Of Heart

June 22, 2005

A/N: This was originally meant to be an ecchi, but it didn't quite make it. I like this story alot, actually. Okay, Sango, Miroku, and Shippou only make a brief mention, but, I like the way it came out. If you're wondering why this has a mature rating, well, Kagome is naked half of the story. Enjoy!

Kagome slipped the silk robe off her pale shoulders and relaxed into the hot, soapy water. She inhaled deeply and let her hair sink into the deliciously warm bath. She sighed. She could feel the tension of the past few days sinking into the water and dissipating. She loved this feeling. She loved the water touching every part of her body. The heat seemed to sink in farther than her skin. It seemed that the heat seeped and settled right into her bones.

It was times like this that she could feel Inuyasha.

Kagome could feel his touch, his mouth, his body all over hers. She gasped slightly at the thought. It was insane, she knew, how much she wanted him. She dreamed of him and thought of him to the point of obsession. If her body was anything like a temple to him, his body to her was true heaven. Something that if touched would be forever tainted and often, she had wondered, if they started something, would she stop?

But in all honesty, Kagome didn't like to think of the future. In her opinion, why not live in the present?

Or the past.

Enough thinking, Kagome thought. She leaned back into the hot water and enjoyed the warmth. She started humming in tune to some Hamasaki song that she couldn't remember that name of. She lay there until her fingers pruned and all the bubbles in the bath had evaporated. She stood up, water running down her body as gravity created thin rivers down her soft skin. Kagome wrapped her body in the butterfly patterned silk robe. Steam circles rose from her skin. They were soft, like the rest of her... soft shoulders, soft hips, soft breasts, soft thighs.

She was hot. Too hot to be confined to a small bathroom. Her bedroom was larger, and she was all alone... Maybe she could...

She left the room, trembling with want, half-naked, and into her bedroom, where Inuyasha sat on her bed, looking out the window. She gasped lightly, but didn't scream... not this time. Inuyasha turned his head, sharply, and gasped. He shut his eyes. He was blushing. At that moment, Kagome really wanted nothing more than for him to look at her, even if she wasn't dressed. She wanted him to see past her smiling facade, and into her eyes, where she wanted Inuyasha to return her feelings. But all of the pain only came to a head.

Am I really that painful to look at? Is Kikyou really so much different than I am?

Inuyasha opened his eyes, and in seeing that she was still standing naked in the doorway, shut them again.

Answer me, Inuyasha. Am I so ugly that you flinch when you look at me?

"Why did you come, Inuyasha?" She asked, softly. She wanted to know if he would tell her what she wanted to hear – even if he denied it in the morning.

"The runt was worried," he replied quickly.

Kagome looked at the floor, disappointed. "Oh, you weren't–?"

"I was."

"Oh."

Inuyasha had opened his eyes, but was turned, facing the window. She could see his reflection on the cold glass. Outside, it was raining and foggy. A car's headlights zipped by on the street below the Higurashi Shrine. "You should put some clothes on," he said. There was a sadness in behind his voice that she was sure she didn't imagine. She kept her eyes on the window and didn't move from her spot in the doorway. She couldn't. She refused. "Kagome?"

"Yeah?"

"You're... you're... in heat," Inuyasha said, face flaming.

Kagome turned her face away from him and the window. "I know," she whispered. And it was true. She had known that there was something different, but he said it, and she knew it was true. She gasped softly as Inuyasha stood up, his face still turned. He didn't look at her, and that nearly drove her crazy.

"Please, Kagome. It shouldn't be like this."

"But why? Is it because of Kikyou?"

Kagome regretted the words the moment they found a place in the atmosphere of the room. She had done it. She had finally cracked the barrier around Inuyasha's heart. The key to unlocking all of the sadness in his past, and she found it lying in the name of a dead lover whilst she stood naked in front of the boy. How quaint. He turned, forcing his eyes to stay locked on hers. "You know the answer to that, Kagome."

"I... I knew it all along." The words had flowed out of her mouth before she could even think about what she was about to say. Why? Why had she asked of Kikyou?

