Final Fantasy VII rights Squaresoft does own; I do not. Please RandR, or may Sephiroth take your soul. Watch out. This is a LONG chapter! The dream sequences are dedicated to my own little world, who has put up with such un-Miko like visits as expressed later.
The Dance of the Chocobos: "Cid would throw a fit if he saw this..."
So there they stood, poised and alert, singing their marching song (One Winged Angel), when suddenly, who burst through the door but Sephiroth himself, wearing a rather evil looking smile, and holding a small globe, which was actually a basketball painted to look like the world. So, while the bartender is looking around in confusion and spilling drinks, the delusional man is trying to pick up his teeth, and the director is talking to her agent over her PHS, Sephiroth is barking orders to his tiny clones. The director, who's getting pretty fed up with all the distractions by now, turns to Sephiroth and says...
Hmm... what DID she say?
Cloud wipes a spot of jelly of the front of his shirt.
Cloud: Mmmm... peanut butter and jelly...
As of late, Barret and Red XIII have gone off to find a way into the city. Cloud, deciding it was time for a walk, started to head for the beach.
Angael: Wait!
Cloud: Huh?
Angael: Eat this.
She handed him a little slice of something. It was a pale yellow, and smelled funny.
Cloud: Noooo... I don't wanna!
Angael: You snotty brat, it's for your own good! Do you want an annoying little girl trying to follow you around forever later? HUH?
Cloud: Depends. Is she cute?
Angael: Sure. Six-year-old cute.
Cloud grabs the slice away from her.
Cloud: Bottoms up!
He eats it in one bite.
Cloud: Yyyuuuck! What the heck was that?
Angael: A large slice of garlic.
Cloud and the girls all start heading towards the beach. A little girl is standing near the water, just as Angael predicted.
Cloud::whispering: You're beginning to creep me out...
Angael: Shush!
The girl is jumping around, yelling to a dolphin.
Priscilla: He-y! Mr. Dolphin! My name is... Pri-scil-la! Now you say it.
Yuffie: Hey, girl! Dolphins can't talk!
Priscilla turns slowly, her face glowing red; her eyes ablaze with fury.
Priscilla: You will face the wrath of hell! I, Priscilla, representative of the underworld, will make it so!
Suddenly, she spots Cloud. Her face softens.
Priscilla: Who are you guys? Are you members of the ShinRa, Inc.?
Aerith starts to freak out. She's holding up her hands in defense, as if trying to hide a great secret.
Aerith: No you're wrong! We have nothing to do with the ShinRa! DON'T SHOOT!
Cloud: You've said that before, haven't you?
Aerith: Tee hee!
Cloud: Anyways... that's how it is.
Priscilla: I don't believe you! Get out of here!
Crystal: After the show Aerith just put on, I wouldn't believe us either.
Cloud: Great... THANKS A LOT, AERIS!
Aerith: It's AERITH! You big... :sniff: MEANIE::sniff tear:
Suddenly, the ground starts to shake. Crystal starts to sniff at the air, then plugs her nose and falls to the ground, crying.
Tifa: Look at that!
As a large monster emerges from the waves, Priscilla runs towards the dolphin, trying in vain to shoo it away.
Priscilla: Be careful Mr. Dolphin!
Suddenly, to everyone's relief, she's knocked unconscious by the monster. Unfortunately, she was knocked into the water, and as no one is unkind enough to wish the child death, they start to worry. Personally, I would have let her die. I would have been able to get into the city. Just show that elevator soldier a bit of Crystal's bust... :smack: OUCH!
Cloud: Hey! Hold on, we're coming!
Cloud pulls out his sword. The Bottomswell, glaring menacingly at him, turns away momentarily to take a large snap at Aerith, who squeals in fright, but counter attacks with a rather harsh smack square between it's eyes, which knocks it out of it's wits momentarily.
Crystal: It smells like... ROTTING TUNA! THE STENCH IS INVADING MY NOSTRILS! HELP MEEEEE::heave: I... I think I'm gonna... :hurk:
Bottomswell: Hey... Thath's not very nith... You should be more careful with peoplth feelingth!
Everyone: O.O;
Bottomswell: I didn't get a college degree in thcaring people to be called thmelly! Thpooky? Yeth! Thmelly? No! I demand an apology!
Everyone: O.O;
Bottomswell: What'th the matter? Never theen a talking Bottomthwell before?
Everyone: O.O;
Bottomswell: Well, you thould take care to learn thome mannerth and learn a little bit about the world around uth! Many monthters have the ability to thpeak! Now, if you would, I have a tennith lethon. Good day, thirth::mumbling: I never! I wath hoping for a good fight, maybe a thmall bit of exerthithe... But noooooo... Thitizenth today are thooooo rude... Like they don't know how to thcream and run away or pull out a weapon and put up a good defenthe...
Aww... poor Bottomthwell... err... Bottomswell. He needth, uh... needs... heh... a hug. OH! Ah... Anyways... /\./\; The Bottomswell turns tail and speeds off. Meanwhile, Priscilla's body has washed up upon the shore. Cloud, after regaining some composure after his... I can't say that! It isn't true!
Crystal: Just read the script.
Okay... after his... difficult... near fatal battle with the... frightening Bottomswell... ¬.¬;
Bottomswell: Thee! I told you I wath frightening!
Oh, shut up!
Bottomswell: Tho rude!
ANYWAYS! Cloud runs over to Pricilla to check and make sure she's alive.
Cloud: This is bad... You don't think she's dead, do you?
