Chapter Eight

"A pitcher of beer and a vodka tonic." A man requested of Angel later that week, a half drugged woman hanging on his arm.

"ID." It came so natural to him. Hours and hours at this bar had made him consider this place his home more then anywhere else. The orders of drinks from people seemed to be the only constants in his life.

The man slipped him the id, proving that he was twenty one, allowing Angel to head off and fix the drinks. He was bone tired. He hadn't slept well these past couple of nights for one reason or another. Mostly he was worried about Kathy. He was worried he wasn't spending enough time with her and that she was spending too much time at the babysitters. But mostly he was worried that his mother was going to show up at one point in time sooner or later and just upset their lives some more. Kathy always seemed to do so much better when their mother was gone. She was a happier child, but most of all she was a child. His biggest regret in life was her growing up to fast. She was one of the most mature children he knew when their mother was around. She didn't want to make anything harder for Angel then it already was, so when their mom was home she mostly staid in her room and kept quiet so as not to disrupt anything. She'd help clean around the house, keep away from their mother so as not to get her on one of her rants, and one time he had even caught her turning off his alarm one morning and going downstairs taking care of their mother's hangover herself. Her little hands holding the painkillers and water, bravely waking their mother up as she lay passed out on the sofa, facing her morning wrath. In the end, she even went to go and get her a beer to dull the pain and then tried to fix a huge pot of strong coffee. She would have seceded too until Angel had came in and grabbed her from behind asking her exactly what she thought she was doing.

"You're sleepy. I can handle mommy on my own. I was just trying to help."

"Angel!" Sam called breaking him away from the past. "Wake up and serve the damn costumers!" Immediately Angel realized he had left the beer tap running, and now the frothy fluid was pouring out over the side of the pitcher.

"Damn it." Pulling back and turning off the tap, he wiped down the outside of the glass and handed it to the man standing by the counter, along with four cold glasses and a vodka tonic. "Anything else?" The man shook his head no as the woman stroked the inside of his thigh. "Twenty two fifty." Angel said, taking the money the man handed over before he walked off with his beverages, leering wildly at the girl on his arm.

"What is with you tonight kid? You keep zoning out on me." Sam started filling up two more pitchers while fixing a rum and coke.

"Sorry. I'm just worried."

"Care to elaborate?"

Angel really didn't so he told Sam something completely different but just as believable. "I have a paper due on Monday and I don't think it's going to be all that great. That's all."

Sam was to busy taking and filling orders to hear the lies laced between his words. "Well snap out of it. Think of it on your own time. Not mine."

Angel nodded, knowing fully that Sam was completely right on this one. Just in tonight alone Angel had broken five mugs, two pitchers, and managed to spill someone's bloody Mary all over their shirt. At least they were drunk enough that their punches were sloppy and easy enough for Angel to dodge.

Hours later, as Angel sat during one of the few brief reprieves he was having this night, he rested his eyes. Wishing for all the world that he was home in his bed. Currently Buffy was at the house, once again watching Kathy, seeing as how there mother had been missing now for over a week. Truth be told Angel wasn't all that upset about it. He was getting used to the fact that he could wake up in the morning and not have to deal with a mother who had a sever hangover, and he could come home at night and not have to hear her bitch about where he was, about how most other sons respected their mothers. Angel was growing so tired of these little rants and raves that he was happy for the blessed silence that was currently in his home. He was getting short on cash though, and his moms work had called a half a dozen times, demanding to know where the hell she was. But the phone bill was long overdue, so he knew that in a couple days time when they finally cut the phone line, he wouldn't have to deal with the incisive ringing at all hours of the day.

"Angel, go home." Sam finally said around two a.m.

"You sure?" He didn't even want to really argue on that one. He was already putting on his coat before Sam's answer reached his ears. "I could stay if you want."

"Naw. It's mostly the usual now. I don't think I'll need anymore of your help. Besides, you haven't really gotten to see Kathy lately. Give her a kiss for me will ya?"

"I will. Thanks Sam, I'll see you tomorrow." Pulling his keys out of his pocket he was on the road and home within twenty minutes.

