Authors note: Just a bit of clarity but the last line in the last chapter I wrote was actually Cassander talking to himself, not Hephaistion instigating anything with him.
Alexander rested his head against the back of the bath, his long slender muscular legs hung over the edge a little, as he tried to perish all thoughts of Hephaistion, of Roxane, of home and his mother. Everything he had, he had lost in the same fashion and it was growing to be a tiresome game with himself, trying to fight for what he believed in and losing the respect of his army and now his lovers.
"Haven't you done enough?" A voice said lowly in Alexander's ear as he jolted forward.
"Aren't you just a little concerned about this obsession with the East?" The voice continued as Alexander looked around the room, his eyes going to every darkened corner, he could see nothing.
"Who are you!" Alexander shouted, "I specifically requested no visitors to my tent!" he yelled out into the black, but it didn't serve him any good.
"I'm you, you fool" the voice hissed menacingly, as Alexander shook his head, like a wet dog his damp hair swung backwards and forwards, drops of water flicking out across the floor.
"No, can't possibly be…" Alexander told himself, "I'm not crazy like my father!"
"Yes you are" the voice told him, "You're exactly like Philip. Those mutters you heard in your chamber as a child, of your father rambling away to no-one, that's exactly what has happened to you. It is what happens when you trade your soul…"
"I've done no such thing!" Alexander screamed, "I would never!"
"Now who is hesitant to admit his truths? You told Hephaistion everyone knows of them, yet I bet they didn't know you only think of yourself… oh, wait a second. Yes they do, and they hate you for it"
"Nobody hates me!" Alexander lurched forward with his words, standing up in the bath; he almost fell out of it he was shaking, glaring around.
"Who are you? Come out so I can see your face!" he boomed, and then the low whispery voice stared laughing, chuckling in his ear as giant splashes of water hit the floor of his tent, as he stepped out, not toweling himself dry … a shaking quivering cold Alexander ran to every corner of the room, searching for his tormenter, and could find no-one.
"I all ready told you, that its you" the voice mumbled, as Alexander stopped in a corner of the room, squatting down against the wall.
"I refuse to believe that!' Alexander screamed, "I'm not like my father!"
"I'd have to say different, look at what you've done to poor Roxane, and what you've done to Hephaistion, your closest friend time and time again…"
"They weren't deliberate!" Alexander cried, "They weren't!"
"No? Then why when you heard Roxane tell you no you persisted, or when you had struck Hephaistion times before did you not resist it? It's who you are and who you are born to be"
"Nonsense! I can change that!" Alexander mumbled incoherently, " I don't have to be what I am!"
"Your mother told you when you left her in Babylon this would happen. She told you that you needed to behave like a King, and now you act like a child. Your constant battles with yourself and your lovers have left grave thoughts with your men and delighted ones with your conspirators"
"I know my enemies, I know their lies!"
"They put one out
in front of you, and you took the bait. Hephaistion is probably
conspiring now, you had your chances and you lost them"
"He would never do that to me!"
"Like Philotas? Oh, tsk. I forgot you just killed Philotas"
"In an act of self defense!" Alexander screamed, "He was trying to kill me!"
"Oh, Alexander. You are so blinded" the voice mumbled, as Alexander had crammed himself tightly into the corner, tears were streaming down his face, as he cradled against himself, no-one was there to comfort him, he was alone.
"What would you have me do?" Alexander asked softly, "What is it that I need for them to respect me again?"
"Send them home, that is the only way" it said, and Alexander shook his head like a rabid dog.
"No, I will not give up my dream to conquer the East! They can go home without me!"
"Then tell them that, Alexander" the voice rebutted, "Tell them you want to stay here… tell them they are free to leave. Or are you too cowardice to face the trails and trials alone?"
"I am not a coward! I have brought these men far and will continue to do so! I have no self doubt!" Alexander bellowed, as the tent fluttered madly as if a giant gust of wind had come through,
"I have no self doubt!" Alexander screamed again bringing himself to his feet. He then threw on a long red silk coat wrapped a scarf around his middle and went to tell the men, that this is where they belonged, this is where they would finish his dream, this is where the true Alexander would reveal himself and his next plan of attack.
The Hindu Kusch, mountainous terrain and snow. The most far place in greater Eastern world and he would find it and find his path to home. Through those mountains he would bring his men their families and him his well deserved and long missed glory.
For the glory of Greece, Alexander would reign supreme again.