Kell is dead.
The traitor is dead.
I had not dared to believe that he was still alive and that I would have the chance to avenge the thousands who had died because Kell had cared only for saving his own cowardly hide. Teyla had no way of knowing what Solen was telling me, though Solen knew all to well. He told me because he was unable to kill him. He told me because he knew that I could.
Solen was correct in saying there is no greater bond than that of an untrained soldier and his taskmaster. I had been only one of many green men, wild and untested and in desperate need of taming. Kell had forged us into warriors. We had hated him nearly as much as we had come to love him. He was everything we wanted to become ourselves and we did everything we could to earn even the faintest praise from him.
How blind we were.
The shock of being betrayed by someone so great had cut us to the quick, but in the midst of a Wraith attack we had been unable to take the time to fully realize what had happened. I, and a few of my brothers in arms, witnessed Kell's retreat with my own eyes. He fled only minutes after ordering so many of us to our deaths. He used our lives to save his own, and his actions had left a foul, bitter taste in my mouth. He was the reason why I was unwilling to trust Sheppard when I met him. If a hero such as Kell was capable of such great treachery, then how could any leader be trusted?
I did not fully believe him when Sheppard claimed to be on that world to find one man. I felt that there had to be something special about this 'Ford' to warrant a team of fully armed soldiers to enter into a potentially deadly situation to find him. Perhaps he was a criminal or a murderer they wished to bring to justice. That they sought him only because they feared for his health and well being seemed unrealistic.
After I had freed him, I fully expected him not to return. I had not been sure what to do with the woman once he had proven himself just as deceitful as Kell. She was strong and I suspected she would be good in a fight, but I could not risk taking her with me no matter how lonely I felt. I had decided that I would leave her there when I departed, letting her get back to her people on her own. She could deal with her own traitor after that. But she was not betrayed and Sheppard had returned, with the doctor as he promised. And they took the tracking device out of my back as he had promised.
I accepted their invitation to return to their world out of curiosity more than anything else. I had thought that perhaps a Lieutenant Colonel must be a lower ranking officer, one that was ordered into such a foolish mission by someone else. But there was only one man of higher rank than Sheppard, and he was not staying long. I learned that Sheppard had been the leader over the soldiers for some time and was still their leader in every way that counted.
I understood the guards. Had Sheppard been the Runner and I the one who found him, I would have placed him under guard as well. My actions in beginning had given him little reason to trust me with the lives of his men. They were with me at all times, the only moments outside of their vision being those I spent inside the quarters provided to me. They did attempt to return me to my home, but that proved impossible. When I was offered the chance to stay on Atlantis the idea had some merit behind it, but I had to know more about this man with whom I would be serving.
The soldiers were willing to train with me, and in training they were willing to talk to me. I learned of a Colonel Sumner who had come here with them, only to fall victim to the Wraith. John Sheppard had gone in on his own to rescue him, but in the end he had been forced to kill him out of mercy. I learned that when the Wraith had been coming here to attack they had been searching for a way to destroy the hive ships, but had needed a way to deliver their bombs. John Sheppard had put one in one of their 'puddle jumpers' with the intent of flying it into a hive ship himself, knowing it would be a suicide mission. Only the timely arrival of their reinforcements with the technology to transport him to safety had saved his life. There had been other rumors. The soldiers told me that John Sheppard had a 'black mark' on his record from a war on their home world. He had disobeyed a direct order, but had only done so to save the lives of three other men.
I still do not fully understand him, but I am learning to trust him. When we were attacked and taken prisoner on that penal colony, I thought he was afraid to actually fight. It wasn't until later that I understood that Sheppard's main focus is to get those under his command back home alive. If that meant he had to take some risks or lose a minor battle in the beginning, then he would do so. Ultimately, he did not wish to sacrifice others needlessly and would rather be the one to fall than have others die for him.
I will stay with these people, for now. Staying here lets me fight the Wraith, and perhaps even one day play a part in ridding our galaxy of them once and for all. And I will take orders from John Sheppard.
Because the man known as Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard is nothing like Kell.