Final Fantasy VII rights Squaresoft does own; I do not. Please RandR, or may Sephiroth take your soul.
The Dance of the Chocobos: Sephers, the Stand Up Comedian
The Canadian computer nerd flips on the screen again.
Computer nerd: Ya should watch what ya doing more, eh? Ya need to stop droolin' on the keyboard, eh, or the circuits'll freak out again, eh? What were ya doin' that required so much slobber, eh?
I was... uh... looking at dirty pictures of Vincent. What's it to you?
Computer nerd: Well, you should cut down on the pictures, eh? Yar computer's takin' quite a beatin', eh?
Okay. I'll see what I can do about that.
Computer nerd: Be more careful, eh?
Anyways, when the singing quartet got there, the atmosphere was quite tense. The clones had formed a revolt against the Great Sephiroth and had decided to join the Great Nanaki instead, but were still chanting over and over again, the bartender was screaming something about Mediterranean Hissing Cockroaches from somewhere in the kitchen, and the director, the delusional mercenary, and the man with a gun arm were all running around screaming about the end of the world.
Cloud::magic: Silence!
... :thinking: Somebody get me an echo screen!
The group has currently reached the foothills of Mt. Corel.
Katie: Can we take a break? My feet hurt!
Crystal: You're in my bag! You're not walking!
Katie: Nyah! ¦ þ
Hey, I should publish my geek speak…
Cloud: Let's move on. There's a reactor up ahead that we can stay at. It should be safer. And we'll split up from here. Barret, Red, and Yuffie can go another way. We don't want to look too conspicuous.
Angael: Radiation poisoning and mutated monsters is soooo much more dangerous than having to deal with these STUPID SQUIRRELS!
She kicks a mutated, three headed, sixteen eyed, purple furred squirrel away from her foot.
Squirrel: SQUIRRELEY WRATH!
Cloud: Do you really want to stay here?
Katie: Yeah...
Cloud: Are you sure?
Crystal: Yup.
Cloud: Positive?
April: Not positive. Only fools are positive.
If someone can tell me what movie that line is from, I'll give them a cookie.
Crystal: ...coo...kie... :drool:
Cloud: Sorry. We'll stay at the reactor.
Katie: STUPID REACTOR!
She picks up a huge boulder and chucks it in the general direction of the reactor. A large clang is heard.
Katie: THEN YOU'RE GONNA CARRY ME!
Cloud: ... noo.. I don' wanna!
Katie: Then we stay HERE!
Crystal::whispering: Hey, Katie, if we get to the reactor, you might be able to lure him into your own private room. Out here, there's only one place to be. No privacy what-so-ever...
Katie: Cloud, is it warmer in the reactor?
Cloud: I suppose...
Katie::singing: We're off to see the mutants! The wonderful mutants are odd!
And if you don't know what tune she's singing to, consider yourself fwapped.
Crystal: Hey, I'm supposed to make the wise cracks!
After much walking, and much climbing, and much moaning and griping, the group comes across a guy sitting on a rock. ...is he hatching an egg? No... wait... that's an... EWW::barf:
Funky guy: Whew! Hey! You're actually talking to me!
I can see why not many people do...
Tifa: I can see why not many people do...
Hmm... I must be a psychic.
Cloud: What do you want?
Funky guy: I just passed a guy in a black cape back there.
Cloud: That's nice. Can we go now?
Have you ever noticed that Sephy-sama's the only guy to wear all black in the whole game? Well, except for the clones and Vincent, of course... It's a dark, evil thing... I guess...
Funky guy: I just tried to tell him that it's dangerous up ahead, and he ignored me!
Angael: SEPHIROTH!
She runs up ahead.
Funky guy: WERE YOU LISTENING TO ME?
She's already gone.
Funky guy: Tell me, am I invisible?
Cloud: Sephiroth...
Funky guy: Sheesh! I guess I am...
A little while up ahead, Sephiroth is climbing over a bunch of rocks when he gets his leg caught. He looks around for a while, then tries to wiggle his ankle out. When he realizes it's as stuck as it could possibly get, he looks around again.
Sephiroth: Ah... HELP!
Angael: I'm coming, Sephy!
Sephiroth: ANYONE BUT YOU!
Angael: I'll save you!
She sets her hands on his knee.
Angael: Look deep into my eyes.
Sephiroth: I'm scared...
Angael: Just do it!
He does so.
Angael: ... :drool:
The drool drips down his leg into the cracks of the rocks and he's able to wiggle his foot loose.
Sephiroth: I'd rather be stuck than have drool all over me, thanks.
Angael: You're welcome!
Sephiroth: No, you don't get it...
Angael: Now for my payment!
Sephiroth: No! You have to get the items and then you can get paid in the mansion!
Angael: A KISS! Just one!
Sephiroth: ...no.
Angael: Whatever you say, Sephy-sama! I LOVE YOU!
Sephiroth: ê.ê Umm...
Angael: Ne...
Sephiroth: ê.ê;
Angael: Sephy?
Sephiroth: ê.ê;
Angael: Ah...
Sephiroth: ê.ê;
Angael: Do I...
Sephiroth: ê.ê;
Angael: Um...
Sephiroth: ê.ê;
Angael: Do you think...
Sephiroth: ê.ê;
Angael: Ah... we could...
Sephiroth: ê.ê;
Angael: Maybe...
Sephiroth: ê.ê;
Angael: Get married?
Sephiroth: No.
Meanwhile, back with the funky guy...
Aerith: There was a black-cloaked guy here, too?
