Before I begin chapter three of this true story, I'd like to mention that I'm sorry I didn't try to come in before the Sephiroth flashback, before the 140 flights, even before Cloud dressed up as a girl. Some things should just be left alone. Besides, Angael would have had too much of a field day with the Sephiroth flashback, Crystal would never have made it up the 140 flights (exercising's just not her style; she would have been there right along with Barret, huffing and puffing), and the Cloud cross-dressing part was just too funny by itself.
Oh, and if you haven't guessed by now, Angael's the more violent, logical one of the two, and Crystal is the innocent, childish one of the two. Actually, Angael has a soft spot for, well, everything but bugs, and Crystal is really very smart, but prefers to save it so she can surprise people later on.
And on request of UyoniRaze X, there will be actual dancing with the chocobos. Many thanks to her for putting up the first review. I BOW DOWN UNTO YOU, OH GREAT ONE.
Final Fantasy VII rights Squaresoft does own; I do not. Please RandR, or may Sephiroth take your soul. I own the two idiots mentioned above.
The Dance of the Chocobo: The Road to Chocobo
So the director says, "I'll have a glass of tea, and my friend here will have..." But before she finishes her sentence, her friend clutches his head and falls to the ground, screaming about voices over and over again. And the bartender says, "What's wrong with him?" So the director says, "Absolutely nothing. He just needs a stiff drink." So the bartender hands the delusional man a bottle of vodka, and the voices in the delusional man's head scream...
Ya know what, you really wouldn't get this at all, so never mind.
Crystal: Which way are we heading again?
Angael: North.
Crystal: To the final battle!
Angael grabs Crystal by the head.
Crystal:twitch:
Angael: Not yet, stupid!
Crystal: Sorry... I'll behave.
Angael: Good.
Crystal: Are we there yet?
Angael: No.
There's a long pause.
Crystal: How 'bout now?
Angael: Nope. Not yet.
Crystal: Oh...how about now?
Angael: NO! NOT YET!
Cloud: SHUT HER UP! You're givin' me a headache!
After a few more hours of walking, they reach their destination, the Chocobo Stables.
Crystal: CHOCOBO!
Angael: Yes, dear. Chocobo.
Crystal runs up to a chocobo and starts to pet it. The chocobo starts to coo.
Crystal: Pretty bird...!
Cloud: Err... here. Let me try this. Ahem... "Wark wark?"
The chocobo looks at the cloud... (Oh, sorry...) at Cloud like he's crazy.
Angael: Here. Let Crystal handle that. She speaks fluent chocobo.
Crystal: Kweh kwehh wark kweh.
Chocobo: Wark wark?
Crystal: Wark waaark!
Chocobo: Wark.
The Chocobo begins to dance to the Chocobo Waltz. Crystal grabs Cloud's hand and begins to waltz with him. Angael simply looks on, slightly perturbed. Soon, the music stops and Cloud picks up the Chocobo/Mog summon materia.
Crystal: DON'T GO ANYWHERE!
Cloud: Huh? Why?
Crystal: Mr. Boco wants to dance more!
Angael: Mr. Boco?
Crystal: Oh, what, you thought Chocosociety wasn't so advanced? They don't recognize each other by scent! Do you see chocobo sniffing chocobutt?
(By the way, if anyone remembers, Crystal is 17. I forgot to mention that Angael is just a few months younger...) Anyways, Crystal hops over the fence and hugs Mr. Boco. After another conversation of "warks" and "kwehs", Crystal turns to Angael and Cloud.
Cloud: What did he say?
Crystal: Mr. Boco wants to slow dance with you.
Cloud: Meeeee?
Crystal: No, no... silly. Mr. Boco isn't gay! He wants to dance with Angael!
Angael: WHAT! WHY!
Crystal: He thinks you're sexy.
Cloud: X.X; O... kay...
Angael: Yeah, I know... WAIT A MINUTE!
The chocobo wraps its wings around Angael and pulls her over the fence. Once again, chocobo music starts to play, but this time it's soft and sensual.
Angael: Err... X.X; You have lovely eyes... Uh, Mr. Boco. :twitch:
Chocobo: Kweh...
The chocobo dips her, then spins her, then holds her against his feathery chest.
Chocobo: Kweh kweh kweh kweh... Wark kweh kweh... Cooooooooo...
Translation: You dance so very well, young sumptious one... I want to make you mine... Purrrrrrrrr...
Crystal: Oh dear...
Cloud: What?
Crystal: I think we should leave the two of them alone...
Cloud: Oh. Why? What did the chocobo say to Angael?
Crystal whispers something in Cloud's ear.
Cloud: Urg... let's go.
The two of them start to walk away.
Angael: Hey! Don't leave me alone here! I want my mommy!
She starts to cry. Mr. Boco, who apparently felt the time was right, starts to slide his wing up Angael's leg, as in under her skirt.
Angael: Alright, mister. I put up with you because I wanted to be nice, but now you're just being a sleaze. The only man who can touch me like that is Sephiroth.
Suddenly, a voice rings through her head. It has a certain bird like twang to it.
Voice in Angael's head: Once you know chocobo, that's what you'll yearn.
Angael: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
The chocobo's wing moves further up her skirt onto her butt. Angael screeches and slaps it.
Angael: Alright, you! I'm leaving! And try that again and you'll be the next set of Choconuggets under the heating lamp at McBoco's!
