Authors note: Hot and cold is Alexander towards Hephaistion. You'd wonder why Hephaistion would put up with him.
Alexander awaited Hephaistion's arrival for many hours. He walked up and down the hallways of his great palace, watching his mother who was busy out in he garden with Parmenion, then retracting his eyes to the inside of his room. He sat, in a long golden shawl that covered the top of his bare shoulders; small white shorts that showed most of his thigh were snug up around his crotch as he ran his tanned hands across the whites of his legs. He was tired, he was melancholy. He had a terrible migraine, brought on by the liquor he had to drink last night.
Alexander was never much of a drinker, but when he became the successor of the throne, goblets appeared in front of him, as a sign that he had reached maturity. So he drank from them, unlike his father who on occasion would get caught up in his drunk behaviour, Alexander took it to the next level; he was completely intoxicated for most of the day, even worse when Hephaistion wasn't there.
When Hephaistion finally came through the doors, looking worse for wear than usual, Alexander didn't immediately go to his side. He waited, patiently thumbing the outside of his goblet, as its red contents dribbled down the front of his bare chest.
Aristotle was still trying to convince Alexander for an inquest, saying that the time had come for it since they were due to leave Macedon in two weeks. Alexander hadn't prepared for the war, his mind had been focused on one thing; Hephaistion. So it was strange, Aristotle thought, when Alexander didn't announce himself at their arrival.
"Alexander requests you go to his room" Aristotle told the exhausted Hephaistion, who red eyes looked pained, but he ignored it. Everyone ignored it. Nobody really cared what happened to Hephaistion, in their eyes he was just Alexander's servant; nothing more.
Hephaistion nodded and slowly made his way to Alexander's room. He knocked once and waited. A drunk and weak looking Alexander approached his door, his hand gripped it so he would remain standing up right, and his eyes were squinted as if being faced by sunlight. He looked Hephaistion up and down.
"Enjoy your trip?" he asked him, Hephaistion shook his head. Alexander wasn't seeing what Hephaistion wanted him too see. Hephaistion was in pain, massive pain, and all Alexander was thinking about was himself. He sighed and waited for Alexander to close the door. He did so, slowly turning around he stumbled over to the circular couch in his room, sitting down.
'Come, sit" Alexander beckoned him, and Hephaistion sat down. It was the first time since being knocked out Hephaistion had rested, he made a guttural groan- the pain in his scrotum was unbearable as he winced trying to hold it in.
"Pretty Hephaistion" Alexander cooed, Hephaistion recognized this stage of Alexander's drunkenness all to well. The loving Alexander and the forceful Alexander. He waited for Alexander's hands to brush his leg playfully, but instead Alexander' slapped him hard across the chest, and he continued to do it till Hephaistion was sore and red.
Alexander was crying out incoherently, as his dirty nails dragged across Hephaistion's skin. Hephaistion grabbed his hand and held it, looking at Alexander's eyes.
"Alexander…" Hephaistion said softly, again being the guiding gentle lover of the pair, he brought Alexander closer to him, as Alexander dropped weeping into his thighs.
"Why did you leave me? Why…" Alexander was sobbing, as Hephaistion also tried to stop himself from crying too, he bent his neck down slightly to his chin was sitting just on Alexander's head, he sighed.
" ….. I didn't know if I wanted this" Hephaistion admitted, "I didn't know if I could handle this"
Alexander glanced up, his hazy mahogany eyes, which were puffy from crying and alcohol effects just stared at him blankly.
'You didn't want me?" Alexander muttered, disgusted.
"No, Alexander… of course I wanted you, I just wasn't sure that I'd be good for you"
Alexander grinned stupidly, the yellow of his teeth was disgusting, and his breath was putrid,
"Look at what I have become with you…" Alexander muttered, pointing to his wine stained chest, his puffy eyes… 'The only thing I had to keep me as King is you…"
"Alexander…" Hephaistion said softly, "…. You are King for more reasons than me"
"Oh nonsense" Alexander bickered, sitting up a little and away from Hephaistion.
