Resilience
Disclaimer: The names, situations, and people affiliated with Gilmore Girls belong to Amy Sherman Palladino. I only wish that I could take created for Luke Danes.
Summary: Each chapter deals with a different time in Luke's life. It is a chance to find out his thoughts about the many women that have influenced him.
A/N: Thanks to cmbarrytx, for all her help.
Some of the dialogue comes from Luke Can See Her Face and Pulp Friction.
Chapter 5: You Can't Take It With You
It is a timeless conflict the one between man and machine. Although he has been victories during many battles, Luke finally thinks he has lost the war with the toaster. He would usually be unwilling to admit defeat, but it is hard for him to ignore that things are not going in his favor. Meaning that he has put the appliance back together again, and he still hasn't found a home for the spring that he has in his hand. It is the slow period at the diner -- when the lunch crowd is all back at work and the dinner crowd is still hours away from piling in. So Luke's tinkering is more for entertainment rather than any real attempt at bringing the piece of equipment back to life; since he has already faced the fact that "It is dead Jim."
The bell over the diner door dings, and Luke looks up to see Lulu coming in the door.
"Luke, I want to thank you for convincing Kirk to finally move out of his mother's house."
"It isn't a big deal. I really didn't do much."
"It is a big deal. You have no idea how hard it was to deal with that woman. She made me feel very uncomfortable. She kept calling me Irene."
"Why would that make you feel uncomfortable?"
"Irene was her dead sister's name, and it was once rumored that she had a hand in her death. Something about leaving her alone with a big rabid dog."
"How very Stephen King of her."
"Well, they did date at one time."
Luke stares for a second,clearly at a loss for words after the last statement. "Well,anyway, you're welcome."
Lulu still seems to have more to discuss with Luke. "I am sorry about the whole ribbon thing."
"Don't worry about it."
"It wasn't anything personal. I just feel so pretty in pink."
"Far be it for me to come between you and your inner Molly Ringwald." Luke looks at Lulu, feeling that there is more to her visit than she is saying. "Is there something else that you want?"
"Well I hate asking this of you since you have already helped so much, but I was hoping that you could do one more favor, and talk to Kirk. Help him find a place to live."
"Oh, I don't really think it is my place to get involved in such things, Lulu."
"He so looks up to you, and I am hoping that he will follow your lead."
"Follow my lead?"
"Now that you and Lorelai are back together you are no doubt thinking about your future, and building a life together. I want to make sure Kirk follows that same path, and doesn't go out and get some bachelor pad now that he is finally free of his mother. If you could just sit down, and talk to him."
"I am sorry, but I can't sit with him."
"What?"
"Every time I sit down to talk to Kirk, I end up seeing him naked. It might be a fluke, but I really don't want to take any chances. I am seriously considering taking all the chairs out of the diner just to be on the safe side."
"Well, if you could do whatever you can. I would really appreciate it."
"I will see what I can do," Luke says as noncommittally as possible.
Luke watches as Lulu leaves the diner. Her words are still turning around in his head. "Building a life together with Lorelai." It isn't that he hasn't thought about the future, but with their recent problems, he has been concentrating more on their present.
When Luke told Lorelai that he was all in, he meant until death do us part. He remembers the day he first allowed himself to start thinking about their future as he goes back to fiddling with the toaster.
It isn't hard to remember the day, since the whole thing came to him as an epiphany as he desperately tried to figure out his life. He was standing in his apartment cleaning up in the kitchen, and he was listening to that damn self help tape. The voice on the tape was going on about picturing the person that you want to spend your life with, and it was at this time things became clear.
"Do you see her face? Whose face appears to you, my friend? Whose face?" It certainly wasn't the woman that I had married. 'Getting married -- my pathetic attempt to prove that I could live without those blue eyes. The saddest part of this joke is that I brought someone else down with me. Nicole was right when she said that she might have cheated in body, but that my heart had cheated long before. Who am I kidding? My heart was never in the relationship.'
I remember standing there thinking hard at whose face fit all the scenarios that the tape was mentioning and it wasn't hard to picture that beautiful woman. Then a little voice inside me added a situation. 'Who do I want to have my mom's engagement ring? Who do I picture wearing it?' It was then that I truly realized how deep and strong my feelings were for Lorelai. The only thing that I manage to say was "Whoa."
'It wasn't until the click of the tape turning off penetrated my brain that I finally came out of the trance that this realization had caused.' Luke smiles at this memory, and is brought back to the present not by a click, but by the ding of the diner door. The small smile that is playing on his lips soon vanishes when he looks up, and is greeted with the unkind face of Emily Gilmore. By the time Luke fully realizes that she is really in his diner she has already made it to the counter.
