Warrior At Heart

by SKRowling

Melinda Pappas, the way she was... See the strong woman she really is. What is she made of? Highly dramatic and angsty paralel story to Beginings. One file. COMPLETE

Disclaimer: I hate these but I have to so... Xena n' 'em is MCA universal's property. Story is mine. so ha!

Pain Disclaimer: Lots of emotional Pain. there is a part that deals a bit with the physical pain. I have described it to people and they have shuddered so I imagine that it may send chills up some folks spines.

Sex Disclaimers: Man Woman sex... sorry my imagination don't go that far yet. but the beginning of love for an other woman is implied by the time this ends.

Dear Xenites,

I wasn't gonna send this to get published or anything I wrote it for fun. but I have been hit by inspiration of Shawn "Batsky" or else I would have never written the story. Also I was inspired by Missy and my fellow merpups by giving me courage to send it out. I hope you guys like it and let me know. I always love to hear from my mentors.

This story is based simultaniusly with Beginings. A young Janice story. Also I based it on an On-line RP game I play. and My Mel somehow has more of an edge than what I saw on television, and I like the character she brought out.. so I wrote the story.

Thanks,

DR (fanfic writer formerly known as Halissa Begnoon)

Warrior at Heart

by: DR

For The Love Of Noah

Summer 1935 I was 17 years old, and was about to graduate High school. It was a hot day in Charlotte, North Carolina. I sat on my porch with Noah, Nanny's youngest boy. We practically grew up together. Nanny was my wet nurse from birth. My mother had never been the mothering type. Which is why by the time I was a year old she was gone.

She was one of the heiresses to the Vanderbilt fortune. She grew tiered of the south and of my father and of me and she left. She returned whenever she felt like it and tried to mother me. and I really wanted her to so I let her mold me. She molded me into a southern belle, like a porcelain doll that could break at any moment.

Nanny was my mother. She was more of a mother than my mother could ever be. She was a tall and handsome colored woman. With the most beautiful face I had ever seen. She had the kindest eyes, that made people feel at ease around her. Nanny came to us a year before I was born. She had been working for my daddy a year, when Ezra, Nanny's husband died at work. He was a railroad worker, and he was fatally crushed by a steel beam.

Nanny lost it all. The company didn't pay her anything for her loss and suffering. She lost her home, so daddy had her come live with him and his pregnant wife. Nanny had a small child Named Lucy, whom was four. And she was carrying an other.

Just 3 short weeks after Noah was born, I came into the world, so then nanny served as my wet nurse. Noah and I shared everything down to the breast of his mother. we took baths together we played together, everything. Lucy and Noah were my only siblings.

Noah and I were particularly close. We were jealous with each other's time and were inseparable, except for school time. He had to walk across town about 5 miles to get to his school. I always hoped that one day we could go to school together.

"Noah, You have to go up north. Do you know how valuable this is?" I asked him as I held a letter of acceptance to university in Massachusetts.

"yeah I know Ms. but I'd be leaving you behind who would protect you from the big bad bees?" I laughed at that and hit him lightly on the shoulder.

"Oh don't be silly Noah. Really this is Harvard University, this is the Ivy league we are talking about, it is an honor for any one, let alone a Colored man."

"I know, I'll Just.." he was interrupted by a car coming up the drive. It was my mother's Limo. I jumped out of my seat and ran towards the door of the car.

"Melinda, behave like a lady. Where is your hat? you know how dark you get."

"I'm fine mother how are you?" I murmur as I walk into the house. My mother tended to get a bit infuriating after the first rush of excitement.

"where is your father?" she asked as she walked into the house.

"At the school... Why are you here mother?"

"well that's a ridiculous question." she said as she sat on the couch.

"no it isn't" I said under my breath as Lu, whom now worked for my daddy too, brought my mother her usual Lemonade.

"Lucy is that you?" My mother asked.

"Yes ma'am" Lu replied.

"My how you have grown! Was that strapping young man outside Your little brother Noah?"

"Yessum."

"Well your mother's got a mighty handsome family."

"Thank you ma'am." Lucy says retreating to the kitchen.

I straightened my dress and waited for her answer to my question. I really didn't want her there, I had grown to despise everything she stood for, or maybe I was just jealous because she thought her life was more exiting than I was.

She looked at me a moment. "oh Melinda really... You are graduating in a few days."

"so?" I asked.

"So I want to be there for you, is that a crime?"

"you never wanted to be there before?"

"That's enough Young lady." my mother said with a low growl evidently hurt by the truth. I turned away calmly even though I was stressed and walk to the door. "now if you will excuse me," I said, "I'm going back outside."

I walked out ignoring my mother's plea for me to put on a hat. She had this fear, that some day I would be mistaken for a colored girl. I get so dark at times, frankly I like the look.

I wanted to see Noah. I needed to see Noah, he always made me feel better. As I walked out onto the verandah, as my mother liked to call it, he wasn't there. I sighed a little disappointed and sat on the swinging porch bench looking dreamily at the flowers. I found my self thinking of my best friend in ways That I had never consciously thought of him. I closed my eyes, and I'd see his dark handsome face. My heart began to race. I felt like screaming , laughing and crying all at the same time. My breath was shallow, but all I was thinking about was Noah, a tall handsome colored boy , whom I knew like I knew myself.

I felt a presence and opened my eyes. I smiled softly at what I saw. Flowers. Noah's arms were coming around me from behind, and my feelings as jumbled as they were exploded like a volcano. I laughed and cried all at the same time.

Just then I was filled with fear. I loved Noah. More than a friend's love, More than a sister's love. It was a love that came from deep within my soul and knowing that that love would never be free to fly hurt me deeper than any wound ever could. Besides, soon he would leave me, that is if I didn't get into Harvard. But he would leave me, and he would never Know How I felt about him.

"Why thank you kindly Mr. Whiley. These are some of the right purtiest flowers I'd ever seen." I said

"I picked them for you and I will pick as many as I can for you before I leave." He replied. I smiled and kissed his cheek. Then I regretted doing that. The feel of his skin against my lips Intoxicated me, and aroused me in ways I had never been aroused before.

He blinked a few times pulled back and looked into my eyes. We gazed into each other's eyes for a long time. I found my self lost in his abysmal hazel orbs, and it was all I could do to fight my urges. I closed my eyes and looked away. Then I stood and ran as fast as I could away from the house and as far away as I could get.

"Mel, Mel!" he called after me I just kept running towards the swimming hole. I fell to my knees at the water's edge, and tried to swallow a sob. "Mel?" I heard Noah say from behind me. "Are you all right?" I turned around a tear rolling down my cheek, and a look of total perplexion on my features. Then I walked up to him and stood face to face. I felt the same as before, the intensity of his gaze trying to figure out what had hurt me, and then I saw it, he felt the same.

"Please tell me you feel the same." I begged. His response was only to reach out and caress my face gently. I closed my eyes and walked closer to him. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him as deeply and passionately as I felt only minutes before.

When we pulled apart, I felt lost, what would I do when he would leave? I had never done something so impulsive in my life, and I didn't really want to stop. I was indeed in love.

I took his hand then, and smiled at him, he smiled in return. Then we walked around the swimming hole silently. then I got an other urge and I just jumped into the pool of water. he Jumped in after me and we played and kissed and did everything short of making love to each other. after a while we just ended up holding each other on the furthest , most intimate shore of the swimming hole.

"Aw come on, I seen you nakid before." Noah said teasingly." Heck you practically nekid now why not make it official?" I laughed

"This is different though?"

"How so?"

"The last time you saw me naked we were four, and you thought girls were yucky. But now… If I show you mine, and you show me yours, we would used them in ways we never have before and get ourselves in a tangle... We are already messing with the fates here."

"Are those from Greek mythology too?" he asked changing the subject in understanding. He stood up and lifted me to my feet. Then he took my hand and we walked slowly back home, it was getting dark. "Yes they are." I said.

"Who was the goddess of love again?" he asked, I smirked and said, "Aphrodite. Want to hear a story about what she had done?" He nodded so then I started. "Well it's a story about weather."

"The weather?"

"Uhuh, There once was this handsome young man name Lattus, and he fell in love with a beautiful young woman named Io. Their love was so great, that the gods grew jealous of it, and confined Lattus to live only in the summer, and Io to live only in the Winter. Then, the goddess Aphrodite took pity on the lovers and gave them a way to be together." We stop at the back door and sit on the steps. I continue. "... Now in the summer, whenever it rains, it is Io kissing Lattus softly, and in the winter, when it snows, it is Lattus gently caressing Io. That's how we got the weather."

"Wow." He said gazing into my eyes.

"yeah" I said, gazing back. We moved closer to each other, slowly almost inperceptively. I closed my eyes and just then, Nanny opened the door. We jumped about 50 feet apart. My face was red as a tomato, and Noah was very fidgety.

"Ms. Pappas! Look at you 'bout to catch a nomonia, and who dey gon' blame. I tell you who, me."

she looked to Noah. "Noah, boy what was you two up to?"

"Jus' swimmin mamma." Noah replied.

"Yeah Nanny It was hot today." I then said

"come on now git cleaned off, Yo' mamma gon' have a fit if'n she sees you like that. You's already gettin' daak." She said ushering me inside. On my way toward my room I ran into my mother.

"For crying out loud Mel, Change and hurry down to Dinner."

"I'm not hungry" I said , as I passed her.

I went into my room and changed into my night gown and sat at my vanity to brush my hair. I smile thinking about that afternoon, reliving every moment of it.

