Chapter Three

Kirsten had come out from her visit with Ryan. After informing Sandy that she'd convinced the doctors to let her spend the night with him, should he wake up and be frightened, Sandy had gone in to see him. Seth sat nervously in one of the chairs, his leg bouncing. Summer had drifted to sleep and Kirsten stood against the wall with a cup of warm coffee in her hands. She was staring blankly at the floor. Seth didn't have to ask her what she was thinking about.

"How did he look?" Seth asked finally when he couldn't hold it in anymore.

Kirsten glanced over at him and gave him an encouraging smile. Though her words were far from encouraging. "He was pale," she said and at first, Seth thought she wouldn't go on. "And he's got so many machines hooked up to him. It's…it all seems so unreal."

"Mom, this is Ryan we're talking about here," Seth tried to lighten the mood. "When does anything involving Ryan seem real?"

"Seth," Kirsten warned.

"I'm serious," Seth went on, ignoring the warning. "I mean look at his life. He's always gotten the short end of the stick. Would you expect anything less from him?" Kirsten didn't answer, instead she sipped at her coffee, going back to staring at the spot on the ground. Seth leaned back and looked at the ceiling. He'd never come to know a ceiling better than this one. It was the same ceiling he'd stared at when Luke had been shot at the beginning of the year. It was the same ceiling he'd looked at when Marissa had nearly overdosed in Tijuana. Nothing had changed in that ceiling. The spots had grown spottier, the lumps seemed to have grown lumpier, but the stark whiteness of it all had not changed. It reminded Seth how of how much he hated the place.

Sandy came back out within half an hour. Seth was mortified to see the red puffiness of his father's eyes. He'd never seen his father cry, never. Just the thought made Seth want to just go home and crawl into his bed where he knew nothing could hurt him. But he couldn't, because if he did, there would be something missing. A certain security knowing that if he had a problem, Ryan was just a pool house away. Seth slowly stood up, trying not to jostle Summer as she shifted in her sleep and instead leaned on Sandy who had sat down. Sandy smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes.

Seth took a deep breath, stuck his thumbs up at his parents and took off towards the room he knew held his best friend. He came to the door and stopped before it, almost afraid to look in. The ICU usually didn't allow for visitors. He'd never actually been able to visit someone in ICU and he could tell why. It was intense. Doctors running all over the place, nothing decorating the wall. Just the horrific whiteness of it all, staring, taunting him. He closed his eyes, let out his breath and opened the door.

Nothing in his 16 years of existence could have prepared Seth for the sight that met him on the other side of the hospital door. He froze in place for a few minutes, staring at the horrifying scene. Ryan lay on the bed, his hair ruffled like it always was when he'd just woken up. His face was placid, calm. Ryan was a "baby sleeper" as Seth liked to call them. There was no open mouth, no drool, just a calm, baby face. But that was about all that was normal with his foster brother. He was pale, too pale for Seth's liking. There were dark circles underneath his eyes. An IV was hooked up to one arm, and a heart monitor was hooked up to the other. But the thing that mortified Seth the most was the tube had been stuck down Ryan's throat, to help him breathe. He'd forgotten about that part. The doctor had told them it was a safety precaution, since Ryan had swallowed so much blood and had then had his stomach pumped. The tube was held in place by tape on the sides of Ryan's face. Seth wanted to rip it out and tell it to stop harassing his friend.

Finally gaining the courage to move his feet, Seth closed the door gently behind him and made his way over to the side of the bed. He noticed that the nurses had set up a roll away bed on the other side, probably at his Mom's demand. There was a chair near Ryan's side and Seth went to sit in it, but found that he had sat enough that day. He looked down on Ryan's sleeping face and had to look at the heart monitor to reassure himself that he was just sleeping. He felt tears sting at his eyes, but held them back.

"Hey man," he whispered, suddenly wondering what he was going to say. What could he say? Sorry someone shot you? It was amazing how one guy could find Seth Cohen at a loss for words so many times. Seth lived off his wit and ability to come up with charming remarks on the spot. But with Ryan, it was always different. Whenever Ryan talked about his past, or gave him warnings about doing the right or wrong thing, Seth always found himself at a loss for words. What was he suppose to say to things like that? And what was he suppose to say now? Would Ryan even hear anything that he said?

Deciding that he would get nowhere if he didn't start, Seth took a seat and looked at the hand that lay limply on the bed in front of him. "So I guess the party didn't turn out so great after all." He shook his head, knowing that he should be saying something better, more sincere and heartfelt. He sighed, and lifted his hand to touch Ryan's limp fingers. Ryan had never been one for affection. He'd always been awkward with hugs, from anybody. Seth hoped he could forgive him for holding his hand, just this once. "You know, Ryan, I've got a million things to say to you and you're not making this very easy by just lying there. You should be up, exemplifying your thoughts with a look, giving me one word descriptions when I ask how your day was, which always paint the most realistic picture Ryan, just thought you should know." Seth babbled, sighing when he caught himself. He stared at Ryan's face, which hadn't changed, hadn't moved, hadn't even twitched. He half expected Ryan's eyes to open and for his foster brother to give him one of his infamous looks. But there was no such luck.

