Final Fantasy VII rights Squaresoft does own; I do not. Please RandR, or may Sephiroth take your soul.
The Dance of the Chocobo: In the Beginning
So anyways, the bartender says, "What'll ya have?", and the director says, "I'll have a glass of tea, and my friend here will have..."
Nah, you still wouldn't get it.
Crystal and Angael appear in the middle of nowhere (which happens to be the nowhere between the Chocobo Stables and the Marshes). Crystal looks around blankly for a while while Angael attempts to catch the insane black Ostrageious Chikenous Mixedous
Director: Can't I just call it a chocobo?
Voice in the director's head: Yeah... whatever.
…the insane black chocobo, who is suffering from severe shock. As we all know, chocobos shouldn't be subjected to such things as time/space travel. Their puny brains weren't built to handle such... OH! LOOK! A QUARTER! (Insert insanely super long pause) What was I saying?
Angael: Get back here you dumb bird!
Chocobo: Wark!
Angael: I'll "wark" you!
Crystal: Brother chocobo, I shall save you!
Crystal throws her beret at Angael, who get's hit in the head. Kefka, appearing for no apparent reason, runs across the field and grabs the stray French hat, then continues running until he's out of sight.
Angael, Crystal, and Cloud: O.O;
Crystal: Cloud! What're you doing here?
Cloud: I was wondering what you two ladies were staring at.
Crystal: Lady? No one's ever called me a lady before... Just a hormone- crazed fiend...
Cloud: ...can I go now?
Angael: No.
Cloud looks at the two in confusion (as usual), then over to the chocobo.
Cloud: Heeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyy...
Angael: What?
Cloud: Can I borrow your chocobo? We've been trying to get one for hours to cross the Marshes, but the damn things keep running away.
Crystal: You shouldn't say damn. You look like a 12-year-old.
Angael: Have you been using greens?
Cloud: Greens…?
Angael: Do you have Chocobo Lure equipped!.?
Cloud: Chocobo Lure?
Angael: HAVE YOU BEEN TO THE CHOCOBO STABLES YET?
Cloud: Chocobo Stables?
Aerith walks out of Cloud (hey, this is game style, ya know).
Crystal and Angael: …!
Crystal: I WANNA WALK OUT OF PEOPLE, TOO!
Aerith: What ARE you talking about?
Crystal: You just walked out of him! IwannaIwannaIwannaIwannaIwanna!
Aerith: I didn't walk out of him. Maybe your just dizzy, hon. I think you should sit down. Tee hee!
(Insert Aerith bashing. I've got too many to choose from.)
Angael: Okay, see over there?
She points to a small blue and white speck on the horizon.
Cloud: Yeah...
Angael: Go there and talk to ChocoBilly, or whatever.
Cloud: Oh...
Crystal: But first, you must converse with the chocobos... flirt with the chocobos!... DANCE! WITH! THE! CHOCOBOS! So you can get your first summon materia. Of course, if you have me join your party, you won't need it, seeing as how I can transform into any summon at will...
Aerith: The more the merrier!
Angael: Well, if she's going, I am too.
Aerith: ...but I don't like you. You're not a happy person.
Angael: I'm glad you're gonna die.
Aerith: …? Silly, I'm not going to die!
Angael: STOP TALKING TO ME LIKE I'M MARLENE!
At this point, Barret walks out of Cloud.
Crystal: I WANNA WALK OUT OF PEOPLE TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Angael: CRYSTAL, SHUT UP!
Crystal: I'm giving you an ultimatum. Either someone teaches me how to walk out of people, or I'm gonna throw a Texas-style tantrum!
Angael: I'll go get the olives and Tex-mex hot sauce.
Crystal: Poo.
She goes off and pouts.
Barret: How do ya know 'bout my Marlene?
Shameless self insertion: I've played the game so many times, I have Barret's cliched accent down pat. Not overdone, not underdone... Juuuuust right.
Angael: I... hey, Crystal? Didn't we read the script before we got here?
Crystal: Yup. That we did.
Barret, Cloud, and Aerith look at eachother in confusion.
Barret: Whaddya mean, scripts? Are you a pair of crazy foos?
Crystal starts to giggle wildly at the word "foos". Angael just shakes her head and points over towards Crystal.
Angael: She's the crazy one. Ah, don't worry about it. Let's just go to the chocobo farm.
Crystal: CHOCOBO!
Angael walks into Cloud, and Barret goes to join Tifa and Red XIII, wherever they are.
Crystal: AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO WALK INTO PEOPLE!
She starts to cry.
Crystal: I feel so alone...
Cloud, who's a short walk ahead of her, yells back.
Cloud: If you're coming with us, then hurry up!
Aerith goes to join Tifa, Barret, and Red XIII. The black chocobo looks around for a while, then follows far behind.
Yup! That's it for chapter 2! We'll be screwing up the game a little more in the next chapter, when we all get to DANCE! WITH! THE! CHOCOBOS! Hurray for insanity!
P.S. Don't you just hate the 3-person battle party system? I think I'm going to have to upgrade it to the four person, and make it so Cloud doesn't have to be in the party. It'll make for a better story, don't you think?