A/N: This is Kara thinking on her way back to Galactica about a dream she had before leaving Caprica. This chapter has a bit more fluffy-ness than the previous ones and I think this is the direction where the story is finally going. Thank you all for the lovely feedback!

Chapter 4: Dreaming

On my last night on Caprica I had a dream. A dream of Zak. I was sitting with him on the grass on the sidelines of a children's playground where some kid was playing around, pretending to be a pilot. We were talking about everything trivial; the latest pilot wannabees, last weeks Pyramid game, where we would live after we got married. Everyday stuff. Then suddenly Zak got silent and instead of looking at me he followed the playing boy with his gaze.

- Kara, honey, I want you to promise me something, he said with a quiet voice.

- Sure, what's up? Nothing too kinky I hope.

I didn't like the seriousness in his voice and I could feel the air around us to get heavier, like something bad was bound to happen whether I liked it or not.

- Come on love, this is serious. This is something that means a lot to me so promise me, please.

- Zak, don't get so serious. But okay, if it's something that important to you then of course I promise. You know I would do anything for you. Except quit flying.

Zak grinned to my comment. So he hadn't gone totally serious on me after all.

- No, this has nothing to do with your flying. This is all about me. Well, mostly anyway. And okay, it may have something small to do with your flying but trust me, nothing to make you get grounded.

- Fine, fine. Shoot.

- I want you to promise me that if anything ever happens to me you will take care of Lee. Make sure he gets to be happy and that sort of things.

- What the frak are you talking about? What do you mean 'if anything ever happens to you'? Nothing's gonna happen to you.

Right after I said that I had this horrible feeling of certainty that something bad was really going to happen to him.

- Oh, you know, things happen in life….

- Shut up, nothing's going to happen to you and that's final. You should know better than to argue with me about things I know I'm right about. Besides, what about me? Why do you worry so much about Lee's happiness and not mine? I'm offended, I'm not going to talk to you anymore. I don't know if I even want to marry you anymore.

- Who says I haven't already told my brother to look after you?

- Told your brother! TOLD YOUR BROTHER! Do I not have any say in this matter? What if I never want to see his ugly face ever again? Now that is something that would make me happy…. No, I'm not having this conversation. Change the subject. How was the food in the cafeteria today?

- You know how it was, you ate the same food yourself. Come on Kara, please. I need you to promise me this. I need to know that whatever happens in life the two most important people in my life will be happy. Kara, you are strong. You may not always feel it but you are. You feel. Behind that tough exterior of yours you still are close to your emotions and that's why you survive. You handle things and then put them past you. Lee doesn't handle anything that has to do with feelings and emotions. You will have to teach him.

- Me, close to my emotions? Are you insane? I'm definitely not good with handling emotions. I royally suck at it. You of all people should know that.

- I know what I know, probably better than you even realise….

Zak whispered that last sentence and was then quiet for a moment, again looking at the playing boy. The weird comment made me wonder if he after all…. No, there had to be something else behind it. I knew I hadn't let anything show. A cold hand started to squeeze my heart and I could feel fear starting to creep in but I put a stop to it. I was getting very good at controlling everything that went on inside me. I love him and he knows it. End of that.

- So, will you promise me? To take care of Lee?

- Fine, fine, if it makes you happy, I promise. But nothing's going to happen to you so it makes this conversation pointless anyway. Can we now change the subject? Please?

- Soon, I promise. You know I love you, right?

- Yes, I know. And I love you.

- I want you to be happy.

- I AM happy.

- I love Lee too. He's my brother and I'd give anything to make sure he's happy.

- I'm sure he is.

- No, he's not. Hasn't been for a long time. I just wish he could've kept his childhood's enthusiasms and joy about things but he had to grow up too soon. After dad left he felt that as the oldest son he now had to be the man in the house and take care of mom and me. Of course it didn't help that those were the last things dad said to him before he walked out of the door with his things. Dad leaving made Lee forget that he was still supposed to be a little boy. Mom tried so hard to get him to play with the other kids and be a carefree child again but you know Lee, when he's made up his mind about something he won't budge. It was his responsibility to take care of our household and never let me and mom down like dad had done. He was a great big brother but he never just played with me anymore. You know, the kind of playing kids do when they have absolutely no knowledge of what the words 'careful' and 'responsibility' means. Whatever we did he always made sure it was perfectly safe for me and that mom wouldn't have to worry about us.

- Sounds like Lee.

- Yes it does. And it shouldn't. I miss the Lee who tickled me so much I fell down from the bed and hit my head to a table and had a huge bump on my forehead for a week. You know, you are the only one who has managed to make him lose his super-control even for a little while. Even if it is because of your endless fighting and bickering. But you have also made him laugh a lot too and I thank you for that.