The chocobo releases her and she runs over to join Cloud and Crystal. They walk into the house without knocking.
Angael: How rude... Dumb chocobo... That's the last time I humor a bird!
Cloud tries to go over to the beds to snoop around for some items, but for some strange reason, the chocobo guy keeps stopping him and asking if Cloud would like to spend the night. Cloud, thinking that this is because the man is hitting on him (which, if you think about it, is actually what it sounds like heh heh heh...), finally gives up and decides to talk to the man about chocobos.
Choco Bill: Thinking of crossing the marshes?
Cloud: Yeah.
Choco Bill: Hmm, then it'll probably be safer for you to get a chocobo. That way you can zip through the marshes with the chocobo. It's the only way to avoid being attacked by the Midgar Zolom.
Cloud: Midgar Zolom?
Crystal: It has this nifty attack you can learn if you have Enemy Skill materia! I'll take 'em on! I'm strong enough! I won't die! I'm IMMORTAL! BWA HA HA HA!
Choco Bill: I think your friend had one two many choconuggets.
Cloud: Ah, don't mind her. She's crazy, but she's a crazy genius. Ya know Professor Hojo?
Choco Bill: Genius?
Cloud: And absolute loon. Anyways, about this Midgar Zolom...?
Choco Bill: It's a serpent-like creature over 30 feet tall! It picks up on footsteps that enter the marshes... And then, BAM!
Crystal jumps and starts to cry. Cloud tries to comfort her.
Choco Bill: It attacks! To avoid that, buy a Chocobo at the Choco Bill and Choco Billy Chocobo Farm. To purchase a chocobo, please talk to my grandson. He's in the chocobo stables at the far right end of the farm.
Cloud: Okay, thanks.
He's still comforting Crystal as they make their way to the stable area. One of the chocobos in the gate area does something that appears to be... waving?... at Crystal, who's wiping her tear stained face. When she sees this, she waves back.
Crystal: KWEH!
Chocobo: WARK!
Crystal starts to giggle at some unknown joke, while Cloud just shakes his head in defeat and Angael rolls her eyes. When they reach the stable, Angael stops the other two.
Angael: Just let me handle this. HEY YOU! CHOCO BILLY!
At this time, Crystal has snuck out of the stables to go and speak with her chocobo friends.
Choco Billy: Do you want a Chocobo?
Angael: We've already got one.
Cloud whispers over to Angael.
Cloud: What the hell are you doing?
Angael: Just watch. He'll lower his prices.
Cloud: Oh...
Angael: Well, I suppose I could have another for my friend here...
Cloud: Yeah! Give me one!
Choco Billy: You old folks are out of luck!
Angael: OLD FOLKS?
Choco Billy: We're all out of chocobos. I'm taking care of those ones out there for someone else. You know, if you really want a chocobo, you should go out and catch one. Want to know how to catch a chocobo?
A little blue screen appears on top of Choco Billy's face. Angael picks the top option. Cloud suddenly looses control of his body and says:
Cloud: Where are they?
Choco Billy: You see those claw prints out there? Wild Chocobo's will appear in those areas. But, if you don't have "Chocobo Lure", they won't come out. They're very cautious animals by nature.
Crystal runs in holding up a shiny purple orb.
Crystal: Mr. Boco gave me a "Chocobo Lure" and some greens from his feeding bucket! Let's go!
Angael: Well, never mind then!
Choco Billy: Wait! We need the money! We're starving!
Angael: Oh, you so are not. And if you were desperate, you'd eat the chocobos!
Once again, Crystal starts to cry.
Crystal: Not poor Mr. Boco! Anything but that! You HEATHENS!
So, the three of them exit to the fields, catch a chocobo, which Crystal proudly names Boco the Second, and set of on their two chocobos, one black one, and one yellow one. They make their way across the marshes, and, unfortunately for the black chocobo, they run into the Midgar Zolom.
Angael: It looks like a giant snake!
Crystal: Yup! That's what Choco Bill said!
Cloud: Fight!
Cloud's KOed almost instantly, while Angael runs away. When the Midgar Zolom uses his special move, Crystal captures it with her Enemy Skill materia.
Crystal: Hey, Cloud! I told you I'd learn it!
Cloud: ... X.X;
Crystal: Cloud, why is there red stuff oozing out of your head?
After escaping from the battle, and an extensive amount of healing on Cloud's part, the group catches up with the others, Red XIII joins the group with Cloud, Angael, and Crystal, and the six of them make their ways to the Mythril Mines.
A blue text box appears across the planet. It says: Bleep, blip. Upgrading party battle system. Now allotting slots to four members.
And so did the entire planet cheer, except for Sephiroth, because this meant that he'd have yet another person whacking on him in the final battle.
Okay, I'm trying really hard here. It'll get better the further on it gets. If Angael ever gets split up from Crystal, there will be two seperate ordeals to follow, so there's twice the fun! I'll see what I can do with that later. Sorry for any delays getting this up. There weren't any. Right now, I've just finished chapter 20… but I decided to go back and re-vamp what I'd done before… fix it up. Some of my smilies and all the asterisks aren't showing up… so I have to re-do them all. But I went back to play FFVII, and when I got to the Chocobo Stables, I ACTUALLY looked around on the ground for a chocobo lure material. Stupid me forgot that that was just a joke. And it was MY joke, too. Sometimes my aneurysms act up… XP