Before I climbed into bed that night, My father walked into my room and handed me an envelope. I turned it in my hand over and over afraid to open it. It was the admissions letter from Harvard. "well.. aren't you gonna open it?"

" I will daddy, I just really want to go there." I did now more than ever.

"well You'll never know unless you open it." I nodded and opened up the letter.

I cried Myself to sleep that night. I made the waiting list, the waiting list. For Harvard that is a nice way of saying fat chance buddy. At least Noah and I had the summer.

Summer Lovin? Not a Chance

"No!" I said as I found out why my mother really was home. "I'm not going to Boston This summer."

"Why on earth not?"

First of all I don't like you. I thought as I said. " I want to spend my last summer with my friends."

"well You have 3 weeks to say good bye to them, then we are leaving."

"Three weeks is not a summer. Mother"

"Well you'll be back in no time any way, you'll be seeing them soon."

"Well the one person I want to see won't be." I said as my face grew sadder and tears threaten to escape me.

"You are coming with me, God knows how you will look by the time school comes out. You cant look like a nigger girl, Not here in the south." My eyes grew wide.

"I hate you, I despise you and I am ashamed of being your daughter. How could you say that word in My house."

"Excuse me?"

"My house. I don't know you, You don't live here, you are nothing but a guest here so get out ."

"Mel!" My father then said, "Mel how could you talk to your Mother like that?"

"How could she say something like that?" I said crying now. "They are people, They have feelings, you know it, and I know it. Why does she have to be that way? Why can't she see that? She doesn't belong here, I don't belong to her. My mother Is a colored woman I call Nanny." I ran out of the room and ended up in the garden bench in the sun. The day of my graduation had been traumatic enough. I was glad, Nanny, Lu, and Noah were at his graduation. I would never have been able to look at them straight in the eye.

I could hear people walking into the house for a graduation party My mother decided to throw for me. I walked a bit further away from sight I didn't want to turn on the charm just then. I stood atop a hill in the field and watched the sun set. Before the sun went down I felt a pair of arms wrap around me. "I love you." I heard Noah say, and I smiled in spite of my dark mood.

I turned to face him. I Kissed him softly then I lead him away from the hill. Towards the guest houses, we had three. One of them, the largest, was where he lived, one of them was where My mother lived, when she stayed there. I took him to the smaller of the three, the one that only consisted of a bed room and a kitchenette, and indoor plumbing.

I pulled him inside and we sat on the bed. What was I getting my self into? I didn't know, and I didn't much care either. All I knew was that I loved him, I was going to be with him. I never wanted him more than I did at that moment.

We looked at each other a long moment. I moved his hand to my chest and whispered breathily, "make love to me?" we kissed each other passionately. we undressed each other slowly absorbing every contour of each other. I was so ready for him, and he was for me. "you are beautiful Ms. Melly." I smiled, he was the only one allowed to call me that. "You are my first and only love, and you will be always in my heart."

"I love you Noah, with all my heart" I said in response running My hand along his chest. we kissed again long and tenderly, his body pressed against mine. He parted my legs and settled in between them. he caressed me all over before he entered me. I closed my eyes moaning softly as his hands kneaded at my breast and his mouth suckled at my neck.

His hand slid slowly between my legs and as he touched my center I whimpered. "please." I say as he teases me. My hips moving slightly with longing. Then he entered me. A mixture of pleasure and pain took hold of my body. I opened my eyes to find him gazing at me, I smiled and met him with each stroke he carried.

Our bodies met over and over. Beads of sweat forming on our bodies, and our Moans of pleasure arousing the one an other more. We came to an extreme climax together. We held each other tightly as his seed spilled inside me. It felt so good I didn't want to let him go. He stayed inside me and we held each other, his body's weight on mine. I looked at our skin as if for the first time the color contrasts intoxicated me even more. "I love you." came the words again from my mouth and the more I said them the more I was afraid.

"How could this be wrong?" I asked him softly as he rolled over next to me.

"it isn't wrong." He answered.

We kissed a while then I said. "I'm leaving in three weeks." He only looked at me, "I'm going to Boston with mother." He propped himself up on one elbow and caressed my body.

"Then I guess we'll just have to do this as often as we can till we can't no more," he said. I laughed.

"You Know there is a Greek myth," I said, "that says Humans used to have two heads, and four arms and legs. Then the gods got mad and threw thunder bolts and separated the humans. now each of us have one head and to arms and legs. But even though they could function, the two halves spent the rest of their life searching for one an other, because they had the other half of their soul. You are my other half."

"That is the best myth I have ever heard." Just then we heard the voice of Nanny calling for Noah, and My father for me. We got up and dressed and we kissed one last, long time. Before we parted, My father walked into the guest house. I spun around and saw him standing there. He didn't look angry or disappointed in me, but he looked like he understood why I was acting the way I was.

"Come on Mel, It's your party, and Noah has one of his own to go to." I smile softly at my father and give him a hug. I waved good-bye to Noah and went off with him.

"I love you daddy." I said all he did was squeeze me one more time, then he kissed the top of my head as we walked into the house.

High Society

I lay in my bed one night, My last night in Charlotte for the summer. My skin all a fire. Noah's arms around me drawing me close to him. I wanted the moment to last forever. Savoring the scent of his skin, and the feeling of it next to mine. His breath on my neck heavy from our most recent round of love making.

But I was 17, and so was he. We felt like Romeo and Juliet, but instead of our families tearing us apart, it was the color of our skin. His hand glided from my hip to my breast and kneaded at it. He kissed my neck gently. I turned to face him. "you know something?"

"what?"

"I love you"

"you afraid to love me?"

"well I was afraid."

"Society makes it hard for us. All I know is I love you. I know you as I know my self, and I never want to feel like this again with any one else but you." He said. I kissed him softly.

We made love so many times that night. Then in the morning, I was pleased to see he was there holding me. As the morning dawned my eyes opened to see his smiling face yet sad eyes looking down at me. "I should go now." He whispered.

"No, It cant be over." He kissed me softly then stood up and started to put his pants on. I reached for him and pulled him to the bed by the pants. He looked at me, as I said. "please stay a bit more?"

He sat at the edge of the bed. He looked as if he was to cry. I wrapped my arms around him from behind and caressed his chest softly. Then I moved in front of him and straddled him. I kissed him softly. We were carried away into more. I rode him as I never had before.

There was a knock on the door then a soft "Noah." It was Lu. "Noah, Old Lady Vanderbilt is coming." He froze in mid motion. Frankly at that Point I was hoping mother would find out. But I had to respect Noah. so I stopped, and looked at him. Then I stood and went for my robe. He finished buckling his pants and put on his shirt as I opened the door for Lu. I locked it behind her and went through my desk drawer for a letter I wrote to Noah.

I heard my mothers distinct knock on the door. "Melinda?"

"yes mother?" I answered with a bit more bitterness that I wanted.

" Get ready dear The Plane leaves in 2 hours. Here Let me in dear."

"I'm Not dressed."

"Didn't I just see Lucy go in?"

"Lucy used to help change my diapers she can see me get dressed any time she wants."

"Well..." My mother made an annoyed noise and walked away. The three of us laughed. Lucy Left Noah and I alone once again, and promised to stall as much as she could. I locked the door behind her. I sat on Noah's lap and handed him the letter I wrote for him.

"what's this?" I stood and started to dress Just in case any one else would come.

"I wrote this for you to read after I leave."

"Why after you leave?"

"So I can be with you Just a little while longer." truthfully I didn't want to be there when he read it. I didn't want him to be affected too deeply by what was going on within me. The only thing is, I didn't realize that by Just telling him about it, all that I didn't want to happen, happened.

A month later I was in Boston, and Had just received a letter from Harvard. I was to open it when the door bell rang. I just happened to be near the door when the maid opened the door. A smile spread across my face and I ran to the door. "No no Patty let him in, He is my friend."

I pulled Noah into the house and into the Parlor. "Noah Please Sit."

"Melinda, you sound like your mother now."

"Oh god Noah, Please don't tell me that. How are you, and Nanny, and Lu."

"We are all fine. How is you miss Melly? You don't look much bigger'n when You left."

"Shhh." I said and looked around the room to make sure no one heard. "Come with me." I say standing and pulling him out side. We walked in silence until we reached the park, then I said. "I am so miserable here. I hate not having any one here to share in my joy, and my pain. I missed you terribly but now I am all better that you are here."

"what about the baby." He said.

"what about it?" I replied.

"What are you gonna do when you can no longer hide it? she is going to make you give it up I don't think I can live with that." He didn't notice the tears welling up in my eyes. He didn't understand that I didn't want to think about it. I felt a pain in my chest and a sob at my throat. "I'm 17 yeas old" I barely managed to say, "I cant I .. I .. can't be." I couldn't finish. I started to cry and he wrapped his arms around me. I cried bitterly in his arms. He asked no more questions he only held me.

when I was all cried out we sat at a park bench and he held me there. I noticed a few people turning to look as if to make sure that he wasn't hurting me. He pulled apart he kissed my fore head. "What happened?"

" I lost it while I was sleeping. well not while I was sleeping, It woke me up at night. It as mighty painful but I didn't dare make a noise 'fore mother woke. then I set up in bed and I was bleedin' and I just new It was gone." Noah only nodded in understanding and a little disappointed. "I wanted your baby so very badly." I said.

