didn't have a prayer of stealing the boy away, unless something happened to Logan on the battlefield…
Vincet reined his horse to a stop as he stared at Julian. No. It was impossible. He wouldn't do that to Logan and Lee. Would he? He was a knight.
Yes, a knight who used to be attached to king Gallas's court, Vincet thought. And therefore suspect. And I know Julian's a grasping, greedy man. He wouldn't hesitate to refuse to help Logan on the battlefield, and cause him to be injured or hurt if it meant he could get his hands on Lee. And he mustn't do that; if he finds out Lee is really a girl his disappointment will spell death for her. I'm going to keep a very, very careful eye on him.