Resilience
Disclaimer: The names, situations, and people affiliated with Gilmore Girls belong to Amy Sherman Palladino. I only wish that I could take created for Luke Danes.
Summary: Each chapter deals with a different time in Luke's life. It is a chance to find out his thoughts about the many women that have influenced him.
A/N: Thanks to cmbarrytx, for all her help.
I added a little something, something to this chapter to help ease the pain of the subject matter.
Chapter 3: Ship of Fools
Ayoung man in his early twenties carrying and pulling several suitcasesto the cabinopens the door.
"So here is your cabin,"the young man says. Behind him Nicole and Luke enter the room. "Over here is the bathroom and I will just put your bags over here by the bed. As you can see, there is a safe for your valuables. If you have anything that is too big or that you feel needs more security, please let me know. I would be more than happy to make arrangements to put it in the ship's safe." The young man then pauses giving the impression that his job is done. Nicole is busy reading the pamphlet she has in her hand, and doesn't look up. Luke stares at him, confused at hisunwillingness to leave, but then he realizes the reason for the steward's delay.
"Here you go," Luke mumbles, passing him a ten dollar bill.
"Thank you, sir. I hope you both have a great trip." He leaves, clicking the door shut behind him.
"I can't believe I just paid someone to carry my luggage."
"It is called tipping, and you have tipped before."
"Not for something I was able to do myself. This is the first time we have gone away that there were so many bags that I couldn't handle them myself."
"I am sorry that I couldn't fit everything I need for the next eight days in an overnight bag."
"I don't mean just you. I had to buy luggage for this trip since all I really had was an overnight bag."
A silence settles between them while Luke starts to unpack, and Nicole continues to read her brochure.
"According to the schedule on the third day of our trip we will be hitting a port called Ketchikan which appears to have the largest collection of totem poles in the world. Doesn't that sound interesting, Luke?"
"Huh, what did you say?"
"Totem poles."
"Oh great, that's exactly what I need on my vacation -- a bunch of scary carved out faces to remind me of Miss Patty."
Luke's stattement clearly stings Nicole, because it is one of many unenthusiastic comments he has made in the last couple of days in reference to the trip. Nicole is not ready to give up the fight and continues. "Oh at Skagway we can check out some Gold Rush memorabilia. It would be fun to see all the different tools they used back then."
"Once you've seen one pick ax,you've seen them all,"Luke shrugs.
Nicole senses Luke needs sometime to himself and decides it is time to give it to him. "Well, you continue unpacking, I am going to go take a little walk around, look into getting us some more towels and maybe go set up an appointment at the spa for tomorrow."
Luke is grateful for the space and gives her a small smile. "Have fun," he says. Nicole returns the smile before she makes her exit.
It becomes clear that Luke needed this time alone, because once the doors click shut, he is in total rant mode.
"What the hell am I doing here? I bought luggage to go see totem poles. I closed the diner for two weeks. What the hell possessed me to do that?" His mind is racing, and one thought hits him at that moment. "This is all Jess' fault. He was the one that started this whole thing in motion. Him and his lap dog comments. Telling me that I looked like an idiot waiting for someone who probably would never really see me.
"We are just dating. It is all casual, no one is talking marriage. Lorelai does this casual dating thing all the time." 'She does it to much if you ask me.' "Nicole is a lawyer for God sakes. I don't fully understand why she ever wanted to date me in the first place, and the last thing she wants is to get engaged to me."
Luke starts walking around the cabin, not really looking at anything, but just trying to make sense of everything that is going through his mind " I have been serious my whole damn life. It is about time that I finally have some fun. That's the reason for this trip-- to have fun. No one wants to get engaged. Nicole has done nothing that I have noticed that would indicate that she wants a real commitment."
'We have only been dating for a few months. For pete sake Rachel and I dated for years, and we were never engaged.'
"Okay Danes, calm down. You are truly freaking yourself out over nothing. Engagement doesn't mean immediate marriage, right? It is not like you can actually get married on a Cruise ship anyways. Maybe they have ceremonies, but it can't be legal, can it?
He stops pacing for a moment to look in his suitcase on the bed. Luke reaches into one of the pockets, and pulls out an envelope. Inside there is a picture. It is a picture that Rory gave him before they both left for their respective trips. It is of Lorelai, Rory and himself at Rory's graduation. He has a proud expression on his face remembering that day, and then he zeros in on the image of Lorelai.
"What the hell was that stupid dream all about? She doesn't think that she messes with my mind enough during the day. She now has to enter my dreams." 'Well it wasn't the first time she was in one of my dreams, but it was the first time…' his thoughts trail off as they are interrupted by a knock on the door.
Luke goes over to the door and opens it to find a steward standing on the other side holding a load of towels.
"Here are the extra towels that were requested."
"Oh, Thank You. Could I ask you a question?"
"Most certainly, Sir."
"Can you actually get married on a ship?"
"What?"