"Me too, I came up here to ask you to be my wife. We could go to Canada and live there a while." I smile and hug him. "Of course I want to!" I said. a few people walked by and smiled and tiped their hats in Noah's direction. Noah noded a hello to them and smiled at me. I was overjoyed. I pulled Noah to his feet and headed back to the house. "I got a letter from Harvard today."

"Oh?"

"Yeah." I say showing it to him wrinkled in my hand.

"What does it say?"

"I haven't read it."

"Open it." I did. I read through it and I almost shouted for Joy. I hugged him and I almost Jumped. Which was funny, but the city didn't seem to me like a place where that would be appropriate.

Noah went back to North Carolina within the next two days. and I prepared for My move on campus.

"Your daughter is going to Harvard? How fitting." One of my mother's so called friends said as they sat at a tea with her Mother had dragged me along with her to show me off. Her friends were a bunch of stuck up snobs, or as Janice would say rich bitches, like my mother.

"I am so glad you took her out of that wretched south. She is too lovely to be wasted on them." an other said. I smiled politely. I was starting to feel like they were going to go back to the civil wars. I sat there listening to them and I let my mind wonder on other things. Like how would it be like in college. then I heard my mother say something like. "and of course she will stay with me at home since it is so close."

"I will do no such thing." I said in return. The four ladies looked at me in utter shock. It had been the first time I had said anything other than yes, or no, or thank you.

"Why Melinda!" mother said, obviously annoyed and embarrassed but I didn't care. "Why on earth not?"

" I just.." I looked around at the group. "Well I want to be independent... Don't want to be associated with the name..."

"Oh don't be silly." My mother said.

"Mother if you don't mind me saying this.. Vanderbilt is a very powerful name... If I go to school and people know who .. or what I am.. they may treat me differently than if I just went on my own." I lied through my teeth.

"Well .. Elizabeth I think that is reasonable." One of the ladies said.

" I guess you are right .. all right." My mother said. I had succeeded in stroking my mother's ego, and getting out form under her nose in a few smooth words. I beamed happily as I sat back and listened to their banter.

As I took an other sip of my tea, My mother started to talk about why she didn't want me on campus. At first it went more like: I miss her, and I missed most of her life.. and I want to share few moments with her. Yada yada yada. But then I heard "besides.. there is gonna be all these colored people there.. I don't think my baby has ever been in a school with colored people before."

"No matter they are people and need to learn." I said, My face said everything about how I felt on that subject.

"Ha.. and this coming from a southern belle." Came a voice of the more outspoken of the bunch.

"with all due respect ma'am, but I have been living with colored people all my life..." with a slight glance at my mother I say, " My mother is a black woman, as far as mother's go. and I for one know how capable these people are." I looked at all the ladies around the table. My mother looked hurt. Mrs. Britton whom had made the last remark, looked appalled at what I had to say, and the rest of them just had shocked written all over their face.

I excused my self from the Table and walked out to Mrs. Traylor's Garden. I seethed inside, I wanted to scream, yet my outward appearance showed No signs. I guess that was an inherited trait. Out there I immersed my self in Mrs. Traylor's prized roses. As I walked around I stumbled unto two very engrossed lovers. I nearly fainted in my surprised. I kind of tripped over the Young man's foot. You should have seen their faces. My face turned crimson with embarrassment, as I stood. "Oh.. Oh my.. I'm incredibly sorry." One young man, whom was very handsome blushed only slightly and smiled. The other Young man was mortified. his face buried in his lover's shoulder.

" I wont tell if you wont," the first young man said. I smiled and nodded, then hurried away. My heart raced I couldn't believe what I just saw. Just then My mother called out for me. thankfully soon we were headed home.

About a fort night later, I was invited to a ball. the "High Society Ball" where all the Elite brought their sons and daughters to be sowed off and their marriages to be arranged. That in it's own was a pretty barbaric thing in my opinion.

As I walked into the hall, I was amazed at it's historical beauty. I walked along quietly next to my mother. we stopped a couple of times to talk to a few people. Slowly, She made her way through the crowd I was not paying attention tow where we were going. I was busy focusing on the dresses the ladies wore.

"Melinda, I'd like you to meet Selby." I heard my mother say. I turned to face whom I was meeting, and we both blushed violently. thank goodness mother didn't notice it. "Selby, This is my daughter Melinda.. Mel this is Mrs. Traylor's son."

"A pleasure." I said, he nodded and kissed the back of my hand. My mother finally seeing Our now dissipating blushes, misunderstood and excused herself. "would you like to dance?" Selby asked politely. I nodded and we made our way to the dance floor.

As we danced we talked a bit. He told me about what I had seen, and how sorry he was I had seen it. "How long Have you known?" I asked softly.

"I don't know, I just knew I loved him." he answered. I found my self lost in his words. He was going to be at Harvard that Fall too, I was just glad I'd have a friend to talk to. I was almost certain that I wouldn't be able to see Noah.

After a few Dances Selby and I excused ourselves and walked outside and talked some more. we laughed as I caught a glimpse at our mothers looking at us through the window their eyes Glowing at the possibilities. "Selby, don't look now, But your Mother.. and My mother are watching our every move from that window." I said leaning against the railing of the verandah. Selby took a quick glance and smirked at me. "wanna give them a thrill?"

"What da yea..." before I could finish he kissed me. It was the most acquard thing. when we separated I took a quick glance towards the window. Our mothers were slowly walking away fanning themselves. Selby and I looked at each other and laughed. "That ought to teach them about spying." He said. "You Just don't know Melinda, how it is to have a love and Not be able to share it openly."

"Sure I do." I answered.

"do you?" he asked genuinely surprised.

"Yes I do." I answered with a nod.

"why.. do tell Ms. Pappas" He said sitting and pulling me next to him.

"I am in love with my best friend."

"Oh? May I ask her name?"

"His, name is Noah."

"That doesn't sound too bad." I smiled softly, still a little afraid at his reaction.

"Trust me .. It's a bad thing.. especially for him. kind of like mixing classes where I come from."

"You shouldn't be afraid of what I may think. Mixing classes is not that bad after all. What is he like?"

"He's got a brilliant mind. He is coming to Harvard to study Archeology. That's why I so desperately had to come too. I need to be with him. All these years, when we grew up together and then when our hearts finally touched we were so terribly torn apart."

"And neither your father or mother know this?"

"Well... daddy knows...But he loves him too. Like a son. But mother, and any one else that happens to see it, might not like it." Selby nodded in understanding then smiled a little.

"Maybe I'll meet him someday." He said. I smiled in return.

"Maybe."

"I know you are keeping a secret for me, and I owe you a debt of gratitude. I will certainly keep your secret to myself."

I hugged Selby, and from that Moment we became good friends. We saw each other every day during the summer. I met his lover, David, and I agreed to cover for them whenever need be. As summer dwindled away, I grew more and more anxious to see Noah. I missed him dearly and I was aching to have him again.

Harvard Co-Ed.

Finally it came... The night before the start of classes. I talked my mother into getting me a suite room all alone, so I could "study better" well I got what I asked for. and I was all the happier for it. As I walked into my dormitory looked around at the drab uncomfortable looking furnishings. I was accustomed to large canopy beds and dawn pillows. But all I saw was a dinky little bed and a desk brown walls wood floors a lamp over the desk but I had a wonderful dormer window.

I sighed satisfied at the window, I figured I could make it feel like home. As my mother's chauffeur brought the rest of the bags to my dormer I sat around imagining what to do with it. My mother blabbered on about safety, and told me not to have Selby in the room unaccompanied by other people. I laughed at that, I couldn't help it... Selby was the last person I was worried about being in my room. "Mother... Males cant go in female dormitories." I said

"Don't go telling me that, I was in college once, we always find a way to sneak males in." I blushed a little. My mother was just happy I hadn't snapped at her the entire day. "Your father is in town to see you.. accompanying that boy Noah." My face lit up at the mentioned the names of the two men I loved most in my life. "Where are they?" I asked happily.

"Your father will be up as soon as he gets that boy situated." Her voice went bitter. Her jealousy of my father for my affection very evident now. I calmed a bit and tried to hide my anxiousness.

"All right" I said taking a deep breath. Just then Selby walked into the dormitory. I smiled brightly and went over to hug him. He laughed and returned the hug.

"Well.. to what do I owe this pleasure?" he asked after we hugged. be fore I could answer my mother said, "she just found out that her father and her best friend have arrived." I looked at her surprised at the announcement. "Then when you walked in, her day got even brighter." He looked at me beaming genuinely happy for me.

"That's great!" he said. My mother only frowned.

"Did she ever tell you about her best friend?" Mother continued. I shot her a look that said back off, and she looked truly pleased with herself.

"Well Yes she has.. he sounds like an absolutely brilliant person... but I wouldn't expect Mel to have any less as a friend." Selby replied, getting a little annoyed at my mother's jealousy.

"yes, he is absolutely brilliant." she conceded then she glanced in my direction with a look that said, I give up. "Well Melinda I must be going" she then said.

"All right." she moved to hug me, I let her but my body tensed in her arms. She let me go and walked out of the room as quickly as her legs could take her. I turned to Selby and smiled "Thank you!"

"Any time." he said "you'd do it for me." I smiled at that and I threw my self upon the bed. I let out a happy sigh and a smile was permanently painted on my face.

Selby and I talked about David's going away to Berkley, and how much he was going to miss him, and how lucky I was that Noah was going to the same school. I hugged him and told him everything would be all right. I closed the door so that he could talk without anyone hearing what he was saying. I held him quietly on my bed running my fingers through his hair.

