A/N: One chapter and the epilogue left after this. Short one, I know, and so will be the next one. Loving the feedback
Chapter 5: Fearing
This impending homecoming is making my stomach turn and it's not just the usual FTL sickness. What will I say to Lee? Or to the old man? Will I be able to look them in the eyes? Will they even want to see me?
I keep having this nightmarish image in my head. I step out of the Raider and first I see no one. Then I see only marines with guns pointing at me. I see a glimpse of Lee but before I get to say anything to him he leaves the bay without even looking at my direction. On his way out he orders the marines to escort everyone coming out of the Raider straight to the brig. He doesn't even say my name.
When I'm in the brig the old man comes to see me but he doesn't talk to me either, just stares at me disappointedly. After he leaves no one I know comes to visit me and I'm just left there all alone to shout at the walls how sorry I am that I disappointed everybody but that I'm disappointed at them too because Adama never should've lied to me and Lee was never supposed to give up on me no matter how much I screwed things up. They were supposed to be my family, my lifelines, and you always stick with your family. Always.
I know I let them down, especially Lee in more ways than just leaving. But they also let me down, Adama with lying and Lee… well, let's just say that some things were said that I'd rather not have heard at all, especially not from him. If I only knew what made him react so strongly and angrily... Knowing Lee he probably doesn't know the answer to that himself either. So no point in asking. I'm just wondering which one of us will first start to fix things because we can't leave things like this. I refuse to believe that these relationships are beyond fixing. We may not be able to talk about it for a long time but we can't stay angry with each other. I have to believe that. It doesn't stop me from being scared to death though.
TBC…