Disclaimers: I don't own any of the characters, situations or dialogue found in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel the Series, or Stargate SG-1. This is purely a work of fiction and no intent to defame or gain profit from this enterprise is intended.
Will the real Riley Finn please stand up?
Daniel took Dawn's arm as they headed out of the hallway. She tensed instinctively and Daniel quickly removed his hand and wrote a mental post-it that she wasn't comfortable with casual touching.
"Dawn, you can relax. No matter what else may happen tonight, I'll be your advisor. It's a really interesting project and I think our personalities will mesh well. Okay?"
Dawn's instant smile lit up her face and, possibly, the entire state of Colorado. He blinked. Wow. Wattage like that could power the 'gate. The heck with ZPMs. "Really?"
"Of course."
The next thing Daniel knew, he had his arms full of nubile young woman as she hugged him tightly–extremely tightly–and he mentally removed the post-it from earlier, crumpled it, and threw it in the trash. Enjoying the simple human contact, he returned her hug for a few minutes and ignored the inquiring glance Buffy threw his way. He sighed as Dawn released him, thanked him profusely and went to tell her sister the good news.
Buffy's initial smile was almost as bright as Dawn's, and as he watched, Dawn began bouncing on her toes as she spoke excitedly to her sister, whose eyes appeared to have quickly glazed over a la Jack O'Neill in an archeological briefing. Her smile and apparent happiness for her sister never dimmed. He sighed again. Sometimes he really missed having family who would be happy for him and proud of him even if they really didn't understand what he was talking about.
"Where're we eating? Choices are the back deck or the kitchen." Jack questioned the assembled group, missing the entire Dawn/Daniel discussion and byplay but enjoying the immediately more relaxed atmosphere. Riley was holding two platters piled high with delicious-smelling food, but, remembering his audience, was holding them above Buffy's head so she wouldn't start snitching food before they sat down somewhere.
Buffy piped up. "I vote kitchen. Getting a little frigid out there."
Riley smiled at Dawn, who was still glowing. "You can take the girl out of California..."
"Shut up, Riley. Just because you're Nanook of the North..."
"Nanook of the where?" Sam smirked at Daniel. He grinned in return.
"He's from Iowa."
"I think I already knew that." Sam walked over to Jack's refrigerator and opened it, shaking things and examining the contents with a wary eye as Riley put the platters of food on the table and Teal'c moved to the cupboard to get plates and glasses and began setting the table. Buffy immediately grabbed a piece of grilled asparagus and began munching.
Sam's rummaging continued. "Anyone want something to drink? We've got beer, water, um...something that looks like it might once have been orange juice but now looks like it can be used to spackle the bathroom...some lumpy milk...flat cola..."
Once upon a time, Janet Fraiser had believed that the contents of Jack O'Neill's refrigerator could be used most effectively as a biological weapon against the Goa'uld. Testing was still in the preliminary stages.
O'Neill walked up behind Sam and closed the fridge door firmly, blocking her from the rest of the room with his body and caging her between his arms. Buffy, Dawn, Riley, and Daniel became inordinately interested in his kitchen lighting and were studying it closely. Jack decided to ignore them and stared down at his 2IC. "That's enough of that, Carter. There's water and beer. End of story."
Sam swallowed, her mouth surprisingly dry. Must have been all the discussion of beverages making her thirsty. Yeah, right. She cleared her throat. O'Neill took a step back, looked around, and rolled his eyes as he saw the younger contingent of the kitchen, who had apparently moved on to an enthusiastic discussion of his kitchen molding, determinedly keeping their backs to he and Sam. Dawn was even gesturing. Subtle they weren't.
"So, drinks?"
"Water for me, thanks, General O'Neill. Beer and Buffy are totally non-mixy things."
Dawn gave Buffy an evil grin as Daniel shook his head again at her sister's extremely creative use of English. Buffy caught the head shake and wondered what it would take to get Daniel to clean his glasses.
