In the moments afterwards, Hephaistion was the only one who remained by Alexander's side. Hephaistion felt guilty, for his thoughts were of loving a King, as he watched the destabilized Alexander drop to his knees as soon as they came to the bedroom.
"You spoke with your mother?" Hephaistion said softly, kneeling down beside him.
" If what we had was a conversation" Alexander said darkly, tears still streaming down his face. His beautiful eyes were red from the constant flow of pain that stained the beauty of Alexander; it hurt Hephaistion deeply to see it.
"Isn't this what you wanted?" Hephaistion asked him dumbly. In reflection, Hephaistion realized that it was a stupid question, as Alexander's face contorted, his fists clenched and with an all mighty heave he pushed Hephaistion over and pinned him down, just like when they were boys, wrestling with each other.
"Oh it's everything I've ever wanted, Hephaistion" Alexander mocked, his lips so close to Hephaistion's he could taste them, but the anger in Alexander's voice was scary and distant, as he jerked Hephaistion forward, biting his lip, but it wasn't playful it was painful.
It bled in Alexander's mouth, and built up with rage and fury it didn't occur to Alexander that he had just willingly hurt his lover and friend. Hephaistion eyes' watered from the pain as Alexander kissed Hephaistion passionately, the blood running freely between their mouths, the viciousness of Alexander's mind and body on full display.
Alexander pulled away, as Hephaistion's hand immediately covered his bleeding mouth. Alexander's eyes were sorrowful, but the rest of him was stuck in static, he was breathing heavily, his mouth tasted Hephaistion's blood, his face was stained with his fathers.
"Alexander" Hephaistion said after a few moments of silence, Alexander was leaning up against the bed post, his head in his hands.
"Just go, Hephaistion" Alexander told him softly, trying to contain his rage. "Just go"
"No" Hephaistion said defiantly, showing his swollen bloodied lip to Alexander, " I will not leave you"
" I will only take my pain out on you? Then how will I forgive myself?" Alexander asked him,
"I am willing, because you are in such pain" Hephaistion told him, coming over to Alexander. Alexander watched Hephaistion briefly, the arch of his soft tanned back, the crescent shape scar on his cheek, the deepest bluest eyes he had ever seen, crawling towards him, slowly sitting up and staring him in the face. Hephaistion extended his hand to Alexander's cheek, and Alexander tilted his head so that it brushed Hephaistion finger tips.
"No I can't…" Alexander suddenly jerked away, as Hephaistion's hand sat cold and stagnant.
'But why Alexander?" Hephaistion asked him, wanting to feel Alexander against him more than anything,
"I don't want it resolved by this" Alexander head dropped, "I want you, and you know I do. But I can't go on abusing your body for the sake of my contentment"
Hephaistion's eyes widened, "Never have you abused me, Alexander"
"Then what is this?" Alexander asked, "Then what has my anger and sadness brought you on your knees for?"
Hephaistion was almost crying as Alexander drew in deep breaths. Hephaistion sat up and sitting a few inches away from Alexander.
'Making love to you is a joy, Alexander" Hephaistion confessed, "When we are in our hours of need it is best that we release it"
"I don't want to hurt you" Alexander mumbled, "I hurt you the last time, and those eyes, those beautiful eyes tell more than you would ever speak"
"My Alexander" Hephaistion's voice was cracking from sadness, "I…"
'Just look at what I've reduced this too… I want to make love to you when I am well and good, when we both enjoy each other"
Hephaistion nodded, "I know this but when I hear these things, Gods Alexander, I want you more"
Alexander smiled a little then, "I'm sorry" he muttered, standing up, "go, go now"
Hephaistion was sobbing as he obediently left Alexander alone. Then he ran, he ran so fast and so hard that he tripped and landed head first into the garden. He picked himself up and there in front of him was Olympias.
"Hephaistion?" she asked, aiding him to stand.
"My Queen" Hephaistion acknowledged her, bowing slightly.
"You were with Alexander?" she asked, he nodded.
"How is he?" she said softly, her eyes searching Hephaistion's face for an answer.
"He's… sleeping" he answered her, it was a lie but none the less.
"What happened to your lip?" she asked him, noticing the bite marks,
"Oh I ran into a door and bit my lip" he offered, but he knew she knew what really happened.
"Perhaps you should leave him till he is better rested? It has been a hard day for him, Hephaistion. He needs time"
Hephaistion's eyes lowered slightly, "Yes, I suppose you are right"
"He will come to you" she insisted, patting Hephaistion's shoulder. "I promise"
"Don't make promises you can't keep" Hephaistion thought as he brushed past his Queen, hurriedly trying to escape that night and it's memories, as a restless and distraught Alexander was trying to do the same.