Chapter Ten
Seth had begun to hate the concept of patience. He'd come to a rather harsh self realization during the three days Ryan had been asleep. Actually, several self realizations. The first one being that patience and Seth Cohen didn't match up. There was only so much room inside of him for patience and he'd used it all up on the very first night. Another self realization about himself was that he could actually be semi-quiet when the time called for it. He had never thought it possible, no one really had. He hated it when it was quiet. At first, he'd ignored the fact that the doctor had advised them to talk only in whispers if they needed to talk. But when the doctor went on to tell them that since Ryan was having continuous nightmares whenever he came close to waking up for his checkups and that any outside stimulus may bring about even heavier nightmares, Seth had managed to keep his mouth shut.
It was cruel. Seth thought it would be the opposite. Ryan was lost in a hellish dream world? Wouldn't he welcome the comforting tone of Seth's voice? He had almost discarded what the doctor had said, until on the second day of Ryan's unconsciousness his best friend had started thrashing in his sleep. It had been almost painful to watch as the restrains held down Ryan's arms and legs. Kirsten had been in the room too and she had gone over to him, trying to calm him as Sandy ran for a doctor. Seth could only watch as Ryan squirmed and whimpered, trying to get away from Kirsten's hands as she went to hold him down. It had only lasted a few minutes, as the doctors came in and ushered them out. They'd done the checkup as best they could and had then sedated him again.
Talk about traumatic, was the only way Seth could describe the event. Seeing Ryan so out of persona was starting to get to him. He wanted to tell the doctors that perhaps Ryan wouldn't be having the stupid nightmares if he wasn't strapped down to a bed. That if they just let him wake up, he was sure Ryan would be fine and would go back to being his old self in no time. But he didn't argue, even if it was concerning to Seth that every time Ryan came near to consciousness, he had nightmares.
That's why it was rather surprising when a soft moan escaped Ryan's throat. It was weak and instantly Seth was alert. Kirsten, who was sitting by Ryan's bed, dropped her magazine and stood up, placing a her hand on Ryan's forehead gently. Seth braced himself for another round of thrashing and nightmares from his foster brother, but they never came. Instead, Ryan's face turned into a grimace and he moved towards Kirsten's voice as she whispered soothing words to him. Kirsten stopped when she saw the motion. "Ryan?" she asked, gently.
Seth wondered if he should go and find his father, who'd been out in search of coffee. It was about eight at night and they had all been close to crashing. But when Ryan let out another soft moan, Seth knew that no force in the world would ever make him leave this room right now. Ryan was waking up.
"Ryan?" Kirsten tried again. "That's it, sweetie," she stroked his forehead. "Can you open your eyes?" As she said the words, she reached up and hit the call button. "Come on," she coaxed gently. Ryan's eyelids started to flutter slightly, but he didn't make it very far before he closed them again, the grimace still on his face.
A doctor came into the room, followed by Sandy, who looked almost frantic. But at the sight of Ryan lying calm and placid, he calmed slightly. Kirsten turned to give them both a smile. "He's waking up," she said. "I can't get him to open his eyes."
The doctor moved to the other side of the bed. He checked all of the monitors really quick before he cleared his throat. The sound was louder and Seth jumped a little. "Ryan," the doctor said, his voice assertive. "My name is Dr. Mahogan. Your family is here and they would appreciate it if you opened your eyes. They've missed those baby blues of yours." The only response was a slight turning of Ryan's head. The doctor snorted and tried a different approach. "Ryan, I know you're probably really groggy and tired, but I need you to work with me. We can be a team, Ryan, or I can be a dictator. Either way, I'm going to get you to open your eyes."
There was a soft mumble that escaped Ryan's mouth. To Seth, it sounded like a threat. At Sandy's laugh, Seth knew he'd heard it right. Ryan's eyelids began to flutter again and after a few moments of struggling, Ryan was finally staring at the ceiling, still trying to focus his vision.
"Great job, Ryan," Dr. Mahogan said. "Now I know this isn't such a great reward, but I'm going to check your stomach really quick and then I'll let your family at you. They've been bugging the heck out of my nurses, you know." As the doctor was talking, he had pushed aside Ryan's hospital gown and had begun to inspect the wound. Ryan flinched only once as the doctor prodded the wound. The bruising had gone down, as had the swelling, but there were still a little a both left around the immediate wound area. "Still a little tender," the doctor observed. "But we expected that. It looks like you're healing nicely."
Ryan's head rolled to the side and his eyes scanned the faces. He gave Kirsten a weak smile, the best one he could muster. She took his hand. Dr. Mahogan went about checking some other things on Ryan, who had begun to try and lift his hands. When he found them restrained, he merely frowned slightly and closed his eyes. Seth wanted to yell at the doctor for keeping the restraints on this long.
