Disclaimer: I think we all know this by now.

Heh, I really have no excuse for this...

Olivia's Bad Day

Olivia Benson was not in a good mood at all. In fact, one could go so far as to say that she was in a bad mood. A very bad mood.

She stormed into the precinct, slamming every door she came across. Olivia came to her desk and tanked the chair out, cursing when it fell over. Still swearing, she shifted the chair into an upright position and plopped down in a huff.

By this time, as was to be expected, everyone in the large room was staring at her. Olivia glared at them all and proceeded to yank a piece of paper from a tall stack and began scribbling maniacally as everyone went back to what they were doing out of fright. Because when Olivia Benson was mad, she was reeeeeally scary. Only Munch, Fin, and Elliot continued staring.

"I think it's someone's time of the month..." Munch said in a singsong voice. Olivia sent a death glare his way, making Munch wish it was his time of the month. "And I have some very important work that I'll be doing now."

Munch sulked away to his desk, followed closely by Fin. Elliot, however, sat at his desk opposite Olivia and stared at her. It took a moment before she noticed. When she did, though, Olivia glared at him. Any normal person would have backed down immediately upon meeting a glare like that, but Elliot Stabler was anything but normal. He was Olivia's partner, after all.

"So, uh, Liv," Elliot started cheerfully. And believe me, that doesn't happen all that often. "How's your day going?"

Olivia, as to be expected, glared at him. After a moment of this, she snarled, "Oh, splendidly."

"Care to elaborate on that?"

"No."

So they sat there in silence. Elliot was beginning to wish someone would phone in a case, just so they would have something to do other than sit in silence. Just as he was about to take out his gun and clean it, Olivia spoke.

"You really want to know?"

Elliot nodded in a way akin to frantically.

"Well," Olivia continued, "It all started this morning when I got up. It started out like any normal day - woke up, did my hair, etc, etc, went down into the kitchen to make breakfast..." she trailed off.

Elliot, never one to be kept in suspense, leaned forward.

"Yes?"

"And... well..." Olivia took a deep breath before continuing. "I don't know. It's too horrible to say."

Elliot fell over anime style (for those of you who don't know what that is, go read the official definition in chapter five of The Oliver Series. I'm not promoting myself, why would I possibly do that?) When he picked himself up, he said in disbelief,

"Liv, we see horrible things every day. I don't think there's anything that could have possibly been anything that bad in. Your. Kitchen." The last three words were said slowly and deliberately, as if Elliot was trying to emphasize some sort of a point.

"Oh, but it was," Olivia continued, "It was more horrible than anything we could ever see doing this job."

Elliot's interest was now piqued. What could possibly be more horrible than what they dealt with every day? It was a very interesting concept, despite the slightly sadomasochistic implications.

"You see, something happened to me in that kitchen that would change my life as I know it."

Elliot began to wonder if she had gotten raped. Then it occurred to him that if she had, she wouldn't be so composed telling the story. He dismissed the idea and allowed himself to stop thinking for a moment while Olivia went on.

"I went to fetch my toast after letting it toast for the proper amount of time, and what did I see?"

Elliot really had to work to refrain from saying "What?".

"My toast..." Olivia trailed off. After a moment, she regained her composure and finished the statement. "Was burned. Like, really burned."

Elliot quite literally fell out of his chair. And it was there on the floor where he remained, all the while staring at his partner like she was clinically insane and was the one who should be seeing a shrink instead of him. By this time, as was to be expected, everyone in the room was now looking at the pair of them in a state of befuddlement.

"Did I hear you correctly?" Munch asked, against his better judgment. "Did you really just say that the reason you're so pissy is because your toaster burned your toast?"

Tears welled up in Olivia's eyes as she nodded. Munch stared at her in disbelief. And believe me, he wasn't the only one, either.

Just then, Donald Cragen walked out of his office, whistling a merry tune. Upon witnessing the scene, he stopped in his tracks abruptly. Who could blame him? It was quite a scene. The entire precinct was staring at Olivia, who now had tears streaming down her cheeks, and Elliot was sitting in a very awkward position on the floor.

"Nothing can ever be normal around here, can it?"

All right, vastly out of character, but that's what makes it funny, right?

Right?