The house was fairly dark as he pulled into the driveway. The front porch light was on and a lone lamp was shinning through the living room window, but other then that the place was lit only with the blackness of night. Opening the door he hung up his coat and keys, happy for another night that his mom wasn't home.

"Hi," Buffy called from the sofa. A book lay open on her lap.

"Hey," He walked into the room leaning against the wall. "What are you doing up?"

She shrugged. "I'm not really all that tired. Besides, I got this new book the other day and I can't seem to put it down. I've been reading since I put Kathy to bed."

"How was she tonight?"

"Fine. I still can't get over the fact that a four year old has the level of maturity that she does."

"I've tried to keep her a kid since she's been born, but with a mother like ours, maturity is something you quickly gain around here." He said bitterly. For some reason the thought of his mother just kept popping into his head over and over again tonight.

"Any sign of her lately?"

"No, as it should be."

"Angel…"

"What? All she brings to us is trouble."

"She's still your mother."

"Not in my book she isn't. She's just the woman who gave birth to me."

Buffy frowned not really wanting to push the subject much more. She hated to hear the way Angel talked about his mom seeing as how she didn't have one anymore. Sometimes she just wanted to scream at him, tell him that he's taking the fact that he had a living breathing mom for granted in his life. But then again, from what she had heard, she had never been much of a mother to him, even from the time he was born. After all, how could she lecture him on this? Didn't she pray every night that her father would just somehow miraculously disappear? "You look tired." She said, trying to change the subject.

He nodded. "I didn't get much sleep last night. By the time I got home it wasn't even a half an hour later and Kathy called from her friend's house, saying she wanted to come home." He said referring to his sister's slumber party at her babysitters. "By the time I finally picked her up and got her in bed I only got about a half hours sleep before the alarm went off again."

"Why didn't you just sleep in?"

"I have a paper due on Monday. As of this morning, I hadn't started it. It's about half way done now."

"Are you going to be able to work on it tomorrow?"

"Maybe for an hour or so. I have to go to the bank and get some things straightened out with them. They say there's been some unusual activity on the account."

"As in your mothers going wild with the credit card." It wasn't a question; Buffy knew that this had to be the problem.

"Exactly." He flopped down on the sofa next to her. "So what are you reading." She turned the book over for him to see. "A Cry in the Night by Mary Higgins Clark. What's it about?"

"Well, Jenny, a twenty seven year old woman with two kids, falls in love with this guy Eric. After only one month, they get married and move to some farm house in the middle of no where. Jenny's all happy and everything like that until she realizes that her husband is actually like this controlling sicko. He won't let her out of the house really, he doesn't like it when she even looks at another guy, even if it's only a sideways glance or a gesture of a greeting, and he's totally obsessed with his dead mother. On their honeymoon she's in the bathroom getting all prettied up for him and he comes in with this like aqua nighty thing and is all like 'Here' and she's all like 'Oh Eric its so beautiful. When did you buy it?' and you know what he says? He says 'It was my mothers'! Do you know how freaking disgusting that is. To top it all off, he only ever makes love with her when she wears this nightgown. It's really twisted." She smiled brightly. "I love it."

Angel laughed. "So I'm guessing this isn't going to be one of those happily ever after stores then."

"Hell no. If it is I'm chucking this book right into the fire place. This guy Eric has some issues. I don't think he'll be able to redeem himself in the reader's eyes before the end."

Angel nodded. "Guys like that should be shot anyways."

"What do you mean 'Guys like that'?"

"You know," He pulled off his shoes. "Psycho's, pedophiles, men that beat their children and wives. In my opinion each and every one of them should be caught and throw in jail where they're forced to swallow the key or something."

Buffy sat and looked at him for a beat. He wasn't really paying attention to her. He was too busy pulling off his shoes and socks and trying to relax his muscles before he went to bed, to see her face pale in the lamp light. "You really think so?"

"Yeah." He placed his shoes beside the sofa. "Don't you?"

She shrugged not quite wanting to meet his eye. "I guess. I mean, some of them aren't bad guys. They just have something wrong with them. I don't' think they do it on purpose. Something must have happened to them in their life time to make them that way. I almost feel sorry for them at times."

