Chapter Eleven

Authors Note: Alright, so I owe you guys an explanation for me not posting for a long time now. Truth be told, it's really a long and boring story about my evil grandparents, enjoying the rest of my vacation, and me hating that I've turned seventeen. Oh! And the addition of eight new cats in my life, seven of which I had to bottle feed, three of which didn't make it. The verdict is still out on three more of them. So, in conclusion, I am very sorry for not posting, life got in the way. Well, that and writers block.  I hope this chapter makes up for some of it though. Oh and cra-z-lunatic, thank you so much for your review. It meant a lot.

"You can't ignore me forever."

"Yes I can."

"Angel…"

"Don't call me that." Angel managed to keep all anger out of his voice as he washed and dried the breakfast dishes. He assumed this morning when he had woken up to be entering into hell on earth. Instead, the smell of scrambled eggs and bacon had assaulted his nose, causing him to wonder if he had fallen asleep in some strangers home. The image of his mother at the stove, cooking, cooking without a bottle of cooking sherry in her hand, was still an image that was all to new to him. He wasn't going to let that image fool him though. He knew that the moment he believed that she had actually changed would be the moment she left, leaving Kathy in a mess of tears while he once again took over the role of parenting. So for now he would wash the dishes and keep his distance from his mother and Seth, who surprise surprise, was living with them.

"I've always called you that."

"You have no right to call me that."

"Ang… Liam, I know I haven't' exactly been the best mother in the world but I'm trying to change." She picked up a clean dishtowel and started to help him dry. "I'm not saying that you should immediately accept this and start treating me good or even pretend that everything is normal because it's not. I screwed up in the past. I wasn't there for you or Kathy and as much as you want or try to deny it, we're family. You can't change that no matter what you do."

"Family is kind of a lose term."

She sighed as she calmly took away the plate he had been drying furiously throughout her speech. "I'm trying." She said to his right. He had kept his head straight forward. "I'm trying very hard to fix what I broke here. It's going to take some time, but I promise you, I've changed."

Angel stood still with his hands gripping the counter. "It's every single time with you isn't it?" He looked at her out of the corner of his eye. "I've changed, this time it's going to be different. I promise. So if you've changed, if you've suddenly become this so called saint, then why the hell did you bring that son of a bitch into the house?"

"Seth is a good man."

"No, Seth is your out. All he does is make you feel good about yourself."

"And is that really such a bad thing! Is my happiness really such a bad thing?"

"Yes!" Angel shoved off from the counter with a bang. "You say you've changed, you say that you want to bring this family back together, actually be a family for once, then you need to actually try that! You can't make amends for everything you've done and be happy at the same time!"

"Oh really?"

"Don't give me that oh really crap. You know as well as I do that that's the truth. You can't have both worlds mom. It's either us, or him. There's no in-between here."

She shook her head. "You can't ask me to make that kind of decision."

He crossed his arms. "I didn't ask."

They stood face to face, both mother and son glaring each other down. Even when Seth walked into the room they kept their eye contact.

"Everything okay in here?" He asked as he took a protective step towards Kalira.

"Nothing you need to worry about." Seth look at Angel challengingly.

Kalira took one last look at her son before turning to Seth. "It's okay. Just parent children drama." She pulled it off with an air of truth but neither Angel or Seth looked as if they believed it.

Moments of uncomfortable silence passed in the kitchen, while the world spun around them, as lives continued on outside of the thin walls. Angel was the first to even dare move.

"Where are you going?" Kalira called as Angel grabbed his coat.

"Kathy!" He yelled upstairs and within seconds she came bounding down, her pigtails bouncing around with her.

"Where are you going?" Kalira repeated once more. "It's Saturday, neither one of you has school."

Angel shrugged on his coat. "I'm dropping Kathy off at her friend's house to spend the night."

"When was I going to find out about this?"

"Now."

"Angel." He ignored her. "Angel." Still no response. "Liam."

"What?"

"Don't you think what my daughter does should go through me first? Seeing as I'm her mother and all I'm thinking that her activities should be approved by me."

"Tell you what," Angel helped Kathy put on her sweater. "Prove to me that you've changed, that things really are going to be different this time around, and then we'll talk about it. But until then, I'll continue to be the adult while you're the teenager." He took Kathy's hand and slammed the door before his mother could protest.