Angael: I hope not. If she dies, who will start the "Freaky Blond Spiky Jerk" fan club?
Cloud: Who will start the what?
Angael face faults. Meanwhile, the others are looking around, distressed, except for Crystal, who's getting out her air freshener and spraying it everywhere.
Random person: Priscilla!
Everyone turns to see one of the random men from the village run onto the beach and kneel down by Priscilla's side. He moves his hand in front of her mouth.
Random person: Nope... she's not breathing... Hey, that's it!
He turns and glares at Cloud.
Random person: Young man, CPR, now!
Cloud: Mouth to mouth?
Random person: HOW THE HELL ELSE!
Aerith: Cloud, hurry!
Cloud: But... she's just a girl...
Angael: Which means she's too young to die! Just like a French kiss, but instead of tongue, it's air!
Tifa: Cloud, what are you going to do?
Random person: What? You don't know how? Come over here, I'll show you.
Cloud::sweat: If your going to show me by doing it to me, then I don't wanna!
Tifa: She's turning purple!
Cloud: Guess I gotta do it...
Random person: Just take a deep breath, hold it in. Then breathe into her. Hurry up and do it!
Corneo's cousin yells from somewhere close, hip thrusting. He's doing a bad impression of "The Waterboy".
Corneo's cousin: You can do it!
Cloud: I shall be...
He puffs up his chest dramatically.
Cloud: The Hero of Summer!
Crystal: What? The Zero of Bummer!
Cloud: No, the HERO of SUMMER!
Many thanks to Bakuretsu Hunters comic books for that joke. My humblest respects to Akahori and Omishi. ANYWAYS... Cloud gives Priscilla mouth to mouth resuscitation, not to be confused with ear to ear resuscitation, heel to heel resuscitation, or the ever popular rear end to rear end resuscitation. ...what the heck is Crystal doing?
Crystal: Uhhh... Viiiiiiinceeeeent... :drool:
¬.¬;
Everyone else conscious: ¬.¬;
Priscilla: Uh... ugh...
Priscilla goes pale.
Priscilla: What's that awful taste in my mouth? And that wretched stench?
Angael: Cloud has garlic breath.
Cloud stands up.
Cloud: Hey hey! Priscilla, are you alright?
Crystal: That would make a cool song!
Everyone ignores her. Meanwhile, the man picks up Priscilla and carries her off. Cloud follows him and stands at the base of the stairs of the house he took her to.
Random person: Sorry, Cloud. Priscilla needs to rest for a while.
Crystal: Notice: We never told that man Cloud's name, and does no one else find the name "Cloud" worth a good snigger? DAMN PROGRAMMERS!
Cloud, feeling a little guilty, walks around town aimlessly for a while, until he reaches the house near the entrance of the town, where, what looks to be an old woman, stands in the doorway.
Old woman: Hey, come in for a while.
Cloud: Sorry, lady. I think I'm a bit too young for you.
Old woman: GET 'YER ASS IN HERE BEFORE I WHALLOP IT WITH MAH CANE!
Cloud, a bit taken aback at her harsh terms, follows her inside meekly. The others follow.
Old woman: I heard what happened. You've done so much for Priscilla. You all must be tired. If you want some rest, stay here.
Angael peers in.
Angael::sarcastic: Oh, yes. What a long, difficult battle that was! And the mouth to mouth! It takes SOOOOOO much energy! I think I'm gonna collapse from exhaustion right now!
She turns to leave, shoving Angael out the door. She stops and turns.
Old woman: Make yourselves at home. Well, except for your big-mouthed friend. She can sleep out in the oily mud for all I care.
Cloud yells out the door at Angael.
Cloud: You're really good at making people hate you!
Angael: I AIM TO DISPLEASE!
The old woman leaves.
Aerith: Want to rest?
Cloud: Yeah... Let's rest.
And so they all sleep in the beds the old woman provided, except for Angael, who's left sleeping outside, in a nearby dumpster, which is okay, because someone threw out a mattress and some sheets and a few pillows. Must be spring-cleaning. Meanwhile, everyone is dreaming. Let's see what's going on in Crystal's dreams. We haven't heard from her much today.
In Crystal's dream:
Crystal's form is in a dark room, floating above the cobblestone floor, scattered with bones. Below her lay a dark coffin, opened, with Vincent Valentine inside.
Crystal: You mean "with the ever sexy bishonen Vincent Valentine resting handsomely inside."
:sigh: Whut... ever...
Crystal: Vincent... I'm coming... soon...
Vincent's eyes flutter open. They're emotionless... as usual.
Vincent: Crystal... lay with me...
His lips never form more than a straight line... as usual.
Crystal::tear: OH VINCENT!
Suddenly, Cid bursts in wearing... err... noth..ing...
...oh... my... nosebleed
...Cid would throw a fit if he saw this... :snark:
Cid: VINCENT! Lets... DO IT::hip thrust:
Vincent::emotionless: If it would do to please you... so be it.
Crystal: This isn't a dream...! It's a... a... NIGHTMARE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHBLARGHRARRRBLAH!
Outside of Crystal's dream:
Ahh... Crystal reads too much yaoi. Maybe we should check on Angael.
In Angael's dream:
Sephiroth: Oh JENOVA, Angael... That feels a-mazing...
Outside of Angael's dream:
Nevermind... Wow, Angael certainly does overexagerate Sephiroth's... e..ye...col...or... ;
...God help me. If only Sarah the Boring could see me now. Maybe we should take a break before we visit Cloud's dream sequence.
Me so happy.