Resilience
Disclaimer: The names, situations, and people affiliated with Gilmore Girls belong to Amy Sherman Palladino. I only wish that I could take created for Luke Danes.
Summary: Each chapter deals with a different time in Luke's life. It is a chance to find out his thoughts about the many women that have influenced him.
A/N: Thanks to cmbarrytx, and catterwall for all their help.
Chapter 3: Do The Right Thing
The summer is over. This is evident in the nights getting colder, and also in the dwindling tourist population. People will not be going through the town again until the trees start being full of orange and red leaves. Luke looks at his empty diner and decides it is a good evening to close early. The kitchen had been pretty much ready to be shut down for the last hour. The only things to do in the main area are to put the chairs up on the tables and turn off the lights.
Most nights, Luke would then head up to his apartment treat himself to a nice cold beer and see if there was a game on the TV, but tonight he grabs a magazine from under the counter, and walks out into the night air instead. He has a project that he needs to get finished, and it isn't going to get done by avoiding it.
Main Street is fairly quiet with only a few people strolling around. Luke is about to pass Doose's Market but pauses when the door suddenly opens. Dean appears in front of him with his apron in his left hand. The two men look at each other both not sure how to break the awkward silence they seemed to have fallen into. Dean is about to walk on taking Luke's stony stare as an indication that they are still on the outs when Luke stops him by putting his hand lightly on his chest.
"Look I want to apologize for…." He struggles for the words, "putting you in a half-nelson that day outside the diner."
"It's in the past. You were watching out for Rory."
"Yes I was, but I didn't have all the facts. If I knew the whole story I wouldn't have acted so …. Barbaric."
"So you have all the facts now?" Dean knows that Lorelai and Luke are close, but would she actually tell him something so private?
"Yes," his eyes saying more than his words.
"Oh, I see," Dean says, thinking to himself, 'I guess they are that close.'
"So you seem to be out on your own tonight. Everything is okay with you and Rory?"Luke says, narrowing his eyes, and giving a look that indicates that even though he just apologized for wrestling with him that time that he would do it again in a second if he ever hurt Rory again.
"Oh no everything is fine. She is out with her Mom tonight…" He suddenly realizes that this is an awkward subject to be discussing with Luke after hearing all the gossip around town about him having a thing for Lorelai.
Luke looks a little confused because he notices that Dean sounds uncomfortable with the conversation, and then he remembers what Sookie and Lorelai were talking about earlier today. Then he understands Dean's look. "Oh yes, the Bachelorette Party."
"They aren't doing anything big. I got a message from Rory earlier telling me that she managed to get into a club because she is a German supermodel, and Michel has been dancing the whole night with Janet Jackson."
"Okay." Luke wasn't really sure if his last statement was some kind of code that only the CIA would understand, but he didn't care enough to press him on it. Since they are having this chatty moment Luke decides to tap the boy for some information. "What do you think of Max?"
"Seems nice, but I don't know."
"What do you mean?"
"They don't seem to know each other very well."
"What gave you that impression?"
"Well Rory and I had dinner with them the other night, and he just didn't seem to know the basics in Gilmore 101."
"Oh I see." Luke finds this very interesting.
Dean realizes that maybe he said too much and tries to backtrack. "Maybe I'm reading too much into it…… He is a nice guy."
"You already said that," Luke says, giving him a pat on the shoulder to let him know that he'll stop the inquisition. "Have a good evening Dean.'
"You too, Luke."
Luke continues down the street, mulling over the little tidbit that Dean let slip. 'It just goes to show that I am not wrong. That guy is all wrong for her. I should have taken that guy out when I had the chance. Who am I kidding? Max would be history, but then someone else probably even better would come along. Someone who still isn't me.'
Luke arrives at Tom's construction yard. Tom is standing in the doorway to the garage, and is looking over a work order. He looks up to see Luke walking towards him.
"Luke, you're early. I wasn't expecting you for another hour."
"I closed up early. I hope that it isn't a problem?"
Tom shakes his head. "No worries. The only contract we have right now is onsite so you will have the place to yourself."
Luke starts to walk into the garage but turns towards Tom. "Thanks again for letting me work on it here. I just didn't have the space in my work room for something so big."
