Resilience
Disclaimer: The names, situations, and people affiliated with Gilmore Girls belong to Amy Sherman Palladino. I only wish that I could take created for Luke Danes.
Summary: Each chapter deals with a different time in Luke's life. It is a chance to find out his thoughts about the many women that have influenced him.
A/N: Thanks to cmbarrytx, catterwall and Anne's cat Jimmy for all their help.
Chapter 2: The Goodbye Girl
Its early morning at Luke's Diner and Luke is very busy rushing around taking orders and filling up coffee cups. He looks like a man on a mission getting the work done, but his face betrays the fact that he isn't in a very good mood and that he would rather be alone right now.
'Rachel is really gone this time,' his thoughts begin. 'Not only did she kiss me goodbye, but she actually took her stuff with her. I was so happy when she came back to me, but now she says it was a mistake. She says that she needs "more". What the hell does that mean? How can she say that we have grown apart when nothing has changed my feelings for her?'
"Caesar, I need another order of pancakes, and can you try not to burn them this time?" Luke picks up the two plates that are waiting under the heat lamp, and takes them to the table to the right of the front door.
Luke continues his internal conversation while changing the coffee filter and starting a new pot of decaf. 'I understand that she wants to travel, and I never had a problem with her having a career. I just always thought that she would make Stars Hollow her home base. What was all that crap about leaving here would do me a world of good? She actually said that I need to branch out, and try to have some more fun while I am still young. That she thinks that my life is too structured, and is really lacking any excitement. That concept has really been great for Liz. She moved to New York because she thought Stars Hollow was too small, and she needed to find the real Liz. Now she has a first husband that is AWOL, a boyfriend that is an abuser, and Jess to take care of on top of all of that. Yeah finding herself was a stellar idea. More like she finds herself calling me to bail her out on a regular is more like it.'
Suddenly, he sees something out of the corner of his eye near the front window. "What are you doing Taylor?"
"We are having a Pet Wash."
"A Pet Wash? Okay you have lost me so far."
"We know how much the people of Stars Hollow love their pets, and it was decided at the last town meeting, that you missed, that such an event could be very successful. The vet is even giving out discount coupons for 10 off spaying or neutering for any cats or dogs that come for a washing. Plus clean pets reflect nicely on the town."
"I'm in charge of the cat vacuum," Kirk says very proudly, sitting at the counter.
"That statement in itself screams out "Danger Will Robinson." What is possessing you hold such an event, and how does it have anything to do with me?"
We are having it to help raise money to help restore the bridge. That bridge is very important to the town, and I know you will want to do everything you can to help the town." Taylor says snidely.
"Every event in the last two years has been to help rebuild the bridge so that guilt trip is getting old, and have you just met me? When have I ever helped in one of these events?"
"I thought if I got you at a "weak moment" you might give in this one time."
Understanding his meaning in saying "weak moment" made Luke even angrier. "Taylor, you better not be planning on putting up that flyer if you really value your sorry ass life. You son of a b…"
"Luke, you really shouldn't talk that way. There are children present."
"I wouldn't have to talk that way if I could get you to stop trying to put pieces of paper in my damn window."
Taylor leaves with a disgruntled look on his face. Luke goes back to taking plates to the different customers in the diner.
'Thank God, I never ended up leaving with her like she asked the first time she went on an assignment. Nothing suits me more than spending the day holding her camera bag. No, whatever she thinks is wrong with our relationship has nothing to do with this place so the problem would have just followed us. At least staying here she is gone, but I still have my life.'
"Luke can I have a glass of water?"
Luke looks up and already dreads doing so. People like small towns because there is a feeling of community, quaint events take place all the time, and they lack the urban hustle and bustle of the big city. What Luke hates about living in a small town is that he is constantly being asked to help out in the community, there always seems to be another festival popping up every five minutes, and finally he hates that the town is so dull that the only activity, other than the stupid festivals, is that the populations need to stick their collective noses into every ones business. Luke has already dealt with the first two, and he was just beckoned by number three. "My wonderful life." He says dripping with sarcasm.
"Sure Patty, I'll be right there." He picks up the pitcher, and walks over to the table in the back corner where Patty is sitting.