"Sure, you go all 'Clan of the Cave Buffy' one time in college, and suddenly you're a teetotaler."
"Clan of the Cave Buffy?" Daniel was happy that Riley had asked Dawn for an explanation before he had the chance to do so. Something told him that he'd get more information out of Buffy if he let her sister and Riley do the questioning.
Dawn stared at Buffy, then Riley, completely incredulous. "Geez, Riley, didn't the two of you ever talk to each other? Freshman year, evil demon beer, prehistoric Buffy? Any of this ringing a bell?"
As curious as he was to hear all the details of the story, O'Neill could tell that particular line of conversation wasn't going to end well for anybody. Making an executive decision, he clunked a large pitcher of ice water on the table, along with a number of bottles of beer. "Sit down, guys, or it's gonna get cold." O'Neill looked at the table. It was pretty naked. "Right, we need buns, condiments, chips and chairs." No one moved. He tapped the naked shoulder of his black t-shirt. "Ahem...General speaking..."
Daniel looked around the room, then at Jack. "Um, Jack...Sam, four civilians and an army guy."
"Right then. Carter, Finn, crack to it."
"Yes, sir. Because I wouldn't want you to strain your back carrying the rolls...Would you like your cane, sir? Maybe a nice big bowl of prunes?"
He glared at Sam. "Ixnay on the old jokes, Carter." She gave him what was probably the world's most sarcastic salute in return and sat down at the table, crossing her arms over her chest. After eight years, he should know better than to try and give her orders during her downtime.
Meanwhile, Daniel decided that he wanted to eat dinner while he still had teeth to chew it with and began searching Jack's cupboards, eventually emerging victoriously in possession of a bag of rolls and a bag of potato chips. Buffy carried a chair in from the living room while Teal'c liberated one from the deck. Dawn took the rolls and chips from Daniel and put them on the table while he said a quick prayer to the refrigerator gods and got the mustard, ketchup, mayo and pickles out of Jack's fridge. He opened the mayonnaise jar, took a sniff and put it back silently.
Buffy studied the gold symbol on Teal'c's forehead as she placed her chair under the table and sat down to Sam's right, trying unsuccessfully to match it to anything she remembered from Giles's books. Riley had said that Teal'c wasn't a demon, but it never hurt to double check these things. Especially since he was still giving off a distinctly not completely human vibe. "So, Teal'c, huh? Unusual name."
He sent her a measured look in return as he, and everyone else, sat, with Riley and Dawn sniggering at the irony that was Buffy's last remark. "It is traditional among my people."
"And who exactly are your people? Riley said you weren't from around here."
O'Neill choked on a pickle. Riley Finn was apparently an unacknowledged master of the understatement. "Why don't we save that until after dinner, okay?" Jack handed the platters around, having taken a burger and some grilled onions for himself.
Buffy accepted the platters, removed a chicken breast, a hamburger, some peppers, a couple slices of eggplant, some asparagus and a portobello mushroom, and passed the platters to Teal'c. He promptly took six hamburgers, two chicken breasts and a couple of produce aisle's worth of vegetables. Daniel was surprised by the sheer amount of food on Buffy's plate but decided not to say anything since no one else seemed to find anything out of the ordinary.
Dawn noticed his expression, leaned over towards him and whispered, "Slayer metabolism. If she doesn't eat enough, she drops weight really quickly and just ends up looking sick. We mere mortals find it pretty annoying."
"Ah." He watched his potential assistant carefully as he chose his food and placed a platter back on the table. Dawn was building what looked like the most fascinating sandwich he'd ever seen. If he had the order correct, she'd smeared a layer of ketchup and mustard on the bottom bun, then carefully placed a couple of pickles in some kind of geometric configuration (he thought it was a rhombus, but would ask Sam later), then a hamburger, some onions, and a portobello mushroom. She hadn't replaced the top to her bun and seemed to be looking for something. Sam and Jack were also watching the process avidly.