Katie: Sephers started a fad!
Crystal: It was a clone!
April: GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY!
Katie: To you, candy bars are a government conspiracy.
April: Nooo... I said that was a conspiracy started by DENTISTS... duh! No one listens to me!
Tifa: Let's hurry on.
Funky guy, that's just yuck... They head on and eventually meet up with Angael, who's holding her chest and is standing beside a very wet rock.
Everyone else: O.O
Angael::sigh:
Crystal: I think it's best not to ask.
Angael::whispering: I convinced Sephy to sleep in the reactor tonight.
April::whispering: So?
Crystal::whispering: Don't you get it? She's gonna get her groove thang on!
Angael and April: ¬.¬;
Angael::whispering: Groove thang?
April::whispering: 70's alert!
Cloud: Did you guys know that whispering is rude?
Katie: CLOUD!
She glomps Cloud.
Cloud: Grah!
After a bit more climbing, they find themselves in front of a large mako reactor. It has intertwined bridges that lead far down into the earth.
Crystal: If we put a pull wagon on one of these tracks and pushed off, we'd have a wild ride down.
Everyone else: ¬.¬;
Crystal: What?
Aerith: That's so cute! Tee hee!
Crystal: é.è sigh
Cloud: Set up camp. We're staying here for the night.
Up at the top of the reactor, an ominous, well, except for his lovely silver locks (those are just cute)...
Sephiroth: I am not cute! I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaad::sniff:
¬.¬; Anyways, Angael spots his shadow atop the reactor.
Angael: ì.í Oh, yeah!
Cloud: Well, I know you're excited, but don't wander off too far, or else you might get lost.
Angael: Hey, you used to be in SOLDIER. Take us on a tour?
Cloud: …? What? Why?
Angael: booming BECAUSE I SAID SO!
Cloud: Ah... okay... O.O;
While Katie, Aerith, Tifa, and April are setting up camp, Cloud takes Angael and Crystal on a tour.
Cloud: This...
He points to the reactor.
Cloud: Is the outside.
They walk inside the reactor. He motions around him.
Cloud: And this is the inside. I hope you enjoyed your tour. Have a lovely evening.
Crystal grabs Angael by the wrist.
Crystal: C'mon, Angael! I'll give you the full tour!
She points around to random things.
Crystal: This is the gyro megaddoscope, which allows any scientist to view the monster subjects inside each mako pod. Over here is the camera timer, which automatically switches the tapes that record the activity seen on the gyro megaddoscope to a fresh tape every four hours. This is the laser protection system, which protects any intruders from going in past this point. If one breaks the light line...
She does so.
Crystal: A barrage of Megaddo's will attack.
By the way, those are the things with a bull head, a bird head, a lion body, and a snake tail that you see a lot in Final Fantasy X. I'm not sure how many times you see them in Final Fantasy VII, or if they're even in there... X.X;
Angael: Oh! That's lovely!
Crystal: And now, you'll get to see a live demonstration of such a barrage!
The Megaddo's attack them.
Crystal and Angael: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
They beat up the Megaddo's one at a time. Sephiroth is watching from high up in the reactor.
Sephiroth: Heh heh heh...
Somewhere at the camp...
Cloud: I smell Sephiroth.
Tifa: Well, he did pass through here.
Aerith: Tee hee!
Cloud: The scent is fresh!
Tifa: Well... maybe it wasn't too long ago!
Aerith: Tee hee!
Tifa: Shut up, Aerith!
Back inside the reactor...
Crystal and Angael::huff huff huff:
Angael: If you ever do that again...
Crystal: Now, if you look directly up, you will see the universal woman-magnet!
Angael and Crystal: SEPHY-SAMA! SLEEP WITH MEEEE!
Sephiroth: ¬.¬; Ur... I can't kill people under these conditions! Ah...
He yells down to them.
Sephiroth: Thank you, ladies! I just flew in from Costa del Sol, and boy, are my tentacles tired!
Scene music: Da dum chhh!
Crystal: Booooooo! è.é
Sephiroth: But speaking of tentacles, take my mother. Please!
Scene music: Da dum chhh!
Angael: Booooooo! è.é
Sephiroth: What are you, and audience or a bunch of ghosts?
Scene music: Da dum chhh!
Crystal and Angael: Booooooo! è.é
Sephiroth gets pelted with an old tomato.
Sephiroth: Hey, what do I look like? A salad?
Scene music: Da dum chhh?
Yes, I did mean to put a question mark there.
Crystal: You suck!
Angael: Totally!
Crystal::chanting: We want Vincent! We want Vincent!
Angael: Shut up, Crystal.
Sephiroth: Anyways, about my mom. She met a clone in Icicle who said that he hadn't had a bite in weeks! So you know what she did? She ate him!
Sephiroth's pelted with assorted rotten fruits.
Crystal: Go suck an egg!
She throws a rotten egg at him.
Sephiroth: BLARGH!
Crystal: That's all for this weeks show, folks! Tune in next week for more stand up comedy from people who suck eggs!
Sephiroth: That's it!
He flies down, grabs Crystal, and takes her hostage.
Angael: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Yah... that's it for chapter 15. I'm thinking of going into another dream sequence next chapter. It will be for all of them this time and I'll also check in on Barret, Red XIII, and Yuffie. Oh, I'm so glad I've been captured by Sephy-sama! Now I can REALLY annoy him! They don't get me back until Nivelheim, by the way. You'll really love this.
Angael: No! We can't just leave it at that! Where is my Sephers taking my bestest friend?
Now that's none of your business.