He looked up at me we looked at each other in the eyes, and instantly I felt like I was doing something really bad. I had no time to look away because he moved fast to capture my lips. and I reciprocated then I pushed him away. " I can't " I said "what about David?"

"David is gone." He answered.

"It's not for ever Selby."

" I could say the same thing for you and Noah." He answered.

"that's different." I said.

"How is it different?" He asked as a knock on the door came. I opened the door and it was my daddy. I jumped for joy into my daddy's arms and hugged him tightly "Oh daddy I missed you" I said as I hugged him my eyes tightly closed.

"I missed you too Melly." he said and gave me a peck in the cheek I returned the peck and let go of him.

I opened my eyes, and My heart leapt at the sight I saw. I pulled Noah inside closed the door and fell into his arms, Drawing him into a deep kiss. At first he hesitated seeing Selby there but then her relaxed seeing that I was relaxed. He held me tightly to him and returned the kiss passionately. We kissed for a long moment. when we finally separated I looked around the room My father was turned away looking out the dormer window, Selby had a slight smirk on his face.

"Let me guess." Selby said, " Noah right?" he came closer to us and shook Noah's hand. "Selby Traylor." Noah shook back and looked at me. Then Selby looked at me and said "I see the difference." I smiled slightly. " I truly must go. Melinda, I will see you around." Selby walked out of my room closing the door behind him.

I looked at daddy and walked over to him. " I am so glad you came"

"So am I Mel, so am I...Melinda." he said with a hint of concern in his voice.

"What is it daddy?" I asked picking up on it.

"I want you both to be careful, This relationship you both have could be a dangerous thing for Noah. Keep it to your selves."

"If you are worried about Selby daddy Don't worry, He.. I .. He owes me the discretion." I explained. He nodded slightly. "Now I'm sorry I have to go. I have to teach at Berkley for a semester. I'll be home for Winter break. You'll spend thanks giving at your mother's then winter break with me." I nodded and hugged him tightly again and out the door he went.

"Nice place." I heard form behind me and I turned to face Noah. " I live in a room with 9 other guys and not much room to keep thing s in."

Just seeing him my body reacted. I heard his voice and my being trembled. I walked towards him as seductively as I could. I started to undo my pedal pushers as I walk towards him. "why not live here.. with me?" I asked as I straddled him.

"I think I could manage that." he answered as he held me closer and kissed me softly.

"Make love to me." I whispered with need. "I miss you so much."

"I missed you too." he said as he gently laid me down on the bed. He slid my pedal pushers off as I undid his pants. I ran my hand up his shirt as he removed my underwear. we removed each other's shirt and gladly pressed skin to skin. I sighed at the feel of his body on me. We were a perfect fit.

We made love, several times that night. We tried positions I had never even imagined before. It was sheer heaven. I felt none of the Mundane worried that I should have felt. I was in love Simple as that. Noah and I were to be married someday, I just knew it.

We awoke the next morning late for registration. we hurried getting dressed and headed down to the registrars. At the door, Noah and I parted ways. He had to go to the back of the building. As I walked in I was distracted by the clamor all over the place. I felt a hand at my waist and looked toward it's owner. It was Selby, I smiled slightly. "good morning Mr. Traylor." I said

"Oh Mel you lucky girl. You have that glow. was it good for you?" he said making me blush violently.

"shhhh... someone might hear." I said

"every one is doing it so don't worry." Selby said.

"Yeah, but they think I should be doing that with you, not any one else."

"that's true..." he said then looked over to the side to a bunch of guys. he kissed my fore head then said, "got to go, talk to you later hun." then he walked away. I shook my head and went on to the line.

When I finished getting registered, I walked out to the back of the building where Noah was still waiting. "You still haven't registered?" I asked him

"No.. all the white students had to go first." he answered, bitterness slightly apparent in his voice.

"Oh." I said softly, and looked around at the rest of the people around. I didn't know what else to say except. "Here is a list of my classed, I hope we can be in a same class together." I handed him the list then I leaned close in a whisper. " I love you," I patted his shoulder and moved away still looking at him. I looked around at the rest of the people and the women glared at me. They hated me because of my color.

Just then Selby lifted me into his arms and carried me away. I screamed playfully and went along for the ride. I kept eye contact with Noah as long as I could. "your love shows all over your face you have got to be more careful." Selby whispered to me as he carried me away.

"I don't Want to hide it any more... I need him." I answered.

"what about when you go home for the holidays? and If someone sees you down south what would they do?" He asked setting me down. I looked at him and shuddered at the thought.

That evening I sat at my dormer window with my diary, writing away. I hear my spear key fumble at the lock and I closed the Diary and put it away. I had given Noah the key, so he could go to my room when ever he pleased. As Noah walked in he had a slight grin on his lips. " I have most of my Classes with you.. but I have enough money for books in only two classes." he said closing the door behind him. "Great, Buy the two you do really need, and we'll share mine. " He smiled at that.

" I already did." he said with a grin. I chuckled at being called predictable.

The arrangement worked out great. I was having trouble with the Dead languages, and translations, throughout the semester. He helped me a lot, so Much so That I began to read them without reference books.

Counting our Blessings

When thanks giving finally came, we spent the entire week end alone in my room. we decorated the room , most of the time in the nude. What was the point in getting dressed if we were to get undressed again. We did get out to the dining halls for the Thanksgiving dinner, but we went got our food and went back to the room so we could eat it together.

We lay together, that Sunday, the last day of the break I felt sick to my stomach. When I walked I got nauseous. so he held me and soothed me. with gentle kisses on the cheeks neck and lips. I then heard a gentle knock on the door. Noah quickly dressed and I quickly put on a night gown as I answered "yes?"

"Melinda this is mother." My eyes flew wide, Noah made a calm down signal and went to open the door. "Noah.. what are you doing here."

"Melinda is sick, she has been all weekend."

"That's what I came to ask you, I was wondering why you hadn't come. You are such a dear to take care of her Noah."

"She's my friend. My family, we got to take care of our own." Noah said pointedly and sat back down at the desk as if he were studying.

"What's wrong darling?"

" I think I just have a stomach bug is all. It will pass."

" Have you eaten at all?"

"of course mother." I pointed in the direction of the plates. Mother stood and picked up a pair of Noah's under wear from the floor. "What's This?" They were a silken pair I had bought him as a gift. Noah and I looked at each other mortified I stood as fast as I could and snatched them from her hands threw it aside. "It's nothing mother I replied."

"I know what they are.. what are they doing here? Melinda.. a Lady doesn't give her pearls away, sure Selby is a handsome young man, but really Mel I brought you up better than that." I didn't have the energy to correct her as to who raised me, I was relieved that she thought They were Selby's.

I smiled nervously then sat back on the bed. I felt a wave of Nausea come on and I swallowed hard. "Melinda.." My Mother began looking at me in Genuine concern. "are you all right?" I nodded and laid back down on the bed. Little did I know that I had More than just a little stomach bug.

When winter break approached, Noah and I Were married by a Catholic priest On the College chapel. We had to be married before we headed back south. I was with child just finishing my second month. The morning sickness was getting better.

We headed home Happily. As we got there we were just in time to help decorate. Lucy and Aaron her betrothed were married already. They spent the holidays at home with us. Nanny lived in the main house now, No one else lived there My father had gone off to an other college, and I was away as well.

"It sho' was lonely here with out you two."

"I really missed you too Nanny." I said.

"Me too Mamma." Noah said. then we looked at each other a slight smile on our face, our love for each other then so obvious. Nanny grunted and kept to herself what ever she was thinking.

I shifted in my seat and ran my left hand through my hair. "Mel." My daddy said almost making me jump out of my skin. I followed his gaze to my hand and smiled nervously.

"I was getting around to that." I said softly. I took Noah's hand for support. "um.. Noah and I .. are Married.." The entire table was silent. Nanny dropped her fork her eyes full of happiness and concern. " I know it is a risk.. But I love him."

"It was My risk to take.. I am not going to leave her alone and leave my child Father less"

at that Nanny nearly fainted, My father Looked so angry, all I could do was hold back my tears.

I stood up and practically ran out of the dining room. Noah ran after me. "Mel?"

I turned around to face him. My eyes were red , but I wasn't crying... yet. He reached out for me and hugged me. I understood why they reacted the way they did, I hadn't expected it to affect me in that way.

Noah looked over my father and I feel his muscles tense up. He was affected by the man's disapproval as badly as I was. I heard my father walked towards us and Noah let go of me. I turned to face him. He put his arm around me and one around Noah. Did I tell you I loved my father? I simply idolized him. What he said to us that day, showed us that he loved us both so much he was happy for our happiness and that he would stand by us no matter what may come.

"You can't help loving who you love. Now come Inside.. it's cold out here." Now that I think of it... daddy was pretty funny.

A Solstice Carol

My birthday, was on 24th Of December. and every year on My birth day My father would a story "A Solstice Carol" He says it is a true story, that had been passed down by his family. I swear it is just a rip off of "A Christmas Carol." which he read to us the next day.

The entire family sat together in the livingroom. Noah and I, My father, Lu and her husband, and Nanny. I leaned back against Noah his hands resting on my belly, as my father began.

"The warrior and her Bard walked through a small town called (Lyrna). It was soon to be the inter solstice and the wished to spend it around people. As they walked through Market place the warriors most prized and dangerous weapon was stolen by a boy not older than 12 winters old."