"Is there any steak sauce?" Dawn asked Jack, since it was his house and he looked like a steak kind of guy.
Jack appeared to be mesmerized by her hamburger. He couldn't stop staring at it. He gestured absently towards the stove. "Er...yeah. In the cupboard to the right of the stove."
Dawn rose quickly and walked to the cupboard. The steak sauce was in front, right where O'Neill said it was. She returned to her seat, slathered the top of the bun with steak sauce and placed the bun on top of the mushroom. Then she took a bite, chewing happily. Then she realized that Sam, Jack, and Daniel were all staring at her. Buffy gave a little groan and Riley was shaking his head. "What?"
Sam looked at the sandwich, then at Dawn, trying to figure out the physics involved. "How did you manage to take a bite of that?"
"She's got a big mouth." Dawn glared at her sister.
Jack gave a theatrical shudder. At least she wouldn't have a problem eating MREs or off-world cuisine. "More importantly, why did you take a bite of that? It looks...repulsive."
"You want repulsive, you should have been there for the peanut butter and banana quesadilla. Or the anchovies and pineapple pizza."
"You put anchovies on pizza? Excellent!" Carter was delighted. If Dawn joined the SGC, they'd finally have a majority on their weekly pizza order. Teal'c nodded in approval.
Riley stared at Buffy's sandwich and grimaced. "Yeah, because chicken and eggplant is so normal..."
"Thank you, Riley!" Dawn grinned triumphantly at her sister. Nothing like having a stalwart defender around.
Daniel, however, was still staring at Dawn's sandwich. It looked...so original. "Er, Dawn? Would you mind if I tried a bite?"
O'Neill looked at Daniel in horror while Teal'c raised an eyebrow at him, considering. "Daniel, please think about this..." He knew that Daniel's taste in food leaned towards the exotic, but this was just...yuck. It looked like an express trip to the infirmary on a bun.
Dawn pushed her plate towards Daniel. He lifted Dawn's creation to his mouth and took a bite, chewing slowly.
"Well? Do I need to get the ipecac?"
Daniel shook his head at Jack and swallowed. "It's pretty good, actually. A little salty, a little sweet...lots of interesting textures." Then he glanced at Dawn, pondering. "Needs something for crunch, though. Lettuce. Maybe some sliced water chestnuts..."
"Ooh, chips!" She promptly grabbed a handful of salt and vinegar chips, lifted the top bun and mushroom, placed five chips with almost military precision on top of the burger, then replaced the top half and smushed it down. She took a bite, nodded approvingly, and handed it to Daniel, who also took a bite and nodded.
She grinned at Daniel, pleased that someone else understood. "I think it needs sweet pickles, instead of dill."
He brushed a stray potato chip crumb off his shirt. "Oh, yeah, I could see how that would make a difference..."
Spec-friggin'-tacular. Teal'c was now grinning at Dawn and Daniel, and that was creepy, no matter the circumstances. Jack pointed at the linguists, ignoring Sam's and Buffy's giggles. "Awright, just stop! No more. Summers, you sit there and eat frankenburger. Daniel, don't help. Carter, no giggling. Other Summers, you've gotta have a good Riley story to share with the class. He mentioned something about Dracula, I think? And a butt monkey?"
Buffy cracked up at the remembrance of Xander's impassioned 'no more butt monkey' speech. Dawn seized the opportunity to get back at her sister for the earlier crack about her big mouth.
"Did Riley tell you about the house that made he and Buffy have sex, like, nonstop, for hours?"
Teal'c's eyebrow rose as he glanced at Riley. "No, he did not." Sam's hamburger had stopped involuntarily at Dawn's question. O'Neill was grinning so hard it looked like his face was going to split in half and Daniel's ears were bright red. As for Riley and Buffy, well, if looks could kill, Dawn would have been beyond even Willow's abilities.
