Final Fantasy VII rights Squaresoft does own; I do not. Please RandR, or may Sephiroth take your soul.
Costa del Sol was all talk, so I had to do some more independent work. This is getting difficult!
The Dance of the Chocobos: Walking Around in Red Rhinstone Panties
Ah... sorry. I thought I'd finished the other joke, but it's not done yet. Sorry. So anyways, Sephiroth had put the bartender on "roach patrol". So the bartender is in the kitchen, and the director, the delusional man, Sephiroth, and the numbered clones are sitting at the bar, when a man with a gun for his right arm bursts in, followed by his pal, a red lion-thingy with a flame on his tail. Well, a lion with a flame on his tail is pretty rare these days, so the numbered clones, thinking this is a sign from the Over Lord Space Virus start to chant "One Winged Angel" again. Well, this is creeping the others out, so...
Woo! I gotta use the bathroom again... Be right back.
April: Hmm... When are they going to get here? I've been waiting all afternoon...
The young blond girl checks her watch. She's wearing a pair of purple shorts and a white bathing suit top (that has little white beads all over it) with a pair of white roman sandals (the one's that lace around the ankles), a white choker with a pearl hanging down, and her hair is tied back into a long braid. She checks her watch again.
April: They told me to meet them on the other side of the ocean using the spare portal...
She pauses.
April: DID THEY GO ON WITHOUT ME! THEY'RE ALWAYS FORGETTING ME!
She takes out her whip and slaps it in the air. An array of people scatter away from her.
April: They shall feel my wrath! Nyee hee hee!
April is also based on a real person (my OTHER best friend). And I bet you all thought a crème puff loony like me wouldn't have any friends. Meanwhile, about 100 feet from where she stands, the ship is pulling into the harbor. After a while, everyone steps onto the dock.
Crystal: ...where is she?
Angael: ¬.¬; I'm kinda scared. She's probably going to be mad at us again for being late...
Barret looks toward the sky.
Barret: Damn! Sure is hot here! But I sure feel better now that I can say good-bye to this sailor suit. Yo listen up! Y'all be sure to mingle like regular folks here!
Barret seems to be slipping from Ebonics to country grammar.
Aerith: Oh, too bad. I liked Barret's sailor suit. He looked so cute.
Yuffie: I'm sure a whole load of nobody thinks Popeye is cute.
Barret: ...What'ya mean "cute"?
Tifa: Right... well, uh... Barret, why don't you use that sailor suit for pajamas? Right, Cloud?
Cloud: I guess. Ahhh... You look like a bear wearing a marshmallow.
Crystal starts to laugh.
Crystal: Hey, Angael. We didn't even have to touch that one!
Angael: So true.
Barret: The hell's that supposed to mean? This happens to be the most comfortable, so shu'up!
Yuffie: That brown tattered shirt that looks to be four sizes too small is COMFORTABLE?
Red XIII: Try wearing a fur coat. ...puff...puff...
¬.¬ Red XIII shouldn't smoke.
Red XIII: Would you kindly hurry? The heat here is drying my nose.
April hands him a glass of water. No one notices.
Cloud: All right. We'll take a break here and then head off. Don't wander too far off.
Barret: I'll wander wherever I damn well want! Who made him the leader?
Tifa: I did!
Aerith: Me too!
Crystal: I vote for Cloud.
Angael: I'm not getting into this one.
April: I vote for Cloud, too.
Crystal: ...APRIL!
Angael: HORRAY! YOU'RE HERE! YOU MADE IT!
Crystal: Did the portal stay open? Can we make it home?
April: No, it broke.
Crystal: Aww...
Angael: Crystal, try making things that don't break so often.
Crystal: Well, I'm sorry that some of the parts got fried in the transaction from one dimension to another! There was no way to TEST it out of the field, so I had to rely on my instincts!
April: Which wasn't very smart.
Crystal: I hate you all.
Crystal starts to undress in front of everyone.
Tifa: INDECENT!
Yuffie covers her eyes.
Angael: CRYSTAL!
Crystal: What?
Angael: Go do that in a restroom somewhere!
Crystal: But I'm wearing my bathing suit underneath!
April: You learn from me well.