Buffy lay, starring up at the ceiling in some cheep apartment. The bruises that were once just fading reminders of what kind of man her father was were now deep shades of purple and green. She didn't know what made him drive into her this time around, what made him decide that the bruises on her inner thighs needed to be painted darker from his cum and her blood, and frankly, she didn't care to find out either. She had laid there on the itchy rug as his sweating body was supported above her, and after he had passed out into his drunken sleep, she had snuck out. The first guy she saw at the club was the one who she went home with. Not of course before a quick fuck right up against the pulsing speakers of the club and then in the alley behind it.

Now here she was, two rounds later, starring up into the pealing plaster of a low rent apartment. Her oh so wonderful "Knight in shinning armor" sleeping soundly beside her. She didn't even know his name, nor did she want too. All she wanted was a shower and bottle of painkillers for her hangover.

Getting up from her position on the bed, she quickly ignored the soreness between her legs and pulled on her clothes. Leaving no note, no means of contacting whoever it was that was snoring on the bed beside her, she left the building and begun to make her route back home, praying Damon had left for work already.

But upon arrival it was painstakingly clear that her prayers weren't answered. The moment she opened the door her body was once again slammed up against a wall.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Damon spat as he maneuvered a knee between her legs and held both her hands above her head.

"Nowhere."

'Nowhere? I wake up and you weren't here. I consider that somewhere. Now you have one more chance to tell me where you've been." Buffy starred and looked at him defiantly, something she knew wasn't such a good thing to do. But she felt numb today. She was past caring for now. 'No? Fine."

Flinging her around he threw her down onto the floor. "You ungrateful little bitch." He said as he stalked towards her. "I work all day, saving lives, rarely is it when I actually get some time off. But when I do," He kicked her hard in the stomach, "When I do, it should be all about peace, relaxation and a chance to unwind a little. But instead, I spend it worrying about my daughter and what she's blabbed around town this time around." Once again he delivered a hard kick to her midsection. ''You better be pretty damn thankful that I'm well respected in this town. Because I swear to God," He bent down and pulled her up to his eyes level by her hair. "If anyone, absolutely anyone, finds out about our little secrete," He twisted more hair in his hand causing her usually blond hair to darken in some places with blood. "I will kill you. Do you understand me?"

Buffy looked at him, willing at the moment to do anything in order to make the searing pain in her scalp go away. She nodded quickly, but grimaced as it only managed to rip out more locks.

"Good. I'm glad we've come to an understanding." He said as he let go of the hold he had on her. Buffy waited until he had left the room to even dare get up. Once she did though, she made a b-line upstairs and to her bathroom. Shutting the door quickly and locking it. She hadn't' even noticed she had been holding her breath until she leaned against the wall and let out all the air in her lungs. It took her a few minutes to feel as if she could move once again. Silently she walked over to the shower and turned the water on full blast, making sure to get it as hot as she could.

Steam was quickly filling the bathroom, making the pounding that was currently happening in her head, calm down the tiniest of bits. She walked to the vanity, opening the mirror for some sort of painkiller. The only thing they had was some baby aspirin though. So with shaky fingers she opened the bottle and pulled out five of the tiny capsules, swallowing them dry. Her hands reached up to close the cabinet, leaving her face to face with her reflection, something she hardly even recognized.

Blood stained her hair and matted it to her head while the rest of it had dried black on her temple. The blackness of this stood out to an extreme to the white exterior of her cheeks. The tears she hadn't even known she had cried barley showed up on her delicate face because of the pallor that was currently its color. She held her chin up a little higher at this surprise, her jaw line straightening out. She was refusing to cry anymore tears. That wasn't going to happen anymore today. She had made it through today alive. That at the moment was all that mattered.

With a defiant look she climbed into the shower and let the water wash over her, turning her skin pink. Every bone in her body ached as the water tried to soothe it all away, washing down deep shades of the once clear liquid. It took her a while to finally get herself clean. It seemed like every time the blood had stopped running, she would somehow open one of her many cuts once again. It wasn't until an hour later that she got out of that bathroom and padded to the safety of her room where she quickly locked the door. Nothing was going to make her go downstairs until she knew her father had left for work. She had already made the mistake of getting in his way, making herself an inconvenience to him once today and she wasn't about to do it again.