"Okay Ryan," Dr. Mahogan said. "I'm supposing you'll want those restraints off." It was a sign from God. "But first I need to ask you a few questions, all right?" Ryan nodded, his eyes opening slowly, as if they weighed a hundred pounds. "All right, do you remember what happened?"
There was a pause on Ryan's part and for a moment, Seth began to panic. They had mentioned something about brain damage, memory loss, what if Ryan didn't remember what happened? What if something was wrong? What if he wasn't all right.
But those fears were instantly dispelled when Ryan whispered, "Eddie."
"That's right," Dr. Mahogan said. "Good job, Ryan. Now I need you to spell a couple of words for me. Can you spell school bus?" It took a painstaking moment for Ryan to get the letters out, but eventually he did so. Talking seemed to tire him even more than he was already and Seth feared that if the doctor kept pushing, they wouldn't have time to talk to him before he fell asleep again. That was not something Seth wanted. He missed his Seth-Ryan time. "Good," the doctor said as Ryan finished the spelling. "Now, just some simple math, is that okay?"
"Hate math," Ryan said, his eyes closed. The comment earned a chuckle from both the doctor and Kirsten, who was still holding Ryan's hand.
"So do I," Dr. Mahogan said. "That's why I'm making you do it. Now, can you tell me what eight times nine is?"
"72," Ryan sighed out the answer quickly, through habit. Times tables had always been something he was good at.
"Good. Now, how about 23 times nine?"
Ryan paused for a second, frowning, "206...no…207." Ryan said, suddenly alert with the process of thinking. The doctor smiled warmly.
"Great job, Ryan." He turned to Sandy and Kirsten. "Everything seems to be in tact," he said. Sandy and Kirsten both let out audible sighs of relief. Seth knew that the simple sentence was meant to say, 'Ryan's head isn't messed up.' He looked down at his foster brother, who was looking between the doctors and his foster parents. Seth knew that Ryan was putting the pieces together. He was no dummy, even if he could win the award for most groggy person in the world at the moment. "I'll leave you alone for a while. I'll come back in a bit to discuss our plans for Ryan, but considering how well he is healing, I'd say you'd be able to go home in a couple of days, Ryan. But first, let's get those restraints off of you."
As the doctor began removing the restraints, a content look fell across Ryan's face and he closed his eyes. As soon as the restraints were removed, Ryan raised his arms, just for the sake of moving them. But quickly, the movement got him tired and he soon lay there, with one hand on his chest and the other raised above his head a little bit. He opened his eyes and looked at the three Cohens who were watching him eagerly. The doctor had left. "Sore," he gave slightly, with a small smile.
"I bet," Sandy answered and then moved to sit down on the other side of the bed. "How do you feel otherwise?"
"Fine," Ryan whispered, turning his head so he was facing Sandy. "What time is it?"
"Around eight thirty," Sandy gave, studying Ryan's face for a moment. "And it's Friday. They had to keep you under for a little bit."
Ryan's eyes widened at the remark. "Three days?" He asked, his head turning to now face Kirsten before he made eye contact with Seth.
"Don't worry man," Seth said lightly. "I've just been sitting here, mumbling to myself for the past three days. It was quite like the old times, pre-Ryan." Seth hoped Ryan would pick up on the wide grin and good humor Seth was trying to display. When Ryan gave him a tired smile, he knew he had accomplished his goal. But the look that his mother gave him said that it was time to get down to business.
"Ryan, sweetie, do you remember what happened, exactly?" She asked.
Ryan seemed to think for a moment, his eyes staring blankly at the opposite wall. Finally, he moved his eyes to Kirsten and grimaced. "I ruined Caleb's party." He whispered.
"Kid, you've got to get your priorities straight," Sandy chided, placing a gentle hand on Ryan's shoulder.
"Ryan," Kirsten drew the boy's attention back to her. "No one blames you for what happened."
A simple nod was the only acknowledgment they got out of him. After a few more seconds, Ryan suddenly frowned and asked, "Why was I out for three days?"
"Dude, you ripped your stitches out when your mom was…" Seth cut himself off, his eyes widening, realizing that he'd just brought up a very touchy subject, one that perhaps they shouldn't have brought up right away. He saw the way Ryan's eyes instantly scanned the room again, remembering that someone who should have been here wasn't. He finally focused in on Kirsten, his glossy blue eyes begging her for an explanation.
Kirsten gave a soft smile and took Ryan's hand. She seemed to think about her words very carefully. "Honey," she started and then stopped when her voice hitched. Ryan frowned and Seth stared at the back of his mother's head. She had been acting weird lately and Seth hadn't voiced his concerns, but he was worried about her. Perhaps this whole shooting incident was starting to get to her? He knew that it had gotten to him a little, but they hadn't really talked about it other than to talk about Ryan's health. In all honesty, that surprised Seth a bit. He had fully expected to have a serious discussion about it with one of his parents, but thus far, neither one of them had sat down with him to talk about it.
