Authors Note: Thanks to my reviewers and thanks to Scarlett.

Sands moved around the perimeter of the hotel, running his hand along the wall. There was a slight clicking to be heard as he moved. The cane hit the sidewalk as he walked slowly. He had to get out of the hotel room. He had to get away before things turned even bloodier between him and El, and he didn't want to hurt Cerise if she'd tried to stop him from killing the bastard.

He continued to walk, moving around a corner and what he figured was a garden, cause he fucking walked right into a planter! Shoving away from it, he rubbed his elbow, swearing. The strap at the top of the cane had kept it to his wrist, but he listened to it swing into the concert planter as he leaned against it slightly.

With a sigh he shoved away from it again, and continued walking. Cerise was right, it was all getting to him. He didn't even want to begin to think about the headache he had from all the noise. It was beginning to be that every little sound, he cringed in pain. And every time he woke up, he couldn't fight back the panic he felt for not being able to see his surroundings. He hated all the cautious moving, having to rely on someone else, especially someone like Charles. And he hated this cane! He'd been using it in the hospital, when no one was around, and he hated to admit that it worked, that it helped him. But it did, and that's why he'd kept it.

He continued walking along the gravel path in this the large botanical garden. Somewhere to his left, he heard a large waterfall. He could smell the vivid mixture of a hundred different flowers, feel the warm air. He had no doubt that it was supposed to have a calm effect, but he just didn't have anything left in him to even TRY and calm himself down. He was on that edge and if someone pushed him over, things were going to go a lot worse.

His mind was wandering so badly, that he hadn't thought to listen if he was the only one in the garden. He wasn't, and he was about to pay greatly for this mistake. As he considered his next step, he slammed into a body. "Fuck..." he swore under his breath, stumbling back slightly, regaining his balance. But the other body grabbed his arm.

"Well, I see you've yet to adjust to your new lifestyle," she said.

Sands entire body froze at that voice. His mind screamed back at him to move, but his body would not respond. "You..." he hissed.

"Yes... me. You just don't learn, do you baby?" She grinned watching him. His body finally responded and he fought to pull his gun, but she slammed the muzzle of her gun under his chin. Adjerez watched him stop moving again.

"Aww... what's the matter Sands?" she taunted him. "You're not half the man I screwed before."

He cringed. "That's forgettable," he replied. "You left a bad taste in my mouth."

She glared. "I could almost say the same about you," she replied softly, letting her fingers move from the barrel of her gun to run over the lower part of his cheek. Sands jerked his head back, but she slammed him into a stone pillar, gun still under his chin, and kissed him.

Sands shoved her away from him, growling. But she cocked the gun, keeping him pressed to the pillar, and searched him. She removed his two guns and dropped them on the floor. "And what's this?" She removed the strap of the cane from his wrist, pulling it away from him. "A new accessory, I see," she remarked, tossing it behind her with his guns. Sands didn't reply; he was numb, void of any feeling, except the worst.

"I'm not here to kill you, sadly," Adjerez said, stepping back but keeping her gun pointed at him. "But that doesn't mean we can have a little fun. I'm afraid I owe you one." She pulled the trigger. Sands let out a muffled cry of pain as the bullet lodged itself in his shoulder. "As for Rosa... well you wont be getting anymore information from her. She's dead."

Cruel Irony, he reminded himself, panting in pain. He heard her walking away, the gravel crunching and he couldn't stop himself from hitting the ground hard. This was that breaking point he'd been scared of. Slowly and painfully he moved onto his knees and crawled towards where he believed his guns to be. His fingers closed around one and he grabbed it, shooting towards the direction he'd last heard her, but he knew it was useless, she was already gone. He emptied the clip before picking up the smaller one.

She did this!

I can't see... why can't I see...

I killed her! I know I fucking killed her!

He tumbled forward, his injured shoulder ran into the floor, and his entire right side screamed in pain. But he lay there, clutching the small 9mm and panting, blood coating the gravel below him.

