Who the hell wants to challenge Adamantoise?
"I wonder if anyone was glad that Rinoa died.." Eva wonders.
"Now.. hey, look! Cait Sith's here!" Sandra exclaims.
Cait Sith is trying to hit everyone with his M-phone. He stumbles into the Adamantoise cage and promptly gets eaten. Reeve quickly runs out of the booth he was hiding in.
"That was my last Cait Sith!" he shouts.
"Sucks to be you, Reeve!" Sandra taunts.
"What? Come over here and say that!" Reeve threatens.
"I feel a battle coming on.." Eva says.
Battle 1: Reeve VS Sandra
"You'll pay for this!" Reeve yells.
"Yeah, sure! I'll pay with the gil I steal from you!" Sandra counters.
Reeve pulls out a... paperclip? Sandra draws her twin Air Knives and slashes at Reeve. Reeve jumps away and summons Cait Sith... wait, he's got none left! Loser! Sandra kicks Reeve in the groin and lops his head off with a Slasher axe.
"Thanks, Suzanne!" Sandra says as she hands Suzanne the Thief the Slasher.
Sandra is the victor.
"Short but bloody! I like it!" Cid comments.
"Hell yeah! More decapitation!" Barret yells.
"Can we do without the blood next time?" Aeris says nervously.
"Reeve's dead!" Sandra exclaims.
"Yay! Wait, who's Reeve? I just got here!" Rikku says as she eats another sugar cookie.
"SEIFER, DRINK?" someone asks.
"What? No, I'm here to fight! Is Squall here?" someone else says.
"Who's there?" Eva asks.
"Oh! I'm Seifer, and this is Raijin and Fujin." Seifer introduces.
"Oh! You're here to fight! And no, I haven't seen Squall since he lopped off Rinoa's head last time." Eva explains.
"Rinoa's dead? Yeah! The bitch is dead, ya know?" Raijin says.
"Rinoa... oh well, I love Quistis now!" Seifer says.
"Also, there's some losers in the locker room. You might wanna check 'em out, ya know?." Raijin says.
"All right. Cut to the locker room, please!" Eva says.
Locker room... Shelinda has a small group of... well, beings.
"Uh, who are you?" she asks.
"I am Fighter! I like swords!" one of them says.
"I am Black Mage and I shall burn all yo' sorry asses!" another one taunts.
"I am mighty Red Mage! I have a +3 in Ultimate Deathmatch... er, stuff." a third one says.
"I am Thief. Gimme yo' sh-t or I'll take it off ya!" the fourth one says.
"Please pay them no mind. I am White Mage. I watch over these morons, especially THAT DAMNED INFERNAL BLACK MAGE!" the fifth one explains.
"I am Black Belt... and, uh... I forgot what I do. I'm an idiot who can't fight." the final one says.
"Nice... " Shelinda says.
Back to the arena...
"Weird... are they gonna fight, Eva?" Sandra asks.
"Sure... it'll be good for a laugh." Eva says.
"Hey! Hey! We have an Adamantoise challenger! He's at the Front Gate!" Kaylee exclaims.
"Really? I'm on my way! First, here's a word from yet another sponsor!" Eva shouts.
Got low levels? Can't beat Sephiroth? CAN'T BEAT SEPHIROTH? YOU SUCK!
Seriously... get help. Call me when you can't beat Emerald Weapon. No, wait. If you can't beat Emerald Weapon, if you have ANYTHING to say about Emerald Weapon, then STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!
Eva greets the challenger.
"Greetings. I am Kuja. I wish to battle your Adamantoise." the challenger says.
"Coolies! Come in! We'll get it ready!" Eva exclaims.
Battle 2: Kuja VS Adamantoise
"...all right. Let's see what this thing is made of." Kuja says.
The Adamantoise roars. Kuja casts Blizzaga. The Adamantoise causes an Earthquake, sending Kuja flying into the audience. They throw him back in. Kuja whacks the monster with his staff. The Adamantoise crushes the hell out of Kuja, killing him.
The Adamantoise is the victor.
"Kuja's dead." Aeris says.
"He was worse than Sephiroth!" Cid comments.
"Where the hell is Sephiroth anyway?" Barret asks.
Just then, Sephiroth swoops down with his sword and nearly kills Aeris.
"Sephiroth you stupid poopyhead! You're gonna die for that!" Aeris shouts.
"She's been hanging out with Yuffie too much.." Cid whispers.
"No sh-t, Sherlock..." Barret whispers back.
"Sue me." Sephiroth retorts.
"Better yet... I'll battle you!" Aeris challenges.
"Ooh, already?" Eva says excitedly.
Battle 3: Aeris VS Sephiroth
"I'll kill you again!" Sephiroth threatens.
"Not if I can help it!" Aeris counters.
Sephiroth lunges, but gets kicked away by Aeris. Aeris whacks Sephiroth over and over again as if she is using Omnislash. Hell, maybe she is! Then she jumps up and bashes Sephiroth into the ground. Finally, she sets him on fire and swings the Princess Guard like a golf club. Sephiroth goes flying out the window.
"Hole in one!" Aeris exclaims.
Aeris is the victor.
"Way to go, Aeris!" Cid comments.
"Way to get yo' revenge!" Barret says.
"I knew you could do it!" Cloud cheers.
"Cloud? Why are you here?" Aeris asks.
"I'm filling in for you! And I live here!" Cloud replies.
"Wow! Aeris kicks ass! And the next match is... the Besaid Aurochs VS the Kilika Beasts? Wait, this is Wakka's blitzball schedule." Eva says.
"This is a cool battle! Look!" Kaylee says while pointing at the screen.
Battle 4: Kaylee VS dataDyne
Kaylee jumps into the ring with her Plasma Rifle (see 'Another Quest For Truth'). A huge army of dD guards enters from the other side.
"God dammit!" one says.
"Need backup!" another one yells.
Kaylee walks slowly forward, shooting her Plasma Rifle. She picks off the guards one by one.
"Oh God! I'm dying!" "I don't wanna die!" "You bitch!" "Noooooo!"
Kaylee aims at the final guard.
"I don't like this anymore!"
The last guard flees.
Kaylee is the victor.
"Bloody, just like Perfect Dark!" Cid comments.
"Yeah! Speaking of PD, I just lost to those damn DarkSims!" Barret says.
"What was that weapon?" Aeris asks.
"Kaylee! You did it! You won!" Eva exclaims.
"Of course! Now, if you'll excuse me, my Plasma Rifle needs to be recharged." Kaylee says.
"We're outta time again? Okay! Well, here's some future battlers! They may or may not battle, so watch for 'em!" Eva announces.
To Be Continued...
Future Fighters?
Bowser?
Mario Bros.?
Link?
Joanna Dark?
DarkSims?
Ramza?
Cloud!!!
Squall?
Seifer?
Cloud, Squall, and Seifer for sure!
Suzanne the Thief? The axe-wielding Thief!
Well, and that damn Adamantoise ain't dead yet!