Sandy took over for his wife. "We thought it would be best if she wasn't here right now," Sandy said gently. "We asked her to leave, kid."
Ryan stared up at the ceiling, deep in thought. Seth saw the way Ryan's eyes glazed slightly, but he blinked away whatever emotion he had been just about to express and instead his eyes took on a cold, stony look, a look Seth hadn't seen since that morning before Kirsten had announced Ryan would be staying with them. It was the look he'd only caught a glimpse of, the look that Ryan kept shielded away from them and only let slip on rare occasions. It was the look of fear, raw sadness, and vulnerability, things that Ryan Atwood would never admit to being. It was the look that Seth hated seeing.
"Good," it was whispered so quietly, Seth almost didn't hear it. And as quickly as it had come, Ryan wiped the look off his face and turned to look at Kirsten again, his eyes signaling that he didn't want to talk about it anymore. "Where's Theresa?" He asked.
Seth's stomach dropped again. He absently reached into his pocket, fingering the note that he had kept by his side since Marissa had given it to him. He hadn't read it, the thought had crossed his mind several times, but the note was something personal, for Ryan's eyes only. He gave Ryan a sympathetic half smile. "I'm sorry, buddy," Seth said, trying to find the right wording so it wouldn't come out so harsh. But anyway he said it, he knew it would still hurt. So he just said it. "She left a note." He held the note out for Ryan to take.
Ryan lay there, staring at Seth's outstretched arm with wide, hurt eyes. Seth could only guess what was going through Ryan's head about now. How many people in his life had left him with only a note saying they were sorry? How many times would Ryan have to deal with that pain? With that paranoia about who would be the next person to up and leave him?
When Ryan didn't take the note, Kirsten reached out and took it, placing it on the table beside Ryan's bed. "It will be here if you want to read it," she whispered, scanning his face for any indication of what he was thinking. Ryan was staring blankly at the opposite wall, avoiding all eye contact, with a lost expression on his face. Seth didn't think it was fair. How could the world just seem to crumble beneath someone's feet like that? Ryan's world was slowly falling apart. But as much as he thought Ryan was getting a raw deal, he found himself more willing then ever to prove to Ryan that he still had people who loved him. If anything, Ryan still had him, and that was all that mattered to Seth at the moment, that Ryan still knew that.
"Ryan…" Kirsten tried gently to coax him into talking, but Ryan closed his eyes and turned his head to the side.
"I'm tired," he said, thought the ruggedness of his voice told them it was only a mildly truthful statement.
"Get some rest, kid," Sandy said, giving Ryan's arm a squeeze. "We'll be here when you wake up and it won't be half as bad. Maybe you'll even be able to go home."
If anything, Ryan's grimace worsened. At first, Seth was worried that perhaps Ryan didn't like the concept of home. But later that night, when the nightmares returned and the restraints had to be put back in place, Seth knew that Ryan had grimaced because his world was shattering. Somehow, his past had managed to sneak up on him and taint his new world, his new life, and had managed to shatter whatever image of security Ryan had been able to set up in Newport. Seth vowed that he would help Ryan put the pieces back together, by whatever means necessary.
Review Responses:
katwoman76: Yeah, I always wish they would go into more depth with Ryan's past on the show. Hopefully this new season will bring in some more. I may know a spoiler that will help some with that. :)
IY-ROX: thanks for sticking with the story and the reviews! I appreciate it!
forgottenletters: I have another fanfic in mind that will go into a little bit of what Ryan's life was like before the Cohens. But I'm going to have to be really, and I mean REALLY, ambitious to write that one. Hopefully I'll get around to it though. This fic has a few more chapters left in it, maybe five or so, and then I'll start some other one.
TeacherTam: I know, real life sucks. I'm taking a bunch of Criminal Justice and Sociology classes right now, because that's my major, and next semester I have juvenilie justice as a class. I'm not looking forward to being exposed to the real facts, but then again, I sort of am so I can better understand stuff like that. It's difficult to look at what really happens to kids like that.
kandy4eva: There will be plenty of Ryan/Kirsten in the following chapters. :) And maybe I'll throw in some Kirsten/Sandy for you. ;)
beachtree: No matter how hard we try, our true emotions will always come out. I think with Kirsten, it will be extremely difficult for her to hide the knowledge of Ryan's past from him. It could either help them bond, or push them apart. We'll have to see.
SVOC Luva: Thanks! I don't like this chapter as much as some of the others, but hopefully the next one will be a bit better.
slimkay: Thanks for the constant reviews!
xoleanderx: Not a problem! As long as you're still reading. :) And yeah, I think the Kirsten/Ryan relationship will go through a pretty tough time in the next couple of chapters, but I would never do anything to push Kirsten and Ryan apart, because I love their relationship on the show way too much.