"What on earth is wrong with you, besides the obvious lack of fashion
sense?"
"What are you …"
"I told you to get back together with Lorelai! I told you exactly what
to do and exactly what to say. What do you need, a cheat sheet?"
"Emily."
'I was brought up to be respectful. I know I don't always managed to stay true to my upbringing, but you being Lorelai's mother I have been putting more effort into the attempt. Plus I support Lorelai's wish to deal with you herself, and I don't want to interfere, but there are a few things that I would like to say to you.'
'Do you think that you could say or that you have thought of anything that I haven't done so myself about my relationship with Lorelai? You are the embodiment of every piece of self doubt, old demons and negative thoughts that I have had about the two of us. I know that I am a divorced man, that I own a common diner, and that socially I am many rungs beneath your family. I know that we are taking a risk even trying to have a relationship because if unsuccessful we could lose our friendship which is more important to me than anything else in my life.'
'Most of the time when everything was blissful and positive I was able to stay confident about our bond, and keep these thoughts buried. Then you had your vow renewal, and with all your efforts to break us, and bring in all your reinforcements.
It caused it all the uncertainty to come to the surface.'
'All the negativity from that night was too much for me. I needed to step back for a moment to figure out what was best for me in this situation. I have been hurt so many times that when something like this happens a wall just naturally goes up, and I shut down. It is like a defense mechanism to help keep me safe from more pain. During this numb period I tried to tell myself that I could live without Lorelai, and that maybe you were right in thinking that I was all wrong for her. I was looking for guarantees that we would last forever, but in this world there aren't any guarantees. I let my fears of the unknown keep me on the sidelines for 8 years, and I almost let it ruin us. When you came to see me that night I realized that there are things about us that you have no knowledge about and that I had seemed to forget. Lorelai and I see each other as people, status, jobs and address don't hold any significance. There is nothing superficial about our feelings for each other. We have affection, appreciation, and respect for each other. We have always been there for each other during good times and bad. We have been each others sounding boards, and cheering sections. Our connection goes beyond us just being a couple, we are a team. These things are more important then all the reasons why we shouldn't be together .In the end I realized my existence is nothing without her, and that I would be crazy to let this wonderful woman leave my life."
"Just because you run a diner and have mastered the art of the blank
stare does not mean it's going to work with me!"
This statement brings Luke back from his thoughts, and makes him realize that he is in need of reinforcements. He very slowly places his cell phone on the counter, and presses a button. Emily in her blind fury doesn't even seem to notice the action.
The last comment from Emily also reminds Luke of something else that he really wants to get off his chest. 'One thing that is all your own is the belief that Christopher is the one that Lorelai should be with. It is one thing to think that I am unworthy, but to actually think he is goes beyond comprehension. In my books there isn't a more worthless piece of meat out there than your Golden Boy. Leaving Lorelai to raise Rory all by herself while he traipses around trying to find himself .Just thinking about the things she has had to endure at his hands over the years makes my blood boil. Why you would want your daughter that you claim you love to be a Stepford Trophy wife to a guy that has never put anyone else's needs before his own. I will never understand how you can value position, and wealth above happiness to the point of condemning your love ones to a guaranteed life of unhappiness so you can keep your head held high at your snooty high society gathering.'
'I think that the problem is that in your world you have a strange value system where franchising and Diebenkorn are more important than contentment in ones life. I don't really care what you think of me there are two Gilmores whose opinions matter to me, and you are not one of them. The person I do wish your view would change about is Lorelai. Lorelai is an incredible woman who is so easy to love, but has always felt you didn't love her. In term that you will understand she is like a diamond that everyone is dazzled by her brilliance and sparkle, but all you can see are the flaws. The real tragedy in this is you because you are missing out on really knowing this amazing person that is your daughter.'
'I don't think there is anything I could do or say to change your mind about me. Trust that I would love to tell you that you will never have to see, but I love your daughter. I am not going anywhere. Man if it wasn't for her anything would please me more than to tell you to go to …'
The bell over the door dings to announce the beginning of round three, and also the entrance of Luke's tag team partner. It was time to bring in the big guns during this sparing match especially since Luke was attacking with only his thoughts.
"Mom, what are you doing here?"
"I am having what I'm sure will turn out to be yet another fruitless conversation with this man."Emily wonders to herself 'He hasn't said anything. He is just staring. What the hell could he be thinking about?'
TBC