"Please put clothes on, Kagome."

"But you said it yourself!" She yelled now. Now she needed to scream, so she wouldn't cry. But she wanted to. Her nose clogged in that familiar way. Her eyes burned. "You said you were worried."

Inuyasha turned again. He wasn't blushing anymore. "You're not thinking right, Kagome. You're hot. Just leave it till morning, and you'll be glad." It killed him to say so. Inuyasha knew that if he didn't take her now, she would never offer again. "You can take care of yourself. You're just in heat."

"I'm not!" she cried out. "I've felt this way too long. So have you. I know, it, damn it, I know it!"

Inuyasha rounded on her. "So what it I have? Does that make Kikyou any less dead?"

That stung. That stung like a bitch. Kagome pulled the silk robe back around her shoulders, for the first time since that night in the Inuyasha no Mori when she unsealed him from Goshinboku, she was scared of Inuyasha, what he might do. But he did nothing. He was silent, brooding.

"What do you think of me?" she asked softly. "How do you see me?"

The question came as ice-cold shock to Inuyasha, remembering Kikyou so long ago. He remembered what he was going to say back then to Kikyou. He didn't think of Kagome in quite the same way.

"I- I see you as a woman," he said softly. Years ago, he would have said he saw Kikyou as a miko. When he first met Kagome, he would have said she was a poor imitation of Kikyou. Now, he saw her as a blossoming woman. "I see you as a person who loves to be happy and have fun."

"Not as a girl?" Her voice was chocked, and Inuyasha could smell salt in the air. She was crying. "Not as Kikyou's reincarnation?"

"No! You're Kagome." Inuyasha didn't want to find out, but he asked, because he knew it was important to her. "And how do you see me?"

She took the question to heart. Kagome took in a shuddered breath. "I see you as a boy with a pure heart. I see past the puppy ears and into your eyes. You're sad and bitter. Or, you were, at least. You've changed. You were just a boy when I met you, but now... I guess you're a man. Yeah, I see you as a man."

"Not as a hanyou?"

"No! You're Inuyasha."

Inuyasha smiled bitterly. She used the same thing on him.

"Inuyasha, I've never known anyone quite like you. You make my heart break and shatter and feel a million other things I never would have felt if I hadn't met you. You protect me and save me and help me. You aren't just a hanyou. There are a thousand other sides to you, and I want to see them all."

So.

"But... I've ruined it now, haven't I?" There was desperate hope in her strained voice.

She turned around, and Inuyasha saw her looking away, with only a bitter glint in her eyes.

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to do any of those things before. I didn't want to ruin our friendship."

"We can just forget it ever–"

"But it did happen! I don't want you to forget!"

"Then what do you want me to do?"

She paused fly a moment, but he felt like he was o death row (not that he knew what that was, of course) waiting to be judged. She was silent for a second more, then she spoke with all of the strength she could muster. "Leave."

Ouch, that stung.

"Why?"

"Because, I can't live with you knowing you know how I feel, but that you don't return my feelings."

"I never said that."

"You said her name instead of mine. You chose Kikyou over me."

Inuyasha growled. "I didn't mean it that way!"

"But you said it. You are hers, Inuyasha. Your life belongs to her. And no matter what I do, things will never change. I can't change the past. So, leave." Kagome turned her head. She was willing to drop everything if Inuyasha just left now, without her having to beg. She didn't want to beg. Kagome sat down on the other side of the bed with her hands neatly folded on her knees. Inuyasha didn't say anything. "Please, Inuyasha, leave me with my dignity."

Inuyasha stood up quickly, and Kagome had to wonder if she had made him angry. "Who said I was taking your goddamn dignity, huh?" he demanded. "You just practically spelled out that I was Kikyou's lap dog! So, where'd my dignity go, huh?"

Kagome sat quietly, taking the verbal abuse. She knew she had shaken Inuyasha right down to the metaphorical core. She didn't know how she could lie to that- that sort of anger.

"What, Kagome, for the first time, you're speechless? Or do you just not know what to say?"