"So how are you doing?" she says softly with a hint of knowing.
"I'm fine," he says quickly. "So, do you want to order?"
"No, I just came over to take a break before my step class starts." Letting him know her being here was really only to maintain her position as Hedda Hopper of Stars Hollow.
"Okay! Well have a nice day," he responds, getting away from her as fast as he can. "I swear to God if another one of these inmates give me the sad eye/head tilt, I am going to go medieval on their asses," he mumbles to himself.
Once back at the counter he starts going through the stack of receipts that piled near the cash register. This act has a calming effect and allows him to get back to his thoughts. 'She said she did, but she never really understood how important the diner has become to me. I have never had control over anything in my life, and now I have my own business. Finally I am master of my own life. Why would I leave now that I have it? If she truly understood me she would never ask this of me.'
Luke turns to get another order from the pick up window when he catches sight of the mounted fish that is hung on the wall above the cup shelves. He stops to stare at it, and he thinks of the other reason he can't leave. 'Rachel always has the comfort of knowing that if she wants to come home her family and her history will be there waiting for her. I don't have that luxury. If I leave my family's history and everything that was them would be gone.' Luke drops his head and closes his eyes for a moment.
"Luke, I need to pay my bill."
"Sorry!" Luke takes her money and opens the cash register.
"Have a nice day," she says with a wink while sliding a piece of paper towards him on the counter.
Luke picks it up after she has exited the diner. 'Oh now I know I am in hell. Carrie, that crazy friend of my sister, just left me her number.' He quickly throws the paper in the garbage. He then goes out into the kitchen to the sink because he now has the uncontrollable need to wash his hands.
Walking back to the counter Luke is still mulling over his unhappy thoughts. 'I thought we would get married. She said that she loved me, that is what people do when they love each other. They get married. My parents loved each other and they got married. That is the way it is done. Everything that she claimed that she admired about me when we first started dating, she threw back in my face now. Why is my lack of need for taking risks more important then my loving her? My love wasn't enough for her. I wasn't enough for her. It seems that I am destined to have everyone that I love leave me. I am meant to be alone. Big deal, I am alone. I am a desperado. I was fine alone before she came into my life, and I will be fine now that she is gone. I will survive. It's not like this is the worse thing that has ever happened to me.' He manages to go through most of the stages of grief in a matter of a few seconds, but ends in a defeated pause. "It just feels like it is."
"What did you say Luke?"
"I wasn't talking to you Kirk."
"Oh, I thought you had to be considering I am the only one around." He starts moving around on the stool to show that the rest of the counter was empty.
"Well you got me there," he sighs, trying to change the subject. "Do you need something?"
"I need sweetener."
"I'm out."
"Are you joking?"
"Look at my face. Do I look like Jack Nicholson?"
"Yes, but more in a 'Here's Johnny' sort of way."
"Whatever gets my meaning across." Luke then goes to make the rounds with the coffee pot.
Just then the bell over the door rings, and a young woman comes flying in.
"I need coffee." She stands in front of Luke blocking his path.
"Sit down and I will get to you." Luke says to this new patron. 'Great, another member of the cast of Snake Pit has entered the building.'
"But I need coffee now. I overslept this morning because the alarm clock was set for pm and not am and didn't get a chance to have a cup. I have to get back to the Inn because the McCoy family is coming in at 1:00 to make final plans for the wedding on Saturday, and the Hatfields are showing up 2:00 to discuss the reunion. Everyone knows that it would be a bad scene if they are together in the same building for any time." All she gets for her effort is a blank stare. "The bottom line is that I need coffee." This all said at a speed only dog can hear, while she is following him around the diner.
"Sit down and shut up. I will get to you when I have finished with all these other lovely and less annoying people. People, I might add, that know how to work an alarm clock, and got here early."
She walks over to the counter and sits down.
"Do you have a newspaper? "
Luke walks over to one of the empty table and picks up a paper. He then brings it over to her at the counter.
"Here, now quit bugging me." Luke then walks away. Not knowing or caring if she hears him, he adds, "As though I need a lunatic like that in my life right now."