I've gotta open my eyes....

why can't I open my eyes...

Where the fuck am I?!

He brought his hands up to his face, grabbed the sunglasses and pulling them off. His fingers came in contact with the empty eye sockets and he screamed. He rolled over stiffly, pressing the heels of his hands against the holes. His whole body was in panic. A cold sweat covered every muscle, and he couldn't fight back the trembling.

When he finally dropped his hands, he just lay there, slipping into a darkness far worse then what he'd been living with since he'd woken up in that hospital room.

Cerise pushed the door of the garden's open and slipped inside. Not that she expected to find Sands there, but maybe she could clear her own head before she went and looked for him. She'd made the worst damn mistake in the room, telling El about Sands' loss of sight. He would NOT be happy. She cringed at the thought. She was so fucking tired of arguing with him.

With a sigh, she turned the corner on the path, walking past the waterfall, noting that there was an area behind it to sit, and a way to get inside this area. She may go there later tonight, to read or something. She looked back at the path and raised her eyes, all but stopping. She gasped.

She ran forward, dropping to her knees in the gravel beside him. One hand was still clutching the smaller of the two guns, the other lay a few feet away, and behind her was his aluminum cane. His sunglasses where near his head.

He was bleeding. She broke the first three buttons of his shirt, pushing it back from his shoulder to see the wound.

What the hell had he tried to do, shoot himself?!

But the moment her fingers touched the area around the wound, Sands came too, gasping for air deeply. He struggled against her hands. "NO!" he shouted, pushing her away.

"Sheldon!" Her eyes flew to the gun as he began raising his hand. "Don't do this!" she cried, grabbing his wrist, but he struggled to get it raised and the shot echoed through out the garden.

Cerise straddled his legs, wrenching the gun from his hand and throwing it into the ground. "You cannot be doing this!" She grabbed both his wrists, much like he had her own only an hour ago. But he fought and pulled, clawing at her arms.

"Get away from me!" he screamed, pulling. "Don't touch me, don't you fucking touch me!"

He kicked her off of him. Cerise rolled and got to her feet, in time to see Sands stagger to his own. "I know what's going on here!" he hissed, gesturing wildly. "You, them, they did this!" He pushed the heel of his hands against the eye sockets again. He and swayed. "I killed her, I killed her..." He muttered over and over again.

"Sheldon, who?"

Cerise took two steps towards him and his head snapped up. "Don't fucking move," he threatened in a tone she'd never heard him use, and she froze. Sands moved his hands from his eyes to press against his temples. "I'm Sheldon Jeffrey Sands of the Central Intelligence Agency. I throw shapes. I set them up, and I watch them fall." He repeated these words over and over again.

Cerise cringed. This was just wonderful. He was having a fucking breakdown right in front of her eyes. She expected it to happen sooner or later, but couldn't believe it now that she was seeing it. She took a deep breath. It was time to do what she did best, and talk him down. Just like the acid trip, she reminded herself.

"Sheldon," she spoke calmly, but her voice was enough to get his attention.

"Who are you!?" he demanded, head turning wildly. "Sheldon, darling, it's me, it's Cerise. Your Cherry." He was taking steps away from her.

"No, no, no... she died. I watched her die, she died..."

"Come on, Sheldon, would I be standing here if I was dead?" she asked rationally.

"NO!" he snapped roughly. "SHE put you up to this, didn't she? I'll kill you."

Cerise dove forward as he crouched. Tackling him, she drove him back into a pillar a lot harder then she'd intended. His head hit the cement with a smack and he went still, but his heavy breathing told her he was still with her. She grabbed the gun, found it was empty and tossed it into the bushes. But she hadn't paid attention to Sands' hand and this was her mistake.

He pulled her desert eagle from her holster and shoved her over on to her back, the muzzle of the gun against her temple. He straddled her body, his other hand near her throat. She didn't move, because she knew if she gave him the chance he needed, he'd do it.