"Never mind. Forget I even asked you. Thanks again for the towels." Luke closes the door. 'You are so losing it.' He thinks to himself as he walks to the bathroom to get rid of the towels. While in there he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He drops the towels on the counter, and just stands there with his elbows on the counter with his hands in his hair just staring at his reflection. "I don't even look like me. I have no hair. The 'Caesar' cut my ass. I don't care that Babitt thinks that I look like George Clooney. When I have my cap on I look more like Charlie Brown."
Then he looks down at his clothes. There is no question that the man in the mirror is not the usual Luke Danes of Stars Hollow. No flannel made it on the ship, and his favorite ball cap was hanging off the bedpost back in his apartment. This person was dressed in tan pants and a white button down shirt. Not full blown GQ, but was miles away from his comfort clothes. 'These are all things that Nicole has bought for me. I am having trouble thinking of anything that I have in my suitcase that she didn't have a hand in the purchasing.' "I am even wearing sandals. What the hell has happened to me?"
"I need to do something. If I was home I would clean the counters or throw Taylor out of the diner. This room is so damn clean there isn't even a bed for me to make. I could mess it up and then remake it." He almost starts towards the bed, and then stops. 'Oh my god I am so pathetic.' As he rubs his aching neck, he decides "I am going to go have a shower."
The tension that started in his shoulders is now causing his neck to ache, and is beginning to do a number on the back of his head. Trying to figure out how to work the foreign shower wasn't helping his mood or the pain. "The stupid knob says to turn it this way, but no where is it written how to stop the water from going out the faucet, and redirect it to the shower head." After Luke pulls a metal rod the shower suddenly springs to life. "I was beginning to think that it was going to take the whole damn trip to figure out how to work that thing." He checks to make sure the temperature is to his liking, and then walks out to the main room to retrieve his satchel that contains all his bathroom supplies. Placing the bag on the edge of the tub, Luke starts to undress. He places his clothes in a folded pile on the back of the toilet, and then steps into the shower. Luke faces the spraying water with closed eyes allowing it to run down his nose, and soak the hair on his chest. He whips the liquid away from his lids, and turns around to allow the water to run down his back. He bends slightly to allow each section of his vertebrae a chance to get full attention from the massage setting. He slowly stands up until the water is flowing down his head like a waterfall over his whole body.
Luke moves to side to get his shampoo. Well, the shampoo that he brought would be a better way to put it. Luke always liked simple things-- there was no need for expensive name brands that smelled like a fruit, or that contained ingredients that came from one of Cousteau's excursion. Some soap, water and a two-in-one shampoo is all he ever felt the need for, but Nicole bought him some things because "you really need to take care of yourself better," she explained. So Luke is now using his long fingers to rub in this concoction that is said to help moisturize your scalp, and smells like a kiwi.
Luke leans back under the water to rinse the shampoo, and this action, plus the minuscule size of the tub, causes him to overturn all his supplies onto the floor. Oncehe has finished,Luke turns the water off, pulls the curtain back, and grabs a towel to dry himself. He then wraps it around his middle before stepping onto the bath mat. He gives a big sigh when he looks at the great mess he has made, and kneels down to start putting everything back in the bag. When he picks up the shampoo he glances at the label, and notices that it says that it is biodegradable, that the packaging is recyclable, and that no animals were used in testing this product. Suddenly, he realizes that there really nothing wrong with having this stuff-- it isn't like it goes against anything I believe in. "Nicole doesn't have some hidden motive to try to control me, all she is trying to do is show me some new choices."
Luke stands, once again, in front of the mirror. This time he is a little calmer while he dries himself off and combs his hair. 'What is really wrong with some change in my life? I have spent so long not taking chances, and what the hell has that done for me? Jess was right about one thing, I do need to live my life, and stop waiting around for something that isn't going to happen. I wonder how the little jerk is doing. I never thought I would miss that sad excuse for music that he was always playing. The apartment seems so big and quiet without him.'
Just then the door to the cabin opens up and Luke turns to see Nicole entering with a look of uncertainty etched into her face. She scans the main room, and then turns her head to finally lock eyes with Luke. She smiles, and look of relief is apparent when Luke returns the smile.
"You were gone a long time."
"Well I made an appointment at the spa, and on the way back I decided to go to the dining room. I wanted to make sure they had your favorite beer available for when we have dinner."
"Thanks!" The smile that Luke gives her shows how much he appreciates such a thoughtful gesture.
While I was out I heard some people raving about one of the shows that are on tonight. Something about a guy playing musical drinking glasses. Sound a little different, but I am game if you are.
"Sure, sounds like fun." Luke doesn't know what the hell he is saying, but he feels it is about time he starts acting a little more positive about this trip. "Let me just finish getting cleaned up and we both can go for a little walk around."
Luke goes back to looking at himself in the mirror while he puts on some cologne. 'We have gone on trip together before. Why should this one be any different? Nicole is a great lady, and I am not going to ruin things with her over some stupid pipe dream. Nicole is right, what I need is a drink and a chance to start enjoying this cruise. No harm in relaxing for once in my life. Luke looks down at the shampoo bottle, and smiles. 'My hair does feel better; I guess some change is good.'
"Nicole, could you pass me a pair of my socks? I have changed my mind I am going to wear my shoe tonight. I think it is too cold for sandals."
TBC