We Used to Be Friends
Chapter Three
Well, it's too late to say you're sorry
How would I know
Why should I care
The next week and a half went by rather quickly for Carter. He was finally getting accustomed to the ER and was learning a lot. He was also enjoying the feeling he got from helping people. The only thing that he didn't like was the fact that Lucy was avoiding him like he had the plague. He knew for sure that she was just pretending that she didn't know him, and after thinking about it for a while, he finally figured out a way to reach out to her. It was his day off, so he didn't have to hurry as much as he got ready for the day. He grabbed the phone book out from the desk drawer and sat on the couch. After finding the 'T's, he searched for Thomas. "Let's see. There's a lot of Thomas' in the phone book." He finally found what he was searching for. "Shelby Thomas." He circled that name and address in a red pen before tearing out that page from the phone book. He grabbed his keys and that paper before leaving.
Lucy grabbed her purse and then looked back at Shelby, who was sitting on the couch doing some work. It was Lucy's day off and she had some errands to run. "Anything you need while I'm out?"
"No thanks." Shelby replied.
"Ok. I'll be back later." Lucy smiled, leaving the apartment.
About a half-hour later, there was a knock on the door. Shelby got up from the couch and opened the door. She stood there, shocked at what she was seeing. It was one thing for Lucy to tell her what he looked like. It was quite another to see it first-hand. He had definitely grown-up, but he still somehow had that boyish charm about him. "I didn't expect to see you again." She finally said, getting over her initial shock.
"It has been a long time Shelby, hasn't it?" Carter asked.
"Yep, it sure has." Shelby replied, eyeing him suspiciously. She wasn't sure what to do. If she let him in and Lucy came home while he was here, Lucy would definitely be mad at her. But she was curious about why Carter was at her doorstep. "Do you want to come in?"
"Sure." He entered the apartment, taking a look around. It wasn't a huge apartment, but it was well decorated. "Nice place."
"Thanks." Shelby smiled. "Can I get you anything to drink?"
"Uh, no thanks." Carter replied. Coming over here had sounded like a wonderful plan, but now that he was here, he wasn't so sure it was a good idea.
She cleared off a part of the couch that was covered with the work she was doing. "Please, have a seat."
Carter sat on the couch next to her, trying to think of what to say next. "So how are you?"
"I'm fine." Shelby replied, laughing on the inside about how nervous he was to even be in the same room with her. "And you?"
"Fine. I'm in med school now. I work over at County General." Carter explained.
"That's great." Shelby replied, pretending that she was hearing this information for the first time. "I'm a graphic design artist now."
He was confused. Growing up, Shelby had always talked about becoming a lawyer. "What happened to your plan of becoming a lawyer?"
She laughed. "Well that was a long time ago. I changed my mind somewhere around the eighth grade."
Carter just nodded. "I'm sorry that it's been so long since we've talked."
"It's ok." Shelby smiled. "So what brings you here?" Shelby asked. She was incredibly curious, but knew that it must have something to do with Lucy.
"Well, it's about Lucy."
"I figured it was about her." Shelby nodded.
"I..." Carter started.
Just then, the door opened and Lucy came in with a couple of bags of groceries. She didn't notice Carter was there until she shut the door and was on her way to the kitchen. When she saw him, she immediately froze in the place she was standing.
Carter felt vindicated. If Lucy was living with Shelby, then he was right and she was just pretending not to know him. "Hello Lucy."
Shelby looked back and forth between Lucy and Carter. She wondered what was going to happen now.
Lucy knew that now the charade was over and there was no way to hide anymore. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to see Shelby." He told her. "I didn't know that you lived here too."
She laughed sarcastically. "No offense Shelby, but I highly doubt that all of a sudden he's come by to check in on you. He probably didn't even remember that we existed until last week." She then remembered that she had groceries in her hand and walked over to the kitchen to put them away.
Carter followed her into the kitchen. "How long where you going to try and make be believe that you were really someone else?"
Lucy put the milk in the refrigerator. "As long as possible."
"Did you really think that I wouldn't recognize you? Did you think I was that stupid?"
She laughed. "I was hoping."
"Why? Why did you go through all that trouble?" He asked, unable to control the hurt that came across in his voice.
She looked up at him. "I don't know. Maybe I just didn't want to talk to you. Maybe I wanted to give you a taste of your own medicine."
"And just what's that supposed to mean?" He asked.
"Well all through-out middle school you acted like Shelby and I didn't exist!" she yelled.
"So it was revenge for something that happened over a decade ago?"
"Yes...no...I don't know!" She had been putting away the groceries while yelling at him, but now she had stopped. She was standing with her back to him. "I don't know why I did it. Maybe I just wanted to hurt you like you hurt me." She said in a lower voice.
He fell silent after he heard her confession. The truth was, he didn't really think that he had hurt her that badly. He knew that he had hurt her by abandoning their friendship, but he had always justified it by reasoning that she still had Shelby. It wasn't like he left her to be completely alone. He hadn't realized that his actions had such a big impact on her. "I'm sorry."
"I think it's too late to say I'm sorry." She whispered.
"Well I don't." He argued.
She walked past him and went back into the living room, where Shelby was getting her purse.
"I'm going to leave and give you two some time alone." Shelby explained. She knew that they had issues to work through and her only hope was that they could get through them.
"Don't bother. Carter was just leaving." Lucy replied, glaring angrily at him.
"Actually, no I wasn't." He told her forcefully.
"Right." Shelby replied. "I'll see you later Lucy. Nice to see you again Carter."
"You too." Carter replied, not looking over at Shelby. His gaze was fixated on Lucy. "Will you at least listen to my apology?"
"Why? It won't make a difference."