"Sheldon," she breathed, staring up at him, forcing herself not to look away from his face, even with it this close and without his sunglasses. Pain and desperation was etched in it's lines. "Listen to me, Sheldon." "

Why should I?!" he hissed, finger slipping off the safety off.

Cerise took a breath. "Shelly. Think, please. I know you can understand, I know you can get past this."

"I CAN'T FUCKING SEE!" he screamed. She cringed.

"Shelly, luv, please! Think of Lily." Her own voice bordered on desperation.

Sands froze. That name was familiar and he struggled to grasp it. Where was he, what was he doing right now?! Mexico. He was in Mexico. In Mexico with no eyes. No eyes. He couldn't see. God why did it have to hurt so fucking much?! He let a stifled cry of pain as he pushed against his temple with one hand, the other never releasing the gun.

Cerise watched, she was making headway. "Shelly, you've got to remember, everything, the hospital, your apartment, Lily being kidnapped... us." She managed to move her hand, raising it slowly. "Please Shelly, remember." She choked on her tears. "I need you," she whimpered. He dropped his hand to her shoulder, pushing her down again, but the gun went lax against her head.

Cerise kept talking, though she was running out of things to say. So she went a different way. "Remember what we promised?"

"What promise?" he hissed.

Cerise swallowed. "I would fight for you. I'd lie for you, walk the wire for you. I'd die for you," she whispered. He didn't move, his entire being went still. Internally, she was begging for him to remember. She needed him to remember, not just for himself any more, but for her. For them. It took a long time for him to consider what they'd promised.

Finally he spoke, softly. "Take me as I am. Take my life. I would give it all. I would sacrifice."

She sighed, closing her eyes. She heard the gun drop to the gravel beside her and Sands moved. Cerise opened her eyes, watching him sit back against the pillar, knees drawn and head in his hands. Cerise left her gun where it was and crawled over to him.

He didn't raise his head, which muffled his voice. "A lot of fucking good I'm doing."

Cerise sighed and sat up on her knees. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him. She was more then a little surprised when he didn't pull away. and for a moment, she didn't move. Then she pulled him with her, sitting herself against the pillar, his head against her shoulder.

"Don't say that, Shelly." She ran her hand through his hair, leaning her head back.

He snorted but didn't answer. God, he was in pain. "I just wanna die right now..." he muttered.

"Not allowed," she hissed strongly. "God damn it, Sheldon Jeffrey Sands, I need you! Our daughter needs you!" She cried, tears flowing freely. "I mean, damn it! You're still who you used to be! You're still the CIA's Cowboy! And don't you fucking forget it!"

He turned himself to raise his head in her direction. "Your confidence in me is tremendous," he replied sarcastically.

"Fuck you," she muttered.

"I would, but I have a bullet lodged in my shoulder."

"Yes, I noticed. What the fuck where you trying to do? Shoot yourself?!"

He gave her a look. "It wasn't me."

"Then who?!"

"Adjerez...Ellina Adjerez..." The name didn't exactly ring a bell with Cerise but from Sands' tone, she got the feeling this was someone he hadn't expected to see alive.

"She's involved in all this..." Cerise muttered, a statement, not a question.

"Looks that way." Sands sat back against the pillar next to her, leaning on her. She leaned back against him, suddenly too tired to keep herself upright. They sat there together, huddled close. Sands found her hand, entangling his fingers in hers.

"Promise me, the next time you decided to have a breakdown, don't be armed," she muttered.

"I'll try..." he snorted. He turned slightly, burring his face in her hair, a moment of peace sinking in as they listened to the waterfall.

"Let's go get that bullet out of your shoulder," she said after awhile. The sun having set outside. Sands sighed and let her pull him to his feet. He leaned on her as they started for the door. "Wait..." He stopped, his foot searching. When it hit the cane, he bent down and picked it up, folding it. His fingers also found his sunglasses and he slipped them on again before standing.

"When'd you..."

"It stays between us," He stated, it was an order.

Cerise smiled slightly as he slipped the cane into his pocket. "Fair enough. Let's go cowboy."