Well, this is my first Halo Fanfic...I just came up with this after seeing the legendary ending. That black sergeant and an Elite are fighting on Halo right before it explodes, and when they see it is, and they're doomed, they embrace and the black guy says, "It's over baby". So I decided to have them survive, fall in love, and base a gay sitcom about them called, "My Two Dads". Yes, I'm insane...

The Bold text is audience reactions, but please save yourself from reading this fic and commit suicide...

Now the first episode of "My Two Dads": Learning Love's Lessons through the Love of Life's Lessons


Sergeant Tyrone Jone moaned as he landed on the ground.

"Damn, where the hell am I?"

He turns and looks over to see a large blue alien, known as an Elite to his side.

"What the hell happened?"

Various chuckles

Then it came back to him.

They had been fighting on Halo, then before it exploded, he...he...found love.

"It's over baby"

And that tender embrace...

The Elite stirred and stared at Jones, content.

"What happened, where are we ya giant purple gook?

"Call meh Juan", said the Elite

"Hey Juan, how did we surviv-"

"Dih ju mean it...I mean...whah ju said on Halo"

"Wha...Yeah, baby, Tyrone Jone don't lie!"

Juan blushed.

They stared into each other's eyes and then embraced, for what seemed like hours.

"I love ju".

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww

"And I love you baby, now where the hell are we?"

"I don't know, but wherever we is, as long as we love each othah, we'll be fine".

Awwwwwww

"Hey, guess you guys are up and at 'em!"

A large man in tan armor steps up.

"Master Chief? Damn! I thought you was dead!"

Juan just kind of cringes.

"What's wrong baby? Don't tell me you're afraid ah Chief, he won't hurt you any"

"I know...it's jus that he killed my buddy Jesus....and he was just a little grunt...I still remember him crying for food nipples"

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww

"It's cool baby, Chief won't hurt yah any more, ain't that right?"

Master Chief just stares at Juan and Tyrone, tempted to chuck a plasma grenade at each of them, but resists.

"Uh...yes".

Firm Applause

"So Chief...where we be?"

Master Chief just kind of stared at the Sergeant, knowing inside that he could take out his handgun and beat both of them quite easily.

"We're approaching Earth. The Covenant have located it and are attacking it. The defenses need our help"

Jone stared at Chief and frowned.

"Damn boy! I've got a condo down there somewhere! If those alien bastards touch it, I'll unload a cap in their blue asses!"

"Honey..."

"I'm sorry baby, it's just that I wanted you to meet my family...Mama Jone is gonna dig ya..."

Chief stared through the cockpit as they landed somewhere in Southern California.

He could see a group of blue Elite brutally beating Joe Pesci's head on a robot body to death.

"Gaddamn Gooks! Somebody friggin help me!"

Jone grabbed his assault rife and rushed towards the door but Chief grabbed his shoulder.

"It's too late, Sergeant"

"Hell no niggah! I ain't gonna let this guy die! Did you friggin see him in Scarface?! All, 'Say hello to my little friend'"

"..."

Light giggles

Chief let go, and Jone took this as approval, although it was mainly the fact that the Master Chief figured that the ship would be lighter once Jone got his head blown off by an Elite.

Jone charged in, firing a shot at the closest Elite, which turned to him and roared.

The other Elites drew their blasters and pointed them at the soldier, about to shoot when Juan came between them.

"No! I will na have dis! Why are ju doing dis?"

The closest Elite cocked his head and looked at Juan.

"Waih ah minute! Ju Covenanto too!?"

"Yah!"

"Daaaaimn...Ju see dat Pepe? I tolh ju I gah like a Covenant-Radar in my friggin head"

Boisterous Laughter

During this intelligent conversation, Joe Pesci-Bot began to stir.

"Hoowah! Hey what's going on!?"

"Yo, you da niggah from dat Scarface movie, righ?"

"Nah, ya friggin tinkin ah Pacino"

"Wah?! Who you be den?!"

"I'm Joe Pesci!"

Silence pervades the scene.

"..."

"Joe Pesci!"

"..."

"I was in dat one movie with Marisa Tomei! Dah one dey accidently gave 'er an Oscar for!"

Crowd makes farting noises with their mouths

"..."

"And da one wit the heads in the duffe-Ah fugget it!"

Pesci-Bot pulls out his trusty baseball bat and starts playing a little stickball with the Elite and Jone, if you know what I mean. Let's just say things got a little bloody.

Pesci-Bot grinned as Pepe pitched and he knocked it out of the park. Then all of a sudden his nose began to bleed. Anti-climactic, huh?

Meanwhile the spacecraft behind them blasted away, Chief deciding that ditching them as fast as possible with Joe Pesci-Bot was the most humanitarian thing to do.

Crowd lightly applauds

Author's note: No comment. Please shoot me so the demons in my head that forced me to make this fic will be released.