"The warrior told her bard to stay put and ran after they prying little fingers. She trailed him to an orphanage of poor children. as the warrior entered the young boy had placed he Chackra at the very top of a solstice tree. 'See! I told you it was perfect.' The young boy said beaming with pride, 'that is not a toy,' the warrior then said. The head mistress of the orphanage scolded him 'I was gonna give it back.' The boy answered, as Just then The town crier, Senticlies, walked in."

Just then into the story , having heard it so many times Noah piped up. " The Crier announced for all in the orphanage to hear.. 'By order Of your majesty King (Lieus) , He declares the orphanage closed, by not paying your taxes. You have until midnight to get out, or you will be forced out.' as this was said The Warrior's bard walked into the room, and all the kings men Exited. The warrior took it upon herself to stop the madness."

Then Lucy said "The Bard sat with the children that evening, on the longest night of the year, and told them a story of a Ghost who had visited a friend. the children didn't much like that story, and neither did she. She decided to change the ending to it. She walked to the Brooding warrior, whom was hard at work thinking about what to do, as the children sang a solstice carol."

The entire family except Lu's husband who was new to it, started to sing the carol that is so ancient.

Stars tonight

are shining bright

on solstice night

this quiet night

all tonight

the fire burns bright

solstice night is here

I looked around the room and smiled at the unity I saw. Mother never really looked too happy when we did this. The song continued.

time for wonder

time for cheer

the greatest night of all

cant help it when

the love we share

shines bright in every one

Then I started. "The warrior was Moved by the children, and decided to go with the bards plan of changing the end of the story. She captured the crier Senticlies, and discovered he didn't much like his job. so she recruited him into working with her to put a stop to it. She also sent the bard off to find supplies for their escapade. The bard Encountered a man with a Donkey headed for slaughter. since she had such a big heart she bought it from the merchant spending their last dinarus."

"Mean while the warrior went into the castle with Senticlies help. 'wake up Laius' the warrior said gently barely above a whisper. when he didn't respond she kicked the foot of the bed to shake him awake. 'who are you the king exclaimed' 'you'll learn in time, I'm just here to let you know that if you don't back off on that orphanage you are closing and make the celebration of solstice legal again, you'll be sorry.' now wide awake the king sat up in bed 'you are one of those Solstice lovers.. well you know what I say to that' the warrior smirked and softly said. 'I'm sure I could guess' Then the king screamed for his guards. the warrior locked the door and ran towards the window jumping out holding on to the curtains. she smashed into the window in the lower story of the castle and discovered an untouched solstice tree. and a picture of the kings wife."

Nanny continued the story, Lu's husband sat mesmerized by the story as it unfolded. "the warrior asked Senticles why the king hated solstice so much. he told her that one solstice about twenty winters earlier, the queen had disappeared and that hardened his heart. Just then The warrior knew what to do. When her bard returned with the donkey she put the animal to good use. she dressed the bard up with regal robes and she herself took a disguise."

"The warrior, reappeared In the kings chamber, dressed in a flowing white gown that made her look like a goddess. 'wakey wakey Lieus.' The warrior said disguising her voice, when she got no Response she said 'Oh for Zeus's sake wake up.' she said shaking the bed as the startled king awakened. 'who are you.. how did you get in here?' He asked.

'I am Clotho, the eldest of fates, I came to show you the past.' The warrior said her voice once again disguised."

Then My father picked up the story. " The warrior took him to the room she had inadvertedly found before. as they walked in the Bard dressed in Regal clothes floated over the ground. The king believed her to be the queen and wonder why she floated on the ground. 'because I'm no longer here.' the Bard said. 'but you... you left me many winters ago... Have you died?' the bard and the warriors eyes widened 'what , no I'm a figment of your imagination telling you what you know in your heart is right.'

'Let's Go Leius, you have got a long night a head of you' the warrior said as she brought him back to the room. She returned shortly and rolled her eyes when she saw him sleep."

Then I took over the story. "The warrior threw a cloak at him 'Wake Up Lieus' he woke up immediately looked at the clothing she had thrown at him and started to put it on. ' you must be Lachesis, where are we going?' he asked.

'among your people.' the warrior answered.

'The king cant go among the people,' he said putting on his crown. The warrior took the crown off of his head, 'What king?' she asked and harried him out of the room, it was almost midnight."

Lu went on, " well. she took him to the orphanage, where the children were gathered singing their on little carols and exchanging the gifts they had made. as the warrior did that. the bard was with the crier Senticlies and had discovered he was a great toy maker. 'you should give these toys away to the children. are you so scared that you cant let the children have the joy that you can bring?' Senticlies agreed that he would bring the toys to the orphanage."

"As they brought them in. The warrior brought king Leius into a separate chamber where a woman with a dark cloak sat. 'I know who you are. you are Apropos. You've come to show me some dreary future'

'No I haven't Leius' the woman stood , it was the Head mistress. The king gasped and walked towards his estranged queen. 'why did you leave me all those years ago?'

'because you were greedy... but you can change that Leius, tell them to Leave this orphanage alone.'

"The king complied and went to stop his guards that were at the door." Noah began again. "The guards didn't believe him, he was barely and Old man in tattered clothes. Surely the king wouldn't be wearing those. Then the warrior her bard and their army of children and old men started a battle, with anything they could find. Toys and drums, ribbon and lace. Bells and pillows. Feathers flew all over the place."

Nanny finished the story off. "When the guards were finally defeated, the longest Night of the year had finally ended, the two travelers went on. The bard and her donkey, and the warrior and her horse. as they walked the rode. A young family with an infant child stopped them to ask directions. they helped and the bard also gave the gift of her donkey to the mother and child for them to ride. and when she did, she was blessed and a star shone above them in the northern sky."

'The End." My father said and we all smiled.

"That was a great story. Kinda like 'A Christmas Carol' with an ancient twist." Lu's husband replied.

"Yeah sounds like it, But it is a true story." My father said, "and it is much older than 'A Christmas Carol'"

At this point I stood up to go to the bathroom I didn't' really want to hear all that would come after. Besides I really had to pee. When I emerged from the bathroom every one was seated at the tree. The telephone rang I walked towards it. "Ill get it!" I yelled as I picked it up. "Pappas Residence." It was my mother. "Thank you, no mother there is no need for anything like that. I don't want any thing... Yes I'm sure.. all I really needed was daddy. uh-huh. good-bye mother." I said and hung up the phone.. she wasn't really finished talking.

I walked back to my husband and pulled at his hands to help him up out of the chair. "Noah help me with something." I said quietly so no one else would hear. He stood up and followed me to the Guest house where Noah and I had been staying. He helped me Lift the Heavy frame That held a breastplate of a Greek woman warrior. "Man I cant believe Dr. Covington let your Dad have this." Noah said looking at it before we covered it up with the velvet sheet.

"He said that he could trust that Daddy would keep it from harm. " I answered as we held it up and carried it inside the main house.

As we presented the gift to my father his face lit up. He hugged me and Noah in gratitude and took it to the den right away and hung it . We had a great Christmas. Noah and I didn't want to leave home, but soon enough it was time for us to go. We said our good byes quickly and couldn't wait till the spring break where we would definitely be on our way back to our home.

Growing Pains

I had a difficult pregnancy. I had to conceal it most of the time, so I didn't really eat enough, I had to stuff myself into women's clothing, which really didn't let up much, seeing as how all the clothing I had was tailored. I almost went back to North Carolina a few times but I managed to survive, after the second trimester, there wasn't any way I could conceal it any longer while wearing normal clothes, so I started to wear big sweaters, which was rather odd an in appropriate because the weather was warming.

I only endured one month of the hot stuffy sweaters, because school was over by the end of April. I was happy for it because I could freely wear unconstrictive clothing. As soon as I got to Charlotte I blew up like a balloon. I had lost a lot of body weight , all I really had was belly, and that wasn't much of anything I guess.

Fourth of July, My father had Family and friends come over and we had wondrous festivities. I stayed inside the house the heat of summer was not very kind on me. My mother would have fainted had she seen me. I was dark as I could get, my skin a smooth caramel color, If it weren't for my eyes I would look entirely colored.

As dusk fell and the day began to cool I went up to the windows walk and watched the fireworks from there. Few minutes later I was joined by Noah. He put his arm around me and we watched together.

Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my lower back. "By all the gods in Mt. Olympus." I exclaimed under my breath. Noah looked at me with a raised brow. "what is it?" he asked. I took a deep breath and the pain was gone so I said. "oh's nothing, just a mighty kick." He smiled a bit proudly I could see , and I just chuckled to myself.

I was in labor the entire night. I just didn't want anyone to worry till it was really time. During the night I tossed and turned surprisingly Noah didn't wake up. I got out of bed and walked around the room, Left the guest house and went to the main house to the kitchen. I took some ice-cream from the icebox and ate. My contractions getting stronger and stronger then finally My water broke. and I screamed in pain, waking everyone in the main house.

My father got to me first and took me back to the guest house. Nanny followed close behind us behind us. After I was comfortably in the bed she had Noah sit next to me and reassured me that it would all be over soon.

"We will be through this in no time Mel I promise." He said soothingly. I glared at him and growled as an other contraction came. "That's it Mel nice and easy." then he gave me a smile so radiant that if I weren't in so much pain and so angry, I probably would have melted. "we're having a baby." he said softly.

"What do you mean we?" I snapped back as an other contraction captured me. He tried to soothe me again, his beautiful melodic voice annoying me to the core. "No don't talk," I said to him

"don't talk?"

"Yeah just don't, It's annoying."