"You have such little faith… there are those who would take advantage of such feelings" Hephaistion whispered, his face etched with concern,
"… who Cassander? Cleitus? Are these the men you accuse?" Alexander asked him, Hephaistion shuddered at their names; Alexander was still unaware of what had happened.
"Yes, they want the throne so badly Alexander… they may take it from you" his voice shook with worry, "they'll try anything"
"It seems you'll try anything to get away from me" Alexander turned the subject back to Hephaistion leaving; Hephaistion hated it when Alexander did that.
'…. I came back" Hephaistion grunted, "I am here, right now…"
"…. And I'm supposed to be overjoyed am I not?" Alexander bickered, Hephaistion recognized this too. Alexander was in the 3rd stage of his drunkenness. First was sadness, then anger and now its bitterness, envy. The worst stage in Hephaistion's opinion.
"Calm down, Alexander" Hephaistion begged, worried that Alexander was going to start hitting him again,
"I shan't" Alexander protested, his whole face was now red, his eyes were slit like cats pupils.
"…. Please don't start this tonight, Alex…." Hephaistion begged, but Alexander grabbed him, and pushed him over. Alexander was sitting on top of him, Hephaistion couldn't help but cry out in pain as tears ran freely down his face.
Alexander so caught up in his own anger and frustration didn't realize and started to pull Hephaistion's clothes causing them to rip and tear, as Hephaistion was begging Alexander to stop.
"I've waited for you for so long… that finally I feel refreshed, rejuvenated" Alexander smiled, has Hephaistion closed his eyes trying not to focus on the pain,
'Alexander there's something I've got to tell you…" Hephaistion began, as Alexander came straight down onto him, lying flat out across Hephaistion's now naked body, he kissed Hephaistion's shoulders,
'…. Alexander, please?" Hephaistion cried, and Alexander stopped. He looked at Hephaistion's face, which was twisted in pain, his mouth was parted slightly in silent sobs of agony as Alexander's eyes widened.
'…. Hephaistion?" Alexander asked him, putting a hand to Hephaistion's cheek, his hand stained in Hephaistion's tears.
"I'm sorry… but not tonight, I have suffered so, Alexander" Hephaistion wept, and he sat up. His breathing was erratic and frightening as Alexander moved his hand to Hephaistion's crotch, Hephaistion screamed out in pain.
"What has happened, here?" Alexander asked him, his worried eyes searched Hephaistion's for an answer as Hephaistion shook his head.
" I cannot say…" Hephaistion muttered, twisting himself so he wasn't facing Alexander any longer.
" You must tell me, who did this to you?" Alexander demanded, as Hephaistion shook his head.
"It was my own fault… I'm to blame" Hephaistion couldn't believe himself, he was defending Cassander.
"…. You did that to yourself?" Alexander glared at him, " but why?"
"I missed you so… I felt wrong for leaving you" Hephaistion whimpered, as Alexander got off him and lay beside him,
"…. I never realized I could cause you so much pain, too" Alexander whispered, " I know we've had our fights… but, physical pain?"
'I'm sorry Alexander" Hephaistion sobbed, "I'm sorry…"
"Don't be, I am the one who's sorry" Alexander said apologetically, he turned into Hephaistion, "I shall let you rest, and we shall talk tomorrow…." Alexander patted his shoulder, and kissed his cheek.
As he got up to leave Hephaistion sat up a little,
'Please don't leave… just stay" Hephaistion smiled weakly, Alexander nodded and then looked to the door where Aristotle was waiting.
"There are more… impending matters" Alexander couldn't breathe, his eyes were focused on Hephaistion's, as Hephaistion's eyes begged for him to stay.
"…. I need you" Hephaistion whispered softly,
"And I'll come back, I promise" Alexander said, closing the door to Hephaistion's cries.
Hephaistion started sobbing again, trying to stop himself from crying he covered a pillow over his face and lay there, naked, in pain and alone again. How was it Alexander could treat him so without rebuttal? How was it so Hephaistion didn't say the truth about Cassander? Why…
Hephaistion slapped himself in the face, trying to calm himself down as he just rested on Alexander's bed, waiting for his return into his life again, though he wouldn't know how long he'd wait.