Consequences
By Neurotica
Twenty-Four
Many members of the Order of the Phoenix crowded around Sirius' bed, waiting for the Auror's color to return. He'd lost a lot of blood earlier in the night after a freak accident involving a car door during the giant attack in London. Luckily for him, Dumbledore had Apparated them back to Headquarters before it was too late to save him. Molly was able to get a blood replenishment potion into his system—she'd stocked up only a week before.
Remus leaned tiredly against one of the bed's wooden posters while Emmeline rubbed his back in comfort—he was already feeling the drain of the upcoming full moon, and this just added to his exhaustion. The blood Sirius had lost was probably still marking the path from the front door to the bedroom, though Emmeline had half-heartedly attempted to clean it up with her wand as she'd followed Remus and Dumbledore through the halls to Sirius' room.
The bedroom door opened and Remus could clearly hear Harry's demands to see his godfather from the hallway. Charlie entered the room quickly and closed the door.
"Remus, he's not letting this go," said the second eldest Weasley son.
"He has no reason to be in here!" Molly said in a harsh whisper from beside Sirius' head. "Sirius needs his rest. Harry can wait until tomorrow."
Remus raised an eyebrow, barely holding back the urge to ask Molly when she'd become Harry's mother. "Let him in, please, Charlie," the wizard said calmly.
Charlie opened the door again and was pushed to the side as Harry forced his way in. He stood at the foot of Sirius' bed, in front of Remus. The older wizard placed his hands on Harry's shoulders and the boy leaned back into his chest. "Sirius is fine," Remus said quietly, placing his chin on Harry's head. "He's just lost a lot of blood..."
Harry nodded slowly, not looking away from his godfather's pale face. "Were there really giants in London?" he whispered.
Remus nodded, ignoring the look Molly was giving him. "Three of them," he confirmed.
"Did anyone die?" Harry asked hesitantly.
Remus opened his mouth to answer, but Molly cut him off. "That's quite enough, Remus," she whispered firmly. "He doesn't need to know all that."
Remus lifted his head from Harry's, still keeping a close grasp on the boy. "With all due respect, Molly, I'm only telling him what he'll read in the papers tomorrow. Besides, the last I checked, Sirius and I were Harry's guardians..." he trailed off mildly—the and you're not was implied silently.
Molly looked hurt and was about to reply when Sirius groaned loudly. The Auror opened his eyes a bit and smacked his lips together as if he was thirsty—Arthur helped him sip some water from a goblet. "Bloody 'ell," he muttered hoarsely. "Wha' 'appened?" Sirius blinked a few times and shook his head a bit as if clearing it. "Oh... Giants... Right... Never mind." He took another sip of water. "Anyone dead?" he asked flatly to the room in general.
Molly shot him a reproachful look for posing his question the way he did, but Tonks answered. "Ten Muggles, three wizards, and one Auror..."
"Who?" Sirius asked hastily, his eyes wide.
"Evans," the young witch said quietly.
Sirius closed his eyes tightly and sighed heavily. "Has his family been notified?" Tonks replied in the affirmative. "And the giants?"
"Are being shipped back to the mountains as we speak," Remus said quietly.
Sirius made to ask another question when he spotted Harry. "Why aren't you in bed?" he asked his godson.
Harry shrugged. "I was until I heard Remus and Dumbledore coming up the stairs muttering about how horrible you looked..."
"Sorry about that," Remus muttered. "Why don't you get back to bed now? You can see Sirius in the morning." Harry looked as if he was going to argue, but the look on Remus' face coupled with Molly's expression stifled his arguments. He waved good night to Sirius and the other members of the Order and left the room. Remus cast a silencing charm around the door and turned back to the others.
"I was going to say that I guess Hagrid's trip didn't do much of anything, did it?" Sirius said.
Arthur sighed. "Hagrid owled just after we left, apparently. He's back at Hogwarts now, and no, his negotiations with the giants didn't go well at all."
Sirius furrowed his brow in thought. "Remus, didn't Naomi tell you that Hagrid was in France at the same time as you?"
Remus averted his eyes from Emmeline's raised eyebrows. "Er, yes... but no one's sure where he went afterwards."