"OK." he answered and sat with me silently. I pushed and pushed, for ever it felt like, then finally my little girl came into the world. She was white as a lily with straight black hair. Noah looked at me and the baby with a puzzled look on his face.. I still to this day grin whenever I think about it.

I lay in bed exhausted looking down at my daughter. I looked at her little hands and feet, and just memorized her. Then I realized Noah still hadn't spoken. I looked up to him and he looked completely perplexed. I reached a hand out to him. "Hold our baby." I said when he got closer.

He took her into his arms and held, rocking her softly she studied her features. He still hadn't said a word. "Some thing wrong?" I asked in a soft tiered whisper. "why aren't you talking to me."

"you told me not to talk, I got used to being quiet." he smiled softly.

"I'm sorry. the fact was that.. everything about you bothered me at that moment." I answered truthfully.

"well gee thanks." he said with a smirk, he looked like he understood why .

"why do you look so ... perplexed?" I asked, as he looked from the child to me.

"she doesn't look like you.. and she sho' as hell don't look like me."

"Noah.. your language, there is a child in the room." I say grinning a little, I winced as a shifted a bit in the bed. I could hear my child's soft hiccups. and I knew then she was going to cry.

"I'm serious though..."

"Noah really, She is too young to look like any one... " I was interrupted by him braking into a grin. "what is it?" I asked

"her eyes are open." he said softly. as if on cue, The child started to cry. "and apparently I scared her." he said. I laughed softly, then I laughed a bit louder. I reached for her and put my finger in her mouth. She suckled at it violently. I laughed for a good ten minutes. Noah didn't think it so funny. "She is just hungry Noah." I said still grinning. I looked down at her, her eyes were still open looking up at me. she seemed to recognize my voice and really had started to calm at the sound of my laughter.

She had the most beautiful shining blue eyes I have ever seen. but that sight was short lived, because she quickly closed her eyes again. I had no mothers milk for her yet , so Noah went to get Nanny for something for the baby to eat. "let her suckle on yo' ches', that way the milk will start comin'" I did as I was told. the child suckled so hard, I winced often, every time my sensitive nipples were crushed by two soft delicate gums. "what you namin' this chile?" Nanny asked after a long silence.

I winced then looked at Noah and shrugged. " I don't know." I said, Noah shrugged.

"well y'all need to think about it cos she's here..." Nanny said as she walked out of the room.

"You know what she looks like?" Noah said softly. I looked up at him waiting for his answer. " She Looks like freedom." I smiled softly

"Freedom... That's pretty. Freedom Celest Whiley." I said softly " I always Liked the name Celest" I said.. Name decided I leaned back against the head board of the bed. My body ached and the suckling didn't help either.

When she finished I handed Freedom to her father and curled up on my side. My father came in with an old bassinet and placed it beside our bed. I gave my father a grateful smile and watched as Noah placed our sleeping infant in the bassinet.

It was the middle of the day by now.. No one had gotten any sleep. Noah climbed into bed next to me and held me. Cradled in his body I finally slept.

Family Life

When School came around again in august, I had a decision to make.. I could stay home and go to school in NC. or I could go with Noah and leave Freedom behind. I was torn...I decided to postpone my education though.. And I went with Noah and Freedom back to the Massachusetts. I stayed home with my child and took some classes through correspondence.

Decision made we started to pack our things to head up north. Mother said that she would help us find some place to live. When she'd Found out about our marriage she'd rushed down to tell daddy what for.

I remember that day.. I was coming out of the guest house Noah not too far behind. Daddy was sitting on the porch with Freedom lying on his lap, telling her one of the many stories of ancient Greece. Noah started to tickle me and chase me around the yard. I had just started getting my strength back and was glad to be able to run around. Wen her Limo drove up the drive. I stopped dead in my tracks which caused Noah to bump into me w e both fell onto the floor. I smiled softly and kissed him then stood up and walked inperceptively to the porch.

My mother marched up to my daddy and I could hear her say.. "Melvin Pappas I can't believed you let your daughter make such a big mistake.. I mean... really.. who's that?" she said her voice wavering after seeing the infant on Daddy's lap.

"This is Freedom." As he said that I was by his side and reached out to pick up my child. I lifted her off daddy's lap gently supporting her tiny head and glared at my mother as I held her to my chest. I walked into the house Noah following me quietly knowing I needed some time to cool of.

He held his arms out for Freedom, and as he took her into his arms he kissed my forehead and left me alone to vent. I wanted to break something I wanted to hit my mother.. something to cause her pain to make my anger go away. I walked back out of the house after counting to ten several hundred times and I was calm enough to face her again.

As I walked unto the porch I saw My mother sitting at the swinger bench with my daughter in her arms smiling down at her. She looked lovely.. so perfectly lovely. Her eyes were shining and obviously proud of her granddaughter, how ever young she may be. "you are as lovely as your mother." she coed to Freedom softly. Freedom's beautiful blues were riveted on her grandmother.

I cleared my throat and made my presence known. My mother looked up. Her eyes were happy yet full of concern for me I guess. "she is beautiful. Just an angel." she said to me holding a hand out to me. I walked closer and let her take my hand. I sat next to her and stammered for something to say.

"What will you do this fall? Will you stay? Are you willing to spend time away from your husband .. or your daughter? Or will you leave school and stay with them both?" My mother asked softly handing Freedom gently back to me. I hadn't thought of it at that point.

My mother stood up and walked away leaving me to my thoughts. When had she gotten so nice? I wondered... and how did she find out. Before she was out of earshot I said. "Mother.. who told you?" My mother Turned back to face me "Selby."

"why would he do that?"

"He's dead Mel... I was helping his mother look through his things.. and I found your letters." I couldn't breathe. I couldn't hold back the tears that were so threatening me. I looked away from my mother and all I could manage to say was "oh.." she left me alone and went on inside.

At any rate she promised she would help Noah and I find a place to live in Boston. Our last day in Charlotte was a calm yet sad one. I hated leaving my daddy. But we went on to start our new life in Boston.

Noah and I lay in our bed, Freedom was awake laying on my belly playing with her daddy. she coed and giggled at Noah. I watched with a small smile on my features. Her little feet kicked and her arms flailed. I ran my fingers through her now curling hair. She was starting to look more and more like her father as the days went by. Her skin was still pale.. and her eyes still blue, abut she had her daddy's nose and hair.

Once we tucked our little one in. Noah and I curled up against one an other. I missed having him. I hadn't had him since before Freedom was born, and I wanted him just then. But he didn't seem to want me.. not like that. I took one of his hands and massaged it. I brought it to my lips and kissed each finger tip softly.

"My daddy told me a story of a dark man and the woman warrior once." I said softly "the warrior .. although she had a dark past, her heart shone with love for her dark man. Through death"

"Tell me about it." he said softly.

"Well, " I started, "you ever heard that when you think about them the dead can hear your thoughts?"

"yeah.. your dad told me that one time.. Coz of my dad." I nodded and trailed a hand up his arm, then continued. "Well this warrior thought about this man constantly. She loved him dearly. There was one point that the souls of the innocent were in trouble and were banished to Tartarus. Because of a mad man that some how got a hold of Hade's helmet of invisibility."

"The god was powerless against it so the dark man appeared to the warrior as a ghost to ask her to help. The warrior hurried to The lake that served as the gate to the land of the dead. She dived deep into the water and wound up non the other side. Charon, the guide to the underworld took her across the river to Tartarus. The dark man Met her there. He lead her to the Elisian fields to show her how the evil souls were being rewarded. she noted how that even though they had everything they could want.. the evil souls still wanted more.. she had to do something about it. sho both her and the dark man went to Hades. The warrior asked the guards to grant her one thing.. that she could take the Dark man with her to battle the evil man who was to return to life with the help of his helmet."

"She went up to the Land of the living with her love to battle the invisible man. The dark man would be alive only 48 hours so when night drew near they told each other how they felt and made each other feel it too. When it was all over.. and the madman was sent back to Tartarus the dark man had a hard decision to make. he could be alive and with his love if he kept the helmet.. but all the poor souls of the innocent would suffer for it.. or he could Just return and long for his love to come to him. The warrior and the dark man headed back with the helmet, the decision clearly on the right side.. but before they gave it back the warrior made sure her love would go to the fields where his heart belonged. She killed him herself... which tore her heart apart and sent his soul to the fields where it belonged."

I turned to face him and kissed him softly. then I sat up and straddled him starting to nibble in his ear, I said. "I love you," He ran his hands up my thighs and up my nightgown. He pulled it off me with a little help from me. I undressed him, still straddling him and bent down low to kiss him.

I lowered my self on his now erect manhood, a soft sigh of pleasure escaping from both our lips. I moved on him slowly enjoying the control I had over his pleasure and the more pleasure I gave him.. the more I wanted to give. Noah sat up and wrapped his arms around me. He pulled me on to him as our passions peaked. He suckled at my breast and licked at my nipple, as he moved inside of me.

we screamed our release together, our bodies shuddering furiously at it's intensity. My head drooped onto his shoulder, and we sat together like that for a few moments before he laid back onto the bed taking me with him.

We stayed in each others arms until a slight whimper from Freedom broke us apart. Noah set me down on the bed, handed me my night gown, put his pants on, and went to get our daughter. When he returned I had already dressed and was waiting.

We fed Freedom together every night we studied together for school. I still learning from him even though my days were filled with Child care and society teas. Mother was doting she adored Freedom especially since she looked so much like me.

