Authors note: An expansion, if you will, on Alexander's thoughts and feelings before and after that really beautiful scene in Alexander where he is crying, surrounded by the dead on the battle field.
"YOU CAN RUN TO THE END OF THE WORLD YOU COWARD! BUT YOU'LL NEVER RUN FAR ENOUGH!"
Alexander pulled the reigns on his horse, as he watched the tyrant escape the punishment that Alexander longed to give. Alexander turned slightly, and Cleitus, Cassander, Hephaistion all came up beside him. Alexander could taste blood on his lips, salty, dirty and thick. He couldn't get it off no matter how many times, back at the camp, he washed it from his face. He could hear them screaming, the thousands of men wounded on the field, as he kept washing the blood off his hands and his face. Even though gone, he continued to wash until his skin was raw from viciously scrubbing.
"Alexander?" Hephaistion asked him, noticing immediately the open wound on Alexander's leg which Alexander was ignoring.
"You're injured…" Hephaistion felt a stabbing pain of anxiety as Alexander looked at him drowsily; his mind was clogged with thoughts of screaming men, decaying bodies, blood and grime. He tipped the dirty water on the ground and poured fresh water into the basin, dipping his all ready clean hands into it, scrubbing away again. Hephaistion watched him silently for a moment, before grabbing his arm.
"Alexander, please?" Hephaistion said softly, resting his lips on the side of Alexander's forehead,
"It's never going to wash away" Alexander muttered, as Hephaistion towelled of his hands, holding Alexander like a mother would a small child after bathing. The water dripped down Alexander's front, trickling down his leg to his wound, which was stinging and throbbing, bleeding profusely.
"Sit, Alexander" Hephaistion told him, Alexander shook his head.
"You must rest" Hephaistion told him, "It's been a long day"
"While thousands of our men are dying, I as their king shall rest in his chair? Never would I abandon those that fought for my cause, Hephaistion. I said it before, and I'll say it again, I'm not my father'
He limped away from Hephaistion, as Hephaistion remained silent and still. Things wouldn't be the same between them again, he realized. Alexander had done what Philip believe he never could, become a King, a soldier and a leader of an army, to which Hephaistion knew its consequences.
"My King, you're hurt!" one of the men exclaimed when Alexander limped into the hospital tent, he told him not to worry about him and to go and tend to someone else. He was ignoring the pain, like he had learnt to when he was younger. He walked over to one of the young dying men, he knelt before him, and he could see in the boys' eyes he was fearful. Tearfully Alexander knew that this boy wouldn't live, and held his hand until a fatal blow to the back of his head would kill him.
Death surrounded Alexander. Slow, agonizing and remorseless death. He tried to close his eyes, he tried to take the images away by thinking of other things, but nothing he could think of could take his thoughts to something else. He forced back his tears, as the dead and the dying meshed into one in his mind.
Hephaistion had remained alone in Alexander's tent, but fearing the worst for his King he went out to see where Alexander was. Alexander was stumbling out in amongst the rows of dead, the dying horses, the blood soaked sand.
Tripping, stumbling, almost falling over the corpses, Alexander made a path through the dead. He wasn't sure why he would walk amongst them, but he could hear voices in his head, talking, yelling. He saw his mothers face cast a ghostly shadow, and looking skyward, he wandered where his eagle had flown, for all he saw were vultures. He shuddered, almost sick with the thought. The stories of old were flowing through his brain and out again, the man whose liver was to be plucked out for eternity for the creation of fire, would Alexander be submitted to the mercy of the sun god too? Or was he all ready?
He knelt down and started sobbing, tears flowing from him that he hadn't shed in quite a while. It wasn't just his unfortunate circumstance, but the way that everything had built up to a beautiful moment and came crumbling around at his feet. He could hear someone moving behind him, and he turned slightly, above him, Hephaistion stood, a warm and radiant glow encased his body as he took Alexander's hand.
"Come, Alexander" was the only words Hephaistion told him, and helped Alexander to stand. "We have Babylon to explore" Hephaistion smiled, as he held Alexander upright.
"He is still alive" Alexander said bitterly, "We have nothing"
"They run, don't they? They run from the greatest King in the entire world" Hephaistion praised, as a weary defeated Alexander rested against Hephaistion's chest,
"You still believe that?" Alexander asked him, "even after all of this?"
"What is a war without its deaths? It would be like a play without its characters. Everyone needs to do their part and they knew that, and they respect you for it" Hephaistion told him, Alexander shook his head,
"Then why do I feel I have betrayed them? Taking them away from their homes to be slaughtered?"
"The opposing team have far greater losses, Alexander. Your dead is merely a cut at the surface, they lost most of their defence"
Alexander grunted, pushing Hephaistion's hair away from his neck so he could nuzzle in closer. Hephaistion could feel the itchy skin of Alexander's cheek, comforted by this he sighed,
"What matters is you and I are alive, Alexander" Hephaistion whispered, "As long as we're together, that what else matters in the world?"
"The world, Hephaistion" Alexander retorted, "I want this to be the beginning of something grand"
"And it will be" Hephaistion smiled, "you just have to trust it"
Alexander nodded and allowed Hephaistion to walk him away from the death and destruction that once plagued his mind. So what if the sun god would be angry at man for creating fire? Man was intelligent and knew that this action was necessary. Just as Alexander knew now that death was merely part of the game of war; as long as Hephaistion was there to convince him that, there were no worries, until his time came at Babylon.