"Hmm..." Sirius said. "It's kind of odd, isn't it? Why did Hagrid take so long getting back?"
"Dumbledore said he wasn't alone," Arthur said. "Something about a half-brother twice Hagrid's size..."
Next afternoon, though his health had returned fully, Sirius wasn't allowed to leave his bed, per Molly. The Auror was forced to endure hours of coddling by the Order's mother hen while everyone else got to go on with their days.
Emmeline noticed early in the day that Remus was distancing himself from her. She couldn't think of any reason he would do this, and when she confronted him about it, he denied he'd been avoiding her during work that day. When she'd gone to meet him for lunch in the Ministry cafeteria, Charlie Weasley had told her Remus had already eaten. When she'd gone to his office, he claimed he was too busy with the giant problem to speak with her, though she'd clearly seen him staring at his grindylow before entering the office. She knew when she was being avoided...
Giving up on Remus for the time being, Emmeline went to Sirius when she returned to Headquarters from the Ministry that evening. Those two told each other everything, she figured, and Sirius was the one to let it slip that Remus talked with Naomi in the first place. Emmeline trusted Remus completely, but she didn't trust his ex-fiancée. She'd seen the way Naomi looked at Remus during Order meetings, and Emmeline knew the Death-Eater-turned-spy would, at some point, try to get Remus back.
But Sirius was no help. He obviously knew something, but also knew he'd screwed up and would be in loads of trouble with his best friend if he told Emmeline anything. So he played dumb, telling Emmeline he had no idea what she was on about. Emmeline rolled her eyes and glared at the Auror. Sirius fidgeted under her stare for long minutes, still claiming she was imagining things.
"Sirius, all I want to know is what Remus and Naomi talked about, that's it," Emmeline said exasperatedly, pinching the bridge of her nose.
"What's the matter, Emmeline, are you jealous?" Sirius said with his best mischievous grin.
Again, Emmeline rolled her eyes. "No, I'm not jealous, but the way everybody's avoiding the bloody question is really rather unnerving," she said.
Sirius sighed. "Fine," he said reluctantly. "Fine, I'll tell you. But before I do, I want you to know that Remus really, really cares for you..." Emmeline nodded that she knew. "He and Naomi had a rather long chat that night he was waiting for me to come back from the Ministry. I don't know all the details, but I know they talked about why she left him, that kind of stuff..." He trailed off, remembering what Remus said had happened before he left the kitchen. He averted his eyes from Emmeline, knowing she was an accomplished Legilimens.
"He kissed her...?" Emmeline breathed, wide-eyed.
"Shit," Sirius muttered, realizing he'd averted his eyes a second too late. "Emmeline, believe me, Naomi means nothing to him. He told me there's nothing between them. Hell, he told me when he kissed her he was thinking about you, and—"
Emmeline's jaw dropped open—apparently that wasn't what she wanted to hear... "Okay," Emmeline said a moment later in forced calm. "Rest well, Sirius. See you..."
Sirius tried to call after her, but she'd already gone halfway down the hall. She stopped dead in her tracks when she spotted Remus coming up the stairs talking quietly with Harry. He hadn't noticed her in the shadows of the dark hallway, sending him a death glare. She turned around and went to her own room, determined not to cry or yell at Remus in front of Harry.
"You. did. what?" Remus asked in a growl to Sirius.
The Auror pointed a stern finger at him. "Don't you go blaming me for this, Remus! First of all, the woman's a bloody Legilimens. Second of all, you should have told her all this from the beginning! I guarantee she's more upset that you didn't tell her what happened with Naomi than the fact that it actually happened."
Remus sat heavily on Sirius' bed and fell back against his best friend's legs, covering his face with his hands. "Why did this have to happen just before the full moon?" he groaned.
"Because you're just that lucky," Sirius said, earning a hard punch in his kneecap.
When the two friends made their way to dinner that night, the only thing on Remus' mind was the hope of Emmeline being there so he could explain about Naomi—she hadn't been in her bedroom when he'd checked. Unfortunately for him, he was nearly positive that no matter what he said to her, he'd be in loads of trouble.
