Chapter 8: Focus

-Elsewhere-

Spike was now accustomed to opening his eyes into the white oblivion. He stood silent until Michael the doorman appeared, he wondered once again of his fate, maybe he was supposed to spend his eternity in hell, well honestly he thought that he did, however he had had a sliver of hope that he had accomplished something in the time that he had turned his life around to get something better. Being returned this time was a blow to his thought process, before he had been brought back for trying to cheat the system, Spike understood it and wasn't too bothered by it, besides the fact that it hadn't worked; but this time, he had tried, he had put everything into what he was doing and he failed, again. Then to top it all off he only had one chance left to complete the Oracle's request, and if her fails again, it's all over.

Spike: "So Michael, tell me… what ever happened to you to make you blow your bloody brains out."

Michael: "I gave up, I gave up on living, and now I'm paying for it."

Some of the things that Buffy had said to Dawn on the tower came back to Spike. Be strong, live, those weren't just words to make Dawn feel better about what Buffy knew she had to do; Buffy knew something about life that escaped a lot of people, it's not about how long you live its about what you do to live, how you fight the odds, how you stay strong, those were the things that measured your personality, it was the way you lived your life. It made sense just at the right time, right when Spike was thinking on giving up hope for a better eternity, he realized that while he's dead now he's still living, even if it's not on the mortal plane anymore, he still had to be strong, he still had to fight, and he knew more then ever now that he couldn't give up, despite the discouragement of his last adventure it wasn't over yet, he still had one chance yet, and he was gonna do it this time.

-Valerie's office-

Spike walks through the door of the small office once again, he had waited in line just as he had the two times before, however the difference this time was what he did with his time out there; Spike had been thinking, carefully planning his next and final choice. He knew that he had to go back to the night when they brought her back, and he had to prevent it. Spike knew that he had to do it, but it hurt him to think of what he was preventing; everything they had shared together came after that point in time, and in a sense he was erasing all of it, but he had to.

Valerie: "Mr. Spike, I see you're back, and I would like to comment on your bravery in your last event amend… I just wanted to tell you that although it didn't go as you had planned your effort has been noticed, and I've been told to tell you that this was an event that could not be changed."

Spike: "What do you mean couldn't be changed, I thought that's what this whole thing was about, if some events can't be changed then what's the bloody point!"

Valerie: "Spike, sit down, I didn't know this was one of those events until after wards… you see there are some things that happen that are meant to happen, and no matter what you do to try and fix them you will always end up with the same result…they are the moments that set certain important chains of events in motion that if they didn't happen your destiny could not be completed… I'm simply telling you this because after reading your file I've come to realize just how you had taken the Slayer's death so personal... Now please have a seat and we can discuss what we do next."

Spike sits; in a way it was a relief to hear that he couldn't have done anything different to change that event; but he still wished that he could, and then he thought about how he should have chosen a different event to amend; now he was two events down and only one left. Spike's mind wanders for moment, he starts to think about Valerie, why was she different, she didn't have any sign on here of suicide, not slash marks on her wrists or neck, no bullet wounds or rope burn; yet here she was like all the rest, working.

Spike: "so, what's the deal with you... you're not like the rest of the workers here."

Valerie: "How so?"

Spike: "The others, they all have marks, slashed wrists, bullet wounds... suicide... but not you, why is that."

Valerie: "hmm... I guess, there're other ways of giving up... how about this, if you tell me about what you plan to do with your last event amend maybe I'll share."

Spike: "Alright then... well, the next place I plan to go, the last place, is exactly one hundred and forty six days after... after she died."

Valerie: "The night they brought her back."

Spike: "Yea... The oracle said I had to stop what shouldn't have been done, what the scoobies did bringin' her back... it was against the laws of nature, of everything."

Valerie: "You knew that before though didn't you?"

Spike: "What, before I set of to stop her from dieing in my last event amend... yea, I did, but I was hoping I could get around it. I'd rather save her from dieing then keep her from being alive... but this is what I have to do."

Valerie: "well, now that you've finally decided not to cheat the system, I must say I think this is right."

Spike: "So... now for your part of the deal... just why are you here?"

Valerie is quiet for a moment, she sits back in her chair and prepares to tell her story, Spike sits up straighter realizing that what she was about to say was something that was emotional for her, after all she was about to tell him how she died.

Valerie: "could you tell that I'm a mother of three kids? No, most wouldn't think so... I, uh, I was married to a man who was abusive, he was killing me... not in the holding a gun to my head kind of way, in a slow way. Everyday he was killing me, with his words and the fights. And the worst part was that he'd yell at the kids... every time I saw them cry another part of me died, I didn't kill myself, not really, I was mostly dead by the time I ended my life... Robert came home one night, the kids were away at their grandmothers house, he was drunk again, and he started in on me, calling me names, trying to start a fight... Then he slammed me against the wall and I ran to the kitchen, there was a gun atop the fridge and I grabbed it, I pointed it at him and he just told me that I wouldn't do it, and then he took another step closer and I pulled the trigger... I killed him... After that I was a mess, I wondered just how my life had gotten so messed up, I wondered where I had gone wrong... then I went upstairs and opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out a bottle of medicine and took everything that was in the bottle and... Just went to sleep."

Spike sat still for a moment not knowing what to say, the story she had told him was nothing he had ever heard before, at least from her perspective. He had killed people and caused pain, and felt pain, physical as well as emotional, but the mental torture she had gone through and lived with was something Spike couldn't quite imagine. Honestly he didn't know just what to say.

Spike: "I'm sorry."

Valerie: "Don't be... I miss my children, yea, but I put myself here, and it's not that bad, it's easier then living... and I wont be here forever, we all move on eventually."

Spike: "Then where will you go? After this?"

Valerie: "I don't know, heaven, hell, back to earth... I will have to be put in front of the powers just as you will."

Spike: "back to earth?"

Valerie: "Yea... sometimes people return to their lives to continue living from where they left off, or in some cases event amends change things and they want to go back and continue living from that point in time, however you don't have to return, and not everyone is able to. Like I said everything is up to the powers."

Spike: "Like a second chance at life."

Valerie: "kinda... it's hard to explain... but now we've gotten far enough off track, lets get back to business shall we."

Spike: "Alright then, Last chance... here it goes."

Valerie: "Are you ready?"

Spike: "As ready as I'll ever be... I just hope I'll get it right this time."

Valerie: "Just do what you can... that's all that matters."

Spike nods then gets up and walks out and starts to walk down the hall towards the Oracle one final time. This was it, his last chance, he had regained some of his focus and realized what he had to do, the right thing to do. Buffy was never meant to be brought back, and as much as it hurt Spike to think of her dead he knew that she was in a better place, besides none of it really mattered anyway, when he fixed things he would be brought back and it would be as if it had never happened, that was something that Spike had forgotten about. He looked at each event he was trying to change as if it would change his past, but it didn't really matter. So he walked ready to finish what he had started, he wouldn't give up.

AN: Thanks to my reviewers: wicked-angel-413, funkydevil206, and KeepTheFaith, you guys are awesome. Next chapter coming soon, I'll probably post it tuesday or wednesday of next week. Wow, this is coming to a close really fast, there's only about four chapters left. Oh, and if anyone has read my first fic "To Find Oneself" I've been working on the sequil and am about half way through it, so hopefully my muse wont abandon me and I'll have that up soon.