"Not a big deal, just don't go around telling people that I let you work on your own carpentry projects here. I am trying to maintain a business. The last thing I need is to have every Bob Vila wannabe coming to me wanting to use my space and my tools so that they can build a bird house. I am not operating one of those pottery places where you go and paint flowers on a bowl, and then consider yourself an artist. Clay is messy stuff to work with, and I refuse to buy a kiln."
Luke is stunned for a momentand tries to figure how the conversation shifted in such a strange direction. "I will make a note of that," he says slowly, in hopes of keeping Tom calm and happy.
"Well good. When you are done just turn off the lights and lock the door. I am off for the rest of the evening." Tom leaves the yard.
Luke goes over to his usual work bench and opens up the magazine. The page that it opens to is bookmarked by a picture. He picks up the picture, and looks at it very intently. It is the picture Rachel took of him and Lorelai at the Firelight Festival. On the back he reads the message "Just go for it" that Rachel has scribbled. He laughs at the thought of Rachel being his relationship advisor.
'My life is such a joke. Lorelai was giving me advice about Rachel, and now Rachel is giving me advice about Lorelai. At the end of the day I am still alone.'
'One good thing that came out of Rachel coming back this last time is that we both finally agree that it's over between us. It was great when we were young, but we're no longer those people. When she was here we were comfortable with each other, and it could have been so easy just to fall back into being us because it was familiar and safe. The passion was gone, and it was better for us to end it while we still could be friends.'
Luke turns the picture back over and looks at the beautiful face that is lying in his hand. Rachel was my past, and it's sad to say, but some part of me always thought that Lorelai was going to be my future. I don't think I ever really even let myself form it into a full thought until Rachel had lit the fire under me. It isn't that I never thought of her that way before because that's so not the case.' Luke blushes in spite of himself, remembering some of the fantasies and dreams he has had in the past starring Lorelai Gilmore. 'I am such an idiot. I have never told her how important she is to me. I just never allow myself to think that I actually had a chance with her. I will never know now because I never got past my fear of losing her friendship to ever make that leap to find out.'
'This incredible woman has done an extraordinary job building a life for her and Rory. She hasn't just survived all the obstacles that have come her way, but has risen above them. She has never been afraid of working hard, and she came out of it with a great career and an amazing daughter. She has the strength of a lioness when it comes to protecting her child and still manages to maintain a bit of Peter Pan to show that in some ways she is still a child herself. She deserves to be happy, and as her friend I should not try and get in the way of that. No matter my personal feelings and desires; she is still my best friend, and I should be happy for her. I wish I were, but the best that I can do right now is give the appearance of being pleased for her. Looking at the object in front of him, 'That is why I am here isn't it?'
'I just want her to have all the fortunes that she deserves. She requires someone in her life that understands her and will allow her to be herself. Maybe he is the right man for her. I wish I knew for sure. If I thought that I had a chance I would fight him for her, but she has given me nothing but mixed signals when it comes to her feelings for me. Max is an educated and respected teacher, and I am only the guy that serves her coffee.'
'She has talked so much about wanting to be in love. I hope that she isn't forcing something that isn't really there. That she isn't more in love with the idea rather than the man. I guess in the end I have to have faith in Lorelai to do the right thing for herself. She has always managed to do so in the past. I will just have to live with her decision even if it means living without her.'
He speaks aloud in the empty workshop, "this is what I get for having her in my life. I sound like a damn Sting song."
Luke touches the wood of his handiwork, and thinks about how he expects it to be utilized. "I bet she will look breathtaking on her wedding day," Luke says, knowing he will not see her that day. He would move heaven and earth for Lorelai, but he truly doesn't think his heart can take watching her become someone else's wife.
Luke stands still,staring out in space. The face he sees before him appears with such clarity that he would have sworn she was standing right in front of him. For some reason, Luke is reminded of the first time he saw her. 'The way the light hit her just so that I remember thinking that Lorelai looked a little like Mary Richards. Mary never had her striking blue eyes, or her caffeine habit for that matter, but it was my first memory of her.' Luke laughs at himself for having such a strange thought at this moment, and then he smiles to himself knowing in his heart that his mother would have loved Lorelai.
Luke realizes that this type of thinking isn't helping. He shakes his head and looks back at the piece of wood that still needs to be glued onto his creation. "I can't believe I actually carved a goat," he pauses. "I bet she names the damned thing."
TBC