The kitchen was in a state of depression. Hermione was rubbing at her eyes, and Remus and Sirius were sure they'd seen a few tears fall into her mashed potatoes. Ron and Harry sat on either side of her, Ron rubbing her back every few minutes in attempted comfort. Harry shrugged helplessly at his guardians. Across from the trio sat Mad-Eye and Tonks. The witch still had a deep, sad frown on her pale face, and Mad-Eye was saying she needed to eat in a low, gruff growl. Tonks ignored him.
"Molly," Remus said quietly, accepting the plate of food the witch handed him. "Have you seen Emmeline?"
Molly was busy making sure everyone had a plate of food. "What, dear? Oh yes, she left about an hour ago. She said she had some business to take care of at home. Took all of her things, now that I think about it. Now, sit, sit, eat," Molly said, pushing Remus towards the table.
He set his plate on the table, muttered that he suddenly wasn't hungry to Sirius, and left the kitchen hurriedly.
Sirius and Harry were enlisted to do dishes that night. Harry had tried to go after Remus during dinner, but his godfather had grabbed his arm, muttering that Remus had some things to deal with, though he wouldn't say what.
"So what did Remus do to Emmeline?" Harry asked quietly as he took a plate from Sirius to dry.
Sirius glanced at him sideways. "What makes you think Emmeline's got anything to do with it?"
"Well," Harry began slowly. "Ron and I saw her practically run out of here in tears, and Remus asked where she was at dinner..."
"Smart kid," Sirius muttered. Harry wasn't sure it was a compliment. "Well, okay. Remus did something a bit stupid, and I accidentally let that stupid thing slip to Emmeline."
"What did he do?" Harry asked, no longer pretending to dry dishes.
"Kissed his ex-fiancée," Sirius said quietly, making sure no one was listening in. Harry's jaw dropped. "There's a lot more to it, but our dear professor had a bit of loss of sense..."
"Did they break up?"
Sirius shrugged. "I don't know. I don't think Remus got a chance to talk to her, but if she took all her things... Well, it's not looking too good, is it?"
Harry sighed. "I like Emmeline. She's good for Remus, you know?"
Sirius nodded. "She's been great for him. I haven't seen him so happy in years. I just hope he's able to fix it before it gets too nasty."
Remus Apparated into Emmeline's backyard, knowing she was there—lights were on in the sitting room and one of the upstairs rooms. He gulped hard and walked through the grass to knock on the backdoor. "Emmeline!" he called when he heard footsteps approach the door. "Emmeline, please open the door. I need to talk to you."
The door opened reluctantly and Emmeline revealed herself, staring a bit coldly at Remus. He shivered at the look. "What do you want?" she asked in a shaky voice.
He reached out a hand to touch her arm, needing the comfort of physical contact right now; she took a step back out of his reach and his arm fell lamely to his side. "I'm so sorry," he said croakily.
She only raised her eyebrows. "What for?"
Remus closed his eyes and took in a shaky breath. He knew this wasn't going to be easy, but he hadn't imagined it would be this not-easy. If only she'd meet his gaze, then maybe she would understand... "I should have told you what happened with Naomi and me ages ago," he told her quietly, only now realizing the night was unseasonably cold. "But I just..." He looked away briefly, hoping to find the words to make this right again.
Emmeline deflated just a touch. "Why didn't you?" she whispered, leaning against the doorjamb.
With a heavy sigh, Remus opened his mouth, having no idea what was going to come out when the words found their way, but really, what else did he have to lose at this point? "I was afraid," he told her softly, looking directly into her brown eyes. She looked away after several silent moments. "You terrify me, Emmeline."
Her eyebrows rose higher and her eyes widened. "I beg your pardon?" she said in surprise.
He managed a short laugh, realizing the irony of his statement—if anybody in this relationship was terrifying, it was the werewolf. "The way you make me feel terrifies me," he elaborated softly. "For close to sixteen years, I've not let myself close enough to anybody that anything but friendship was at stake. I've focused solely on my family, on Sirius and Harry, and their happiness. I wasn't looking for a relationship or for love; I'd resigned myself that I'd lost my chance when Naomi walked out of my life. And then you walked into my life out of nowhere, and I started thinking things, feeling things that I thought I'd never have again. I started to fall for you far too quickly than what was good for me. As far as I was concerned, we were only friends. And that was fine with me, for the time being. When I came back from France, you were there and you were the one person I knew would understand about what I'd been through."