Riley cleared his throat and attempted to ignore his embarrassment as he looked at his teammates and superior officer. "Um...yeah...er...y'see, it's like this..."
Dawn grinned at Riley. Nothing like an annoying younger sister digging up your past to help bring you back to the land of the living. "He didn't tell you? I can't believe it never just came up in conversation..."
Riley shot her the look of death again. Teal'c raised an eyebrow at him.
O'Neill was still grinning and had leaned back in his chair, anticipating the story. "No, as a matter of fact, it must have slipped his mind. Please, continue."
"Dawn, you say word one and I'll rip your tongue out and beat you to death with it." Buffy's glare hadn't diminished.
O'Neill directed his shit-eating grin at Buffy. Teal'c looked impressed by the creativity and originality of her threat. "You gotta give us something, Summers. We didn't even know you existed until last week. From where I'm sitting, it looks like the only things your Riley Finn and ours share are his name and his military service. If you don't tell us about him, we'll start thinking he's a clone or something, and we'll put him in jail, and we'll lose a damn good operative–and that would be bad for national security. So, spill."
Dawn exhaled a loud sigh of relief when Buffy's glare switched from her to General O'Neill.
"What do they know?" Buffy threw this rather belligerent question to Riley.
"They know about the Initiative and everything that went on there. Demons and vampires are real, slayers exist, you met Dracula...Daniel knows about almost everything that led up to me leaving the year after that."
She huffed. Great. She couldn't imagine what Daniel Jackson thought of her after hearing what was Riley's undoubtedly biased account of their relationship. Not that she was trying to impress him or anything, but she hated when people thought badly of her. "Fine. But I'm only telling you stuff about Riley until you tell us what's really going on."
Jack and Sam exchanged a look. Maybe the blonde wasn't as dumb as she looked. "That's fair."
"What do you want to know?"
Sam decided that they'd made Buffy suspicious enough and started with an easy question. "How'd you and Riley meet?"
Buffy smiled as Riley unconsciously rubbed the back of his head. "I dropped a couple of psychology textbooks on his head. Totally made him forget his manners."
"I thought there was a possibility you were trying to kill me."
Buffy rolled her eyes at Riley. "Right. Because that happened so often?"
Riley decided that it was better not to mention how many creatures tried to kill him while he worked for the Initiative. "Okay, so it was a small possibility..."
"Then you thought you had a concussion. Which you so didn't."
Riley shrugged, ignoring the look of unholy glee from O'Neill as he watched their discussion. If Jack had known that Buffy's presence would have this kind of an effect on Finn, he would have brought her in months ago, slayer or not. This was the man the Joint Chiefs had been talking about when they'd described Riley Finn's accomplishments; not the automaton he'd been since his wife had died. These girls were good for him–and if they made Riley more effective at his job, he'd count that as a bonus.
Sam hid a smirk behind her hand at the byplay between Buffy and Riley. So much for easy questions. Riley was now gesturing at Buffy. "Hey, those books were heavy. There was definite concussion potential. Anyway, you're the one who was too stubborn to ask for help."
Buffy took a very determined bite of chicken and straightened up, immediately prim, proper and righteous. "The bookstore discriminated against short people. I was taking a stand for my beliefs."
"The belief that you didn't need to use a ladder to reach the top of things?"
"Yes. All shelves should be reachable, by me, at all times." Teal'c raised an eyebrow. Buffy Summers might be a warrior, but she was definitely small in stature. At 6'3", he didn't think that her belief was a good one.
Dawn rolled her eyes at Sam and Daniel. "Don't mind her. She's got delusions of tallness."
"Hey!"
Jack grinned. "Well said."
"How did you become involved with the Initiative? RileyFinn mentioned only that you came to his organization's attention, not how you did so."
"I guess it all started with them chipping Spike." Dawn glared at Buffy and kicked her from under the table. Right. She wasn't supposed to be talking about anything but Riley. "But we should probably fast forward a bit...and I'll tell you about the Gentlemen. Otherwise known as the day Riley Finn blew his cover."
