The Ultimate Deathmatches Are Back Again!

Looks like they've rebuilt the stadium... cool. Ah, now where's our girl? There she is! Everyone! It's Eva Sapphire!

"Hi! You remember me? I'm the STAR of 'Another Quest For Truth'! The STAR, I tell ya! What? Oh, yeah... Sandra and Kaylee are there too! And Heather! Hi, guys! Yeah, they're helping me with the Deathmatches now! I wonder where Striker is.. ? ...oh, ANYWAY! Welcome to the New and Improved ULTIMATE DEATHMATCHES!" Eva announces.

"Eva, it's a full house! Our advertising must've been tremendous!" Kaylee exclaims.

"Yay! Oh, but now they're getting restless! Let's get straight to the first battle! Eva announces.

"But first, let's meet out Battle Judges!" Sandra declares.

"Oh yeah, of course! The judges, everyone! Aeris! Barret! And Cid!" Eva annouces.

Aeris, Barret, and Cid all wave.

Battle 1: Mustadio VS James Bond

Classic, huh? Looks like Bond is pissed off about Mustadio ripping off his Golden PP7, and he wants some revenge!

"Why you stupid... piece of... god damned f--kin' garbage!" James Bond insults.

"Ha! You suck, Bond!" Mustadio counters.

Mustadio starts out with Leg Aim. Bond can't move. Bond shoots a flurry of shots, but they all miss. Oddly, some of the crowd is dead... Mustadio follows up wth Arm Aim.

"Ha! Got you! You'll be in hell... before me!" Mustadio taunts.

Mustadio casts 'Zombie' from his secondary YinYang Magic skillset. Then, he petrifies the Zombie Bond with Seal Evil.

Mustadio is the victor!

Mustadio sells Petrified Bond for 253620 gil.

"That was interesting.." Barret comments.

"Good. There was no blood. I'm impressed!" Aeris says.

"Damn! Should've been more blood!" Cid shouts.

"Yay! That was an exciting battle, right?" Eva exclaims.

"It was too short!" Kaylee comments.

"Why don't we go for an interview with King Leon!" Kaylee suggests.

"Good idea! Let's see if he's got someone!" Eva agrees.

In the locker room... King Leon (from 'Another Quest') is interviewing someone.

"Come on! Give me a straight answer!" he shouts.

"Bwgaggrghh!" the other 'person' replies.

"Jerk! You're an idiot, Bowser! And stay outta my booze!" Leon shouts.

:"Bragggggggh!" Bowser yells as he rips open Leon's booze cabinent.

Back at the stadium...

"Did Bowser just yell 'bra' really loud? He's got issues..." Sandra comments.

"He's also drunk off his ass..." Kaylee comments.

"...Ooookay... let's get the second battle going! Ooh, it's a good one!" Eva announces.

Battle 2: Wiegraf VS Tidus

Tidus? Why Tidus? Oh well, at least he's better than Wiegraf!

"Draw your sword.." Wiegraf says.

"I'm a guardian now!" Tidus says as he draws his sword. "Almost done.."

"Tidus! Put the sketchbook away! You're in a battle!" Yuna yells from the audience.

"Oh! Right!" Tidus gets out his sword.

Wiegraf tries to do his Lightning Stab, but since Wiegraf has a Coral Sword and Tidus is Lightningproof, it does nothing. Tidus slashes Wiegraf (Tidus has 'Warrior' Mode set). He gets his Overdrive meter filled. Tidus gets ready for Blitz Ace.

"I've been savin' this one for you!" Tidus taunts.

Tidus starts madly slashing Wiegraf. Then he bounces off his sword and into the air, where Yuna (from the audience) throws a blitzball which Tidus promptly kicks into Wiegraf, This knocks Wiegraf's head off.

Tidus is the victor.

"Wow! That was cool: Barret comments.

"So much blood..." Aeris says nervously.

"Hell yeah! What a f--kin' good battle!" Cid shouts.

"Ooh, lotsa blood!" Sandra exclaims.