He thought her eyes had softened at some point during his speech, but her arms remained crossed, her jaw tensed.
He smiled a little and met her eyes again. "When you kissed me in the library on Christmas Eve, everything rushed at me so much faster than I thought it possibly could. I started thinking about a future with you and me, and it made me happier than I'd been in so very long. And that terrified me, because I knew one wrong move and I'd lose you, just like I lost Naomi."
Her brow furrowed. "You blame yourself for what she did?" she asked slowly.
He averted his eyes. "The point is, I was afraid to do anything that might cause me to lose you. That night in the kitchen with Naomi..." He shook his head despairingly. "The second it happened, I realized I'd messed up, that I'd jeopardized what had so very quickly become the best thing to ever happen to me. And I wanted to tell, you, Emmeline, more than you know..."
"Then why didn't you?" she asked through clenched teeth, her brown eyes filling up with tears he longed to brush away.
"I didn't want to you lose you," he told her imploringly. "Whatever you think right now, Emmeline, my feelings for Naomi are long gone. You are the one I care about. You are the one I'm in love with. I can't lose you." He was aware his tone was bordering on begging, but at this point, he didn't care anymore.
"It's a little too late for that, Remus," Emmeline said softly. "I appreciate your honesty, but..." Her mouth opened and closed a few times, nothing ever coming out. She shook her head. "It's just not good enough right now. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to be in to work early tomorrow, and I don't have the time or the energy to deal with this."
"Can we have lunch tomorrow, or dinner, anything?" Remus pleaded.
"I don't think so," Emmeline said. "I need some time to think. Until then, I'd appreciate it if you didn't come back here."
"Emmeline, please!" Remus begged as she closed the door in his face. He rested his forehead against the door, wanting to knock again, but thinking better of it; she wasn't going to listen to anything he said right now. He suddenly realized how exhausted the evening had made him. And it was probably best for both of them that they spent some time alone with their thoughts. With a deep breath that he let out slowly, wondering how close to the backdoor she was stood, he took several steps back.
"Goodnight, Emmeline," he said softly before Apparating back to Headquarters.
The full moon brought yet another first for Remus, Sirius, and Harry. Since Harry's success in becoming an Animagus, he'd been begging his guardians to let him spend a full moon with them. Remus had been dead set against it—though he had the Wolfsbane Potion, he feared something would happen and he'd hurt Harry. Sirius was different; he had been spending full moons with Remus for years, and knew how to handle the werewolf. Remus said Harry's Animagus form was small, and the wolf could accidentally swallow him or something. Sirius insisted Harry would be fine; Padfoot could protect him. He even brought up the fact that Wormtail was small, and he'd spent every full moon with them at school—and Remus hadn't had the potion then. Remus' resolve weakened along with his energy as night approached, so Sirius pointed out that if Moony got out of hand, Harry could just fly on top of a wardrobe for safety.
"Alright, already," Remus said hoarsely, leaning his head tiredly against the back of the sofa in the library. "Harry can come in tonight, but if anything happens, I want him out. Do you both understand?"
Sirius and Harry, who sat on the coffee table in front of Remus, nodded eagerly and Harry hugged the exhausted werewolf tightly in thanks. Professor McGonagall arrived twenty minutes later with Remus' last dose of Wolfsbane and wished him luck. The small family was careful not to mention that Harry was about to spend a night with them—they kept the fact that the underage wizard was an Animagus a secret. The only person who knew was Dumbledore. He'd known the moment Ron and Harry were busted in their dorm for catching half the furniture on fire two years before.
"Cheers," Remus muttered weakly to his family before gulping down the disgusting potion. Just before sunset, he stood with Sirius' help and went to the bedroom. "I don't want him to see me transform, Sirius," Remus said quietly but firmly. "Wait until I've transformed before you let him in, and make him transform before you even open the door."
Sirius nodded as they entered Remus' room. "Anything you want, Moony. We'll be back soon."