Five o'clock slowly rolled around though, and soon Buffy heard the car pull slowly out of their drive way. With a sigh of relief she went downstairs with the intent to get something to eat. All she had to do though was lay eyes on the floor before her, the place where she had previously laid pinned to the ground, and her appetite fled. Still intent not to shed a tear though, she grabbed her coat and left the house. She wasn't about to let demons of her past haunt her today. She was going to turn things around today. With what, she had no idea though.

In her mind she had nothing left. She didn't have a family, she didn't have friends, and she had no self motivation to do anything. So what was there in this world that could be rightfully called hers? What would drive the pity and self doubt out of her mind? Her only answer was the one thing she knew she couldn't face after her explosion the other day with him. He seemed to be her salvation in life, but after yesterday she doubted she could even say that anymore.

Slamming her front door she started walking, no destination anywhere in mind. She just had to get away. Away from life, away from this broken house, away from everything that existed in her pathetic little universe. All she wanted was to be normal. What had she done to deserve this kind of treatment? She was just a mere child when her mother had died, and yet it still seemed like her fault. It felt like God was punishing her for something that was most likely out of her very hands. God and her father. Was there a difference between them at this point though?

Harshly, she kicked the can in front of her, taking her aggression out on something that had no control over its destiny either. Somehow she had found herself in the park at this time. Meaning she had been walking for well over an hour. But that didn't matter. Damon would be gone at work until the next morning, meaning she had all night to do whatever she wanted before getting punished for these very things.

Part of her wanted to proceed onwards more, not turn back, go to the club she had inhabited last night and forget. Maybe she could find someone there with one of their oh so special "miracle cakes" and pretend to be someone else for the night again. There was bound to be someone there wanting to give her what she needed in turn for screwing her into the wall. She wasn't the only one in this world who wanted to get away from life, even if she didn't always realize it, meaning that others would be at the club tonight, looking for the same out she was. This idea was only sounding better and better as she went on. Just as she was about to turn onto the road and stick out her thumb and find that said relief though, she spotted him.

He was sitting on one of the many benches in the park, his head in his hands, still and silent. The messages and thoughts of her having no right to go over there shot through her head. She knew that after yesterday, the possibility of him welcoming her was going to be a slim one. She knew that she should just continue on her way and pretend like she had never even seen him. She knew all this and yet her feet still carried her over there.

So deep in thought he was, he didn't even look up when she sat down mere inches away from him. "Hi," She said softly, weighing whether or not this was the right decision.

His head turned slightly in his hands as he looked at her, staring her down, almost as if she wasn't real. "Not exactly the person that I thought I'd see today. Or wanted to." He added just a quietly to her hi.

Looking down at her hands she replied. "I'm not pretending like I didn't screw up yesterday. I did. Badly. And I'm not even going to pretend that me being sorry, which I am, is going to help any of this. You have every right to be mad at me. It's just…" she shrugged. "I saw you sitting here and I couldn't just walk away. I just wanted to see if you needed to talk or anything." He didn't answer her; he sat in the same position, just looking at her with a blank expression. Buffy read this as her queue to leave. "Right. Sorry. I didn't mean to bother you." Standing up she hiked her purse up on her shoulder and started to walk off, kicking herself mentally for thinking she would have been able to sit down next to him after what happened the other day. A hand slipped into hers though before she could even take two steps away from the bench.

Looking down she saw that his fingers were entwined with hers, tugging them lightly so she'd come back to him. Without much protest, she did, sitting softly beside him, not making a sound. The ball was in his court. She wasn't going to make any moves here, she'd just follow him.

"Do you ever hate your parents?" He asked softly, still holding onto her hand but not quite looking at her. "Probably not huh? I mean, your dad isn't exactly the laughing stalk of the town. Doctor, smart, pays his taxes, actually takes care of his children; they're not things that tend to upset people." Buffy wanted to tell him that even these great high society people that he viewed as the perfect role models had faults. Especially in her family. But she didn't feel like now was the right time to talk. Or she just didn't want to mention anything having to deal with her father at the moment. "My mom brought back a new boy toy. She's busy right now spouting words of how she's changed and how much better our lives are going to be and how great Seth is… God! I can't even count how many times she's said that shit to me. I used to believe it too. I guess after being disappointed by her so many times though I kind of learned not to trust a damn word that comes out of her mouth."

