Final Fantasy VII rights Squaresoft does own; I do not. Please RandR, or may Sephiroth take your soul.
The Dance of the Chocobos: A Boy in Girl's Clothing?
So, the dilusional man falls to the floor and starts to rant about how the bartender is wearing inadequate support. So the bartender, who takes this to such offence, slaps the delusional man, thus causing millions of evil little clones with long, silver hair and number tattoos to fall out of his ear. The evil little clones, being evil, decide to...
Oh, crud. I forgot the rest. Just give me a minute, it'll come back to me...
After a long time of walking, much mindless chattering from Crystal, and some delusional blather about how SOLDIER did things from Cloud, Red XIII and Angael decide that it's about time they got to sleep (after all, it's kinda hard to see where you're going when it's dark outside...). Cloud, being the idiotic leader he is, decides that it would be smart to camp in the "safety" of a nearby forest. At the moment, Cloud is trying to set up a make-shift tent by tossing a blanket over a branch and roping it down tight to some roots.
Cloud: Okay, where's the blanket?
Angael: We don't have one.
Crystal pulls one out from behind her back.
Cloud: Thank you. How about rope?
Red XIII: No rope, either.
Crystal hands him some rope.
Cloud: Thanks again. Hey, there're no roots popping up! How am I supposed to tie it down?
Everyone looks towards Crystal.
Crystal: What? Who do I look like? Houdini?
Someone tell me how to properly spell that. (Wait… I DID spell it right! God, I can't spell "entrance" but I can spell "Houdini". X.X;)
Crystal::sigh: Here.
She hands Cloud six plastic posts to put into the ground.
Angael::whisper: Where are you getting all this stuff from?
Crystal::whisper: "Infispace 3000".
"Infispace 3000" is Trade Mark under authoress. Patent pending. Not to be fully introduced until Ch. 6.
Angael clutches her head and falls to the ground.
Angael: N-nooooo! The voices!
Cloud::thinking: Maybe what I have is contageous? Perhaps even... normal?
Angael: I hear... COPYRIGHTS!
Screen music: Dun dun DUNNNNNN!
Cloud::thinking: Maybe not...
Suddenly, a tomboyish ninja jumps out of the woods into the clearing. Her hair is cut short... poorly.
Screen music: Dun dun DUNNNNNN!
Tomboyish ninja: Hey!
Sorry.
The tomboyish ninja turns to Cloud.
Tomboyish ninja: Fight me!
Cloud: Noooo! I'm scared!
Cloud screams like a little girl and starts to run around, arms flailing.
Tomboyish ninja: ¬.¬; Y-yeah...
After a cheesy battle with the girl, they find themselves in a barren field surrounded by boulders, and there's a save point, AND it's the daytime.
Angael::growl: Damn you, Squaresoft programmers! Don't ruin our time flow!
TN: Man... I can't believe I lost...
Angael: whisper I can...
Crystal: whisper Shush! She'll run off!
TN: You spikey-headed jerk! One more time, let's go one more time!
The tomboyish ninja, who has apparently figured out Cloud before she's even met him, apparently knows that his life consists of three basic things: showing off, acting snotty, and flipping out.
Cloud: Heh heh heh...NO!
The tomboyish ninja starts to punch the air. Not quite noticing what she was doing, and still a bit off balance from the fight, she punches Tifa... in the boob. A large balloon full of pudding falls out. Tifa stuffs it back in before anyone can see.
Tifa: Grrr...
Uh oh. Permanent PMS.
TN: Thinkin' of running away? Stay and fight! FIGHT, I said!
Tifa: I'll fight you, you little...
Crystal throws Tifa out of the scene.
TN: C'mon... What's the matter? You're pretty scared of me, huh?
Cloud: ...petrified.
He rolls his eyes, then looks at Angael in a "get a load of her" way.
TN: Hmm, just as I thought. What do you expect with my skills? Good luck to you too. If you feel up to it, we can go another round. Later!
She turns to leave, then turns back.
TN: I'm really gonna leave! REALLY!
Cloud: Wait a second!
Angael: Hey, Crystal, give me your bag.
Crystal: Why?
Angael: I wanna see if she'll join us for money, so we can just skip the rest.
Crystal: You mean like the samurai for hire in Final Fantasy X? Yojimbo?
Angael: Yeah! That's it!
Crystal: No way. You had to keep paying Yoji-sama every time you wanted him to get his hit on.
Angael: "Get his hit on"?
Crystal: Dah::singing: Bad, bad boys, come with me. Come with me... Don't be negative... Just be positive!
She dances off somewhere.
Angael::sigh: ¬.¬;
TN: What is it, you still have somethin' for me? ...Hmmm. So is that it? I know you want my help because I'm so good! You want me to go with you?
Cloud: Psychic pseudo? Don't quit your day job lady.
TN: Huh?
Cloud: That's right. Come with us.
TN: Heh heh... thought so. You put me in a spot. Hmm, what should I do? But if you want me that bad, I can't refuse... All right! I'll go with you!
Cloud: Do you accept dates so eagerly? Do you ever take time to think about your decisions? Was this meeting chance? Fate? Premeditation? ...Let's hurry on.
Cloud and the others started to walk off.
TN: Huh? Hey... HEY!
She begins to run after them.
TN: Wait! I haven't even told you my name...
When the blue box appears to name Yuffie, Crystal runs up and starts to press letters: T... O... A... S... T. Her finger wavered above the confirm button when Angael ran back and slapped her.
Angael: No way in hell. Change it back!
Crystal: Aww... you're no fun.
Yuffie: I'm Yuffie! Good to meetcha!
Crystal: What happened to your tough girl act?
Yuffie: What are you talking about?
She turns away and starts to laugh to herself.
Yuffie: Heh heh... just as I planned. Now all I have to do is... a little this... and a little that... nyuk, nyuk, nyuk...
Angael: We heard that.
Crystal: Double bubble, toil and trouble! Nyee hee hee hee!
Yuffie: Uhhh... gulp...
Angael: Don't worry. We won't say anything. We have ulterior motives, too. We're all in the same boat.
Yuffie: Can we all be in the same something else? I get motion sickness...
Angael and Crystal run off after the others.
Yuffie: Hey, wait up! Wait for me! Here, I'll give you back the money I stole from you! ...or, uh, what's left of it.
Darkness clouds the area as the time flow returned to normal, and the night took place of the day. Little does Yuffie know, she didn't initially steal any money from the group. Damn script holes...
Nyah! Script holes are fun! The sooner we find the Turks, the sooner the rating gets more and more exclusive. Sorry, kiddies. We're on a slow but sure track towards R! BWA HA HA HA!