One evening Noah came home bloody and beaten. Freedom and I were playing gin the living room. when I heard him come in I picked her up and went to greet him at the door. My jaw dropped seeing his beautiful eyes blackened and swollen, and his already full lips even fuller but now bleeding.

I nearly dropped Freedom, whom was now crying at the sight of her daddy. I helped Noah to the couch and set Freedom down in the little playpen. I gathered all the things I'd need to clean Noah up and rushed to his side. I tried hard not to break into tears.

"What happened?" I asked softly as I cleaned him up.

"Nothing... don't worry about it." He refused to tell me.

"But Noah?" I said insisting, not accepting his refusal. "This isn't nothing." He pushed my hand away and stood up. I watched him move and I couldn't keep from crying anymore. I didn't press anymore I just sat there watching him try take care of it alone.

Later that night I lay awake in the dark then I heard... "The police beat me because they thought I had stolen a bank earlier... but I didn't" He was lying... I knew he was

"Which bank?" I asked

"The big one on 3rd and Elm" he answered a bit hesitantly.

"Hmmm .. there is no bank on Third and Elm Noah." I answered

"What difference does it make?" he asked with a bit of a growl.

"are you forgetting who I am? I grew up with you Noah.. and even though you have gotten better at lying, I can still see right through that." I said turning to face him. "what really happened." I asked again softly.

"some men from school.. they saw you and I kissing yesterday... and they decided it would be fun to beat me out of this relationship." I blinked back tears.. I couldn't believe that he had been beaten because of me.

"I... I'm so sorry" I said softly and turn away so that I could cry.

Just then I heard Freedom and I sprung out of bed mostly out of guilt. How was he going go back to school... I had to leave I did.. for his own good. I looked at him to make sure he was asleep, and I gathered a few things as quietly as I could then I went To freedom and lifted her out of her crib and dressed her silently as she suckled on a bottle. I gathered a few of her toys and went to the living room and called my daddy on the phone telling him I was going home.

I was on my way out the door when I stopped myself.. I had to let him know why. I sat at the desk and started to write.

My love,

Please forgive me.. But I had to go. I don't think I could bare you being hurt because of me. I'm going to my Daddy's house.. I want you to succeed.. and get the best education that you can.. and become who you want to become. I'm standing in the way of that.. and we both new that.

You are a great man. And I love you, and I always will. I see you when you graduate. Freedom and I will be waiting for you.

All my love,

Melinda

I left that there on his book and walked out of the house my eyes filled with tears. I stayed with my mother that night, and left the very next day for Charlotte.

When I finally reached home. I handed Freedom to Her grand mother and headed straight for my bedroom and just collapsed into bed. I stayed in it for days. Noah called every day, I couldn't bear to hear his voice. Nanny brought Freedom in to see me every morning, I would watch as my daughter crawled all over my body and played with her hands as if she had never seen them before.

One spring morning Freedom toddled into my room. I had never seen her walk before.. and I couldn't believe I had missed so much. She toddled up to me and looked at me with a questioning look . I stared at her sad blue eyes. I hadn't said a word to anyone since I had gotten home. when I head my baby say "mama?" I cried, and she cried believing I was hurt or something I don't know. I lifted her which surprisingly I barely had straight for. I hugged her tightly and kissed her forehead and comforted her as best as I could.

"Shhh little one" I said softly. she immediately stopped crying wanting to be able to hear me. so I sang to her. Nanny stood at the doorway with a smile on her face. When I looked up I couldn't help but smile.

" you ready to get outta this room?" she asked me. I looked at my child, whom was so much bigger than I remember in my arms. and I nodded.. I stood up with her in my arms and said "I think I'll go for a swim at the pond."

When I came back from the pond following my toddler towards the house, I remembered everything I had done here with her father, and I smiled to myself at something's happy that at least he was still alive. I decided to go to college during the summer. NC State is a good school.

I lifted Freedom up right before she got to the steps at the porch, and tickled her. "Come here Free..." I trailed off as I looked up. My heart leapt it was Noah. I smiled softly then looked down. He walked closer to me. "may I?" he said holding his arms out I guessed for Freedom I lifted her towards him and he took hold of her and my wrist and held me close and kissed me.

A few cars drove by and I tried to pull away. He didn't let me go though, "Noah people are watching." I said whispering.

"so.. let them watch .. you are my wife.. and I miss you." he said then he kissed Freedom's forehead and hugged her tightly. "how's my daddy's girl" he tickled her slightly then ushered us into the house.

"Now this is how a family should be." My daddy said from his chair at the corner of the living room. I smiled I hadn't seen him yet that morning and went over to him and hugged him tightly.

I spent that day with my family. and that night My husband daughter and I moved to our own guest house.

Burnt Offering

I lay in bed content next to Noah. Skin to skin. His arms wrapped around be and out bodies spooned together. We didn't talk much we just needed each other there, we needed to know we were together.

He started to kiss my neck then my lips. then he moved astride me and instinctively my legs opened for him. there was no time for any more foreplay. After so many months apart, I needed no popmpting form him... and he needed none from me.

There was a commotion at the main house, but we didn't notice. He entered me and it was rapture for us both. As we reached our climax the door to our room burst open. We froze and seconds later some one had tied a rope around Noah's neck and pulled him off me. He semen spilled d al over my legs . They were form the KKK dressed in their white sheets and hoods.

I screamed and begged for them to leave him alone. I wrapped my self in a blanket and ran after them. one of them pushed me back onto the bed and went out of the house. I ran out after them again. I could see Noah struggling. and My father bloodied lying unconcious on the ground between the main house and the guest home. Nanny sat with him and crying for Noah. I screamed again when I saw them tie the other end of the rope to a tree. I ran towards the middle of it pushing a few of them out of the way "Leave him alone!" I said and was knocked down onto the floor I fell uncocious. When I came to the sight I was greeted with was a burning hanging form and a mother's wails.

I stood up and stared at it coldly. I dropped my blanket and was about to hurl myself at the burning form. As if they had read my mind I felt my fathers arm around my waist Nanny held me by the hair. I slumped down on the ground and cried. Nanny wrapped me up in the blanket and my father carried me into the main house while Nanny went to get Freedom.

Freedom is Coming

It was years before I could smile again I graduated NC state 1940. I watched my daughter grow into a beautiful little girl, that learned to despise her mother. I never talked to her , I never held her any more. and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't bring a smile to my face.

She went off to live with her Grandmother in Boston for a summer. I missed her dearly. and when she came back, she was so adorable, that a smile actually came to my lips. She was 4 years old, and mother had her all dressed up. Her long black curly hair beautifully styled. Her skin soft and pale, and her eyes shining blue.. she looked like me. I smiled and laughed at some of the things she said. Everyone looked at me a bit surprised. I lifted my daughter into my arms ad held her in a way I hadn't held her since she was an infant.

Freedom gave me my life back. I don't know why I refused to see that before. Why I insisted on burring my self in books. I was an expert on dead languages, and of many living ones. I was fluent in hieroglyphs and Latin. I could decode the Sumarian. My living languages included a bit of French and Spanish.. but where I was in time I didn't need those that much.

My usual days included working with my daddy with things they sent to him. One time he got a notebook from Dr. Harry Covington. It included a few maps and such that he wanted My daddy to transcribe. It was really all left up to me to read. In one of the passages he talked about becoming a grand father and how proud he was that his daughter survived the fall she had right before she went into labor. "Christ her pelvis was broken." I said as I read. My father looked up from his work a second.

"excused me?" he asked.

"Janice, Dr. Covington's Daughter had a child not too long ago...maybe about a year.. she had fallen into a crevice in a cave and gave birth to her child broken Pelvis and all." I said. He winced at the thought, and went back to work. I smirked and continued to read.

"Xena stuff he keeps talking about?" I asked him one day out of the blue. Freedom was playing at my feet with one of her dolls and started singing "Xeeena, Xeeeenaa" I smiled at her softly then looked up at my father whom had leaned back in his chair rubbing at his eyes. "She is the woman warrior in the stories."

"ah... so your parents took a legendary hero's story and passed them down.. I didn't think they were real."

"Oh yes they are real." he said lifting Freedom onto his lap. "Xena is said to have had the same potential Julious Caesar had, except she Let go of desires and ambitions, and tuned to fight an internal battle with her darkside."

"do any of these legends say what she looked like? " I asked now very interested. He looked at me as if concentrating then down to Freedom whom smiled up at her papa. He smiled back and looked back to me. "supposedly she looked like you."

"huh?" I said

"I mean she was tall, had flowing Raven hair and piercing blue eyes. Strong features and high cheek bones. She was beautiful, she could charm a man and kill him all in one breath. He'd let her use him as a foot stool if she wanted to." he finished. I raised a brow took my spectacles off and stood stretching and straightening my skirt.

"Interesting," I said. I extended a hand towards my daughter and said "Come on let's go eat lunch little bit." Freedom came to me and I took her to the kitchen.

"Lulu!" Freedom said as she walked into the kitchen seeing her aunt Lucy at the sink.

"Hey Baby Blue." Lucy replied lifting her up onto her hip. "what you want for lunch chile?" I heard her say as I walked out of the room. For her first four years Lucy was more of a mother than I was. I didn't really want to be around them when they were together. Now I understood how my mother felt every time I mentioned that.

I went on outside to "the tree." The branch was still scarred from the fire. I looked at it for a few seconds, sent a silent prayer for Noah and sent him my thoughts. as I walked back home I heard Nanny yell. "Melinda come quick call the ambulance." I ran into the house and dialed the ambulance I leaned over my daddy.