"Please?" He pleaded.
She sighed. "Fine. Apologize. Knock yourself out. It won't do you any good though."
He could tell that it would be hard to make her forgive him, but he had to try. "You were wrong earlier. I never forgot that you and Shelby existed."
"It sure seemed like you did." Lucy interrupted.
"Well I didn't. I missed you guys." He replied honestly.
Lucy laughed. "Oh I doubt that."
"This would be a lot easier if you could give me the benefit of the doubt here." He pointed out.
"Ok. Fine." She threw her hands up.
"I never meant to hurt you. If I could go back, I'd change my actions. But we were kids. Part of childhood is making mistakes. Ditching you and Shelby was my mistake, and I'll always be sorry for that. But there's nothing I can do about that now. It was a long time ago. I can't go back in time and change things." He paused. "I guess I just wanted to be popular for once. Barbara was always popular, and it looked like fun."
"So you were seduced by the thought of popularity?" She laughed.
"In a way, yeah." He agreed.
"That's a lame excuse—possibly even the lamest thing that's ever come out of your mouth!"
"Lame or not, it is the truth." He explained. "Shelby seems to have forgiven me. Why can't you?"
"Shelby's a very forgiving person. She's definitely much more forgiving than I am." Lucy replied.
He was starting to get frustrated now. "What can I do to make you forgive me?"
"I don't know." She replied softly. "You were my best friend! You knew me better than I knew myself and I thought that you would always be there for me. We made a pact to stick together no matter what happened, but you intentionally broke that pact the first chance you got. I never thought that you would throw our friendship away for some stupid popularity. But it did show me what I really meant to you. I was just a stand-in until you could maneuver yourself into the popular group and have a bunch of bubble-headed cheerleaders and jocks hanging on to every word you said."
"You have to know that's not true!" He objected. "You were my best friend too, and you meant a lot to me."
"Obviously not enough though." She stated, her voice devoid of anger and filled with hurt.
"Can we just start over?" He suggested.
"No." She shook her head. "I don't think so."
"Why not? I want my friends back. I want you back. I've missed you."
"Maybe you should have thought about that before you dumped us." Lucy replied, still not looking at him. She walked over to the door and opened it. "I think you should leave now."
"We're not done talking yet." Carter objected.
"Yeah we are. We're not friends anymore. We haven't been for a long time. So deal with it. I know I have." Her voice was harsh because she was trying to make him understand the situation they were in.
"Luce..." Using the nickname that he had created for her was his last resort to get her to let him stay. Maybe if he brought that up, she would let him stay a little longer.
It had been a long time since she had heard him call her Luce. She hated it when other people called her by that, but she loved the way he said it. A part of her wanted to let him stay and catch up on what had happened in the past twelve years. She had missed him terribly. But she was still mad at him, and wasn't sure that she could get past the anger and hurt. "I know what you're doing, and it won't work."
"What am I doing?" He asked, acting innocent.
"You're calling me Luce. You think that if you do that, I'll let you stay longer and you'll magically be able to change my mind." She pointed out. "I still know how your mind works."
"And I still know how your mind works." He pointed out smugly. "You want to let me stay, but there's something inside that's telling you to push me away. You always try to push people away when they have hurt you. It's your way of dealing with life, and it has been ever since your father left you."
She inwardly cursed the fact that he still knew her so well, and she cursed his smugness. But she had to admit that she had missed his smug attitude over the years. She was seriously considering letting him stay.
"I'm not letting you push me away. If you really want me to leave, I will. But I'm not giving up on our friendship Luce." He was hoping that she would let him stay. He could tell that he was starting to change her mind.
She closed her eyes, trying to stop the tears that were forming. The last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of him. "I do want you to leave." She whispered.
Carter hung his head. "Ok. Then I will. But I'm not giving up on you. Sooner or later, you're going to forgive me."
As soon as he left, she closed the door and slid down to the floor. Bringing her knees up to her chest, she put her head down and started to cry. He was right. If someone hurt her, her first thought was to push them away and not let them have another chance to hurt her again. She did really want to forgive him, but she didn't want to get hurt again.
By the time Shelby came back into the apartment, Lucy was hiding in her bedroom. She walked over to Lucy's door and knocked softly. "Lucy, you ok in there?"
"I'm fine." Lucy yelled back.
"Can I come in?" She wanted to make sure that Lucy was really fine and not just pretending.
Lucy didn't answer. Instead, she just opened up the door. "I'm fine. See?"
Shelby smiled. She could tell that Lucy was still upset, but at least she wasn't falling apart. That was a good sign. "Well I rented your favorite movie. Wanna watch it with me? We can make some popcorn."
"You got 'When Harry Meets Sally?'"
"Yep. Come on! It will be fun." Shelby laughed.
Lucy slowly started to smile and threw her arms around Shelby, giving her a big hug. "Thank you."
"For what?" Shelby asked. "All I did was rent a movie."
"No, not for that." Lucy laughed. "I meant thanks for being such a good friend."
The smile that was on Shelby's face fell a little. "You probably don't want to talk about what happened, do you?"
"Not really." Lucy shook her head.
"Ok. Then just let me say this one thing before we drop the subject." Shelby paused, making sure that Lucy didn't object. "I know that you are aware that holding a grudge for something that happened that long ago isn't very healthy. But I also know that you don't forgive people very easily. All I'm asking is that you at least try to forgive him. I think he's really sorry."
"I'll think about it." Lucy nodded.
"Ok." The smile returned to Shelby's face. "Now let's go make some popcorn!"
"Ok." Lucy smiled.
Song Lyrics: "She's Not There" By: SantanaA/N: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed this story! I really appreciate the feedback.