A/N: The following are some stories that I write as a tribute to my…fondness for this delightful fandom. They're all original creations, and if you happen to see anything here that resembles yours in any way, any way at all, then I am truly sorry. Otherwise, have fun!

Instant-messaging

Artemis: It's been a while since our last 'correspondence'. Are you suffering from…should I say, 'Work Preoccupation', lately?

Holly: How unlike you to ask the obvious. Of course I've been busy! I'm busy, Mulch's busy, the criminals are busy…everyone's busy.

Artemis: I beg to differ. I am not 'asking the obvious'. There could be hundreds of thousands of possibilities as to why you aren't replying my mails. You could be grievously ill. You could be on a holiday. You could be indulging in sloth. Do you want me to list down every possible scenario?

Holly: Do you want to, Mud Boy?

Artemis: Haha, actually, I don't. And I've noticed that you've reverted to calling me by the sobriquet, 'Mud Boy'.

Holly: How observant of you. SO?

Artemis: That means that you're annoyed.

Holly: Once again, SO? No, forget it. Mulch just IMPed me. We've got a case. Gotta run.

Artemis: Goodbye, Holly.

(The message "Goodbye, Holly" cannot be delivered as the recipient has left the conversation.)

Artemis closes the chat window with tears streaming down his cheeks. Online, he manages a cool, composed façade, but the moment Holly leaves, he regresses to depression. He isn't seeing her as often as he'd love to, and what's worse, she doesn't even know that he (gasp) has a crush on her! The biggest one yet. OMG.

For the first time in his short, short life, Artemis is lost. He confides in Butler. "You'll be fine, Artemis," gasps Butler as he coughs painfully, clutching his chest. "I know you will be." Butler is dying.

Artemis, however, is wearing a mournful expression on his face and fails to see that Butler is at the brink of death. "But she doesn't like me," he whines sadly. "She likes Trouble. I know it."

Butler's eyes roll madly, and he struggles for his last breath. "She…doesn't," he manages to choke out.

For the first time, Artemis notices that Butler is dying. He hurries over. "She doesn't?" he squeaks. "Butler, don't die on me! I need to know!"

Butler has a million things to say, such as, "Please take care of my sister," and "You have always been more than a principle to me, Artemis," and "Tell Madam Ko to give Juliet the blue diamond or I'll come back and haunt her", but because Artemis is looking so lovesick, his last words are reduced to, "She loves you, dammit!"

Artemis cries over Butler's death, but one wonders why he's wearing the inane smile on his face. Suddenly, Holly appears. She revives Butler, who cleverly understood that his screen time is over.

Butler: I need to use the bathroom. Goodbye, everyone!

Readers: SHADDUP, Domovoi!

Artemis: Is it true? You really love me?

Holly: (Tears her eyes away from his crystalline blue orbs) I have a confession. Actually, I haven't been busy. I was just staying away from the computer, trying to get my mind off you.

Artemis: Did it work?

Holly: No. I still love you, Arty. I always have. I thought that if we didn't see each other, I would forget you, but…

Artemis: And I always knew that you'll come for me, Captain Short, eh, Holly.

(Insert ultra touching scene here. Rating shoots straight to 'M'. Younger readers are kindly advised to stop reading at this point.)

And everyone lives happily ever after, till the end of their days.

oooooo

Return of the Obsessed Fan

A/N: I M V3RI ANGRI. NO1 GAV3 M3 ANY R3VIEWS. HOW CAN U B sooooooo cruel!111 dun u knoe dat i neeeeeed reviews 2 go on/ uwaaaaa!1111!11

But since I soooo nice, i will continueing dis stori anyway!11111

A/N AGAIN: dis stori is AU bcoz i dun wanna beetroot 2 dieeee!1111!1 hes so super sixy!11 oopsie wad am I saying/ hes nothing NOTHING compare 2 muh arty!111 OMGWTFBBQ arty is soooo hottttttt!1111

a/n again: i lied actuali i got 10 revies but I dun consider dem reviews becoz they are flamies…boo-hoo! I got sumthin 2 say 2 my flamers.

ConcernedReviewer89: U R C2PID!1111 so WAD if I think dat arty is a superhottie/1!1 he is he is he is he is! He is hotter than Draco Malfoy and legolas! He is mine, all MINE! U asked me 2 see a psikiatrist but I WONT! MUAHAHAHAHA

GrammarGuru: ooohhh, who r u 2 say dat my grammer sux? U r my mother izzit? U r my father? No? then kindly SHADDUP!

AurumEstPotestas91: yeah I have a life. Yeah I am sane. Y did u ask/

Crickshot: no I am not 5. i am older. Y?

Ashley1972: y is it imposibal 4 arty to smoke a cigar8te? Dis is fan fiction and EVERYTHING is possibal!11 y r u so stupid? U dun understanf de meanin of fan fiction or what!1

And to every1 else…

I HATE U ALL!111111 (but u still must give me review for my stori. NICE REVIEWIES)

A/N: oopsie, I forgot 2 write a stori…dis chappie is autor notes only…dun report me okies!111 pleeeeassse/

PS: arty is the hottest smartest sexiest coolest guy dat ever live….and he is MINE!111 BUAHAHAHAHA!11111!1

PSS: to diagonist, OMG I saw my stori in ur parody konpindium. Plz take it offff!111 if u dun I will sue u for plag…plagarice…oh dammit! I will sue u for copying me!1111