"You're kidding right?" This was sort of a tough issue with Angel. Word from his mother was that his dad used to beat her night after night before he left. This is probably what drove his mom to the way she was. "I don't care what happened in their lives to make them the way they are. They shouldn't turn around and take all the hate and anger from whatever happened to them and force it on other people. It's not right. It's their job to stop the cycle of vicious beatings and rapes, but instead they just continue on growing up to become the very thing that they hid under their covers at night from."

Buffy looked down, her fingers playing idly with the pages of the novel. She didn't know how exactly she was supposed to respond to that. She hated her father, more then anything in the world. But the death of her mother was very hard on him, he had been such a nice and caring man before that. It was her mother's death that forced him into being the man he was today. Buffy, who in her eyes was responsible for this death just found the punishment that her father dealt out to be almost like a form of justice. She had to pay her penance in some form or another. Even though she hated her father and the things he did to her, she deserved it. And she wouldn't want him locked up for something that was her fault in the first place.

"You okay?" Angel touched her arm slightly causing her to jump.

"What? Yeah. Sorry," She put on her fake smile coming out of her reverie. "I should be going. It's late and you need some sleep." She got up heading towards the door where her jacket hung.

"Did I say something wrong?" Angel got up and moved with her.

"No. Don't be silly. It's just that you have a long day ahead of you tomorrow and I don't want to keep you."

"Buffy…" He had to have said something to upset her like this. Yes, she was smiling. But over the past couple of months Angel had learned the difference between her fake smile, the one she usually gave the world, and her own true genuine one. The one that seemed to light up even the darkest of rooms.

"Angel really. You didn't say anything. Did you need me to come by and baby-sit Kathy while you're at the bank?"

He shook his head, knowing full well that he had to have said something, but he wasn't going to push it any further. "No, I told her she could come with me and we'd get some ice cream afterwards. You'll be by tomorrow night though before I go to work right?"

"Yeah." She wrapped a scarf around her neck. "What time?"

"Four."

"Alright, I guess I'll see you then." Smiling slightly she headed out the door and got into her little car, noticing Angel still standing at the doorway, letting the freezing cold air in as he watched her drive away. Buffy couldn't believe how close he had just came to cracking the secret that she dreaded him learning the most.

Inside the house Angel watched her car drive away, shutting the door quietly only when he saw that she had turned the corner. As he walked into the living room he was still confused. What had made her leave so suddenly? Spotting the book sitting on the coffee table he went and picked it up. In her haste to leave she had completely left it behind. Thumbing through the pages like she had done only moments before, Angel turned to the first page. Silently he began reading, the book not dropping out of his hands until he fell asleep three hours later.

"So, did you get your report done this morning?" Buffy asked over ice cream. She had wanted to see him again today. Despite what he had said last night, and the way she had rushed out of his home, she found herself craving more of him. She had shown up at the ice cream parlor much to Angel and Kathy's surprise. So they bought their cones and left, walking through the park in the freezing weather. It was hardly ice cream season in the middle of a balmy November, but it still tasted good all the same.

"We'll go with that." He said as he watched Kathy running ahead, chasing the pigeons.

"Angel."

"What?"

"I thought it was due tomorrow."

"It is. I just have some finishing touches to do."

"How much is a finishing touch?"

"Two or three more pages." He muttered, taking another lick of his cone.

"Liam O'Connel! You have to finish this paper. You're already pulling a D in that class. If you don't hand it in you're completely screwed."

"Buffy I'm tired. I didn't sleep good again last night, I've just spent three hours at the bank trying to sort things I don't really even understand out, and I'm due at work in another couple of hours. The paper is really the least of my priorities."

"If you flunk this class then you're going to have to repeat it again next year. You're already in a lot of trouble with the school Angel. Don't make this any worse on yourself."

"It's nice that you care Buffy. I'll be fine. Really. When I get home tonight I'll just sit down and not get back up until I finish it."

"The question now becomes if it's going to be any good seeing how you're sleep deprived."

"I've worked on less sleep then this. Besides, I do well under pressure." He smiled lightly as he saw Kathy start jumping in puddles and humming an off key version of Singing in The Rain.

"Where'd she learn that one?" Buffy laughed slightly at the little girl.