"I should have done more," Seth mused out loud suddenly, giving Ryan's hand a light squeeze. "You always have my back whenever I need you, man, and I don't think I've returned the favor. Especially not with the whole Oliver thing. But I promised you that I would never do that again. And look how great I held up that promise. God, why can't I just ever come through for you? No, I just stood back and watched it all happen." Seth chewed on his lower lip, desperately wanting Ryan to wake up and tell him not to blame himself. But he knew that he should blame himself. He'd made a promise to Ryan and he'd failed to hold up his end of the bargain. He just hoped that if, when, Ryan awoke, he'd forgive him. "I know I've said this before, but I'm sorry I failed you and it will never, never happen again as long as you wake up." A pause. "But if you don't wake up, then we don't have a deal. So, you pretty much have to wake up." He chuckled to himself, knowing that Ryan would have appreciated the joke if he would have been awake to hear it.

Seth sat there for a few more minutes, holding Ryan's hand, feeling how limp and unaware Ryan was. He wondered if Ryan would ever come back from this. He gave Ryan's hand one last squeeze before he stood. "Well, I'll see you later, buddy," he said. "Hey, if you wake up soon, oh, oh, what's that? I hear the ninja game calling your name. It's missed you, we have that sort of bond where I can tell what it's thinking. And you don't want to make the ninja game upset, you wouldn't want to see it when it's angry." Seth caught himself babbling again and smiled. "Just get better, yeah?" He gave Ryan's hand a pat before he left the room, trying hard not to let the tears come. Not yet, he had to wait just a little longer before he could cry over Ryan, over what had been done to Ryan, over everything that had been done to Ryan.

Making his way out into the waiting room, Seth wasn't surprised to find two uniformed police officers talking to Sandy. When Sandy noticed his son, he promptly turned from the officers, asking for a minute. Sandy walked away from them and came over to Seth. "Why don't you go home for a little bit, Seth?" Sandy said. "We can call you when he wakes up."

Seth didn't have time to answer as Kirsten answered for him. "Sandy, why don't you and Seth both go home and get some rest. It will do none of us any good if we're just sitting her exhausting ourselves. I've got a bed made in Ryan's room, I'll stay the night with him. Besides, you've got to take Summer home."

"Always thinking, honey," Sandy said, going to his wife and giving her a kiss. Seth normally would have complained about the public display of affection, but decided to let it go. He looked over to the police before deciding that he wouldn't argue. He'd go home and sleep on the couch to wait for his Mom's phone call. There was no way he was getting any sleep tonight.

Sandy pulled away from his wife and smiled at Seth. "Ready to go?" He asked.

Seth only nodded as he went over to Summer and gently woke her up. She seemed disoriented at first but when she realized where she was, her eyes went wide and she sat up quickly. "Where is Ryan? Is he okay? Did something happen?" The questions spewed forth in a blur and Seth shook his head, finally covering her mouth with his hand. She looked at him, shocked.

"He's still sleeping," Seth told her. "We're going home and we'll drop you off on the way."

Summer looked almost disappointed at the notion but didn't say anything. Instead, she stood up and gave Kirsten a hug, to which Kirsten smiled at Seth and Sandy but then hugged the girl back. "Don't worry, Mrs. Cohen," she said, holding Kirsten's shoulders. "Ryan's a tough guy, he'll be okay."

"Thank you, Summer," Kirsten said and accepted another kiss from Sandy before the trio was out the door.

Review Responses:

Dumbeblondi02: I don't think I'm ready to write a Ryan's death story yet, but I don't really know where this story will take me, so there's always the possibility. ;)

kandy4eva: Thank you! Yeah, I do love the Kandy stuff. I don't think I'm that good at writing it, though. And as for the medical stuff, don't be too impressed, I'm sure there's a ton of stuff wrong with what I wrote. I basically used stuff that I learned from movies, tv, and high school biology to help me with that stuff. Not to mention my own experiences in an ER waiting room.

KiKiCohen: Thank you! I'm glad you like it. Yeah, I can't wait until Ryan wakes up either. It might be a little bit, though. Just to warn you. ;)

Callie-Cat: Yeah, I've noticed that Ryan is always taking the blame for stuff that he has little to no control over. That's part of the reason I love him so much. And that's why I'm really excited for season 3 to start.

SVOC Luva: Is this ASAP enough for you:-D Enjoy!