"Yours wasn't exactly rock solid by the time we were finished, either, Buffy." Dawn snorted, having heard the story numerous times, since it also included the story of how Willow and Tara met.
"The who?" So far, Jack wasn't impressed. It sounded like they'd been ambushed by a bunch of waiters.
"Gentlemen. From an old fairy tale."
"A fairy tale?" Daniel, Sam, and Teal'c looked intrigued and Jack hadn't started twiddling, so that had to count for something.
"Yeah, you'd be surprised how often they're based in reality. Remind me to tell you about Santa Claus sometime."
"Buffy...off topic." Dawn didn't like discussing Santa Claus–it brought back too many painful memories of their last Christmas as a family, back when Joyce, Tara and Anya were still alive. They hadn't really done a big family holiday since. Maybe it was time they did.
Buffy took a bite of mushroom. "Right. Sorry. So, anyway, there's these totally creepy guys, and they hit Sunnydale late at night and decide to stick around, since the Hellmouth is like a demon HoJo's–open all night and there's always a vacancy. The next morning, everyone's voices are gone. Completely, not just laryngitis, even though the news said that was why the entire town of Sunnydale was under quarantine. Stupid reporters. Mass chaos everywhere." She skipped over the prophetic dream part–if they didn't know, she wasn't going to give them extra information.
Riley decided to add his own two cents, knowing how quickly Buffy's train of thought derailed. "My unit and I were dispatched to help keep the peace, since people were starting to riot."
"...and you wouldn't believe the dry erase board and marker market. Price gouging bastards. Seriously. Ten dollars?"
"Supply and demand, Buffy." Riley couldn't help poking Dawn in the side. It would be bad if Buffy got distracted–O'Neill was literally on the edge of his seat, definitely a rare occurrence.
Buffy shrugged. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Then we find out that these...whatever they are...have been killing people–stealing their hearts, actually."
"That's...disturbing." Daniel had no problem examining corpses that had been dead for thousands of years, but the visual that came with Buffy's story was much...gooeyer. He pushed his plate away, noticing that Sam did the same. Teal'c and Dawn appeared unaffected.
"No kidding. Turns out that the reason that everyone was silent was so that no one could hear the screams as they ripped the hearts out. They got everywhere by floating six inches above the ground. No idea how that works. Plus, they had these ubercreepy minions–low intelligence, bandaged heads, flapping straitjackets..."
"Holy Hannah." Although she was definitely disconcerted by the tale itself, Sam was most startled by Buffy's matter-of-fact recitation. The girl obviously found nothing unusual in what she was telling them–as if this kind of thing happened every week. Then Sam remembered what Jack had told her about the Initiative. Maybe it did.
Buffy still appeared unbothered. She continued, as if Sam hadn't spoken. "You bet. So, Giles found an old fairy tale or nursery rhyme about the Gentlemen. After some really bad–and completely unflattering!–drawings and embarrassing efforts at pantomime, it turned out that they needed to collect seven hearts."
"For what?"
"Giles wasn't really clear on anything but the bloody and goriness that is extracting a human heart from a living body. Anyway, only a human voice could stop them."
Daniel and Sam had their heads together, already working on the problem. "What about a recording of some kind?"
Buffy shook her head, but made a mental note to introduce the two of them to Giles and Willow. Geeks of a feather and all that. "Had to be a live human voice."
Riley decided it was time to return to the narrative. "So, I head towards the clock tower, since that seems to be the center of the mess."
"What he's not telling you is that he was in complete military garb and fully armed at the time..." O'Neill gave a quiet groan, already beginning to see where this was going.
Riley blushed and fidgeted in his chair. "Moving right along..."
"I'm chasing some of these minion-y guys, and I end up in the clock tower. I see this army guy who looks exactly like my boyfriend getting his ass kicked all over the place..."
"Hey!"