"It's her babysitter's favorite movie. She hums it almost non stop. Kath! You're going to catch a cold! Come back her with us!" He called to the youngster. She stopped and looked at him with a big smile. Her scarf hanging off her neck and her little Madeline looking hat lopsided on the top of her head. Getting one of those evil little grins on her face as she stood in the middle of a puddle she bent her knees. "Kathy." Angel said warningly, raising an eyebrow. It didn't seem to matter though because she scrunched up her nose and jumped high into the air, coming back down with a loud splattering of water, the whole time keeping her eyes on Angel. "Come here you little mongrel." He ran after her as she shrieked her protests halfheartedly, causing a few older couples to sigh and cluck their tongues at the behavior and noise the two of them were making. Buffy just laughed though.

Picking her up he held her in his arms tightly, her feet completely off the ground. "What did I just tell you?"

"That I'm going to catch a cold." She giggled as he swung her around a little, acting like he was going to drop her.

"So why'd you jump in that puddle?"

"You told me that I was going to catch a cold and to come back to you. You never said I couldn't jump in that puddle before I listened to you. You need to be more spefific." She said, butchering the word specific.

"Yeah yeah. Just look what you've done though. You're a mess from head to toe." He said, indicating her muddy boots and jacket from the puddle she had been splashing around in.

"I know." She said proudly. "That's why I'm a little mongrel."

He laughed shaking his head. "I've never known a girl that took being called a mongrel as a compliment." Placing her down on the ground he took her little hand. "Come on munchkin. We need to go home and get you into some dry clothes."

"Buffy, are you coming with us?" She said, turning her little eyes up to hers.

"Of course. I'm babysitting you tonight again."

Callie smiled and swung the arm that was currently attached with Angel happily. "I'm going to take a bath when I get home."

"You bet you are. Thanks for sharing anyways though."

Buffy was walking beside Angel at this point in time, looking and admiring the love he had for his little sister. Anyone that would look at them at the moment would easily be able to see that this little girl held Angel's heart more so then anyone else ever would. Buffy didn't even want to think about what kind of shape Angel would be in right now if they hadn't succeeded in saving Kathy from the orphanage. If this girl was ever taken away from him, he wouldn't be the same. His life would end that moment.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked, still holding tight to Kathy's hand

"Nothing. Just that fact that I don't think I've ever seen to siblings more perfect for each other then you two. I don't think she could ask for a better brother."

Angel smiled at this, those simple words meant a lot to him. "You never told me. Do you have any siblings?"

Buffy shook her head. "Nope. My mom went through menopause shortly after I was born. I was considered the miracle baby. The doctors thought she'd never have children. But she wouldn't listen to them and instead just kept trying. She was really stubborn."

"Kind of like someone else I know."

"I'm not stubborn!"

Angel raised an eyebrow at her. "If you're not stubborn then what are you?"

She looked at the sky thoughtfully for a second. "Special." She said finally, causing them both to laugh.

"I'll give you that one."

"Angel." Kathy tugged on his hand.

"Yeah?"

"Why don't you just kiss her?"

Angel and Buffy both stopped walking and looked at the little girl. She was giving off the perfect air of innocence. "Kathy…. Why… where… Why would you say that?" Angel fumbled over his words while Buffy just stood by in shock.

"Why not? You two are making those eyes at each other that my Matilda says means relief is needed on both sides."

Angel's eyes went wide at what his sister said. "Who's Matilda?" Buffy squeaked out.

"Her babysitter." He said distractedly. "Kathy, where and when did you hear Matilda say this?"

"She was watching TV with her friend." Kathy had no idea what she had implied with her previous words.

"Do you even know what any thing you just said means?"

"Of course I do. You two are going to go home and get all hot and sweaty and those googly eyes will eventually lead to bumping in the sack."

Angel just closed his eyes, making a mental note that he'd have to talk to Matilda about what she said and watched while Kathy was around. "Kathy… You can't… Don't… Just don't repeat any of that to anyone ever again. That's not something you should be saying. Got it young lady?"

"I can say that if I want to." She stomped her foot

"Excuse me?" He looked at her with a warning note in his voice and posture.

"You heard me. I can say what I want. It's not my problem that the two of you want to have a good fuc…."

"KATHEIRNE ELIZABETH O'CONNEL!" Angel shouted before she could finish that word. "Don't you ever let me catch you saying that word ever again! You hear me?"