"With me," Kagome said softly, so softly, in fact, that had it not been for Inuyasha's superhuman hearing, he was certain he wouldn't have heard it at all.

"What?" he demanded.

"You left your dignity with me the moment you touched Kikyou's lips."

That statement, said so softly, so carefully, was what set him off the deep end. "What, dammit, what do you want me to do? Tell me what you want me to fucking do!"

"Kiss me."

Woah, whatever he'd been expecting for her to say, it sure as hell hadn't been that. Inuyasha stood with his mouth gaping open for a few seconds, then–

"W-W-What?" he asked, dumfounded.

"Oh, Inuyasha, it's not like I asked you to sleep with me, I just asked for a kiss. No big deal, just one little kiss." She looked up at him with those big blue eyes through thick eyelashes, and he was sure that kissing Kagome would be some sort of blasphemy that would cause his soul to be condemned to hell for all eternity. That was just the sort of thing that was always happening to him. So, he stayed undecided... for about another two seconds.

"Um, okay." Inuyasha was sure that his face had to be purple with embarrassment, but Kagome seemed to not have even lost her cool for a second. It was amazing where this night had led. So, Kagome stood up, and stood in front of him, looking at him in the eyes, squinting, like she was trying to discover some hidden secret in them. It was then that Inuyasha noticed how pretty Kagome looked in the butterfly-printed kimono. He was on the verge of mentioning something along those lines, but was stopped when Kagome's lips pressed against his. First came the moment of panic, and then, when the initial shock subsided, and he realized Kagome was really, really kissing him, he tried moving his arms. Halfway through going to grasp her shoulders, brought his hand back down to his sides, while painfully aware of how stupid he must've looked. He tried closing his eyes, then opening them, then closing them again, and then wriggled like you're supposed to when you're doing serious kissing. Kagome pulled away and looked at him curiously. "Uh, sorry..." he said. Inuyasha was fully aware that he was blushing BAD. "I'm not very good at this." Kagome smiled.

"You're doing fine."

And then, she kissed him again, and Inuyasha didn't stop halfway through putting his hands on her shoulders, and the awkwardness of closing his eyes faded. And, the wriggling just came and the kiss was magically deepened. All of the awkwardness disappeared when Inuyasha stopped worrying about it. The whole thing took care of itself.

Inuyasha was disappointed when the kiss did end. He had just gotten the hang of it, too. But Kagome pulled away, flicking a stray piece of hair back behind her ears, smiling.

"That was nice," she said.

"Yeah..."

It suddenly occurred to Inuyasha that he might not mind living with that every day. But, then he realized, that even if he did fall in love with Kagome, he wouldn't be able to be with her because of his promise to Kikyou. Inuyasha had promised to protect Kikyou, but hadn't he also promised to protect Kagome?

"Inuyasha," Kagome whispered, shaking Inuyasha out of his reverie, "are you mad at me?"

Inuyasha was surprised. "No. Why would I be?"

"I asked you to kiss me when it meant nothing to you. I was being selfish."

Inuyasha felt a brief stab of anger. "What do you mean, it meant nothing?" he asked sharply. Kagome looked confused. "We like each other, don't we? It meant something, Kagome, even if all it was, was that we've been there for each other."

Kagome looked down, and Inuyasha could smell salt in the air. She was crying again. "You're right."

So, Inuyasha waited until Kagome ad stopped crying, and they picked up another topic: Naraku. They talked about the Shikon no Kakera and Kagome mentioned something about them being like Inuyasha, but she hadn't elaborated, and Inuyasha hadn't asked. He got what she was saying. They talked about Sango and Miroku, then about Kikyou, Inuyasha's family, and Kagome's father. They talked until the sun came up, when Inuyasha took Kagome to the top of the Goshinboku and let her see the sunrise. And, yeah, they kissed again.

Inuyasha really could see spending forever with Kagome, and maybe he would, maybe he wouldn't. They would worry about that when the time came. For now, he would just be happy watching the sun rise over the skyscrapers.