She pulls off her clothes to reveal a bathing suit much like April's, but it's red and covered in red rhinestones. She puts her clothes in her bag and pulls out a pair of rainbow sandals and some purple tinted sunglasses. When she goes to pull out her shorts, all she finds is a handful of Katie, who jumps out.
Katie: The bag is too hot.
Crystal: Fine, you can stay out here for a while.
She's wearing a blue one-piece swimsuit and a pair of white shorts.
April: O.O; What's this? What is she doing here?
Crystal: Making my life a living nightmare.
April: It can't be so bad!
Angael: You wanna bet?
April: ¬.¬;
Crystal: I'm going to the beach.
Katie: Me too.
Angael: I think I'll hit the bar.
April: I'll join you.
The four of them leave.
Red XIII: It looks like my mane got messed up. I'm going to rest somewhere cool.
Everyone else leaves the dock. After a little while, a helicopter lands on the helipad at the far end of the dock. Heidegger and Rufus approach it after getting off the boat. Two sailors start to tether it down until Rufus gets on.
Sailor: What a long boat ride that was!
Rufus: Hmmm... Good work everyone...
Heidegger: Gya, heh, heh..., ha!
O.O; Was that his attempt at normal laughter?
Heidegger: Hurry up with that!
Sailor: Yes, sir!
Heidegger and Rufus make their way to the center of the dock, but Rufus steps in a puddle of water and falls off the side into the water.
Rufus: ACK! This outfit is dry-clean only!
Heidegger: Gya, heh, heh..., ha!
Rufus climbs out of the water, makes his way to Heidegger, his outfit visibly shrinking, and slaps Heidegger squarely on the cheek. His hand is engulfed by flab momentarily as Heideggers five chins wiggle.
Rufus: Yuck...
He starts to pull off his shirt.
April: Woo hoo::whistle:
Rufus looks around for the voice.
Rufus: Who said that?
April peaks from around the side of a crate, clutching onto a Rufus plushie. Angael is right behind her.
Angael::whispering: I thought you liked Squall.
April::whispering: I DO, but he's not here, is he?
Angael::whispering: No, I guess not...
April::whispering: Besides, Rufie has a cute toosh!
She yells in his direction.
April: HEY THERE, HOT PANTS!
Rufus: ¬.¬; Women. Sooooo unworthy. Anyways, I heard Sephiroth was on board.
Sephiroth's at his "secret" home watching "My Dog Skip".
Sephiroth::sniff tear:
Ah... back at the dock...
Heidegger: ...Yes.
Rufus turns back to Heidegger. He's still dripping wet, and Heidegger has a dent in his blubber where the President slapped him.
Rufus: And it seems Cloud and the others were on board, too.
Heidegger: ...Yes.
Rufus flips his hair back. A crowd of local girls, including April, Angael, and Crystal, sigh. Rufus rolls his eyes.
Rufus: They all slipped through... You messed up big this time, Heidegger.
Heidegger: I'm ashamed of myself.
Rufus: Is that all you can do...? Give one-word answers and apologize for everything?
Heidegger: That was four words.
Rufus: But it was an apology.
Heidegger cowers in fear. Heidegger shouldn't be afraid of a skinny little twerp like Rufus. All Heidegger would have to do to kill him is sit on him... ¬.¬;
Sailor: Ready for departure, sir!
Hmm... how come the sailors know how to work a helicopter? They must be moonlighting as the Air Force... (That's right, yet ANOTHER conspiracy revealed...) Rufus makes his way over to the helicopter.
Rufus: ...Do something. I'll be expecting results.
Crowd of girls: RUFIE-SAMA! CAN WE BE A PART OF THE RESULTS? WE'LL GO THROUGH ANYTHING TO BE WITH YOUUUUUU!
Rufus: Ladies, ladies... When I need to sleep with someone, I'll give you a call.
April, Angael, and Crystal are still behind the crates.
April: Players are always hot...
Angael: You're crazy.
Crystal: Agreed.
When the helicopter is out of sight, Heidegger starts to beat up on anyone in his warpath.
Chapter 11 is done! Ah... it's much shorter than the others, but I decided to take a break. Yeah, I'm on vacay. Please look for my new story "Dancing in the Dead Zone".