"But Matilda said…"

"I don't give a damn what Matilda said! Matilda needs to learn to watch her mouth! If I ever hear you saying that ever again you're not going to like what I'll do to you."

"You're not the boss of me!"

"Really? Then what am I exactly? If it wasn't for me you'd be in some orphanage right now. Social services would have dragged you off a long time ago."

"Go to hell."

He looked at her. Buffy couldn't even believe what had just come out of the little girl's mouth. "What did you just say to me?" His voice grew grave. "Think really hard how you answer that question Katherine, because you're not going to like what will follow if you back talk to me again."

She stuck out her bottom lip, tears starting to gather in her eyes. "I didn't mean it. I'm sorry."

Angel took one look at her face, twisted up with regret and little girl sadness. He knew he shouldn't blame Kathy, that wasn't something she was supposed to hear, and luckily she didn't understand. He was just so mortified at the moment that he didn't know how he was supposed to act, he just knew he had to make it clear to her that she couldn't go around saying this to people. If she said something like that at her school they'd be all over Angel's ass in a heartbeat. "When we get home you're going straight to bed. Now start walking." He said coldly.

"No, Angel I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

"Move." He kept his voice low even though people were already beginning to stare at them.

"Angel…"

"I'm giving you until the count of three to start walking." She just looked at him with hiccupping sobs. "One… Two…" She scrambled and began to walk, her little form shaking with tears.

They walked in complete silence for fifteen minutes. Buffy didn't even dare breath. Angel was so tightly wound at the moment she didn't want to add onto anything. Kathy was still in front of them, her sobs not lessening any. She couldn't even begin to count the amount of people that watched them walk by, looking disapprovingly as Kathy walked steadily in front of them, silently crying her little heart out. It wasn't until they had walked out of the park and reached the cross section that Angel started to thaw out. While they were waiting for the signal to walk, Kathy slipped on a cold patch of ice and fell, scraping her knee. She just kept crying the same amount though, trying desperately to not be too loud, afraid that his might upset Angel more. So instead she got back up on her own, allowing the little bits of blood to start pricking the surface of her skin, and didn't say anything about her cut, trying her hardest to just suck it up. Sighing Angel knelt down next to her and pulled her into a hug as he felt her hot tears hit his neck. She let loose and threw her arms around him, crying hard. "I didn't mean it. I promise. I'm sorry."

"I know you are Munchkin. It's just… you can't say things like that."

"I didn't know it was bad Angel I swear."

"I believe you." He stroked her head trying to calm her. "Next time you hear something that you don't understand though, I want you to come to me before you say it to anyone else, okay?"

She nodded. "I'm sorry. Don't be mad please. I'm sorry."

"Shhh…." He tried to calm his sobbing sister. It was so rare that he got mad at her, whenever he did she seemed to almost have a meltdown because she was so used to yelling being thrown back and fourth in their house that all she knew was that yelling equaled bad. "It's okay. I forgive you. I'm sorry I yelled at you." Standing up straight he still held her in his arms. "Come on, let's get you home."

Kathy was settled down in the next room with her coloring books, the previous incident long out of her head. "Hey," He walked into the living room to find Buffy reading the book she had left there the other night.

"Hey," She looked shyly up from her book

"Look, I'm sorry about that whole thing…"

"She's four Angel. She didn't mean anything by it."

"I know, but still…" He sighed. "I hate when I have to discipline her."

"You had to make it clear to her that that was wrong. Every kid goes through that. They overhear something a grown up says and wanting to be a grown up too, not feel like an outsider, they repeat it. You set the rules down though Angel. She's fine. She's in the other room coloring, all of this forgotten."

"You're not offended?"

"As I said before. She's four years old. Plus she's cute. You can't stay mad at a little face like hers." She looked at the clock. "You need to go to work."

He rubbed his eyes and got up grabbing his backpacking, hoping he would maybe get some time to write some more of his report if the night turned out to be slow. "Make sure she goes to bed early. She looks kind of tired."

"No problem."

Giving one last look at her he left the house, heading out once again to the bar in the middle of nowhere, finally giving thought to the very first things Kathy had said.

"Why don't you kiss her?"