Sirius and Harry stood outside Remus' closed door, waiting for the muffled howls of pain to subside. Remus always placed strong silencing charms around his room so the other occupants of the house wouldn't be disturbed, but his cries were still very loud. Harry stared wide-eyed and fearfully at the door. He was shaking a bit. Sirius placed an arm around his shoulder. "He'll be fine," he assured his godson. "He's been doing this for many years, and he knows how to handle it." Harry nodded unsurely. "Are you nervous?"
Harry shrugged. "A bit. Weren't you when you first spent the night with him?"
Sirius laughed. "Are you kidding? Your dad and I were shaking ten times worse than you, and I think Peter actually wet himself at least twice..."
Harry smiled shakily. They waited until they heard a soft whimper and saw a shadow of a nose at the bottom of the door. "Alright, transform and fly up on my shoulder," Sirius instructed. "When we get inside, go up to the wardrobe and stay there until I signal it's okay to come down."
Harry did as he was told, and Sirius smiled at him, gently running a long finger over the black lightning bolt shaped feather on Harry's tiny back. "I still say that's bloody wicked..." The wizard carefully opened the door just enough for him to slip through and closed it quickly so the werewolf couldn't sneak out. Harry immediately flew on top of the wardrobe—Moony watched him with what could have been perceived as hunger in his eyes. Sirius knew it was interest and not a little worry.
Sirius transformed into Padfoot and sat patiently in front of Moony, his tongue hanging out in a grin. Moony looked from the black dog to the golden snidget in interest before moving his eyes in what could be considered an eye roll. He barked softly and went to a corner of the room, sitting down to show Padfoot he didn't want to hurt the little bird. Padfoot looked at where Harry was perched on the wardrobe and nodded. Carefully, the golden bird flew down and landed beside the dog. He slowly approached Moony on his little stick legs after Padfoot nudged him gently with his black nose. The werewolf bent his head to sniff the bird and licked him, knocking Harry a few feet back. Padfoot made a laughing sound at the indignant look in the bird's emerald green eyes, and went to his family.
Moony didn't seem to feel like playing that night—Padfoot thought inwardly he was still thinking about Emmeline. In an attempt to cheer up the werewolf, Padfoot and Harry engaged in a game of chase. Harry would peck the dog's back, and Padfoot would try to catch the lightning fast bird gently in his mouth. He only ever managed to catch Harry twice in the entire night.
Moony cheered a bit later into the night, and he joined in on the game. As dawn neared, though, he nudged Harry up onto the bed, his message clear: Time for sleep. Padfoot snorted lightly and rolled his eyes. Even in werewolf form, Remus was still the most responsible Marauder. Both canines hopped onto the bed and curled up around Harry as if they were protecting the small bird.
At moonset, Moony jumped of the bed, waking Padfoot who carefully pulled a pillow over Harry's still sleeping body—Harry didn't need to see Remus' transformation back to human. Remus tried his best to stifle his howls of pain as his bones morphed from canine to human. Sirius transformed back as well, and tossed his best friend a blanket to cover himself.
"Thanks..." Remus panted heavily. "Where's Harry?"
Sirius grinned and removed the pillow from his sleeping godson's Animagus form. "Can't believe he slept through that..."
"Yes, well, I'm glad he did," Remus said quietly, pushing himself shakily from the floor and crossing the room to his wardrobe for his clothes.
Sirius crossed his legs on Remus' bed and looked around while Remus got dressed. "Any luck with Emmeline yesterday?"
Remus shook his head. "No, she doesn't want to see me..." he said sadly.
"Well, she can't avoid you forever, can she? She's still got to see you during Order meetings and at work, doesn't she?"
Remus shrugged and went back to the bed, leaning on the headboard, careful not to sit on Harry. "Maybe she can't do it forever, but she's damn sure trying."
"It'll be all right, Remus," Sirius said bracingly. "Just give her time..." Remus nodded, staring pensively at the floor. "So what do you think about Harry spending full moons with us? Have you changed your mind?"
Remus smiled a bit. "As long as he doesn't get hurt, I don't see why we can't make it tradition. Besides, it's nice having him here. Feels just like old times..."