Buffy smiled at Teal'c, who was frowning as he considered what he would have done in a similar situation, and resolved to be as honest as she could be. "Okay, so he's fighting off a whole flock of minions. He's still losing. I fight some bad guys, he fights some bad guys...it's completely apparent that we've been keeping some ginormous secrets from each other, since he's dressed like G.I. Joe..."
Riley was trying desperately to keep his teammates' respect, knowing that it was probably a hopeless task by this point. "And...and she's beating up all these guys like they're nothing..."
Buffy shrugged again. "There's a lot more fighting...fighting, fighting, fighting...some stairs...then we get to the room the baddies have been using as their headquarters. After a really bad round of charades, Riley finally opened the box with everyone's voices in it, I screamed like I was in a bad horror movie, their heads exploded. Poof! No more Gentlemen."
Riley looked at Buffy, appreciating that she hadn't told them about the awkwardness afterward, of the two of them in her dorm room staring at one another from opposite beds, trying to figure out how to begin to unwind the lies and half-truths they'd told each other.
"Well." For once, Jack O'Neill had nothing sarcastic to say. Sam pulled a palm pilot out of the pocket of her jeans and made a notation. O'Neill pretended to ignore her. Smart ass.
Daniel looked like he was bursting with questions. He was ready to start asking them until Buffy abruptly realized that she and Riley had been the only ones spilling their guts and Teal'c hadn't gotten any more human while they were talking. She put a hand up to quiet Daniel and looked directly at Teal'c. "Okay. Enough. Riley says you're not a demon. I can tell you're not completely human. What are you?"
Jack sighed and glanced around the table. Everyone appeared to be finished eating. "I guess it is about that time, isn't it?" He stood and walked into his living room. Sam, Daniel, and Teal'c followed him without a word.
Teal'c took up his customary position in the chair closest to the hallway, with his back to the wall and facing the rest of the room. Anyone coming in through the living room window or the front door would have to go through him before they made contact with anyone else. He noticed with interest that Buffy took a similar position on the other side of the room and appeared to be protecting Dawn from an attack not only from outside, but from the rest of the occupants of the room, sitting very obviously between them.
Riley, aware of both the reason for this discussion and the probable reaction, had chosen to sit as far from both Summers women as was humanly possible. He was standing by the window, looking out at O'Neill's peaceful neighborhood. Sam and Daniel were seated on opposite ends of the leather sofa. Jack was pacing like a caged wolf.
Finally, he stopped directly in front of Dawn and Buffy, planting his feet and running his hand through his hair, leaving little silver spikes in its wake. "He's a Jaffa."
Dawn looked confused. "...and that means what, exactly?"
"He's an alien."
"Oh." The confusion was gone, replaced by an expression Daniel couldn't identify.
Daniel was shocked. This was definitely not the reaction he'd been expecting. Buffy appeared to be checking her manicure. "That's it?"
Buffy looked up from her hands directly into Daniel's eyes. Pretty blue eyes. Bad Buffy. Now was definitely not the time for her hormones to return from vacation. "Figured it was something like that after Riley said he wasn't a vampire and wasn't a demon. There's only so many non-human choices, y'know."
Jack was completely gobsmacked and promptly forgot his prepared speech. He unconsciously perched on the sofa arm next to Carter for support. "Right. Okay. Um. So, here's the thing. Aliens exist."
Buffy smiled at Teal'c. "I think we're clear on that, General O'Neill."
O'Neill ran another hand through his hair. "Hokay. So, um...I guess the next thing is how he got here."
Dawn nodded. It was much easier to accept that aliens existed and that some of them had made it to Earth than it was for people to accept her real origins. Not that they'd taken out an ad in the newspaper or anything, but the Key thing had totally wigged Wes, Faith and Fred, even years after the fact. "Sounds like a good question. How did you get here?"
"Through a device called a Chappa'ai."
The foreign word was unfamiliar to Dawn. "A what?"
"We call them Stargates."