"So why are you so upset?" She ventured softly

"Because it's the same bullshit every damn time with her! She's going to stay and pretend like we can be a normal family, Kathy is going to get attached, love the fact that she actually has a mother, and then she's going to up and leave us again. I don't want to take this anymore. I'm sick and tired of her crap! Kathy and I have been happy these past few months and suddenly she shows back up with this guy who looks like he's some ex convict, a pedophile or something, and she expects me to welcome her with open arms? She's actually trying to have a say in what Kathy should and should not do. She has no right to this. But I can't very well keep doing what I'm doing either. I mean, I'm not eighteen, I have to listen to her, and unfortunately, soon enough Seth." Buffy just looked at him strangely. "Oh that's right, you don't' know about the wonderful icing on the cake," He bit out sarcastically. "They're getting married."

"What?"

"Yeah. That was my reaction too." Buffy looked at him full of sympathy. "He's going to want to exert control over Kathy and I. That's not something I can let him do though. Buffy, I'm scared to even leave my sister alone in that house now. I don't know what he's like, I don't know if he'll hurt her while I'm not there."

"Angel… maybe he's not as bad as you think he is."

She was trying very hard to shed some sort of good light on the situation. Angel though only had to pull the collar of his shirt down a little bit and show her the bruises from Seth's hold on his neck yesterday morning. "Yeah, he's definitely a saint at heart."

"I'm sorry." There really wasn't anything she could say to make any of this better.

"I don't know what I'm going to do Buffy. Mom has legal control over Kathy. All she'd have to do is report me for doing something and I'm out of the house and Kathy will stay with them."

"She's not going to kick you out Angel."

"You don't understand. Seth has this control over her. I'm not sure how but he seems to be able to… I don't know! I just know that if he really wanted me out of the way, I would be. I can't leave her there though. All that would end up happening is she would wake up one day a couple months from now and mom would have left without even a note." He leaned back into the bench and ran a hand through his hair. "The last time she left Kathy cried herself to sleep when she was at daycare. She didn't want me to see her being weak or something I guess, so she waited until she was out of the house. Her babysitter called though and told me, asked me if anything was wrong. I don't want her going through that again. I don't' want her to get her hopes up that mom is here for good. Four year olds aren't even supposed to think about how it will make other people feel when you cry around them! And yet she does. She's had to grow up so fast and with mom and Seth being here, it's only going to speed up that process."

"But maybe she has changed this time Angel."

"I can't believe that. The moment I do she leaves."

"Angel, maybe this is different. You don't know yet. She might surprise you and turn her whole life around. I mean, has she been drunk or high any of the times you've seen her lately."

"No."

"So maybe she is changing."

Angel was silent for a moment. "That's the thing though. She actually believes this time around that she can do it, that she can change. I've never seen her more convincing. The things I said to her today… When I was little, she wouldn't have let me get away with that crap. She wouldn't let me a couple months ago get away with it. She's just tell me how selfish I was being because in her mind she wasn't being a bad parent. But now? She looked at me today when I said those things in a way that I've never even seen her do before. She had remorse in her eyes; it was almost like she understood that I had a reason to be upset, to say those things." Angel shook his head quickly before he convinced himself that maybe this time actually was different. "But that doesn't mean anything. People can't change."

"Yes they can."

"Then why hasn't she yet? What exactly have I done to drive her away?"

"You haven't done anything."

"Really? Then tell me why the hell I have a mother who leaves me and her four year old daughter out to dry, to fend for ourselves with no money or food, and a father who just up and left for some reason one day. Please tell me what the fuck I'm doing wrong here Buffy!"