- Hey, what can I say, I'm a complex and explosive but lovable person.

- Yes you are. And so is Lee, behind that mask of his. Look at him, he's so happy. I wish he would play like this more often.

I looked around in confusion. When had Lee entered the park?

- What do you mean look? He's not here. There's nobody here but us and that kid playing around.

- What kid? Can't you see? That's Lee and his famous act of a totally hot-shot Viper pilot pulling amazingly bold and brilliant stunts to single-handedly wipe out an entire fleet of Cylon base stars. Oh look, I think he's going to do a spinning free-fall next. I hope he can keep it together this time. Last time he puked on my shoes….

I looked at the kid in confusion and then I looked back at Zak. I was about to make some snarky comment about how the impending wedding day had finally made him lose his marbles when I saw him smile to me a bit sadly.

- Oh, come on Kara. Go on. I know you're dying to go there to show him who's the real hot-shot in this family.

- What are you….?

- Go and play with him. Show him who's who.

- Why won't you come and play with us? I don't want to go there alone. Come on, let's play together, all three of us!

- This is not my game or my playground. This belongs only to you and Lee. Don't worry, I'll be watching though, to make sure you both play nicely. Did you hear me Kara, go on and play nicely and let Lee win a few times too, okay?

I could feel the pull of the playground. The kid there had stopped his running and was in turn watching me, like he was waiting for me to make a decision. Apparently he hadn't puked. Then he turned to look at Zak and with a huge grin on his face started waving wildly to him.

I didn't know what to do. I wanted to go and I wanted to stay. I wanted to go there and wipe that grin off that brat's face by showing him my superior super-ultra-cool wipe-the-Cylons-out-of-existance –moves but I was terrified that if I did that I would somehow lose Zak forever. I felt Zak put his hand on my shoulder and gently shove me towards the playground.

- Go. I will love you forever, no matter what. Now it's time to play.

I turned to look at him and saw love and acceptance in his eyes. He already knew what my choice would be. He loved me and he wanted me to go and play and be happy.

Now it was my time to grin widely and so I sprinted towards the kid who was still waiting for me. I spread my arms and ran a circle and when I looked at Zak again it was his turn to look like a ten-year-old. I stopped and found grown-up Lee standing beside me, looking just like he had when I had last seen him on Galactica. He was smiling and with tears in his eyes he was waving to his kid brother. Then he looked at me, still smiling, and took my hand. Suddenly we weren't at the playground anymore but we were standing on Galactica's hangar bay and a small kid who looked a little like Zak was sliding down the wing of a Viper into our waiting arms, screaming with joy. Lee and I smiled to each other and I woke up to the feeling of the kid crashing into our waiting embrace.

I jumped from the bed and I could still feel Lee's firm hand on my back and the boy's little form in my arms. I noticed Anders still sound asleep right there beside me so I silently crept out of bed and out of the door with a blanket in tow. I set myself sitting on a bench nearby. I felt more confused than before. I've always known I haven't got one single maternal instinct in my system, largely thanks to my less than pleasant childhood. I have never wanted to have children. Ever. But now when I can still feel such a strong connection to the child whose touch is still lingering on my memory, it's like my body and my soul remembers him and recognises him as mine. I feel protectiveness so strong that I could rip the head off of anyone who even considers hurting him in any way. It's a shock to realise that after everything I still have these motherly genes hidden somewhere in me after all.

I had already started to let go of the ghost of me and Lee together and started to accept the fact that my destiny lied with someone else. Was it really Zak trying to send me a message and if it was what was the message really about? That he wanted me to kid around with Lee and make him laugh and happy but then remember how much he loved me? Or was he trying to tell me that it is okay to feel what I feel and that he thinks me and Lee would make each other happy? Or am I finally loosing my mind altogether thinking my dead fiancée is sending me some other-worldly messages in my dreams? I had no idea; I was feeling clueless to everything. But what I did know was that no matter how tired I was I could not go back to sleep in the same bed or even in the same room with Anders. I cared for him but I was not meant to stay with him. Zak had reminded me of that. My destiny was elsewhere.

So when we left in the morning I felt sad for leaving him and all those people because they had shown me with their spirit and care that the human race is still very much alive and kicking but I was also anxious to get home. That made me feel a little guilty because Anders had cared for me and he had shown me that I was still capable of feeling affection and not only this all-consuming numbness I had been feeling ever since I made my hasty retreat from Baltar's quarters. But when the hatch of the Raider closed behind me all I could feel was relief of finally getting out of that destroyed and desolate planet and anxiousness of getting home. I would miss these people and I really want to go back to get every living human being out of there but now I just want to go home.

TBC…