"How's Leon?" Eva asks.

A shot of Leon having a 'chair duel' wth Bowser. He seems to be protecting his booze from the over-sized turtle.

"Speaking of over-sized turtles, isn't someone gonna fight that Adamantoise we caught on Long Horn Island?" Kaylee asks.

"Ooh, yeah! Is anyone brave enough?" Sandra declares.

Eva makes an announcment.

"Attention, everyone! Anyone who is brave enough to take on and defeat the legendary turtle known as Adamantoise will be rewarded with 1,000,000 gil and a lifetime supply of donuts, hotdogs, and free booze! So, is anyone brave enough? Who's got the guts? Come on! I know someone's got it! Who's got the stuff?" Eva announces.

"Mmm... donuts, hotdogs, and free beer.." Homer says.

"Forget it, Homer. You'll never beat that thing!" Bart says.

"No one brave enough?" Eva wonders.

"Oh, we'll get a challenger. I know it!" Kaylee exclaims.

"Next battle! Oh! There's a non-RPG type guy! Well, I guess he is an RPG guy, kinda.." Eva says.

Battle 3: Zell Dincht VS John Anderton (Minority Report)

"OHHHH YEAHHH!" Zell shouts.

"...you're going down." John taunts.

John and Zell punch each other for awhile until John pulls out a WASP Launcher! Zell is too quick for the rocket launcher, and he moves in and grabs it.

"Weapons are for wusses!" Zell taunts as he bends the WASP Launcher with his junctioned Strength.

Zell kicks John in the groin and then throws him into the audience. Zell summons up a Meltdown spell aimed straight at John. The force of the magic causes John to melt and explode.

The audience pukes all over Red XIII.

"Aw, come on!" Red shouts.

Zell is the victor.

"Wow! What the hell was that magic?" Barret shouts.

"It was a little graphic... that spell melted him!" Aeris comments.

"Holy sh-t! What a battle!" Cid yells.

"Hey, we're almost outta time! Should we just skip to the last battle of the night?" Kaylee asks.

"Uh, yeah, but first... a word from our sponsor!" Eva announces.

Squall is seen sitting on a stool.

"Need protection? Then get a damn guardian." he says. He gets up and leaves.

YOJIMBO!

"What?" Eva asks.

"What the hell is a yojimbo?" Sandra wonders out loud.

"A yojimbo is a hired Japanese bodyguard." Heather says as she enters.

"Thank you, Miss-Know-It-All-Heather!" Eva says.

"When did you get here and where have you been?" Kaylee asks.

"I just got here for my battle. I'm the last one, right?" Heather says.

"Well, then! Start the last battle of the night!" Eva declares.

Battle 4: Heather VS Auron

First one to drop their weapon loses.

"Don't break any bones, old man" Heather says.

"Hmph." Auron retorts.

Heather draws her gunblade and Auron draws his Masamune...

"Stop! This ain't no art contest!" Cid shouts.

Heather and Auron put away the sketchbooks and get out their weapons. Heather is faster than Auron, but Auron's power is really knocking Heather off balance. Heather jumps away from Auron's swing as she jabs at the Masamune. Auron has a tight grip, this could be tough. Heather is frustrated... she feels a hidden power inside her. Suddenly, she finds herself lunging forward as she slashes at Auron's blade. The gunblade knocks the Masamune to the ground.

Heather is the victor. Heather's Limit: Sphere Slash

"Cool Limit!" Cid comments.

"See? I told you we could have deathless battles!" Aeris says.

"That's cool!" Barret shouts.

"The name's Heather Silver! Remember it!" Heather taunts.

"Well, now we're outta time! But we'll be back with more exciting battles! Until then, c ya!" Eva exclaims.

To Be Continued...

Sphere Slash: an attack that adds 20, 40, 60, 80, or 100 to Strength. Works similar to Sphere Shot in FFX.

More Limits may reveal themselves!

Watch for 'em!

And why would I make Auron die? Never!

Oh, and who should someday fight that Adamantoise?