The sun was setting around them, birds chirping sweetly as they got ready for bed, but Buffy's eyes stayed on him. "Angel, look at me." He refused to even acknowledge that he heard her. "Angel," She squeezed his hand more tightly "Look at me." Slowly he turned to her, a glare set on her features. "You have done nothing wrong. None of this is your fault. Your mother and father being screw ups is their fault. Theirs and theirs only. You for some unknown reason just got some bad luck. But you aren't' taking it. You're not like most people who would sit and wait to die, you're out here everyday, taking care of your sister, being the grown up, fixing things that your parents have done. You are doing nothing wrong. Do you hear me? Nothing. You're parents are the ones to blame for all this, not you."

He laughed bitterly. "Then why do I feel this way?'

"Because you're a good person and you'd rather it be your fault then your parents. As much as you hate to admit it Angel, you still love them and you still will accept your mother back into the house each and every time because you want and you hope that maybe one day she won't be lying. Maybe one day she'll prove to you that she has changed. And if not, then you need to just wait it out for one more year Angel. Then you can go to court and give forth all of the evidence that you have been the one raising Kathy all these years and you can adopt her. You can have that legal custody over her and choose when your mother can and can't see her. One more year Angel. If none of this gets better, then you have every right to get out and be home free. But I don't want you to ever think that your parents left because of you. They left for their own problems. Your mother obviously feels remorse over leaving you guys or else she wouldn't be coming back so much. She's a woman, believe me, she has other ways to get money if she really wants to. And your dad? Wherever the hell he is, he's regretting his decision. I firmly believe that. There's no way that they can't regret hurting you two. It's not possible."

"You don't know any of this."

"Yes I do." She stated matter of factly. "You do too. You just have to believe it."

"It's easier for you Buffy! You can talk about all this stuff all you want but the fact still remains that I'm living this life while you sit in your nice fucking warm plush house having caviar for dinner!"

She pulled her hand away. "Don't you dare say that. You don't' know anything about my life."

"I know that you live the charmed life while I sit back and deal with shit that you couldn't' even imagine every day."

Laughing bitterly she stood up and crossed her arms. "The charmed life huh? Tell me how the hell my life is charmed Angel, because I'd really like to hear it. My mother died when I was ten years old, I have a father who's not exactly the nice guy everyone believes him to be, I deal with people ridiculing me every damn day because of my money, I'm so God damned depressed that I actually take drugs just to forget that I even exist! I lost my virginity two months after I saw my mothers life slip away from her, everything and everyone that I have every loved has left me too! You've got your sister, I have no one! So don't you dare even start with me about having a charmed life because I hate to break it to you, I'm probably more screwed up then you'll ever be!"

They both stared at each other, Buffy with tears in her eyes, and Angel with unfortunate truth on his face. He knew things weren't good with her. He knew that the first time he met her. But anger never has logic to it, all it does is allow you to lash out and hurt the people you love.

Slowly he got up, causing Buffy to believe that he was going to do nothing more then walk away. But for the second time today he surprised her when he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a hug. There and only there did she let the tears she had been holding back all day out.

Neither one of them were really sure how long they stood there, but by the time they were done, the sun had fully set. Buffy was the first to pull away though.

"Guess we're both kind of messed up today huh?"

She wiped her eyes. "It hasn't been the greatest day of my life."

He cupped her face with his hand, wiping the last of her tears away with his thumb. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Making you cry."

"To tell you the truth, I kind of should thank you for that. I needed it." He frowned and opened his mouth to ask her to finally tell him the whole story but she interrupted him before he even began with the touch of a finger on his lips. "Don't. I've cried enough today. Let's save my life trauma for another night. Please."

More then anything he wanted to protest, wanted to force her to spill, but from experience, you had to come to these things at your own time. No one could force you to say things that you yourself didn't even want to state out loud. So instead he did the only other thing he could think of.

He kissed her

Slowly and sweetly, something that neither one of them had experienced before. Buffy's arms wrapped tightly around his neck, his around her waist, as she stood on tiptoe, never wanting him to pull away. Eventually though it had to end, as all things do.

"What was that for?" Buffy said so quietly that he could barley even hear her. Her eyes were still closed, her mind still in the state of bliss she had been in moments ago. It was amazing how quickly problems tended to slip away at times like this.

"I've wanted to do that since day one. I figured now should be the time before we get into yet another argument."

She laughed. 'We're not exactly a match made in heaven are we?"

"No," He kissed her on the forehead. "But since when does that matter?"