He had had a massive heart attack. But they were able to save him. He just had to watch what he ate and how much of it he did eat. While he was in the hospital recovering, I did the all the things that came to him from overseas. A letter came to him by way of Harry Covington, the day he got out of the hospital. Dr. Covington had passed away in a cave in, and a notebook also attached to it with a note to be sent to Melvin Pappas and it had our address on it.

My daddy was determined to go to California... so we all went. Daddy freedom and I. I hated airplanes but I won't about to let my daddy go alone.

When we got to California, we really didn't have enough time to waste. The funeral would be in about an hour. I looked around the group of people gathered. I tried to find his daughter but she hadn't gotten there yet. I looked at the graves next to his open grave and I saw there ere two other Covingtons both named Eve, one the age of 26, and the other was only a year old. I lifted Freedom up onto my hip as I saw a the casket and family approach.

Someone caught my attention. short Strawberry blond woman, with cold ice in her eyes. she was escorted by an even shorter brunette and a toll handsome young man whom placed a comforting arm around her once they started to lower the casket. I had figured out who she was just then. She was Janice. I saw my self in those eyes and realized that if she or I never really let go, we would never be free. I looked into my daughters beautiful blues, and from that moment on I strove to be more like her.

Yes.. Freedom was coming for me.

Letting Go

My daddy died the very next year, I never thought I'd have to see that so soon after Dr. Covington's death. Nanny and Lu watched me closely hoping that I wouldn't crash like I had before with Noah. But I had promised my self.. I would let go.. and it was difficult, mind you, but I held together. I was able to comfort Freedom and tell her, her Papa went to heaven to be with her daddy.

I wasn't surprised to find later That Nanny and daddy were lovers, and now Nanny was alone. I first figured this out when I was 13 Noah and I were studying on the porch and I heard Nanny laugh. She had the sweetest laugh, she was so beautiful. Then I heard my father laugh and I saw out of the periphery of my vision I saw a leg out of the side of the house.

I stood up and walked to the edge of the porch towards the leg. Noah was so engrossed he didn't notice. I saw them kiss and I smiled softly. then daddy brought her down onto the ground with him and they rolled around in it laughing and kissing then she finally just sat up while she straddled him and... wait.. maybe I saw more than I needed to see. (blush) Well anyway, just then Noah came to stand next to me. "What are you looking at?"

"what? oh nothing." I responded and guided him away from where he could see the lovers. " I was just thinking."

"About what?" he asked.

"love..." I replied. Noah scowled and went back to his books.

"girls... " he muttered under his breath. I grinned and went back to my studies.

That was one of the most beautiful moments between them I had seen. and I could tell how much they loved each other, by the way their eyes lit up when the other walked into a room. Just like Noah and I. Well all the men in my life were now gone.. and I needed to let go. So I did.. I let go and I dedicated my life to continue my daddy's work.

Soul Searching

One day a letter from Dr. Covington arrived. Janice had taken up her father's work as well. She was dedicating her life to having her fathers name mean something among his and her peers besides 'Grave Robber'. I corresponded with her, and signed every letter Mel Pappas. which was what my father signed. I had started imitating the way he signed when I figured out our names moth started with the same three letters.

I never told her daddy died. I didn't really see a need to.. she sent me things to translate, I translated and returned them. We did this for about a year. But then the war had started. World War II. Hitler was on a rampage and was killing off everyone that looked just like him.. I don't know if he realized he wasn't quite blond and blue eyed. Anyway... the letters got scarce. and I understood. but I had gotten used to getting them to the point that I couldn't wait till the next came.

I started to feel a surge of emotion for her.. like I knew her.. and she was to be my kindred spirit. I loved her already, My soul mate, my best friend. I wanted to meet her badly.

One day it came.. a letter .. My heart leapt in Joy. Freedom was at school, so I knew I could concentrate on the letter. Janice had awful handwriting. but it said.

Dear Dr. Pappas,

I have discovered some kind of entrance I need you to decipher. I have got some sketching of it.. but I would rather not send it by mail because with the war mail is not so safe. I was hoping maybe you could find the time to come to Macedonian as soon as you can...

At the end of that sentence I was already at the phone dialing my daddy's travel agent. I booked a flight for Greece.. the next available safe passage would be in two weeks. at the rate the mail was going... I would have probably gotten there before the response.

After travel was arranged I continued:

I think this one is really liked to the 'Warrior Princess' in some way. It infinitely closer to Amphipolis and the artifacts found so far are of the right time period. I also want to thank you for all the support you have given me so far.

Thanks Again,

Dr. Janice M. Covington

I went into the Den which I hadn't used since my daddy passed. and retrieved a peace of his stationary. Looked around the room. It still smelled of him. I walked out and locked the door behind me. I sat in the dining room table and wrote my response quickly. I was sealing the envelope as Freedom and Lucy walked into the house. "MOOOOMMMYYYY" I heard my Now 6 year old daughter call out from the living room. I stamped the envelope and left it lying on the table as I walked out to see what she wanted.

"Hey chick pea." I say in greeting with a smile, and then I frown when I see her face and dress all dirty. "what happened?"

"boy pushted me in de mud and called me a pickmey."

" a what?" I asked

" a Picaniny." Lu said with a deep frown. " listen you got ta get this girl in a black school.. parents talk to those white children. She may not look colored.. but they know." I looked down at my sniffling child and lifted her into my arms.

"and you think the black children will like her any better?" I asked Lu a little angrily then I whispered to my baby " I am so sorry Freedom... for the world in which I brought such a beautiful child into." I kissed her forehead and took her up stairs and cleaned her up.

I rocked her to sleep that night , and escorted her to school the next morning. I was to stay with her the entire day. I dropped my letter in the mail on the way out that morning.

I walked into the school that morning with a crying Freedom in my arms. I walked into the principals office. My face grew hard like steel. I demanded that I be allowed to enter the child's classroom to observe the other children.. or as I put it in the heat of the moment, "The racist pieces of horse plop you call children."

well I got my demands met .. I had Freedom go sit at her usual seat.. which just so happened to be in back... far back. I glared at the teacher once I saw that, and she quickly tried to usher Freedom to the front of the room.

I noted she was barely called on when she raised her hand, and children would be mean to her and the teacher did nothing about it. Did she see nothing wrong with it? I was ready to burst until I saw an other child stick his foot out and trip freedom as she walked by. I stood.. lifted her up from the ground and walked out of the room with her.

I was determined that I would have to teach her at home. I drove past a school I had driven past before, but never noticed the children that studied there before. It was fairly new.. about two years old... and it was private... I saw, black children there, as well as white. They weren't separated, and they got along fine.

I made a U turn and headed for that school. I walked into the schools and the halls were colorful. it was a Christian Methodist school. With teachers whom were of mixed races, as well as the students. "do you like this school?" I asked Freedom after I showed her out or the window , all the children that played outside. She nodded and smiled. "What do you say you come here from school from now on? Would you like that?"

"Yeah! the odder kids wont be mean?" she then asked me I shrugged, there was never any guarantees.

"Let's check OK?" I answered and headed for the office. one of the secretaries took her from me and outside to the other children while I enrolled her. When I was done and went to get her outside she was happily giggling with an other little girl who seemed to be in the first grade as well.

I let her play a bit longer until the young girl had to go back to class. I called Freedom over and said "how do you like it?"

"I loves it, dis my school now?"

"Yes it is."

"Yayyy!"

"Freedom.. Mommy is gonna have to go away for a few days next week. she has to help a friend who is far away."

"Mommy no.. please stay..." she said with a whimper. "you gonna come back?"

"oh yes baby I could never leave my angel girl." I reassured her.

"okies den." she replies and went back to singing a kiddy song. I smirked and drove on home.

Freedom did well in her new school. she was well accepted, and she loved being there. Satisfied and comfortable, I left on my Business trip to Macedonian.

The Xena Scrolls

I got off the plane my knees still weak I was so glad to be back on land. My heart and breathing rate had finally calmed, and I could enjoy the sites of Greece. Athens looked good under the circumstances. It was littered with Armored cars and tanks from Mussolini's Army. It was fairly safe in Greece though.

I got on to a waiting car and drove off to Macedonia. I watched the scenery as it passed by hoping against hope that Dr. Covington would understand why I wasn't my daddy.

As I approached the dig, I got even more nervous than before. I braced myself and straightened my burgundy tailored suit as the taxi stopped. I saw a few men scramble out of a main tent and a few gun shots. I sat in the cab for a bit after it finally stopped at the tent where the men ran out.

I steeped out of the car slowly. I could feel a pair of eyes watching me and I felt a bit uncomfortable. I looked around to see who it might be. My eyes finally met Dr. Covington's. "Who are you? And where is Dr. Pappas?" Janice said, a bit irate. I smiled politely and cleared my throat.. I walked towards her with an extended hand. "Dr. Covington I am Mel Pappas."

"No you are not I've met Dr. Pappas, and as cute as you may be, you don't quite fit the profile."

I blushed at that unwarrantedly, and continued. "I'm his daughter.. Melinda Pappas, daddy died a year go."

"So you lied. what good are you to me anyway?"

"I used to translate things for my daddy all the time I am sure I could be very useful." I said my voice trembled slightly. I was very intimidated by this woman... and I knew that this would be a friendship to last a lifetime.

She looked at me critically , but that didn't last very long, she turned away lighting a cigar and lead the way to the tent. she showed me the new scroll that she had found and an inscribed rock...

-------